Thank you for the feedback on the last chapter :) This ones a little different, it's pretty much all Emily's POV, and the next chapter will focus on Paige's side of the story. Enjoy!
"This isn't it." Paige said, no doubt in her tone. "Emily Fields, I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember. Only you. It didn't change the last time I left, it won't change this time. Wait for me because I will always come back to you. Always. I don't care how many girls I have to fight off, you're it for me Fields," she smirked, kissing Emily lightly, she meant every word. "I love you."
"I…I know." Emily smiled, her voice hoarse from her tears. Paige was telling the truth. She knew that, it was a small comfort to her ever breaking heart. She saw Paige's smile falter at her response.
"I understand if you don't feel the same…" Paige began, Emily shaking her head quickly, unable to believe Paige could still think her affection was one-sided.
"No," she said sternly, cutting her off, watching Paige's face fall again at her poor choice of words. "I mean…I do. I just can't…this is all too much."
"I'm sorry…" Paige began as Emily stood, the events of the past fortnight catching up with her.
"Don't," Emily said softly, "Please don't apologise. I feel the same. I do. I just…can't believe I'm losing…"
"Don't," it was Paige's turn to cut her off, pulling Emily towards her with a smirk. "Didn't you listen to anything I just said?"
She smiled at Paige's words, nodding sadly, before leaning in to give her a chaste kiss. "How long do we have left?" Regardless of the answer, it could never be long enough.
Paige had left the morning after her Dad arrived. They had spent their last night together with a quick visit to Caleb so that Paige could say goodbye, before she and her Mother joined Paige and her Father for a somewhat awkward dinner. Regardless, Emily could see the elation Paige was feeling as she watched them interact, the man nothing like she'd remembered. He made a real effort with all of them, and she was happy that Paige had a parent again. He had dropped her off at Emily's house for one last night, nothing really said between them, no sleep really gotten, just laying together in silence, until the silence became suffocating, Emily realising that every moment that ticked by was a moment closer to losing Paige, and kissing became a welcome distraction. In the short time she'd been back in her life, Paige had managed to make Emily feel alive again, the emptiness that had settled deep within her after Maya's death no longer there. She believed Paige when she'd told her this wasn't it, she had to.
For the first 3 days after, Emily had managed to convince her Mother to let her lay in bed or about the house in her miserly state, promising that when the time came to go back to school, she'd actively try and get herself back on track. Her friends, however, hadn't let her wallow that easily. It was Saturday now, two days until school started up again, and she had been dragged to Spencer's, to enjoy one last day of sunshine and 'added alcohol for good measure' as Hanna had put it. They were lounging around in their bathing suits, Hanna enthusiastically making up cocktails as the day went on. Emily smiled and laughed as they spoke, but the sadness at Paige's absence was still settled deep in her chest. In a way, she felt utterly ridiculous. She and Paige had been together for a week, if not less. There was a part of her that felt like it hadn't really happened, everything a blur. It was all so fast. Two weeks ago, she had a girlfriend, Paige was in the past, she was moving on from her heartbreak over Maya, over Alison, breaking swimming records and keeping up with her schoolwork, thinking about scholarships and colleges, finally getting somewhere. And then, Paige arrived. All it took was the other girl in her life for 12 days, and everything, she thought to herself, had changed. She sighed to herself. She needed Paige.
"You okay Em?" Aria asked softly, breaking her from her thoughts. Hanna and Spencer had seemed to quiet down then, all eyes now on Emily.
She couldn't help but sigh at the question. She didn't know how to explain what she was feeling. Confusion, for one. Sadness, and anxiety too. Her friends knew how much she missed the other girls presence, she'd told them as much. Paige loved her, she had told her as much. It's not like Paige had died, she would see her again, if Emily wanted to talk to her, she still could. It was there though, in that thought, that her biggest worry surfaced. "She still hasn't called." Or texted for that matter. Paige had told her she'd call as soon as she got settled, yet there was still no word and it gave Emily a sickly feeling in her stomach.
"I'm sure she's got a good reason for that Em," Aria smiled supportively, giving her arm a quick squeeze. "She must have a ton of stuff to sort out,"
"Why don't you just call her?" Spencer added, shrugging. "Why wait."
Spencer was right, why was she waiting? Nodding slowly in response, she chugged down the rest of her drink, before entering the house to dial Paige's number.
"Hey Em," she felt her heart leap when she heard Paige's voice after a few rings.
"Paige!" she said, almost shouted, possibly too giddily, maybe the cocktails had been stronger than she thought. "I miss you…it's so good to hear your voice,"
"I miss you too, um, this isn't really the best time right now…" she heard Paige say, faintly hearing another unrecognisable voice in the background.
A small 'Oh' slipped out when she heard Paige's words, her happiness deflating. "I'm sorry, I should have texted first or something…"
"Its okay, look, I've gotta go. Call you soon yeah?" She was about to say I miss you again when the line went dead. She trudged dejectedly back to the garden, her friends all looking to her with hopeful gazes.
"No answer?" Aria said, noticing Emily's overall posture.
"She answered…it wasn't a good time," she replied, slumping back down onto her sun lounger, happily taking the next of Hanna's cocktail creations from the blonde and taking a swig. "Well, at least I know she's alive," she added with a hint of snark.
"It'll be fine Em, like I said, she's probably got a lot going on," Aria smiled supportively once more.
"What exactly are you and Paige now, if you don't mind me asking?" Spencer asked hesitantly. Emily didn't really know the answer. Aside from declaring her undying love for her, Paige hadn't really spoke to her about would happen now she was gone. "Like are you long distance or was it just a…spring fling?"
"It's…complicated." Emily said sadly, taking another swig of her drink. "We didn't really talk about what happens now."
"Well, what do you want to be?" Hanna said from her spot on the grass, sipping loudly through her straw.
"In an ideal world? With her. I know I can't right now…I can't know anything until she's sorted I guess. She asked me to wait…" Emily trailed off, she didn't really know what else she had planned to say.
"Wait for what?" Spencer said, essentially speaking Emily's thoughts aloud.
"To be with her I guess. At some point." she sighed, finally allowing her to think about exactly when that might be, how this could work, if it could work.
"Kind of selfish to ask that of you, don't you think?" she rolled her eyes at Spencer.
"It wasn't…like I don't think she meant it seriously…I don't know. She just wanted me to know that she loves me, and…one day she wants us to be together. That's all I know." Emily said, sipping her drink uncomfortably, she didn't really feel ready to think about any of it.
"Whoa…she dropped the L word?" Hanna sat up from her towel, lowering her sunglasses to look at for added effect. "After a week?"
"Not after a week…well yeah. But since 9th grade. She's known since 9th grade." Hanna nodded her head in understanding before resuming sunbathing. "It's all a lot to take in. I have no idea about any of it, and its driving me insane. Can we please just talk about something else?"
"You'll be able to talk to her soon enough to figure it out," Aria responded reassuringly, before they obliged her request and settled into another conversation. She shrugged off her unease, Aria was right, it was wrong to worry until she had spoken to Paige. She wanted Paige, and Paige had promised to be hers, they would figure it out soon enough.
Five days later, and Emily still hadn't received a call from Paige. Her friends of course, had been quick to offer up excuses, maybe Paige had started school already? being Hanna's current favourite. She knew she should believe them, that Paige was rebuilding her relationship with her Father, how important that was for her, that it would and should come first, and felt guilty that she was feeling so impatient. On the other hand, would a quick call or a text be so much to ask for? She couldn't help but worry, what if things weren't as good as they had seemed between Paige and her Father? A small part of her was also starting to feel like she was getting blown off. She liked that explanation the least, Paige wouldn't do that to her.
She'd been given the task of closing up the Brew after her shift. She was thankful that it had been a busy night, a welcome distraction from the thoughts swarming round her head. Walking off in the direction of her house, her happiness soon waned as she checked her phone. 3 missed calls. Paige. She almost dropped her phone as she hastily dialled the number to return the call. No answer. She tried again when she got home, elated when she heard Paige's voice, disappointed when it was just her voicemail. After staring at her phone distractedly for the remainder of the night, willing it to ring, she tried once more before she went to bed. Voicemail again. Thinking it could do no harm, she left a message.
"Hey…It's me. Emily…I guess you already know that. Um…sorry I missed your calls before, I was working. But I'm not tomorrow. Or Saturday…or Sunday, so please call me back then? Or let me know when's a good time to call you…Anyway I just wanted to say sorry about missing your call...I miss you. I miss you so much, it shouldn't be possible…call me soon okay, bye."
Emily walked into the cafeteria on Friday with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.
Just got your message. I suck, I know. Been swamped. Call you tonight. Promise. Miss you - Paige 3
She'd gotten it that morning in English class, tapping out a quick reply, the smile it gave her getting her a few glances here and there, that same smile still plastered on her face as she sat down next to her friends.
"You look happy," Hanna said to her as she plonked her tray down opposite her friend.
"I finally heard from Paige," she said, breaking out into a grin.
"Finally!" Hanna said with a grin to match. "What did she say?"
"She's going to call me tonight,"
"Fingers crossed," Spencer said, a hint of pessimism to her voice.
"Why do you hate her so much?" Emily felt herself snap slightly, she wouldn't let Spencer put doubts in her mind.
"I don't hate her, I just don't want you to be disappointed if she lets you down again."
She was about to give Spencer another piece of her mind, before settling for a smug smirk as her phone began ringing, picking it up and trying not to bolt from the table to answer it. "I didn't expect to hear from you so soon," she said, smiling.
"Uh…Hi," her face fell a little when she realised it wasn't Paige's voice on the other end of the phone. In her excitement she hadn't even checked the caller ID.
"Samara, sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"That's okay, sorry to disappoint," she heard the other girl say in her typical chirpy tone. "I was just checking if you're still going to be able to make it tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?"
"The fundraiser? For the support group? We talked about it when I bumped into you at the Brew the other week?" Emily let her forehead fall to the pillar in front of her. Of course.
"Right, the fundraiser, of course. I'll be there,"
"Feel free to bring your friends, and…Paige was it?" all of her elation from the text earlier dissipated when she heard Samara speak Paige's name.
"She's…out of town, but don't worry I'm sure my friends can make it." They engaged in some idle chitchat before saying their goodbyes, Emily walking back over to her friends who were looking at her expectantly. She simply shook her head in response, before reminding them about the fundraiser on Saturday night.
The first week she hadn't heard from Paige, Emily had understood, trying not to let her mind wander, she knew Paige needed to settle. But sitting in her room that night, 00.35 blinking on her bedside clock, she was getting angry. Why was she making her wait so long? Was she even planning on calling at all? Huffing, she decided she'd waited long enough, picking up her phone and dialling Paige's number. At least its ringing this time, she thought.
"Emily?" Finally. Paige's voice was muffled, the sound of music blaring from somewhere in the distance. "Hey, whats up?"
"Hi," she said, happy to finally have Paige's attention. '"Sorry, I just…couldn't wait any longer."
"Shit, Em, I forgot." Paige's words stung, she had ben sitting around all day looking forward to a call Paige had forgotten she'd promised to make. "How have you been?"
"Okay…sad mostly. I miss you Paige,"
"Miss you too." Paige responded, before an awkward silence settled over them. The distance between them hit Emily then, a sudden sadness taking over her.
"Why haven't you called?" she asked, wanting to get it over with. If it was bad news, she'd rather she heard it now that let the uncertainty drag out any longer.
"I've had a lot going on, I'm sorry Em I didn't mean to make you…"
"You could have at least sent a message Paige," she cut her off, her emotions getting the better of her. "It's been over a week, I was getting worried. Is everything okay there? Is it me?"
"Of course not Em, I love you. I'm sorry," Paige responded, it sounded genuine enough. "Emily…I'm sorry. I should have called…Its just been kinda full on here, I've been…adjusting."
Emily sighed, taking a moment to allow herself to be more understanding. "Whats it like, being home?" she could still hear the music in the background, it sounded like Paige was outside.
"Its, honestly, its kinda weird. It's so different with my Dad now…it's a little awkward now and then, but he's trying his best, I am too. I'm doing make up tests, homeschooling for the moment, but hopefully going to school here for senior year." Emily could practically hear the smile in Paige's voice. "Besides that, nothing interesting to report really. I miss you like crazy, sorry for not calling."
"It's okay. Sorry, the girls kept telling me that you'd just be getting settled I guess I was just…being needy." She smiled, of course Paige hadn't been blowing her off. "I wish you were here."
"Me too. I miss being beside you at night…well anytime really. And your voice…I've missed you're voice…and how adorable you are in the mornings, and you're kisses, damn I really miss…"
"Mccullers stop being such a sap and get back in here!" Emily heard a voice call out faintly over the phone. "Paige where are you?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice. Paige was with people, and that's why she had forgotten to call? Emily felt a mixture of jealously and guilt, she didn't want to interrupt Paige's settling in but at the same time wished she seemed to be on Paige's mind as much as Paige was on hers.
"Uh…welcome home party." Paige responded vaguely, another muffling sound coming through the line. "Sorry Em, gotta go. But I promise, promise, I'll call you tomorrow okay? And text and everything…you're going to be sick of me by tomorrow night."
"Not possible." Emily responded, smiling. "Don't get wasted and pass out at this one okay? There's no Caleb to dump you in my bed,"
"Pity." Paige laughed, she knew exactly what Emily was referring to. "Talk to you tomorrow, properly. Love you." And with that Paige was gone. Emily's mind finally settling, she drifted off to sleep, still painfully aware of the empty space beside her, but content that Paige was safe, happy, and still very much hers.
"This is going to be awkward," Hanna said, walking into the fundraiser with her, Aria in tow. Emily knew she was referring to Samara, but she had honestly been looking forward to the evening. She'd missed a few events, volunteering taking a back burner since Paige's arrival, her break up with Samara and of course Paige's departure. It would be nice to see everybody again.
"Emily!" she heard a familiar voice say, "Looking good! So glad you could make it, Hanna, Aria, good to see you," she saw her friends wave out the corner of her eye.
"Anything we can do to help?" she asked, more out of politeness than anything else, she hadn't really been involved in planning the event with missing so many meetings. Samara simply shook her head, mouthing the word 'enjoy' before heading back towards the stall she'd come from.
The night was nice enough, various stalls had been set up, along with a DJ and refreshments. Pleasant, was a word she'd use to describe it. Emily wandered around with Hanna and Aria, catching up with old friends, her heart leaping as she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She motioned to Hanna, who was bickering with Aria over when earrings should be considered a health hazard at one of the jewellery stalls, that she'd be outside, the other girl giving her a smile and thumbs up.
"Hey you," she couldn't help but grin as she heard Paige's voice on the other end of the phone.
"Finally, you know how to make a girl wait Mccullers," she said smirking.
"You know I'm worth the wait Fields," she laughed again. It felt so good to be talking to Paige again. "Still missing me?"
"Of course," she could hear muffled voices on the other end of the line again, someone talking to Paige in a hushed tone. "Where are you?"
"Oh, just out with some old friends," Paige responded vaguely. Paige seemed to be out a lot lately.
"If it's a bad time we can talk some other…"
"It's not," was all Paige said in response, quickly changing the subject. "What you up to? How's your Mom?"
"She's good, misses you I think, not as much as I do of course." Emily replied, taking a seat on a wall nearby. "I'm at this fundraiser thing with Hanna, Samara had mentioned it the other week, I totally forgot about it. It's been a good…"
"Samara's there?" she heard Paige say, not really being able to make out the tone of her voice.
"Yeah, it's for the support group I volunteered at," she responded quickly, unsure of whether Paige was threatened by the mention of Samara. "I'm not here with Samara…"
"It'd be okay if you were." Paige cut her off.
She was taken aback by Paige's words. Hurt even, she hadn't expected them. "Would it?"
"Wouldn't it?" Paige responded once again, her tone becoming cold.
"Paige what's going on?" Emily said, becoming fed up of ignoring that something was clearly going on with Paige. "First I barely hear from you, and now you're acting like…"
"Like what? Look, If you want to be with Samara you can..."
"I want to be with you!" she said, finally snapping, finding Paige's jealousy utterly ridiculous.
"Well you can't be." Paige said coolly. Emily felt all air escape her as she heard Paige speaking. Her words were so cold, not a hint of sadness in them. "We aren't together Emily. We can't be, so if other people come along, I shouldn't hold you back…"
"Don't be like this." Emily said, a mixture of anger and sadness in her voice. "I know this is hard Paige, but we haven't spoken about how this might work…"
"It isn't going to." Paige's words felt like a punch in the gut. "I do love you, but this isn't going to work out."
"Paige," she said, feeling like she was about to cry. "Why are you doing this? I know it doesn't feel like that right now but we still haven't talked about…"
"We can't have a relationship over the phone Em," Paige said, Emily finally hearing a small crack in her voice. "It would be too hard. Someone will end up getting hurt..."
"You're hurting me now Paige, just because we can't be together doesn't mean we can't..."
"It's for the best if we just leave it for now," Paige cut her off once more. "I'm sorry okay?" She heard her say hurriedly. "I love you…I'm sorry." And with that the line went dead, Emily finally breaking down.
"Emily?" she heard Samara say, walking towards her. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting outside like that, quickly wiping her eyes. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," she lied, her voice, and face she suspected, giving her away.
"Sure you are, what is it?" Samara said softly, sitting down beside her, rustling around in her bag for a tissue.
"I…" she hesitated, wondering whether it was really okay to cry to your ex over the girl you left her for. Thinking back to when they had first met, how easily Samara had always been to talk to, how attentively she listened, Emily decided it would do her good to open up. "I just spoke with Paige. We…she moved back home to Baltimore a week or so ago. She's been kind of hard to get hold of…and now she's just kind of…blew me off," she felt the tears begin to fall once more. Samara simply pulled her into a supportive hug, letting her get it all out. "I know it's stupid, to think we could have been…I just thought…this isn't like her." she trailed off, not really knowing what to think. 'Wait for me because I will always come back to you. Always. I don't care how many girls I have to fight off, you're it for me Fields' - were Paige's words really a lie?
"Long distance sucks." Samara said, Emily wiping her eyes as she finally found a tissue and handed it over. "Happened to me and my high school girlfriend. It's hard work, and sometimes, that's just too hard to handle," Emily simply nodded in response. "If Paige can't seem to see that you're worth it, it's her loss, because you, Emily Fields, are worth the wait."
"Thanks," she smiled sadly, "It's all just been such a blur. I'm sorry, Samara, for what I did to you with Paige, I just…"
"Love her?" Samara cut her off, Emily slightly taken aback hearing the words out loud. "You said you'd been on and off for years…"
"We were. I…she means a lot to me." It dawned on her then that she'd never used the word love in correlation to Paige. She'd never thought it, she hadn't said it back to the other girl. She certainly felt it. "I can't say it." she choked out, finally realising why she had blocked the word from her mind. '"Everyone I love…"
"Don't finish that sentence," Samara said, cupping her cheek lightly. "What happened to Maya was out of your control. Same with Paige. Don't ever blame yourself for loving someone and losing them."
She nodded at Samara's words, willing her brain to accept that she was right. She hadn't lost Paige because she'd loved her. Paige had pulled away. Paige had broken her promise. Anger replacing her sadness, she composed herself. "You're right. This was her decision, and she was…If she isn't willing to make the effort, then it never would've worked. Thank you, for being here."
"Anytime Em," she watched as the blonde smiled, an infectious smile she felt herself returning, Samara's hand slowly stroking her cheek. She didn't know why it was, perhaps it was the smile, an attempt to quell her sadness over Paige, or the simplicity Samara always seemed to offer her, but she was unable to stop herself as she leant in.
"That's not going to help you," she heard Samara say, standing up to put distance between them, before turning to walk away. "I'm here if you need to talk, but I'm not going to be your rebound. Tell her how you feel, and see if she feels the same. Enjoy the rest of your night."
"Sorry," she said as she watched the other girl walk away, hating that once again she'd used her to escape her own sadness. Her anger from earlier resurfacing, she pulled her phone out of her pocket, dialling Paige's number. Straight to voicemail. Undeterred, she waited for the beep, cancelling the call when she realised she didn't know what to say. Composing herself once again, she dialled once more.
"Paige, its me. Please don't do this. A week ago you told me…that you were mine. That I was it, for you. And just because you left…it wasn't it for us. I know you were telling the truth then, and I don't know whats changed, I don't know anything because you won't talk to me…I'm sorry, I couldn't say this back then, but I love you. I love you. I was scared to say it, but I was wrong not to. The only thing I am certain of right now, is that you're it for me too. You are sweet, and you're kind and you are a complete and utter dumbass that drives me insane sometimes but I love you. And I need you. I need you. Don't run away from us, not when it's taken so long to get here. Don't push me away."