Cast in order of appearance: Ed, Hohenheim, Envy, Sloth, Wrath

Ed enters, wringing his hands

Ed: Dad?

Hohenheim (pretending to do something else): What?

Ed: Well I need to tell you something.

Hohenheim: You're not about to tell me you want to wear a skirt are you?

Ed: No.

Hohenheim: Good because that's the most awkward conversation Envy ever brought up.

Ed: I had this dream….

Hohenheim: And?

Ed: Alright, I'll just tell you… here I wrote it down.

Hohenheim: Of course you did.

Ed: The flowers fell from my hands in slow motion and shattered on the floor like glass, and when I looked into the mirror I was a beautiful milkmaid. Then I woke up crying, and I don't know why.

Hohenheim: …I once had a dream I was a baby pig living on a farm… oink.

Ed: No Dad, you don't understand. It was a life changing vision! I don't know if I'll ever- oof!!

Envy runs in and pushes Ed out of the way

Envy: Hohenheim! Where's Dante?!

Hohenheim: … Not sure. Why, my least favorite son?

Envy (flinch): Because there's a homunculus emergency!

Hohenheim: … Well I guess I could help.

Envy: Eh… fine, but after this I hate you again. Come on.

Hohenheim: Still wearing a skirt?

Envy: Shut up!

Two reach Sloth standing under a bright light

Sloth: Hohenheim, where's Dante?

Envy: Couldn't make it.

Sloth: Well as you can see, Wrath's trapped in an alternate dimension… again.

Hohenheim: Again? How many times has the homunculus boy been trapped in this alternate dimension?

Sloth (shaking head): Too many to count….

Hohenheim: …?

Envy: This wouldn't keep happening if he wasn't so fat.

Wrath (from beyond the light): Oh! Get me out of here! It tickles in all the wrong ways!

Hohenheim: Is he beyond the gate?

Envy (shrug): We don't know, it just keeps happening to him.

Hohenheim: That's just bizarre.

Envy: I didn't bring you here for a synopsis, I brought you here to get the kid out.

Hohenheim: Okay, bring me that stick you use for your problems.

Envy runs off

Wrath: I think I'm going through puberty!

Sloth: Don't go into the light Wrath!

Envy reappears with a bat, hands the bat to Hohenheim

Envy: Here's the problem stick.

Hohenheim (to Sloth): You… stand back.

Sloth: Is it dangerous?

Hohenheim: No, you're just freaking me out.

Sloth: Alright then.

Hohenheim puts bat into light

Hohenheim: Let's see if I still remember how to do this….

Wrath falls out and light vanishes

Three stare at Wrath

Envy: Wrath, you okay? *poke*

Wrath gets up with sunglasses and a leather jacket on, hair tied back

Wrath (voice suddenly deep): Envy, you kidding me? I've never felt better. I'm a man now.

Envy: Where'd ya get the jacket…? And where can I get one?

Wrath (ignoring Envy): 'Sup, Ma.

Sloth: *sniffle* You grew up so fast!

Wrath: Don't cry Ma, you'll get tears all over my new boots.

Sloth: *breakdown*

Wrath: 'Sup Hohenheim?

Hohenheim: Wow! You're much cooler than Envy.

Envy: … What?!

Wrath: Let's have a beach party, in Central!

Three begin dancing to random music

Envy: *shock*

Others continue dancing

Envy: NO!!

Envy pulls out tape recorder and plays track of a baby crying

Wrath: AHHH! *spazzes* (voice suddenly become high again, glasses and jacket disappear)

Envy: No! Cool is my category! I won it by default! You can't start being competition! No one can be cooler than me 'cause I'm Envy the homunculus! You hear me?! The homunculus!

Wrath (quivering): *heartfelt apology* I'm so sorry, Envy.

Envy: *ignore* Well good! Now let's have a beach party! In Central!

Music begins playing again

Others slowly begin dancing

Envy (singing): My name Envy, I'm the king of Central, I'm better than anybody in Central. I'm hip and I'm awesome everyone knows my name. E-E-E-E-Envy that is my name! The homunculus, the homunculus! Do the Do the schooby duwap!

Everyone: Schooby duwap, schooby duwap!

Envy: My father ditched me when I was a baby. But I was even cool, when I was a baby. I even wanted revenge when I was a baby. I grew up abused, without any love. The homunculus!

Everyone: Schooby duwap!

Envy: The homunculus!

Everyone: Schooby duwap!

Envy: The homunculus!

Everyone: Schooby duwap!

Envy: That's me!!

Music stops

Envy: *pant, pant* You guys are my best friends, you know that?

Sloth: Oh, Envy.

Hohenheim: You're gonna be alright Envy, boy, yes.

Sloth: We'll always love you Envy.

Sloth and Hohenheim hug Envy

Wrath: I love you too, Envy!

Envy: Lose some weight before you hug me, Wrath.

Wrath: Huh?

Fin

Hooray! The vortex! It's dedicated to hanyuu! Please review and i hoped you liked it!

Tennessee