A/N - Sorry for updating late, yesterday was really busy and today I got slightly distracted by Dragon Age, man that game is something else and contains the only fictional character I completely adore so yeah major distraction there.

Anyhow only a short chapter as I wanted to kind of split it into 2 parts, it just felt right ending it when I did. It holds a major development though so wanted to do it justice. Shall upload the second part tomorrow however so you won't have long to wait.

Again hope you enjoy and thanks for all the follows/favs/reviews always like to hear what you readers think. Also just another reminder I am just writing this fic, all credit for the ideas and plot go towards Aquitar star.

Enough rambling and on with part 1 of chapter 10 (which also means this is officially the longest story I've written yay!) Enjoy!

Chapter 10 part 1

Ashes

Buffy looked up at the familiar house, the warm glow coming out from the window inviting her in… yet she shied away from it, her body melding into the shadows of the lone tree that stood on the lawn. Her eyes drank in the sight, memorizing every little detail that she had taken for granted before.

"Mom" she whispered her longing increasing as she saw a figure move from within. Sharp nails dug into the bark as she physically had to stop herself from flinging her arms around her Mom when the door opened and her face peeked out from behind the wooden planks. Senses heightened she greedily took in every detail, from the familiar scent that surrounded her to the goose-bumps that appeared on her neck before she tightened her shawl around her.

But then her ears picked up a different sound, one that her mind was still getting used to but her body knew all too well. The pounding enclosed her in its sound until it was all she could think about and she felt the bones in her face begin to shift and change. Her eyesight narrowed, closing in on the human who still stared suspiciously around the lawn. Deep grooves were now etched in the tree where Buffy tried to secure herself to something. "No" she growled out willing her body to obey, she was in control now. Yet when the scent that she hadn't noticed before as it was hidden underneath the heavy perfume smell, hit her, her body unconsciously lurched forward.

Using the last of her control, Buffy spun around and tore away from the scene, briefly hearing a shout from behind her which she ignored, continuing to run away into the darkness.

Her feet pounding against the familiar concrete, Buffy sprinted along the accustomed patrol route she had taken so many times and eventually she wound up her feet hitting grass as she entered one of the many graveyards dotted around the town. The warm smell of earth and moisture cleared her head and slowly her fangs receded and eyes began to turn back to a warm brown color. She clung to the stone crypt on her right as her left hand came up to clutch at her non-beating heart.

What had seen almost done?!

She felt sick, the air too warm and too close, surrounding her. Taking deep breathes she tried to calm her shaking body down but the event that had almost happened was too painful. One of her deepest fears was her Mom being hurt because of what her job had been and now she was the one that had almost hurt her. It was too much. Falling to her knees she began to sob, the hopelessness of the situation beginning to overcome her.

Spike was right, she thought. I should never have come back.

It wasn't till her sobs were spent and she was left rocking on the grass while clutching her stomach that she finally took notice of what was going on around her.

Voices floated on the breeze, one a male sounding like it was shouting instructions where a female grunted in pain before there was a resounding crack and somewhere in the distance a tree broke in half and toppled to the ground.

Buffy gasped, fresh waves of pain coursing through her when she recognized the voices. That was Giles's voice! More than ever she wanted to run to him, to say she was sorry for all the times she took the mick out of him for his accent or when she was mad at him for telling her how she should do things.

The realization that she couldn't go to him, not in her current form, crashed down on her and nearly crippled the still young girl in mind if not in body. The loss of probably two of her most important people was more than she could take. Collapsing back into the grass fresh tears streamed down her face although she managed to keep them silent so as to not alert the new Slayer and watcher that were still talking nearby.

She sat in the undergrowth for longer than she cared to admit night darkening around her and then slowly beginning to lighten again. Once the tears had dried up she just stared at the same patch of grass while watching a spider slowly make its way across the green blades, its 8 legs appearing to work in perfect unison.

Her mind had gone numb, not able to process anything, not able to think of anything except the pain that seemed to make her heart shrivel up and die.

This is it, she thought. I can't… can't… she didn't even know what, the thought getting choked in pain before she could even finish it. It was all just too much; it felt like it was slowly crushing her until she would be buried beneath the soil, the weight slowly pressing in on her until she finally just turned to ash and she ceased to be.

Buffy began to retreat, coiling in on herself and gradually she stopped the short gasps of breaths she had been taking and closed her eyes. Her shoulders slumped as she let go.