Starsky found himself sitting in an unforgiving, hard hospital waiting room chair. In his present state of mind, the chair might as well be made out of barbed wire. He was so full of guilt and worry, that he just knew he deserved to be in as much, if not more pain than Hutch was going through at this minute. He had no memory of the ambulance arriving at his place. He could not recall the medics trying to find a safe place on Hutch's body to insert the I.V. The medics had repeatedly asked him what had happened but Starsky could only shake his head. Hutch had briefly awakened and cried out at the people around him.
"Rats. No water. Kyle stop! Starsky? Starsky- Kyle- Matwick- his son." Hutch had said these words in one quick rush of air and then fainted again.
Starsky now sat in the waiting room of Memorial Hospital. He had long ago finished the cup of coffee in his hand and was now tearing the styrofoam cup to shreads.
"Starsky-- what's going on? How's Hutch?" Captain Dobey's booming voice and large frame brought Starsky out of his dark thoughts. Did he call Captain Dobey? He could not remember doing so. And there was Huggy.
"Cap? How did you? -- I'm responsible." Starsky was clearly distraught and so remorseful that at first Huggy was extremely worried about his dark haired friend.
Captain Dobey sat on one side of his detective and Huggy sat on the other. They looked at each other over the top of the curly, bent head between them.
Huggy reached around Starsky to embrace him in a hug and could feel the shoulders vibrating with tension. He moved his face closer to Starsky and whispered in his ear.
"Brother, ya called me remember? Ya told me about Hutch. Said you'd hurt him. But you didn't. You sounded confused so I called Captain Dobey. C'mon, pull it together and tell us."
Starsky kept his head down, staring at the styrofoam pieces on the floor.
His voice was so low and so quiet that Dobey and Huggy had to lean in to hear the tortured confession.
"I screwed up. I let Hutch down. I wasn't there for him!"
"Starsky, pull it together. I need details! Report, detective.!" Dobey put on his best captain's voice which seemed to reach Starsky. The curt words pulled Starsky out of himself and he lifted his head and looked at his two friends, as if seeing them for the first time.
"I found Hutch on my front porch. Oh god, he is so messed up. Somebody musta dropped him there but again I wasn't payin' attention or I woulda caught the bastards!" Starsky stood up and started toward the emergency room doors.
"Starsky,wait. You gotta give the docs time to make Hutch comfortable. Just come back and sit man. I know you---" Huggy had followed Starsky to the doors and pulled him back into the room. But when Starsky turned around, Huggy was shocked at the look of anger in his eyes.
"You don't know a damn thing! If I'd done my job, Hutch wouldn't be so bad off.! I shoulda followed him, went home with him. I shoulda followed my gut. What was I doin' while Hutch was a punching bag? Feedin' my face and feedin' my male ego!"
Dobey had been listening and watching as Starsky let loose with his frustrations. He knew his detective well enough to know that the guilt would be at a high level until he could see Hutch. Dobey's thougths were interupted when a voice came over the loudspeaker announcing a phone call for the captain. Captain Dobey went to the nurses desk and was directed to the flashing light on the phone against the wall. He listened for a few minutes, spoke low enough so that only the caller would hear him and then hung up. He turned toward Starsky and he sighed before he joined the two in the waiting room.
"Starsky, you gotta listen now. Don't go off half cocked after what I'm gonna tell you. Against my better judgment, I'm letting you handle this phone call. That was Metro. A message was just delivered for me with urgent instructions to get it to me no matter what. Minnie just read it to me over the phone. Starsky-- did you know that Kyle Rivers is Jerome Matwick's son? He left a message for you back at his store. David-- "
Starsky barely waited for another word. He stood up only to face his skinny black friend. The two held eye contact until Dobey touched Huggy on the arm. Huggy looked over at the Captain and understood when Dobey shook his head and whispered- "go David- you'll never get any peace until you do."
Huggy handed over his car keys and without looking back, Starsky mindlessly grabbed the keys and headed out to the parking lot. As much as he wanted to be with Hutch, he had to face Kyle.
Driving to his destination gave him time to pull himself together. It wouldn't do Hutch any good if Starsky blew this chance to nail Kyle. He had to do everything by the book. He took in two deep breaths which cleared his head. He let go of the anger but the guilt still hung heavily around him.
He pulled the car up to the storefront and got out of the car. The adrenaline propelled him into the building, ready to confront Kyle. It was rather a let down when he walked in and did not find Kyle waiting for him. The room was empty but the lights were on and he could smell coffee coming from the far wall. It was as if he was being welcomed. He walked over to the coffee pot and that is where he found a business size envelope with his name on it.
Starsky picked it up and went over to a table to sit down. He held the envelope in his hand for a minute, just staring at it. With all the guilty energy he had, he ripped open the flap and pulled out the single sheet of paper and started to read.
'David Starsky--- I am giving you back your partner. I started out blaming both of you for my father's death. I wanted you both to suffer like you made my father suffer. I thought if Hutchinson hurt, then you would be just as injured and through your pain, I would feel vindicated. But all the pain I inflicted on Ken only served to make me realize that it wasn't Ken but my father who I wanted to be punching, kicking and humiliating. My father was disappointed in me and with good reason. I never did anything right. Never did a thing that pleased him. Never accomplished one meaningful act. Well, I thought that by hurting you guys I would finally be able to avenge for my father and would feel superior. I could not even finish what I started. I am weak and useless. But perhaps, this one final act will stop the evil that runs through my blood. I seem to have inherited some sort of crazy gene that causes me to want to hurt people. Well no more. As I said, one final thing will stop this madness from spreading. I have joined my father. Maybe on the other side he will finally love me. Maybe both of us being in hell will give us the time we need to love each other regardless of our flaws. You know where to find me. I am with my father and mother. You followed me there a few days ago. I do not apologize nor am I sorry for what I did. I am only sorry that I was not stronger.'
Starsky's head shot up from the page as he finished reading. Hoping he would find Kyle alive, he ran back out to the car and drove straight to Bay City Cemetary. He remembered the location from Benson and Henderson's report so he did not waste time looking for the grave site. He got out of the car and found Jerome Matwick's grave. He noticed a freshly dug grave a few feet away so he slowly walked over to it. He dragged his hand through his hair as he peered into the open hole.
There, Kyle Rivers' body lay in a fetal position. He was fully dressed but his body looked relaxed, almost like he was sleeping. Starsky reluctantly jumped into the hole. He reached to search for Kyle's pulse and just as he had feared, Kyle Rivers was dead. Starsky in some way felt cheated. He wanted to have his own chance to hurt Kyle. But he guessed the poor bastard had suffered enough. Now he realized he needed to help the living. He needed to ask Hutch to forgive him. Somehow, he would have to live with this guilt.
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Starsky made his way to the caretaker's cottage to use the phone. He banged on the door but didn't wait for an answer. The poor little man inside was startled. He never had visitors and the dark haired energy force in front of him scared him.
Leonard backed up against his desk but could not get out of Starsky's way completely. The room was hardly big enough to accommodate both men so Leonard just cowered and stared.
As Starsky reached for the phone, he slipped his I.D. wallet out of his pocket and flashed it at the little man. Starsky requested back up, crime unit and a coroner's van. He gave the location and slammed the phone down.
"Isn't it a bit ironic to need a coroner in this place, sir?" Leonard thought the need for a coroner was ludacris. Everybody here was dead and buried.
Starsky watched Leonard, then asked him his name.
"I'm Leonard. I care for the flowers and tend to the weeding around the graves. Did-- do you mean?" Leonard's little eyes darted past Starsky looking for a way out. He was not used to company and just wanted his quiet surroundings back.
"Leonard, come with me. Don't say another word. I'm not in the mood and I can't stick around for the police."
Starsky grabbed Leonard by the collar and propelled the trembling man out the door. Leonard reluctantly followed and was terribly shaken at what Starsky forced him to look at once they had reached the freshly dug grave.
"Well, why--- how did that happen?" Leonard sniffed and rubbed his hand across his nose. He didn't care for dead bodies. He only liked flowers and trees.
"Leonard, you stand right here. Don't move and when the cops come, you tell them Starsky was here. Can you do that?" Starsky was running out of patience and desperately needed to get to Hutch.
"Sta-Starky?" , Leonard blushed as Starsky flashed his dark blue eyes in his direction.
"Listen Leonard, it's S-T-A-R-S-K-Y. Put another 'S' in there and you got it."
Starsky didn't wait to quiz Leonard again. He got back into the car and out the gates of the cemetary. A convoy of vehicles with sirens and flashing lights swept past him and he recognized Captain Dobey's car. Starsky watched them make the turn into the cemetary out of his rear view mirror. If only his guilt was as easy to put behind him.