South Park vs. Seth MacFarlane Survivor
Episode 10
Bart: Last time on Survivor, a few castaways made big shifts in their allegiances. Butters Stotch was not one of them though, as Cartman manipulated Butters into staying on his side following a failed blindside at the previous tribal council.
After a huge reward challenge win, Stewie started to question his alliance with Cartman, with a little help from Kyle Broflovski. Kyle's talk appeared to be effective, as Stewie sided with Kyle in the last tribal council.
At this point, the castaway with arguably the most power and influence is not Cartman or Kyle, but Glen Quagmire. After a falling out with Lois Griffin ended their romance, Quagmire turned to Cartman's alliance with a last-minute offer to vote off the red-headed resident of Quahog. The strategy worked, as Lois was voted off by a 4-3-1 vote, leaving Wendy Testaburger as the last girl standing. However, Quagmire sided with Kyle's alliance in the previous tribal council to vote off Brian.
Only seven castaways remain. How will they react to last night's vote? Who will Quagmire side with? Who will be voted off next? Trust me, you don't want to miss this episode!
Kangaroo Tribe: Day 28
(Cartman, Wendy, Butters and Quagmire meet up in their usual clearing in the woods.)
Cartman: This meeting will come to order! First, I would like to welcome the newest member of our alliance, Glen Quagmire.
Quagmire: Heh-heh. Thank you Eric!
Cartman: Thank you for joining us! Now that we've done you a favor by voting off Lois, I trust that you will follow my lead. Unlike a certain evil baby…
Quagmire: No problem!
Quagmire: Everyone around camp is wondering whose alliance I'm in now, but I'm not saying anything. I'm going to keep playing both ends, and make my decision about who to vote with after the immunity challenge. That's my strategy, and I'm sticking to it.
Quagmire: Who were you thinking of voting off next?
Cartman: Boy, is that the million-dollar question! (chuckles) Ha-ha! It's funny because in this case, it literally is a million-dollar question.
Quagmire: (unimpressed) Uh, yeah I get it. Hilarious. Anyway, whom did you have in mind?
Cartman: Well, either we make an example out of Stewie by voting him off, or I go back to gunning for Kyle.
Wendy: I think it's a win-win situation for us.
Butters: Yeah, we're going to get those guys good, huh fellas?
Cartman: (slaps Butters) Shut up Butters! I got to go take a dump in the woods. Meeting dismissed! (Cartman leaves to relieve himself)
Quagmire: (to Butters) Geez, kid! Does Eric treat you like that all the time?
Butters: Well… I….uh, don't think so.
(Scene shifts to Kyle, Stan Smith and Stewie fishing by the creek.)
Kyle: Last night, I got some good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm still here even though I thought it was a goner. The bad news is it looks like Quagmire voted with Cartman. Now, I have no idea whose side he is on, or whom Cartman and his gang plan to vote off next.
(Kyle gets a nibble from his fishing pole, reeling in a good-sized fish.)
Stewie: Wow! Well played, sir.
Kyle: Thanks! Stan and I go fishing at Stark's Pond all the time back home.
Stan: No we don't. Oh! You're talking about the other Stan.
Stewie: (sighs) Really? We're still using that running gag? I mean, it was funny the first couple of times, but now it's like beating a dead horse.
Stan: Don't look at me! I don't write this garbage.
Kyle: (to Stan) Anyway, do you know who might have voted for you last night?
Stan: Nope. Well, we can assume Quagmire and Lois broke up their little Outback fling, leading Quagmire to convince Cartman and his group to vote for Lois. If Lois is competitive as I think she is, then she might have voted for Wendy in an attempt to be the last female in the tribe. (eyes Stewie and Kyle suspiciously) How do I know it's not one of you two?
Kyle: Are you kidding? We all agreed to vote for Wendy! It's not like either of us voted against you earlier in the game.
Stewie: Now that you mention it, I did vote for Francine that one time.
Stan: Did you now? (drops fishing pole) I got my eye on you baby. (walks off back to camp)
Kyle: Why would you say that?! I'm going to go talk to him. (grabs fish and fishing gear and follows Stan to shelter)
Stewie: I thought honesty would be the best policy in that situation. I thought wrong.
Stan: You can really feel the tension building around camp not just between alliances, but within alliances. All seven of us are so close to the million dollars that we can almost feel it in our hands. The Kangaroo Tribe camp is like a powder keg ready to blow with a single spark, and I get the feeling that spark will come very soon.
Day 29: Reward Challenge
(The castaways meet up with Bart in a swampy area near camp. An obstacle course of balance beams and platforms has been put together throughout the swamp. The course forms a large circle with the start and finish both on the same patch of land.)
Bart: It's hard to believe there's only ten days left in this game. Each of you has a one-in-seven chance at one million dollars. Now, for today's reward challenge, you will navigate this tricky swamp obstacle course. Throughout the course, there will be three waypoints where you will have to get a flag with your name on it. With each waypoint, there is a different challenge you have to do to get the flag. At the first station, you will have to dig for it. At station #2, you will have to fire stones with a slingshot at a jar with your name on it. At the third station, you will need to climb up a tree to grab your flag. The first castaway back here with all three of their flags wins reward. Today, you'll be playing for…(they hear a boat horn in the distance)…that! A private swamp boat tour complete with all-you-can-eat buffet and luxurious below-deck accommodations to share with the tribe member of your choice! Does that sound good?
Quagmire: Are you kidding me? That sounds amazing!
Bart: Good, then let's get started. (castaways take their positions at the start line) Survivors READY…..GO!
[The castaways vie for position on the first set of balance beams. Wendy takes the early lead, followed by Stan, Kyle, Quagmire, Butters, Stewie and Cartman. Cartman deliberately knocks Stewie off the balance beam, forcing the youngest member of the Griffin family back to start. Wendy and Stan reach the first waypoint at about the same time, but Stan's superior digging skills helps him find the flag first and move on. Quagmire also passes Wendy for second. Butters and Kyle are neck-and-neck for fourth and fifth. Stan reaches the second waypoint, and breaks his jar on the first try thanks to his great marksmanship. Quagmire, Wendy and Butters shoot at their jars next, and Butters surprisingly comes out ahead of them. Up front, Stan reaches the final waypoint and starts climbing. Butters reaches the final waypoint second, followed by Quagmire, Wendy, Kyle, Cartman and Stewie. Stan snags the flag and rushes back to the start. He thinks he's won, but then he looks at his third flag and sees the name STEWIE instead of STAN.]
Stan: Damnit!
[Stan rushes back to the third waypoint to try and get his flag. On his way back, he sees Butters and Quagmire running for the finish. Butters comes out ahead, and has all three of his flags to win reward!]
Bart: In a stunning turn of events, Butters Stotch wins reward!
Butters: Whoa! Yippie!
Bart: Who do you want to take with you on the boat?
(Butters scans the crowd looking for Cartman.)
Butters: I pick my best friend Eric!
Kyle: (mutters under his breath) Give me a break…
Bart: Alright, Butters and Cartman, enjoy your boat tour! The rest of you, I've got nothing for you. Head on back to camp.
(Butters and Cartman hop on the waiting swamp boat while everyone else heads back to camp.)
Kangaroo Tribe: Day 29
(Kyle, Wendy, Quagmire, Stan and Stewie gather around the campfire for dinner.)
Qaugmire: (sarcastic) Oh great, fish and rice again. My favorite!
Stan: When I'm out of the game, the first thing I'm doing is taking a bite out of a delicious American cheeseburger with a side of Freedom Fries.
Stewie: Don't you mean French Fries?
Stan: Not in my household!
Kyle: I want so badly to talk to Quagmire about where he stands in the game, but I can't do it with everyone else sitting around.
Wendy: Being the last girl standing, I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about how far I really want to go in this game and what I have to do to get there. I've enjoyed my time with Cartman, but I have been aligned with him pretty much the whole game. Do I stick with him, or do I make a big move? That's the question.
Quagmire: I'm so jealous of Butters and Cartman. I wonder what they're having for dinner.
Day 29: Swamp Boat
(Leaning on the railing, Butters is taking in the sights and sounds of the Australia swampland, including several crocodiles. Cartman, on the other hand, is over at the buffet stuffing his face.)
Cartman: Oh, food glorious food! This is the first time I've been able to eat well since the merger summit. Butters is too busy staring at crocodiles or whatever. Oh well, more KFC for me!
Butters: Boy, the Australian wildlife sure is interesting, isn't it Eric? (turns to see Cartman shoving a slice of pizza into his pizza.) I'm really glad we're getting to spend this time together. (Cartman responds by grabbing another slice of pizza. Butters looks at the other end of the table.) Oh, hamburgers!
Cartman: (with mouthful) What is it, Butters?
Butters: Oh, I just noticed the hamburgers at the other end of the buffet. They look delicious.
Cartman: Whatever. Just don't hog them, Butters.
Butters: Aw geez, don't worry Eric! Of course I'll share the hamburgers with you. In fact, if my mom and dad watched this show and saw me not sharing food…why I bet that they would ground me. Yeah, they'd ground me real good Eric. They'd ground me worse than that time I wrote that crude novel The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs. Wouldn't they, Eric? ERIC?
Cartman: (stops his eating and grabs Butters, shoving him into the railing of the boat.) Damnit Butters, just shut up! I'm just here to enjoy a nice, warm meal, and you keep interrupting me! God damnit you're annoying! This is why we tried to vote you off earlier in the… (Cartman, realizing what he just said, stops himself and rushes back to the buffet.) Uh, nevermind Butters! Just go back to your crocodiles.
(Butters, a little sore form being pushed into the railing, comes to terms with what he just heard.)
Butters: Wait a sec! Eric….did you really try to vote me off?
Cartman: What? No, I was kidding. Come on, you know how people say things they don't mean when they're angry, right?
(Butters expression changes from surprise to anger.)
Butters: Well, you know what, Eric? I'm beginning to think Kyle was right about you all along. You can have the hamburgers Eric because I'm not hungry anymore. What do you say to that?
Cartman: I say…pass the ketchup you black asshole!
Butters: Oh, you mean this ketchup? (Butters grabs ketchup bottle from his end of table, and then throws it overboard.) Whoops! Gee whiz, Eric. I guess you could say I have butterfingers. (Butters laughs manically before heading back to the front of the boat.)
Cartman: Holy crap! What have I done?
Kangaroo Tribe: Day 30
(It's the crack of dawn, and Butters and Cartman are just now returning from their swamp boat tour. Kyle is already up, getting ready to fish.)
Kyle: So, how was the tour Butters?
(Butters suddenly breaks down into tears.)
Butters: I'm sorry Kyle. You were right about Eric. That fat lying jerk!
Kyle: What?
Butters: We got in an argument, and he told me everything about his trying to blindside me. (crying) I'm so sorry Kyle! I was so rude to you this whole game. Can you forgive me?
Kyle: (pats Butters on shoulder to comfort him) Dude, it's okay. This is all Cartman's fault, not yours.
(Butters hugs Kyle, and the two head with Stan to go fishing. Meanwhile, Cartman relays the bad news to Wendy.)
Wendy: You did WHAT?!
Cartman: I know, I know. My emotions got the better of me, and I just wasn't thinking.
Wendy: You better hope you win immunity again, or you're probably out of here! (Wendy rushes off to check the tree-mail for today's immunity challenge.)
Kyle: Oh my gosh, I can't believe it! I'm so pumped up for this immunity challenge. Cartman finally made a mistake, and I want to make sure he pays for it.
Day 30: Immunity Challenge
(The camera zooms in on a clearing. In the middle of the field is a large basketball hoop, with two orange basketballs beside it. There are three white circles painted around the hoop, each one bigger than the last. Bart is standing in front of the hoop as the seven castaways arrive.)
Bart: Gentlemen and Lady, today's immunity challenge may look like a simple game of basketball, but it's a more extreme version of the sport. Instead of playing in teams, it will be every guy or girl for themselves. You all will fight and scrum to gain control of one of these two basketballs. You will then shoot them into the hoop to rack up points. If you shoot inside the small circle and make it, it's two points. If you make a shot in the second circle, it's worth three points. Finally, if you're feeling lucky, you can try and make a shot from the third circle, which is worth five points. The first castaway to score 11 points wins immunity and is safe from tribal council tonight. Before we start, Cartman, I'm going to need the immunity necklace back. (Bart takes immunity necklace off Cartman's neck.) Grab a spot at the edge of the field. (The seven castaways line up on the outside of the field.) Survivors ready…GO!
[The seven members of the Kangaroo Tribe dash off towards the hoop to grab one of the two basketballs. Stan is the first to grab one of the basketballs, and immediately throws up a shot for two that goes in. Meanwhile, Cartman and Kyle battle over the second ball, a battle eventually won by Cartman. Cartman tries a two and misses, but grabs the rebound and gets the second shot to fall through. Stan and Quagmire get in a tussle for a ball. Quagmire takes it away, lets go a three and misses badly. Kyle snags Quagmire's shot, and puts it in for two points. Feeling bold, Cartman grabs the second ball, shoots a five pointer, and….somehow it goes in, giving Cartman seven points! Cartman runs as fast as he can towards the hoop to get the ball back. Aware of the situation, Kyle looks over to Stewie and Butters, who nod their heads in acknowledgement. All at once, the three of them gang up on Cartman, determined to make sure he doesn't get another shot.]
Butters: This is for trying to vote me off!
Stewie: This is for not giving me more of a say in the alliance!
Kyle: THIS IS FOR….EVERYTHING!
[Wendy is about to shoot the ball, but then sees Cartman getting beat up and rushes to the aid of her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Stan, Quagmire and Bart gaze upon the brawl in astonishment.]
Bart: Okaayyyy. Clearly, this immunity challenge has turned into a melee. There's only one fair way to settle who wins immunity. Stan, pick a number between 1 and 10.
Stan: 7.
Bart: Quagmire, pick a number between 1 and 10.
Quagmire: 3
Bart: I was thinking of 8. Congratulations Stan Smith, you've won immunity! Go grab the necklace and head back to camp while we try to break these guys apart.
(Stan puts on the immunity necklace and heads back to camp. Eventually, the fight breaks up and the rest of the Kangaroo Tribe head back to camp.]
Stan: Am I a genius or what? I totally said this camp was one spark away from being thrown into chaos, and look what happened! The best part is I got immunity out of the whole deal. It should be nice to have a stress-free tribal council.
Kangaroo Tribe: Day 30
(Kyle, Stewie, and Butters all have ice packs somewhere on their bodies. Stan joins them in the shelter, admiring the immunity necklace around his neck.)
Stewie: So, could you remind us again how you got immunity?
Stan: It's simple. Bart told both Quagmire and I to pick a number between 1 and 10, and I was the one closer to his number.
Stewie: That seems like a bit of a cop-out to me, but whatever.
Kyle: Do we even need to discuss tribal council? We all know who's going home. We're in agreement, right?
All: Yeah!
Day 30: Tribal Council
(The seven castaways enter the tribal council area with their torches and take their seats. Bart is already there waiting for them.)
Bart: At this time, I'd like to bring in the four members of our jury: Francine Smith, Ike Broflovksi, Brian Griffin and Lois Griffin. (The four jury members enter and take their seats. Lois looks concerned when she sees that Stewie has a black eye from the fight.)
Brian: Holy shit! Almost the entire tribe looks like they got beat up! What happened?
Bart: Good question Brian. Kyle, what did happen at the immunity challenge?
Kyle: Well Bart, on the way to the immunity challenge, Stewie, Butters and I made a pact that if there was any danger of Cartman winning immunity, then we had to take him out. After Cartman somehow sank that five-pointer, I knew we had to make our move. I know some people might see it as a dirty play, but this is Survivor. Sometimes, you have to do things you wouldn't normally do.
Bart: Butters, I was surprised that you were part of Kyle's little group there. Did anything happen between you and Cartman before that?
Butters: You see, I thought Cartman was my friend this whole time. Then, on the swamp boat, Cartman said something about trying to blindside me, and that's when I turned against him.
Bart: Wow! This is a huge turn of events to say the least. Tonight's vote could cause a huge change in the dynamic of the game. It is time to vote. Stan, you won immunity, so you'll vote first.
[Stan Smith walks up to the voting booth and casts his vote. Shots of Kyle and Stewie voting. Then, Butters writes down his vote for CARTMAN.]
Butters: I don't need you anymore Eric. I'm finally standing up for myself.
[Butters puts his vote in the bucket. Shots of Quagmire and Wendy voting. Cartman is the last to vote, and he writes down KYLE.]
Cartman: I'm not going down without one last vote against that filthy Jew.
[Cartman puts his vote in the bucket and returns to his seat.]
Bart: I'll go tally the votes. (Bart leaves and returns shortly thereafter with the bucket.) Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted off must leave the tribal council area immediately. I'll read the votes. {Bart grabs a vote out of the bucket.) First vote is for…Kyle. Second vote…Cartman. Third vote…is another for Cartman. Fourth vote…..Kyle. We're tied at two votes Kyle, and two votes Cartman. Fifth vote…Cartman. Sixth vote….is for Cartman, so the last vote doesn't matter. Eric Cartman, bring me your torch.
(The jury members look along in disbelief as Cartman gives his torch to Bart.)
Bart: Eric Cartman, the tribe has spoken. (Bart extinguishes torch) It's time for you to go.
Kyle: Na-na-na-na, hey hey hey….GOODBYE!
Cartman: FUCK OFF JEW!
Bart: Hey, what part of leave the tribal council area immediately do you not understand?
(Cartman reluctantly leaves the tribal council area.)
Bart: Well, that is a major player that just got voted off. With only the six of you left, this game is clearly heating up. Grab your stuff and head back to camp. Goodnight!
(The six remaining Kangaroo Tribe members head back to camp.)
Confessional
Cartman: I've got nothing good to say right now. (storms off)
Tribal Council #10 Vote
Candidate (# of votes)
Cartman (5)- Kyle, Stewie, Stan, Butters, Quagmire
Kyle (2)- Cartman, Wendy
Next Time on Survivor…
1. With Cartman gone, who will form a new alliance to fill the void, and who will be in that alliance?
2. Now that Kyle's alliance has eliminated its primary target, will rifts begin to form within its ranks?