Disclaimer – I don't own the O.C
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Just do it. You've denied your feelings for long enough and you know they aren't going to change. You want him, no, you NEED him. He makes you happier than you've ever been, much happier than being the prom queen will ever make you. You used to have so many things on your mind but now? Now your every waking thought, and your dreams for that matter, are consumed by him. Doesn't that tell you anything, because it smells a lot like luurve to me? Go on, tell him. Do what you know is right and what you know you really want to do, what's the worst that can happen?'
'No. You can't. YOU WON'T. NO NO NO NO NO. You love being popular, you can't risk it all on him. It might not work and then where will you be, as alone as before but a complete fucking loser as well. He's not worth it, no guy is. When he comes over, you need to hold in everything you want to say and he'll be gone before you can make any slip-ups. He may seem perfect now but you're forgetting he is a guy and they always turn out to be assholes in the end. If you do it, you're nothing but a weak, pathetic bitch who's surrendering to his control. Don't let him win, you'll only be setting yourself up for heartbreak.'
It was ten to two on a sunny Saturday afternoon and Summer was frantically pacing up and down her living room wringing her hands together nervously. There was a serious battle raging inside her head. She felt like she was a character in a cartoon and she had a little imaginary angel on one shoulder telling her to be with Seth, and a little devil on the other telling her to hide her true feelings.
He was going to be there in ten minutes and she still had absolutely no idea what she was going to do. She knew she'd promised Laura that she would tell him and knew that it was what she really wanted to do, she just didn't know if she could go through with it. It wasn't as simple as choosing what to have for dinner. This was a choice that could possibly determine her whole high school future and maybe even beyond that.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Just tell her man, tell her you know how she feels and that you've felt the same way since you were about ten. On second thought skip the ten year old part because it's kinda creepy. There's never gonna be a better time to do it. You're all alone, watching a romantic movie or somethin, it's the perfect setting. Imagine how amazing it would be if everything went to plan, it would be the greatest moment of your life. Can you honestly live with yourself if you be a little bitch and chicken out? Sure being her friend is awesome but that's not what you really want is it? Nope, you want her heart just like she has yours. You always have, always will and that's why you need to act upon your feelings.'
'Are you out of your fucking mind? You're willing to risk everything you already have with her on the basis of her drunken ramblings. SHE WAS WASTED FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Don't do it you dick, don't even think about it. If you go in there all guns blazing, I promise that you'll only come out with your heart torn in two. Is that what you really want? I mean, what's better, having her in your life at the price of hiding your true feelings, or telling her the truth and having her break your heart and never talk to you again? It's entirely up to you! It's your choice! But if you think about it logically you dumbshit you'd realise that there isn't even a choice to make. If you've got half a brain you'd know what to do. DON'T………………FUCKING……………TELL HER!!!!!!'
Both sides of Seth's conscience were also in an intense wrestling match as he drove toward Summer's house. His own little angel was telling him to confront Summer about her feelings, while his demon was telling him to not risk what he already had with her. He was struggling to control the speed of the car as his foot was shaking so violently. He had no idea what he should do and the closer he seemed to get to her house, the cloudier his brain seemed become.
Seth knew what he wanted to do. Problem was he'd never been the most confident of guys, especially when it came to the opposite sex, and when he happened to be in love with this particular girl any confidence he did have seemed to go out the window. There was also the fact that he had no real proof that what she'd mumbled to him in her drunken state a few weeks ago held any truth whatsoever. The last thing he wanted to do was to get his heartbroken and lose her friendship all in the same day, because he had a hunch she liked him and that hunch turned out to be utter shit.
All Seth truly knew was that he loved her and he wanted nothing more than to be with her, he just couldn't risk losing her friendship to find out if she felt anything stronger towards him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Hey Seth,' Summer said shyly as she opened the door. He just gave her a grin and a small wave in reply. She stared at him intently. He'd gone for a haircut since she had last seen him yesterday afternoon and was even wearing clean, ironed clothes. "Holy fuck he is so sexy!" she thought to herself. "This is going to be one long afternoon."
'Uhh……….Summer, hello.' She was snapped out of her thoughts by him waving his hand in front of her face.
'Oh umm, sorry……………uhh, come in.'
'Thanks. So uhh……….what do you wanna do?' Seth said as he walked in and closed the door. 'I know what I wanna do,' he thought. 'I wanna tell you that I love you. Well I wouldn't say that, it's too soon and would freak you out. But just give me a sign that you feel more than friend feelings towards me and I'll make a move. Please Summer, just set the record straight, one way or the other.'
'I was thinking we could watch a movie,' she replied in a casual tone. 'I got Spiderman on DVD if you're interested.'
'I am interested Summer,' Seth said in an amused tone, 'but never in a million years would you strike me as being a comic book movie fan, care to explain.'
'Well I just think it's the perfect movie for us to watch together. I mean it's got comic book lameness and Kirsten Dunst in a wet t-shirt to keep you entertained, and Toby McGuire in skin tight clothing definitely keeps me happy,' Summer replied with a teasing tone.
'What can I say Summer,' he replied with an amused smirk, 'your logic is flawless. I just pray to God you remembered to buy dip. Spiderman the movie just isn't the same spiritual experience without dip.' He grabbed both her shoulders and shook her while adding in a fake panicky voice, 'please Summer, tell me you've got some kind of fucking dip.'
Summer giggled at his adorable dorkyness. 'Calm down Cohen, I think we've got some Mexican dip somewhere. The movie's on the couch, set it up while I go find your precious dip will you?'
'Sure thing cutie pie,' he replied with a cheeky grin.
'Cutie pie?' she enquired in an amused tone with a raised eyebrow.
'Yeah I just thought it'd be cool if we had nicknames for each other. I could be uhh……………..papa smurf. NO, WAIT! I got it, the perfect nickname for me…………………….DARTH COHEN,' he said in a low voice with the heavy breathing for added effect. By this point Summer was bent double with hysterical laughter.
'OH MY GOD! You are so lame you know that,' she said happily, tears in her eyes because she had been laughing so hard. 'You genuinely like Star Wars don't you?'
Seth grinned at her and nodded. 'So much so that from the ages of nine to ten, I would only respond to being called Boba Fett.' Summer burst into a fresh round of giggles.
'Whatever, more like Homo Fett.' she managed to get out between giggles. 'Anyway, set it up and I'll be back in a few, and don't you dare start it without me asshole,' she added over her shoulder with a smile. She sighed happily as she practically skipped off to the kitchen. When she got to the fridge, instead of opening it she started lightly banging her head against it.
'What the fuck are you doing Summer, apart from making a complete ass out of yourself? Yes he's a funny guy but is there any need to giggle at every little joke he makes, it makes you look like a total retard. For God's sake pull yourself together woman, you and him just wouldn't work. You have like less than nothing in common and you don't even know if he feels the same way. Yes he's definitely attracted to you, you can tell that much from the way he undresses you with his eyes. But he is a guy and most guys just want to fuck you then forget you. What if he's the same? Are you willing to get your heart broken in order to find out? Just get through today Summer and never invite him over again.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'For God's sake Cohen, for the last time NO! You are not hanging upside-down from the chandelier so we can re-enact the kiss scene. This floor is very expensive mahogany wood and I really don't want a permanent stain on it when you fall and crack your head open on it you clumsy oaf,' Summer said in a defiant voice although she had an amused smirk on her face. She didn't tell him that an upside-down kiss with him sounded like the hottest thing in the world to her and just thinking about it was making her flustered.
The movie's end credits were rolling and in the space of the movie, she had gone from sitting as far away from Seth as she possibly could while staying on the same couch, to lying down with her head in his lap. He was running his fingers softly through her hair but neither of them were thinking anything of it. It felt so natural, so comfortable, like it was meant to be.
'Oh that's really nice Summer,' Seth said with fake bitterness. 'Real nice to know you care more about your stupid floor than you do about my personal wellbeing.' Summer just smiled sweetly at him and nodded. 'Soooo, say if I were to think of a way to do it that was of no risk to your treasured floors, would you?' he added with raised eyebrows. Summer pretended to think about it for a second then just smirked and nodded.
'I suppose, but only out of pity. You've gotta have your first kiss at some point, better late than never I guess.'
'Hey! I've been kissed before,' he replied with a glare.
'Oh really? Sorry to inform you Cohen but your mom or grandma doesn't count,' Summer countered with a grin.
'Ha ha Summer real funny. For your information I don't mean anyone I'm related to, I've kissed someone before.'
'Really. Who?' Summer said, curiosity getting the better of her.
'Marissa,' Seth said proudly with a smug grin on his face.
'WHAT!! WHEN?' Summer shouted, an intense look of rage and jealousy spreading across her face. 'Why the HELL didn't she tell me?'
'Calm down Summer and I will explain the whole story to you……………….in all it's perverted, graphic glory,' he added. His grin grew even bigger when he noticed her nostrils begin to flare in rage, she looked like a bull in front of a red rag. 'Okay so we were six and our mothers had set up a play date. We were playing mommies and daddies and we decided to kiss to make it more realistic. From what I remember, it was hot! Ryan is one lucky guy.' By this point Summer's face was blank, showing no emotion whatsoever. All of a sudden she burst into hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.
'Cohen…………………………that……………………….is so………………………lame,' she managed to gasp out inbetween hysterics. She was laughing so hard her face had turned bright red and her stomach ached.
'Oh you think that's funny do you bi-atch, you think its lame. I'll show you how lame it was. Come here hoe, I'll kiss you right now and show you how lame I am. You'll go weak at the knees, I guarantee it,' he said as seriously as he could, even though he had a massive grin on his face and was struggling to contain his laughter. He then flipped her so she was underneath him and puckered his lips and began to make kissing sounds as he playfully moved his face towards hers.
'EW NO, NO. COHEN…………………….STOP…………………..STOP COHEN,' Summer shrieked through her giggles, writhing to fight him off although not really making maximum effort because in truth she really did want him to kiss her.
'No way bi-atch you asked for it, I'm gonna kiss the shit outta you,' he tried to say in a fierce tone but he was also laughing by this point. He blocked her playful slaps directed at his face and pinned her arms to her sides with his forearms. Then all of a sudden, the mood changed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summer stopped struggling and Seth released his grip on her. Both their smiles had faded and their eyes had locked. There was a passionate fire in both sets of eyes and sparks were flying all around them at colossal speeds. Summer's arms slowly moved from her side and snaked up around his neck. She began to twirl the curls on the back of his head with her fingers and she bit her lower lip nervously.
'Just do it Summer, it's now or never. YOU WANT HIM and here he is, yours for the taking. Don't fight it, don't deny it. In fact don't even listen to me, your brain, do what your heart is telling you. Do it, do it, DO IT!!!!'
Summer slowly arched up her back and began to move her head closer to his. She could feel his breath, which had rapidly increased, on her face. It smelled strongly of dip but she didn't care. All she cared about was closing the gap and sending herself into the heavenly place that she had imagined so many times over the past few weeks. She closed her eyes and urgently pushed her face forward that final few inches, ready to be sent into ecstasy.
She hit nothing but air.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
'YOU FUCKING PATHETIC LITTLE BITCH!!!' Seth's little angel screamed at him. His head was a few inches to the side of where it'd been a few seconds ago, while Summer's was exactly where his had been. 'WHAT THE FUCK, is your problem? SHE went to kiss YOU and what do you do? You move out the way! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP! Great move Seth, great fucking move. At least you know she's interested in you, or she was. You really think you're gonna get another chance now? You've lost it buddy. I can guarantee that right now she's feeling hurt, rejected and embarrassed. She thinks you don't like her. Well done you STUPID FUCK, your chance is officially gone.'
Seth pulled back and gave her a shy smile. Summer smiled back at him but it was very clearly a fake one. She had a weird expression on her face that he couldn't recognise. 'Soooo……………umm……………what do you wanna do now?'
'I hate to say it but I told you so. I said it'd all go wrong but you didn't listen and now where are you? Broken hearted and embarrassed as fuck. You'll never be able to look him in the eye again.'
The nasty side of Summer's conscience was back. It was true though, she didn't feel sad or angry or frustrated, all she felt was pure and simple despair, heartbreak. She couldn't look him in the eye after the complete embarrassment she'd made out of herself.
'Oh……………umm………………I dunno. Whatever you want really, I don't care,' Summer replied in a barely audible whisper.
'Umm…………………okayyyy………………..ooh I got it,' Seth said enthusiastically, trying to break the uncomfortable, awkward tension that had filled the room. 'You could give me a full tour of the house, you know, every room in great detail,' he said with a smile. Summer shrugged and nodded.
'Okay let's go,' she replied in the same small voice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Well thank you very much Summer, that was an incredibly detailed and informative tour,' Seth said sarcastically. Summer actually managed to crack a faint smile at his joke. She knew he was referring to the fact that she'd said the absolute bare minimum in the last thirty minutes.
Although she was still very upset, Summer had decided that even if he didn't feel the same way about her, that didn't stop him from being an amazing friend and if that was all she could ever have from him, she'd take it. 'Hey what's in that room?' he added curiously.
'Oh there's nothing in there, we don't need to go in,' she replied casually. They were on the upstairs landing and she'd shown him every room in the house bar that one.
'No no no, that's not fair Summer,' Seth said, waving a finger at her as he set off towards the door. 'You can't show me every other room and not this one, it'll feel unwanted.'
'Seth, please don't go in that room,' Summer said desperately as she followed him. He just gave her a mischievous grin and flung the door open.
'Huh, when you said nothing was in here the way you said it made me think it was like a torture chamber or something. Why didn't you want me to come in here?' He asked curiously. There really was nothing in the room other than a few tins of paint and a white cloth covering the carpet.
'This is my room,' Summer replied quietly, following him into the big empty space.
'Your room?' Seth said, totally confused. 'Your room is down the hall.' Summer shook her head.
'I always wanted to move into this room, I've just never got round to painting it,' she said sadly.
'Why don't you just hire a decorator? Let me guess, can't afford one,' he added with a smirk.
'No it's just, daddy hates them, he thinks they're all crooks so he won't let me get one. He also said it was a great opportunity for some father/daughter bonding time and he promised as soon as he had time, we'd decorate it together. That was four years ago.' She said the last part in the saddest whisper Seth had ever heard. She then looked him in the eye and Seth felt his heart strings twang at the sight. She had tears in her eyes and looked so miserable that just looking at her made Seth want to cry.
'That's it,' he said in a strong voice. 'Put some old clothes on and fetch the brushes. We're painting this room.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'COHEN,' Summer shrieked for about the hundredth time. He kept on flicking lilac coloured paint at her. She glared at him but it quickly morphed into a big grin, which he returned. She was dressed in an old pair of tattered dungarees with her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, while she'd found a pair of her dad's old sweatpants and a sweatshirt for him to wear. Both sets of clothes were covered in paint and Summer had a big splodge on her cheek, Seth thought she looked so cute.
The painting idea had helped Summer get over, well not get over but forget about his rejection earlier. It was clear to her that he still really wanted to be her friend, even though he had every right to be freaked out by her attempted kiss. If that was all he wanted from her then she would have to accept that. Sure she still wanted to be with him but after years of hiding her true feelings towards her friends and father, she felt she could do a decent job of hiding her real feelings from him. So it was with this in mind that she had decided to go back to being her normal bubbly self, even though she felt like dying inside.
'Hey Summer, do you uhh…………………..do you want me to paint something for you on one wall. Umm, because of my obsession with comics, I'm actually a very good artist. I know I'm usually modest but painting and drawing is one thing in which I'm confident of my ability. Anyways it's up to you, it was…………….uhh……………….it was just a thought.' He trailed off towards the end, regretting saying it.
Summer's face lit up. 'Really? That'd be awesome,' she said enthusiastically. The few times she had been in his room she'd seen some of his drawings on the walls and they were indeed very good. 'Hmm let's see, what to do……………………..OOH I GOT IT,' she squealed elatedly, clapping her hands together. 'You can draw Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle.'
'What, together?' Seth said with raised eyebrows.
'Yeah,' Summer replied, nodding her head excitedly, 'don't you think they'd make like the most perfect couple ever.'
'I do yes,' Seth said nodding his head in agreement. 'I've told Oats all about her and he's like obsessed with her. I just never thought in a million years that she'd ever be interested in him,' Seth mumbled, hoping she wouldn't pick up on his secret message.
'Well Captain Oats is a moron,' Summer said softly. 'I've told Princess Sparkle all about him and he has like no idea how much she likes him too.' Their eyes locked and they both knew that the other had gotten the message. The fiery eye contact remained for a good few seconds before Seth broke it and spoke in a croaky voice.
'So umm………………if you uhh……………..if you could go and get some finer brushes that would be great.' Summer just nodded and left the room with a confused expression on her face.
'Exactly what does he want from me? One minute he's practically pushing me away, the next he's dropping hidden hints that he wants to be with me. I wish he would just hurry up and make up his fucking mind, the assface.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------
'OH MY GOD Cohen, this is AWESOME,' Summer squealed an hour or so later. He had already finished an incredibly realistic Princess Sparkle and was halfway through Captain Oats. Seth just gave her an embarrassed smile and mumbled thanks. 'How the hell do you do it? I can't even draw stick men well.'
'Come here, I'll show you,' Seth replied. Summer cautiously approached him. He gently grabbed her waist and pulled her back into him. He then put the brush lightly between her fingers and put his hand on top of hers. 'See the trick is………..,' he whispered, his breath dancing on her neck and sending shivers of desire right down to her very core. '...to brush very gently,' he finished as he began to softly move her hand up and down, the brush barely touching the wall but leaving very fine, detailed marks.
'Give him another chance Summer, his rejection earlier was just a mistake on his part. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves a chance to try and fix them. Do the right thing Summer, go in for the kiss again and I promise that this time you won't be disappointed.'
'NO! Ignore him Summer. Whatever game he's playing don't let it get to you. And whatever you do, don't give in again. If he really does like you he's too late, the bastard's had his chance.'
Summer's conscience was back and her little angel and devil were wreaking havoc on her mind. Little did she know that hers weren't the only ones at work?
'Calm down you moron, don't get carried away. You made a huge mistake but at least you're still friends. Do you really think that after what you did she's still gonna want you. Not a chance buddy, you're better off just doing nothing and remaining her friend.'
'Yes Seth, you did make a huge mistake. Here's your chance to fix it, your only chance. It's now or never Seth. Do it. DO IT!!!'
Seth moved away from her so fast that she turned round and raised her eyebrows, giving him a quizzical look. 'I'm sorry Summer, I don't think we can be friends anymore,' he said in a strong voice, even though he felt like running away and hiding.
'WHAT! WHY?' Summer said, mouth hanging open in disbelief.
'Because I uhh……………….because I never wanted to be your friend in the first place.'
'You never wanted to be my friend?' Summer replied in a rage filled whisper, tears filling up in her eyes. 'Then why the fuck are you here you bastard?'
'I never wanted to be your friend because…………….because I've always wanted more. I really, really, REALLY like you Sum, and I know you like me too.'
'I don't know where the hell you got that idea,' she replied angrily, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, 'but I can tell you that it's complete bullshit Seth.'
'Oh really? So you just attempted to kiss me earlier for no apparent reason did you?'
'That was uhh…………………..that was a mistake. Look, I think it 'd be best if you just left Seth.' Seth's eyes began to water.
'Fine, I'll go,' he replied bitterly. 'If you're quite happy to deny your feelings then that's fine by me. LOOK,' he added despately. 'I know when I pulled away earlier I made a mistake, a huge mistake. But I want you to know that if we had gotten together, I would've treated you like the goddess you are Summer Roberts. I know we're probably not even friends anymore but I'll always be there for you, no matter what. Okay, I'll see you around I guess.' He began trudging dejectedley towards the bedroom door. Summer was rooted to the spot, her mind racing at a hundred miles a minute.
'That's it, let the moron go. You don't need him. Let him know what it feels like to get your heart broken, he deserves it. He made too big a mistake to be allowed a second chance.'
'What are you doing? Stop him for Christ's sake. You know he feels the same way that you do and that he made a mistake earlier. You of all people should give him a second chance, he did it for you. If you let him walk out that door you'll regret it for the rest of your life. What are you waiting for? STOP HIM!!!'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'FUCK.'
Seth was at the bedroom door when he heard the expletive. He turned round to see Summer advancing towards him. She reached him and grabbed two fistfuls of her dad's dirty sweatshirt before throwing him against a freshly painted wall. She put a hand on either side of him, trapping him in. She was breathing heavily and had a crazy look in her eye that Seth didn't recognise. He was shit scared.
'Why? WHY? Why do you have to do it you bastard?' She said fiercely.
'D-do wh-what?' Seth stammered.
'Do all the right things, say all the right things, be so fucking perfect, BE YOU?' Summer replied, she'd gone absolutely crazy with passion and lust. Desire was spreading through her entire body, she was ready to burst at any second. She didn't even give him a chance to reply before she crushed her lips against his in the most intense, loving, passionate kiss she was ever likely to give.
Seth's mind was blank, all he knew was that he was kissing THE Summer Roberts. He didn't know what to do, he just kissed her back with all the passion and energy he could possibly muster. He could feel her tongue splaying out against his lips and he knew what she wanted. He opened his mouth and their tongues collided instantly.
After several minutes of intense making out, Summer pulled back and her eyes fluttered open. She could barely stand she was so dizzy with desire. Seth grinned at her. 'I can't help it if I'm perfect Sum.' Summer gave him a glare before crushing her lips against his again.
'Shut……………the hell…………….up Cohen,' she mumbled in between kisses. 'No…………..more………………talking……………….got it?'
'Yes ma'am,' he replied as she took his hands and walked backwards with her gaze still firmly fixed on him, towards the room with her bed in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forty five passion filled minutes later the two teens were wrapped in eachother's arms. They were both exhausted, sweaty and the room was about a hundred degrees but they couldn't have cared less. They both had huge grins on their faces and Summer's head was rested on Seth's chest, listening to his heartbeat. It had been uncomfortable and awkward, neither of them had a clue what they were doing but despite all this, the only thing that sprung to both their minds were words such as perfect and magical, simply because it was with eachother.
'So umm…………………I'm sorry if I sucked. It was my first time and I know you're probably used to much more experienced guys, I dunno. Correct me if I'm wrong but I……………I just got the feeling that you didn't really enjoy it like I did. Was I that bad?' Seth mumbled, clearly embarrassed.
'You were fine Seth. No you were more than fine, you were perfect,' Summer replied with a massive smile, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him. 'I did enjoy it, well as much as it's possible for a girl to enjoy her first time.'
'WHAT!!!' Seth shouted, 'please repeat your last statement,' he added in a calm voice after taking a few deep breaths.
'Well I uhh……………….I umm…………..I was kinda saving myself for someone special,' she mumbled shyly, turning a violent shade of red.
'And I messed that up, I'm so sorry Summer,' Seth replied with a grin.
'Shut up you dork,' Summer giggled, braking out in a huge happy smile and beginning to twirl the curls on the back of his head. 'I'm glad it was you.'
'I'm glad it was you too Sum,' he replied with his own ecstatic grin as he leant down and caught her lips in a passionate kiss. He thought back to something his conscience had said earlier.
'imagine how amazing it would be if everything went to plan, it would be the greatest moment of your life.'
'God, my angel was so right,' he whispered to himself. Summer heard him and understood exactly what he meant.
'mmmmmmm,' she sighed happily as she pushed her sweat soaked body even closer against his, 'mine too Seth, mine too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N – There you go folks, cheesy I know. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
