Make no mistake, we are judging you.

We notice what you're eating, and we notice each and every individual calorie you ingest. We watch your saliva generate, and we even shift our eyes down your throat and watch your stomach acid do its work, we inhale and exhale and follow your colon and we follow your intestines and we tremble and shake and wish we could be like you.

We wish we could

"That looks good."

Honestly.

'Want some?"

No.

Really?

"You sure?"

Fuck you.

And then after they've looked away and begin eating again, you gouge out their eyes for having the absolute audacity to ask you such an inappropriate question.

"Deidara, if you are able to gain at least ten pounds- we will release you from the hospital and you will be able to go back to normal life."

Hidan shifted uncomfortably at Deidara's side as he balanced his cell-phone on his cheek. He knows, Deidara knows, we all know- Deidara could probably just end up trying to kill himself again.

"I'm sure you've heard of this-" The doctor points to a rather intimidating looking contraption wheeled in the corner of the room, of course he'd heard of it. He'd noticed it the moment the doctors wheeled that thing into his room. The feeding tube. "It's a feeding tube Deidara, and if you fail to raise your vitals, your father has agreed to sign the papers allowing us to carry on force-feeding you. I tell all of the patients like you the same thing, I truly do hope that it doesn't come to that."

The doctor stands to his feet, eyes somber as he nods to one of the nurses who scurried over to Deidara's side. The peppermint lady hadn't spoken to him since he'd made his grand-escape, Deidara didn't think she found his presence as particularly pleasant as she used to. Within her grasp is a plethora of food resting on an ugly white tray. Disgusting.

You have to be very careful with hospital food. The pro-ana bible in Deidara's brain begins spouting her information. They pump it full of lard. You'll gain thirty pounds by the end of this visit and they will still keep you. They will keep you in their bear-trap, and when your ankles are full of puss and you're dying of infection they will continue to force food down your throat. When you've bloated up, and your will is shot and you sweat lard- they willing finally release you. Finally. But, it will be too late. You'll be a fatty.

Deidara didn't give the doctor an acknowlegement, and he flinched when he felt the strength of Hidan's hand wrap around his own. "You can do it Deidara."

I can't do it.

They sit there for a while, and they even bring Sasori in.

Why would they bring Sasori in? How can I say no to Sasori?

Sasori's eyes are sad and he looked tired, he squirms around a bit in his wheelchair- he doesn't have the strength, or perhaps the will to stand on his own- "Deidara. You have to eat. Please, do it for me." The red-haired angle sets his hand down on Deidara's, he eyes the constraints around Deidara with distaste. "Please, I don't like seeing you so sick like this."

He's playing so dirty, but I can't say no to him.

"Okay." Deidara whispered the word reluctantly and he could feel his bones tremble when Sasori smiled.

I just want to see him smile.

But, then Deidara's tongue burned when it touched the jell-o. Sasori has to leave because it's time for them to change his bandages, and Deidara's stomach is convulsing. Sasori is gone now, and Deidara didn't feel like he had to digest the filth any longer.

"Dei." Hidan's voice is a thick warning in the stuffy hospital air. "Don't do anything, alright?" He seems to know what Deidara is thinking, he's sitting on the edge of his chair- eyes widened, taking in each and every one of Deidara's movements. He knows Deidara too well.

Before anyone can stop Deidara, he's leaned over the side of the bed, and his finger is half-way down his throat. He could feel the tickle against his insides, and he gagged. Deidara threw up the jello, and some fun stomach acid- he gagged and spewed and heaved until some nurses have their hands running up and down Deidara's back.

It's been decided. It's time to use the feeding tube.

Hidan ran a hand through his hair, eyes squeezed as he rubbed his eyes. These three days had been the longest three days of his life, and it was time for him to go home. Kakuzu had not been answering his phone calls, and that much was enough to add to the tremendous amount of stress bubbling out of his system.

I couldn't bear to see them force that tube down Deidara's throat, he just couldn't bear to watch Deidara do this to himself, he didn't want to see that empty shell of a boy any longer. But, he couldn't leave this for him to face on his own.

"He's going to get better." Itachi, one of Deidara's childhood friends, followed by that tirade of ornery teenagers- their absolute sassiest leader being Pein wavered behind the group. It was so strange to see each of them so very quiet, and he hated it. Cracking the absolute largest smile that he could possibly muster Hidan reached out and ruffled Itachi's hair like he was a four year old.

"Yeah." Was Hidan's only answer.

"We'll keep him company, you gotta go home Mr. Hidan. You gotta get your beauty rest honey." Pein's voice was comforting and Hidan rubbed his forehead. "And your beauty shower and your beauty meals and your beauty toilet break." Pein was pushing Hidan now, eyes wide with insistence.

"You guys are great friends to Deidara." Hidan smiled, pocketing his hands. "Take care of that blondie, will you?"

Zetzu raised his hand in a mock-salute and the others slowly followed.

"Wouldja just get outta here already?" Kisame's voice was next, making Hidan roll his eyes, chuckling softly as he waved his hand.

"Yeah yeah yeah." He winked, and then he turned around. It was time to go.

Hidan couldn't seem to find any thoughts in his brain. He couldn't find any thoughts when he pressed the button to the elevator, he couldn't find any thoughts when he walked down the hallway into the main lobby of the hospital, he couldn't find any thoughts when he waved at the lady when she offered him a cheerful goodbye. There weren't any thoughts when he pressed the 'unlock' button to get into his car, and he couldn't find any when he put the key into the ignition.

He was thoughtless, he couldn't find anything. No emotion, no wants. Only a need.

He needed to get home, and he needed to kiss Tobi and hug Kakuzu's neck. He needed to tell them that Deidara was going to be alright.

The house looked so normal paralleled to the last evening Hidan had been to it. The walls had been decorated in the red and blue light of the security vehicles. Hidan ran a hand through his hair and winced, it was like one giant ball of grease, one disgusting heap of oily mass. Disgusting. He needed a shower and he needed one now.

"Hello?" Hidan could hardly swallow his eagerness as he opened the door. "I'm home!" His voice echoed throughout the quiet house.

Nothing.

"Kakuzu? Tobi! I'm home!"

Nothing.

That was peculiar. Perhaps Kakuzu and Tobi were sleeping?

"Hello?" Hidan started towards the staircase, eyes squinted. He crossed his arms and sighed as he began the journey up the staircase. His footsteps made a strange echoing sound, as if the house were emptier than usual. Up up up he went, and then he noticed something very peculiar. The furniture was missing.

He inhaled sharply when he got a look at the living room, just visible from the fourth step up the staircase. It was bare. The couch the chairs the television the coffee table. Everything was gone.

"Hello!" His voice rose a pitch and his fingers suddenly felt very numb as he pounded up the stairs. "Tobi! Kakuzu!" Hidan's voice cracked.

When he reached the upstairs, he looked into his room and saw that his computer was gone, his bed was gone... Even some of his clothes.

"What the hell! Where is everything Kakuzu!" He pressed a hand to his chest and couldn't seem to breath enough. There was a giant lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow, there was a dash of sweat on his brow that wouldn't cease.

The doctors opened the door, all in all there was three of them. Two to hold my head still, one of the to work the machine. There was two nurses which accompanied the men, they were simply there to ensure that the doctors didn't need any extra man power for the boy with a body mass index of 16.5.

Deidara's heart shuttered, and the monitor picket up his fear.

"Tobi! Where are you?" Tobi's room... He would have to look in Tobi's room. But, he was frightened. What was he going to find in there?

He stood in front of the closed door, eyes wide as he took in the picture that Tobi had made. It was a picture of Deidara and Tobi holding hands, with him standing directly behind them. Kakuzu hadn't been added to the picture, he never thought to question the boy why he'd chosen to leave their second daddy out of it.

He wrapped his fingers around the door knob, lips tucked under his bottom teeth.

Deidara struggle, he kicked under his restraints, and thrashed his head back and fourth. The tendons and muscles in his neck screamed and shuttered and twitched. No doubt about it... He was giving himself some very nasty whip-lash. He pulled and pulled and pulled and managed to squeeze his arm out of the restraints, he quickly punched one of the doctors in the face. Though he was weak and it would have not been enough to injure the man. That was the deciding factor. They would sedate him.

The peppermint woman looked sad, her eyes were somber as she tapped the shot filled with brain-fuzzy juice.

It felt like liquid ice as it entered Deidara's veins.

Moments passed by, and he could no longer move. He felt like sleeping.

Hidan gasped as the door opened. There was Tobi, there was his young beautiful Tobi propped up against his bed. The boy's eyes were open wide with the fresh trickle of tears streaming down his face. A white gag had been placed in his mouth and Hidan could tell that the poor Toddler had vomited into it, there were long grotesque cascades of puke dabbing the sides of his mouth and the tattered shirt he was wearing.

"Oh... Ohh tobi, whose done this to you?" Hidan's fingers trembled. There were long cloth binds wrapping around his young limbs. He couldn't seem to get them off fast enough, he reached forwards and pulled the gag out of the boy's mouth, eyes wide with concern. "Oh baby. My poor baby." He whispered as soon as Tobi's eyes crumbled and the boy fell into Hidan's lap. Tobi released a few long winded sobs, wrapping his fists around Hidan's shirt.

"Sweetheart. What's happened to you?" He whispered softly, pressing a kiss to the boy's head of dark hair. Tobi didn't say anything, he simply remained a crumble mass of crying boy.

The doctor's steadied Deidara's head, they would put the tube down his nose. Applying the lubricant carefully to the tip of the tube, the doctors pressed the nozzle into Deidara's face.

It felt weird, really weird. he hated it.

The tube slithered down his throat, into his tummy, it released its poison into his system. And Deidara suddenly understood. He understood that he was going to have to give up.

Tobi looked bruised, his left eyes was a black and blue mess, and he seemed to be gentle with his left hand.

"Tobi. Where is everything?"

Silence.

"Tobi. Where is Kakuzu?"

Tobi shuttered at this, and he uttered his words softly. "Gone."