Kungfuchick

Yes it was a tiny bit predictable but oh well! He was a bit evil wasn't he?

A.K. Anomynous

Glad it wasn't too dramatic. I think the drama is going to ease of a bit in the coming chapters. Your not morbid cause you danced about Pryderi's death. I think I did too. If you ever have constructive criticism I'd love to hear it

Chiefhow

I gave her a little ray of sunshine. Well not exactly but things are a little better for her today. I'm glad I'm getting Emile's emotions right.

Scruffybunny

I'm glad you loved it. I'm glad also that you felt the emotion that I was trying to convey.

Mithradates( )

Sorry correct me if I'm wrong, I'm a strict Atheist myself and they're fore a bit ignorant, but I think Mithras is supposed to be big boss god and all that. but unfortunately I couldn't find the real god of Thieves for that mythology. If you take such a huge offense to Mithras' name being used for another in my story stop reading or give me some helpful information like who is the god of thieves?

Disclaimer: yeah you know the deal! Don't own any thing. Why do I have to keep writing this? And p.s it's not historically or religiously accurate.

HEALING

I didn't get out of bed for two weeks. I stumbled to the toilet occasionally but apart from that I lay and bed. I didn't want to sleep. If I slept I'd dream about bad things that would make my heart hurt more. I didn't eat much either. Just enough to sustain me and keep me alive but nothing else. Oisin came in and tried to talk to me sporadically but he got nothing out of me at all. He was under the impression that I was feeling the effects of some disease I had caught in the heathen country Sais. So he kept away. Not out of respect for the sick but so he wouldn't risk catching this horrible disease himself. My symptoms were fever, weakness, nausea and extreme fatigue. Well that's what Oisin thought. Kel and Shadow spent hours by my bedside trying to coax me out of bed. When they finally realized I was completely unreceptive to this persuasion they just sat in silence holding my hand. I didn't cry any more. I was rebuilding the wall around my heart. It hadn't fallen for Larx but it had crumbled severely in multiple places so I went to work fixing the damage. I saw it in my minds eye and was thorough. I added a layer of ice around it just for a little added extra. I hadn't seen the knights for a long time it seemed. Their voices and faces however were strong in my head. I couldn't go back though. Not yet. I was damaged and healing. I needed this time to fix myself then I could face the world as the cold selfish rogue again. Kel decided to visit at this time interrupting my train of thought.

"How are you," She asked quietly. I tried to answer but my throat was parched and it came out as a croak. She walked over to the mantle and poured a goblet of water. I grasped it weakly in my hands but it quavered and almost slipped so Kel took hold of it. Pressing it gently to my lips.

"Oisin has another healer coming today," She stated. I groaned. Not another one. Oisin had gone to great lengths to find a healer for my mysterious illness. I had to give him that much credit. It was however becoming irritating.

"Well, Em, he thinks that you suffer from some illness and not a broken heart."

"I don't have a broken heart," I snarled. I was instantly ashamed of my harsh words. I wondered if I had put barbed wire around the ice wall as well. Kel however looked unperturbed.

"He will be here within the hour." I leaned back in bed. An hour to waste before I sent this new healer packing his bags befuddled as to why I was bedridden. Beautiful intelligent Kel however had something to fill the time and distract me. She pulled out a book.

"I remember you loved to read and had stopped. I thought maybe I could rekindle that passion and read to you." She didn't know the passion for books had already been relit but I was eager for any distraction offered. I smiled as she began to read in a soft smooth voice. It was a silly book. Filled with fairies and fat soldiers and magic but it was amusing enough and served its purpose as a pastime. I liked the way Kel read. Changing her voice to suit the different characters. She made the action come alive and for that hour I forgot about who I was and what had happened to me and I escaped into this fictional world of happiness. We were disturbed by a knock at the door. I was cruelly jerked back to this present day and world. I resolved to have who ever knocked maliciously executed for returning me to my pain. Oisin entered and I immediately rethought the plan about putting to death the knocker... at least for now. A small man entered nervously. He walked over to where I lay. I was thin, bedridden and dirty but my eyes could still inspire fear if I willed them to. I looked at the man silently daring him to touch or approach me. The healer looked like he desired to turn tail and run. Kel saw this look and sent me a scolding look of her own. I sighed. It wasn't the healer's fault. He seemed to relax when I wasn't viciously baring my teeth. Oisin completely missed the whole exchange either that or he completely ignored it. Kel and Oisin left and the healer sat and asked me a lot of questions. I was compliant and answered them all honestly. The result in the end was the same as all the others. He sat confounded and recommended Oisin send for another healer. Oisin looked at me frustratingly. Like it was my fault Healers couldn't find away to heal me. I was also irritating him because I showed no sign of dying so he had to make an effort to help me. Every one left and by then it was nightfall. Kel had left some food. I tried eating it but it just tasted like dirt in my mouth. So I curled up in the blackness and slept to find oblivion.

Shadow woke me gently. She smiled down at men and my own face curved softly into a smile in thanks of everything she had done and been through with me.

"Another healer is coming," She said softly.

"Mithras, will he not let me die in peace," I cried to my patron god.

"Stop being dramatic, Em. Besides you're not dying!" She said this sharply as if I was a child who had played up. I looked at her in a sulky way. Trust Shadow to tell it like it is. Suddenly the door flew open and some one was yelling.

"Out, out! I need to work alone." Shadow was gone before I could even say a word terrified by the powerful voice. I sat bolt right up and found my self-staring into the pale but powerful eyes of Nimue. My expression must have revealed my shock and I had a feeling it mirrored hers.

"You, I'm never going to be rid of you am I?" She said quietly. I just sat gaping. She shut the door behind her and walked over to my bedside.

"So your queen of the Rouge. Impressive. I never would have picked that you had that higher status." She said that looking me over.

"That's nice of you!" I muttered. This straightforward controlling woman was not who I wanted to see.

"Oh don't pretend to be insulted. Your supposed to want people to under-estimate you." I acknowledged the truth of this statement with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Now what seems to be the problem?" I expected questions, poking prodding and then a hopeless analysis of my health. It was my turn to under-estimate someone.

"Ah ha. Broken heart. Grief." She said this and her tone softened a little. I looked at her expressionlessly. My wall was still firmly in place.

"So this is how the great thief deals with things. Runs away and then hides them in a little closet." I stared at the woman. Was she crazy? Aren't you supposed to be kind and caring when someone is mourning?

"I didn't under-estimate you. I over estimated you."

"That is a bit harsh," I retaliated.

"It's part of life. You live, you die and you are forgotten. What does it matter any way he was just a man?"

"He wasn't just a man," I screamed, "he was better than any man I have ever met. And he treated me as more then a money getter. And you know what else he actually loved me." I was in a rage now by I didn't care. It was then I started crying again. The ice was gone and the wall couldn't hold back the flood of tears. Nimue held me as I cried. I was surprised to find that she was tender.

"I'm sorry to do that to you. You hadn't gotten all the pain out of your heart before you built your wall. It would have just festered and hurt you more. Now you can do what you see fit and maybe rebuild the wall." I looked at her understanding now what she had done and for the first time since his death I thought to myself maybe I would be all right.

"You must have left soon after me." I stated simply.

"I left as soon as I found out that you had been caught. I thought Cedric would suspect me as an accomplice." I nodded understanding.

"I'm surprised," she continued, "that you didn't think I was the spy."

"It crossed my mind but I remembered something I saw that I should have taken heed of." We sat in companionable silence for a minute before she spoke again.

"I must take my leave now," I started to protest but she silenced me, "no you will be fine from now one. You are a strong one. But before I leave I have something for you." She held out something. A book. I opened it and gasped when I recognized it as the book from the Saxon library. The one I had enjoyed so much and never thought to finish.

"How?"

"The librarian is a friend. He said that though you never spoke he liked you. Something about intelligence. He sends his blessings and says that his name is Nucktara." I smiled at the book. It was a good moment. It was the first happiness in my life for a while. Nimue left then and somehow I knew that we would meet again. I smiled then and genuinely.

The first thing I did was bath. I never could abide being dirty. It increased your chance of sickness. I knew that this area was fairly good when it came to hygiene. Even the knights bathed. I shook out my hair and felt a little like my old self as the honey colour caught the candlelight. I thought about the knights. I wondered how they were getting on knowing that they would have been mourning to. I wasn't ready to see them yet and I didn't know if I would return as Arthur's spy. There was a feast tonight. No event to be celebrated except the desire to break the routine and get as drunk as possible. I decided I would make my appearance there tonight. I selected a nice dress that would cover my overly thin body and me but show my Tattoo. When I walked in it took a while before my sensitive ears adjusted to the loud noise of the party! I smiled as I saw the rogues dancing. Kel and Shadow ran up and hugged me when they saw me. Oisin looked surprised and strangely relived that he didn't have to send for another healer. Rogues bowed low. I took my place at the table next to Oisin and smiled at him. He graciously offered me some food and I ate it with relish. The food was full of rich flavors again and I devoured it like one who had been hungry for a very long time. I made conversation with Namede who had completed her first heist while I was disposed. I grinned at her exuberance. She was very pretty. I realized that now. I had never really looked at her. Nearing the end of the feast men began asking her for a dance. She looked at me uncertain as if she didn't want to leave me alone. I just waved her away and told her to have fun! One of the inventor rogues asked me for a dance. His name was fox and he developed gadgets for the Rouge. I had always gotten alone with him and found his bumbling intelligent manner enjoyable to be exposed to. I was however about to reject his proposal to dance. I changed my mind however and let him take my hand. Fox didn't go into the field much and had a plumpish frame but he moved well with the jig and did absurd movements to entertain me. I tried to keep dancing but found I was laughing so hard. He made me giggle slightly when he whispered something in my ear.

"I'm glad you are back lady but I should let you return to the table before I damage your reputation." I kissed him on the cheek and left the floor. I wasn't embarrassed but I was worn out after that energetic dance. Suddenly people started yelling out for Kel to sing. She had a beautiful voice and once we had all made up songs and stories together. My voice joined the others in encouragement. She let her self be pulled on to a chair. I could tell by her pose that she would be giving us a haunting song tonight. The rogues didn't care. They were drunk and didn't mind a break from the frivolities as long as they could return soon. Kel open her mouth and sung. I found myself drawn in as I listened.

Poison like the air we breath In this complicated world we weave Spins around

Pulls us down

The life we lead is overrate

It's so mixed up

Calculated

That's the way, so they say

And all we ever need is a chance to be

Freedom lies beneath reality

Find away, maybe today

And all our fairytales and fantasies

Can we find a way where we can be free?

Today

Underneath the way we feel

We've lost ourselves between what's real

No lost and found

We've broken down

Take a piece of someone's dreams

They're never simple, as they seem

They're thrown away like yesterday

All we ever need
Freedom lies beneath reality
Just find a way
Oh maybe it's today
All the fairytales and fantasies
Can we find a way
Where we can be free

Find a way today
We all will be alone
If this house is not a home
It won't be too long before the air is gone
Follows them into their grave
We should never leave them lonely

All we ever need
Freedom lies beneath
Find a way (find a way)
All the fairytales and fantasies
That you need is within
Find a way today

She finished like that and the Rouge cheered. I however was silent and frowning. I had caught the deeper meaning in the words and I was coming to understand some things. Kel ran up to me breathless and I plastered a smile on my face.

"They liked that," I stated. Kel smiled.

"Thank god!" I froze. I looked at Kel sharply.

"What did you say?" I asked. Kel hesitated before saying.

"I said, Thank the gods," I stared at her.

"No you said thank god. Only christens say that..." I trailed off as I looked at her. I comprehended something then. Kel was a Christian. She was looking at me worriedly as if expecting me to kill her. I didn't care but I had to let her know that!

"You should have told me, I don't mind." She nodded but I caught a thankful smile on her face. We watched Shadow turn fast on the dance floor.

"You should tell her to you know."

"I will but in my own time." She was scared what Shadow would say. I am amazingly on a whole more acceptant than Shadow.

"She won't mind," I whispered reassuringly. I knew this was the time to address another issue.

"You don't won't to stay in The Rouge do you?" Kel opened her mouth in surprise and went to deny it. I cocked my head at her as if daring her to tell me other wise.

"Your right as usually."

"I didn't become queen with out being perceptive." I knew this was a bluff. Who knew how long Kel felt this way. I didn't feel betrayed but I wanted Kel to always be around me. I decided however I couldn't keep other people bound to me.

"Does Shadow feel the same?"

"No she loves it here."

"You should leave. Now! Tonight! Go to the fort. Arthur will find a room for you." Kel was stunned. She searched my eyes for signs of a jest but only saw generosity for once.

"No messiah I couldn't," she was using my thief name. I realized that she hated that. She wanted to be away from all the secrecy where she could call my name from the highest tower and not worry about someone using it against us. It was a sad moment when your name could be your downfall.

"Kel. I am fine with this. I want you to be happy."

"Look highness I'll make you a deal. I'll leave only when or if you leave.'

"You might be here forever."

"Then I'll be here forever." It was a beautiful moment then. When someone tells you that they want to spend their life with you. Even if it was not in a romantic way. The song finally finished and Shadow appeared next to us red and puffing. She noted the serious mood and questioned us with an articulate,

"What?" I just pulled Kel and her into a big hug. I was happy to have such good friends. I realized then that I was going to get better, I was going to be strong again and I was healing fast.

AN: ok that was a bit of a lighter chapter. And longer. I brought Kel and Shadow into it more and they will feature a lot in the next chapter. Ok time for you to review. I'm on holidays now. Tell me what you like don't like ECT.

MD666