One Piece:

You Know What They Say…

Theme: Safety First - #97

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Nami

Rating: K+ (mild coarse language)

Timeline: Pre-Time Skip; Post-Thriller Bark

He wasn't jealous.

Roronoa Zoro was one of the proudest swordsmen of the sea, whether the raging waters in question coursed through the Blues, the Grand Line or the all-intimidating New World.

A bounty hunter-turned-pirate, he was a formidable man in any fight.

A sculpted, well-endowed man of nineteen years of age, he was in the prime of his life.

There was nothing in the entire world that could make him feel the slightest pang of such a ridiculous emotion as jealousy.

Especially not where the stupid Love Cook was concerned.

It made no sense for him to care who Nami spent her time with.

Ever.

But then…

He had been minding his own business, rising from his afternoon nap and in need of a snack, when he headed to the Thousand Sunny's kitchen. It had been a tad earlier than perhaps the Prince of Dumbass Kingdom was used to, but it was his job to make sure they were all well-fed at any hour of the day. It was Zoro's job to be a pirate, be the Mugiwara first mate and protect the crew; he was doing a pretty good job, if he said so himself.

So he should not care less when he peeked through the porthole window of the dining room door, and saw them together, huddled around the stove, whispering and laughing as if they had concocted some sort of secret, hatched an evil scheme together. It was the Dumbass Chef after all; if Nami really saw something in him that she'd want to have for herself, she would have trapped him in her clutches all those adventures ago when he first flattered her with a rose in his crap-restaurant.

But as Zoro rationalized this and reached for the door handle, something inside stopped him in his tracks. 'Unless they meet in secret like this all the time, and no one has noticed until now.' Though the thought plagued him for a moment, he realized Robin would have seen through any gimmick of theirs – given with how perceptive she was, even to a fault – and he officially stomped down any disgusting concern he might have felt.

However, for the second time he reached for the door handle, he heard their voices rise. At first he thought Nami was yelling at the Love-Sick Cook, but when she broke out laughing, he felt uncharacteristically irked yet again.

'What if Robin noticed and just didn't say anything? What if Usopp or Chopper know and you were just too stupid to figure it out?'

His grimace sounded painful as he struggled with this thought, still standing on the other side of the kitchen door. He wouldn't be the last of the crew to realize something like this – Luffy would definitely be saved best for last – but could he really be so blind all of this time? Were the two of them always meeting like this!? That would explain why Dartboard Eyebrow had suddenly burst into flames when Usopp had said some invisible zombie guy had been peeking on Nami in the bath, when he had never done anything that ridiculous before.

Zoro had figured the moron had just wanted the power for himself and was jealous that someone beat him to sneaking in on the navigator's bath time undetected.

That was right: Sanji was a jealous person, not him! He wasn't some love-struck pansy! He was a proud man trained in the way of the sword; he had no need for such ridiculous emotions—

Eyes widening, he was made to witness Nami leap into Sanji's arms from his stalker's position behind the kitchen door. Those stupid heart eyes of his nearly jumped out of his head as he embraced her, looking as though he was going to melt all over their brand new ship's tiled floor. What the hell did they have to be so happy about, anyway!? No one had shown him that much enthusiasm when he finally woke up after Kuma's attack! Hell, Nami had even smacked him around shortly after! This was so—

"Deciding what you're going to have to eat?" that haunted voice startled him more than it should have, given that he was such a proud man of the sword and all that. Whipping around, Zoro was met with Franky and Robin standing directly behind him. While the cyborg scratched his head and arched a brow at his strange position at the kitchen door, Nico Robin merely smiled that all-knowing smile of hers.

'So did she know that this was going on!?'

"What the heck are you doing, Swordsman?" asked Franky, who appeared oblivious to whatever it was that was tormenting him at the moment, "Aren't ya gonna go in already? I don't know about you, but after a long day of building stuff, I sure could use a bite!"

"Agh…I'm going already, relax!" Zoro griped as he threw open the door with his monstrous strength. Glaring inside with an aura emanating, he noticed that the lovebirds weren't joined at the hip anymore, but rather, Nami was stirring something on the stovetop as the Shitty Cook stomped over to greet him at the door.

"Hey, Moss Head," shouted Sanji, somehow without losing the precious cigarette in his mouth, "I know you were raised in the wild, but decent human beings don't throw open doors like some barbarian!"

Zoro was in no mood for his bullshit today, that was for certain. However, he knew that his emotional side wasn't meant to explode into flames like the blonde before him; the swordsman needed to channel that discipline of his and act, at the very least, that nothing could get under his skin.

Not even the orange-haired girl that knew him the longest, most likely the best out of the entire female population in the world, who seemed oblivious to his presence even after he was so kindly announced.

Yawning, Zoro grabbed the seat closest to the door and leaned back. "Yeah, yeah," he spoke in a lackadaisical fashion, refusing to pay proper respects to the person who prepared his meals, "What's on the menu today?"

"Something smells super delicious, Curly Cook! What, is it a special occasion or something?" cheered the shipwright while flexing in his signature pose, showing appreciation for the mouth-watering scent that filled the room.

Robin nodded, still smiling, as she added, "I hope it will tastes as well as it smells."

"Of course it will!" Sanji exclaimed. He transformed into this tornado-form and moved about the kitchen wherever he was physically capable of going. Those of the Mugiwara who occupied the table merely watched and waited out his fawning charade, "For your meal today was prepared by none other than our very own Nami-chwan! With her own loving hands, she made lunch for everyone! Isn't she so thoughtful? Food prepared by a lovely lady; we're all so lucky!"

As Zoro turned to observe the impromptu chef of the day, Franky voiced what everyone else had been thinking, "Eh? You, Girlie?"

Apparently, Nami had been ignorant of the going-ons in the dining room; her swift movements in the kitchen observed from behind indicated that she had been extremely focused on whatever task she was performing, and their conversation mattered not to her. That is, until Franky made the most innocent of remarks that triggered the vicious feline-side of 'lovely Nami-chwan's' personality.

"What do you mean, 'you'?!" she screamed over her shoulder, the ruffles from the sleeves of her shirt unable to conceal how wide her mouth became when she shouted at them, "I can cook, you know! I was the first to cook for this crew, before we ever met Sanji! Tell them, Zoro."

"Twice." To emphasize this, he held up two fingers towards the older crew mates. A ladle flew at his head, but he refused to change his answer.

"Sanji!"

"Coming, my dear!" The love slave whirled off into the kitchen in the blink of an eye at the command of his head chef. The two could be heard whispering, again making the meal seem like some secretive affair. Zoro did his best to eavesdrop – the troublemaker in him wanting to spoil this hopefully edible surprise of hers – but immediately became distracted as Robin laughed and leaned forward on the table.

"I supposed you could say, we are in for a real treat." Her tone was unreadable, but perhaps the low volume of her voice gave some indication to her hopes of avoiding the navigator's wrath at her cryptic remark.

Zoro snorted and tried to adjust himself in his seat. "So long as I can eat it, I ain't complain—"

"Zoro!"

To say he jumped would have been an understatement; the sudden call of his name from just beyond his shoulder had him gripping the table for support. It was as if her terror was instilled into him, his body reflexively bracing for something he could never seem to sense coming.

Like hell he was jealous over another man spending time with her.

"What!?" he yelled, compensating for his shock entirely with the anger in his tone. Thankfully, his reactions weren't anything new to Nami; she remained still as she stood behind him, cupping a second ladle, this one given to him with the intent of feeding, it would seem.

Though her expression looked cross, Nami spoke evenly with her warning voice, "Try this."

Zoro immediately arched a brow. Why was he being made to have the first taste? How was he to judge if she cooked it right? Sure, he would be able to tell her if he liked it or not…

He would never again see beyond that porthole window he had been peeking through moments ago if he did not praise this mystery dish she made.

There was no question about that.

"B-But, Nami-chan," whined the third man of the fearsome Monster Trio, tears in his eyes as if he had been truly heart broken by her actions, "I could taste it for you!"

Zoro stared at the pervert; those tears were probably mourning some fantasy he had had that could no longer be fulfilled.

"No," Nami stated right away, looking to the weeping chef with an impassible expression. Her rejection of the womanizer almost worked its way into the heavy set chest of the swordsman, capable of worming its way into his heart.

She had saved this honour for him?

Even the adults picked up on this, with Robin seeming intrigued with a mere, "Oh?"

Nami nodded to her fellow female pirate, "Yeah."

'Nami…Why the hell does it have to be me?'

"We need someone to taste-test it, to see if I made it right or not." Was her apparent explanation.

It took Roronoa Zoro not a moment to react, "HUH!? Oh, so what, I'm your practice dummy!?"

That cheeky grin she gave him, so typical of Nami, shone bright with her confirmation of his fear: she wanted to see if her food was lethal or tasty, with the swordsman as her guinea pig! Hadn't his near death experience against Shichibukai Kuma warranted him some sympathy, a break from the crazy antics of her witchy schemes!? "Who has a stronger stomach than you?"

"Our captain!" He shouted back with what he felt was the most obvious answer.

An obvious answer that royally enraged the navigator-turned-chef, it would seem. That aura of hers, radiating with her signature brilliance whenever someone displeased her so, was burning brightly just for him.

'How lucky am I.' Zoro mocked himself for any previous sentimentality he had had towards the insane girl.

He doubted he'd ever meet another 'Nami' in his life time.

As Sanji shouted at him in the background for somehow being brutishly offensive, his cries fell on deaf ears. No, Roronoa Zoro was previously engaged in a more dire matter: Nami had taken it upon herself to feed him.

One hand holding down his jaw, the other practically tossed the ladle's delivery of food into his mouth. "Don't choke on it!" she demanded, as if that could somehow be controlled, avoided! His cheeks were puffed, chest shaking from the coughing tapped inside, lips pressed out much like a fish—

Wait…it tasted like…Sea King meat?

It took him more time than he'd care to admit, but once he managed to collect himself, Zoro was able to both confirm and enjoy what had been forcibly given to him. It tasted like some sort of Sea King stir-fry, which was really a thoughtful meal; in the typical summer weather present between islands in the Grand Line, a light yet filling lunch was the best choice for a feast.

Plus, no meal could be wrong if it had his favourite ingredient.

All he needed was a beer and he was set.

Hell, he could probably go for another nap after he ate.

"Well?" That voice that caused him to grip the table's edge before merely made him focus on the orange-haired woman before him, aura suddenly depleted now that he had 'obeyed' her and digested her sample of the crew's lunch.

He knew he would be scolded for speaking with his mouth open, but he did so regardless of the Spoiled Prince's delicate etiquette, "I'ff goomph."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmph."

"Can you taste the miso?"

"Ye'fph."

"The red chili pepper?"

Zoro paused to swirl the tastes around on his tongue, then nodded strongly, "Yea'mph."

"Is the meat," – more cursing and criticism of his eating habits wailed in the background, but Nami just talked over them – "cooked right?"

"Yes!" after gulping down the remains of the taste test, the swordsman barked and looked around her, "Now can we eat? A proper-sized meal?" The massive skillet was simmering away on the stove, the fumes of the ingredients tempting him for another bite.

So long as it wasn't force-fed to him again.

But when he looked up at Nami, eagerly awaiting her response, a typical expression befell his face: confusion. One brow arched high, mouth in a deep curve downward, his mismatched gaze designed to scrutinize, Zoro looked incredibly perplexed as the smile on Nami's face changed. It was no longer cheeky and threatening; she seemed proud of her cookery, but buried deep in the corners – much like one of her precious treasures – seemed to be gratitude, relief even. Was it due to his eagerness to eat more? After all, she had never shown him such an expression before…

There was no way it was the wrong answer, right!?

"Yes! Sanji, help me serve it, please. Oh and call those knuckleheads in to eat, too!" decreed Princess-Chef Nami as she spun on her heel and sauntered back towards the stove, as if she hadn't ever stood before him and tried to kill him with a ladle. Her short cargo shorts revealed her long legs, showcasing how she made her way with a skip in her step. She couldn't be happier, it would seem.

Robin and Franky snickered at the opposite end of the table, but Zoro paid them no mind. Instead, he had something else he chose to focus on: the blonde Walking Chimney shouted his acceptance of Nami's orders and headed towards the railing beyond the kitchen. But on his way past, he glared daggers into Zoro's eyes, perhaps hoping to kill that little worm of sentimentality he had suspected Nami of impressing upon him before.

The swordsman returned such a hateful gaze with a smirk of his own. Now it would seem the tables had turned, and he couldn't be any more pleased with himself, even though a nagging voice in the back of his mind pointed out that he had done nothing to warrant this apparent victory.

Now, Sanji was indeed jealous of him.

Heh, he wasn't the love struck pansy after all.

"Nami, make mine a bigger portion; I'm going to train after this—"

He was reacquainted with his previous assailant, the ladle, "Don't tell me how to serve food!"

Yep, it definitely wasn't him.

Author's Notes:

Woo hoo! One tenth of the way there! …I know it looks bad, since I started this 100 Theme Challenge in 2008, buuut I've written the latest three in the last week or so…

Hope you enjoyed, and stick around for the remaining 90 themes! Plus the bonus round!? GAMBATTE!

P.S. Though this is an M-Rated story, please do not expect every chapter to be M-Rated. So long as ZoNa is in character, I feel as though I did the theme justice! Thank you~