It was a relief, being able to sit here beside Elden, feeling his warmth, no longer feverishly hot, their hands clasped together. Even now that he was conscious and on the mend, Dorian was still reluctant to leave his side. Despite Elden's healing body, he seemed haunted, sleeping more than anything, waking in the middle of the night from nightmares, sometimes shaking in Dorian's arms for hours after.

He rarely spoke about what he had been through and Dorian was hesitant to pry further. Perhaps he was treading too carefully, wanting to be there for Elden but not sure what was too much. They may have made up, but Dorian wasn't completely sure where that left them and didn't want to press too far too quickly. Perhaps he was overthinking this, but he just wanted to do what was right, what Elden needed, instead of what Dorian wanted.

Today seemed to be a particularly bad day. Elden had barely eaten anything and simply slept or perhaps pretended to sleep all day. Dorian simply sat beside him and watched over him, not sure what else to do. When he did finally wake, Dorian at least made sure he drank some water. Elden seemed reluctant to sit up, but once handed the glass of water he drank it down greedily.

"How are you feeling?" Dorian asked rather lamely.

"Sorry," Elden said, not making eye contact. "I guess I'm just stuck in my head today."

"Hey," Dorian lifted his chin gently until he raised his eyes, brushing the back of his fingers across his cheek. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Elden leaned into the touch, his eyes falling closed. He leaned against Dorian's side, taking his arm and holding onto him as if he feared he might fall.

"I can't hear her voice anymore," Elden confided eventually. "But she was preying off of my own fears. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forget the things she said. Or stop myself believing them."

Dorian's chest ached at that and he turned enough to pull Elden more tightly against his chest, running his free hand through Elden's hair. He desperately wanted to say something, to banish those fears, but what could he possibly say? How could he reassure Elden, get him to see himself as Dorian, as everyone saw him?

"You are a good man," Dorian said, placing a kiss at his temple. "And you're doing just fine. Nothing she said was true."

"I never told you everything she said," Elden argued, but he didn't try to pull away.

"Perhaps not, but I know you and I've seen at least some of what you've struggled with. But if there's something specific you're concerned with-"

Elden was quiet for a long while, long enough that Dorian thought he might not speak at all, fidgeting with the blanket as if it might hold all the answers he wanted. When he finally did speak, his voice was soft, his words hesitant as if he wasn't sure he should be speaking at all.

"She made me relive every failure, every disappointment. To see them all spread out in front of me like that- I'm afraid to even try to recount them all. Then everyone might see that she was right, that I can't- that I'm not-"

Elden's voice broke and Dorian held him more tightly against him. "That's enough of that," he said. "We all have failures in our lives, but you have successes as well. You can't have one without the other."

"I fear the failures far outweigh the successes."

"Elden, in the short while I've known you, you've managed to do amazing things. The lives you've saved alone-"

"I can't help but think of it in terms of the lives I've failed to save," Elden cut in, his voice sounding hopeless. "

"You can't save everyone, not that it's truly your responsibility. Every life you save is a life that would have been lost without you. No one else can do what you do. I've seen you agonize over the decisions you have had to make as Inquisitor. That's why so many people follow you. Because they know they can trust you."

Elden still looked doubtful so Dorian tried a different approach.

"I don't know what your past was like, and I highly doubt you were as useless as you seem to believe, but even then your life's worth isn't reliant on that. I told you before, you deserve happiness regardless and if you don't want to do this anymore, we can leave."

'No," Elden said quickly. "I can't do that, you know I can't. Now that I'm here, I can't just abandon everyone."

"You said that the rumors about us aren't as bad as I thought," Dorian said. "Perhaps while you're asking Leliana to write up everything she's heard, you can have her write up what they say about you as well."

Elden groaned and buried his face in Dorian's shirt. "You're using my own tactics against me, that's cruel."

"Perhaps, but then you're the one who is nearly single handedly saving all of Thedas and yet still can't see how impressive you are."

"I'm still afraid of what happens when you hear what I was like as a child," Elden said, voice sad as he stared down at his hands.

"I grew up starting fights and graduated to drinking my sorrows away. We all have things in our past we aren't proud of, it won't change how I see you. But you don't have to tell me now, you just need to rest."

"I'm so tired of sleeping," Elden said with a sigh.

"If you're that desperate for something to do," Dorian said. "I'm sure we can get some paperwork in here for you to do from Josephine, but perhaps that should be a last resort. Those will bring about a new sort of boredom that could prove fatal."

Sadly that didn't win him a laugh, although Elden did smile slightly. "Thank you," he said. "For staying."

"My pleasure," Dorian said, at a loss for what else to say.

"I know I've been acting weird. This can't have been easy on you either."

"That'd be the red lyrium," Dorian pointed out. "Nasty stuff, that. And with the Anchor, we couldn't be certain how it might affect you. I'm just glad to see you on the mend."

"It felt- weird," Elden said. "It felt like something was trying to burn its way out of me."

Dorian pulled his arms more tightly around Elden, not sure if he was trying to reassure himself or Elden. "Can you still feel it now?" he asked, trying not to sound apprehensive.

"No, but sometimes I dream about it. We saw what it can do to people, when Alexius sent us to the future. Then there's the red templars, with nothing left of who they once were. It must be terrible."

"We prevented that future," Dorian said. "And we're doing what we can for the remaining templars not aligned with Corypheus. Once this war is over, we can destroy every last bit of the accursed lyrium and prevent this from happening again."

"I hope so," Elden said, his voice small and uncertain.

"Just rest for now," Dorian said. "Tomorrow we'll see what we can do about putting you back to work."

"Thank you."

Dorian wished there was more he could do to reassure him, but how could he when he wasn't even sure they'd live to see the end of all this? One step at a time, he supposed, so he held him more tightly in his arms, hoping to do what he could to chase away the nightmares.