who's going to hate me? the answer is...everyone.
Chapter 10: Stop
I pulled up to the shade of Rachel's bare trees, Rachel sitting on her front step, waiting for me. I exited the car, Rachel running over to me. She held on to my waist and looked up.
"How was your family?" She asked curiously, watching my facial expressions carefully. I ran my fingers through my hair again, groaning.
"Zāo gāo," I mumbled, annoyed with the situation. Rachel's eyebrows crinkled together at the Chinese, "Terrible." Her expression relaxed again, a tiny smile toying with the corners of her lips. Her fingers twirled through my hair absent mindedly.
"I'm sorry, but we will have a nice dinner with my family," Rachel declared, shifting her hand under mine. That's when it hit me.
"Rachel, you're Jewish, right?" I asked, the realization smacking me on the forehead. Rachel hushed me and scooted off through the mess of shiny cars to the side of her house like it was a big secret. She was hissing like a cat.
"Yes, I am, but my grandparents aren't. They are strict Catholics. They already hate that my dads are married and if they find out we are Jewish, they are going to chop our heads off," Rachel explained, whispering harshly, "My dad, the one that likes you, grew up Jewish, and we converted before I was born," She explained. I thought my grandparents were bad, "For today, I am a good Catholic girl." Rachel said, straightening her skirt and smacking her hands together. She broke her composed face, quivering with giggles. Grabbing my hand, we walked the familiar path to her house.
"Rachel! Mike!" Rachel's deep-voiced father greeted, shaking my hand rapidly, "Come in, come in!" Rachel's family was seated bitterly at the table, like none of them wanted to be there. Everyone had the same position, arms crossed, staring at us looked like their poses were provided by Puck. They just needed to be cracked open, or hugged, or something.
"Grandma, Grandpa, meet Mike," Rachel introduced, glancing over at me. I outstretched my hand for a handshake, but her grandparent's arms remained crossed. Retreating my rejected hand, I sat down at the table, holding Rachel's hand under the table. She squeezed it slightly, encouraging me to talk. I opened my mouth to speak, but Rachel's grandmother beat to the punch.
"Do you sing, like Rachel?" She asked, her voice raspy and worn out. Getting a good look at her, she looked like her skin was a few sizes too big, decorated by, obviously dyed, black hair. Rachel's face lit up as bright as I had ever seen. She squirmed in her seat, itching to answer the question for me.
"Yea-" I started, interrupted by Rachel's quick speech.
"Mike sings! He's amazing! Want to hear?" Rachel asked, whipping her head back and forth to me and her grandparents. I choked on my breath. Shooting Rachel a look, she pulled me out of the chair, not waiting for her grandparent's response, "Come on!" After a moment of freaking out, I relaxed. Why be nervous? They would hear me sometime.
"Okay," I shrugged, indifferently. Rachel made an approving, breathy sound.
"Kiss Me," Rachel confirmed, supplying the song name. We stood in front of the giant, brick fireplace, heat caressing my back. Courage coursed through my veins, making me surprisingly excited. It was feeling that was always hidden behind a wall of "shy" and "awkward". The walls were down when I was with my friends, but around Rachel, they were made of steel, impossible to be eaten away. They were dissolving slowly, a twinge of shyness biting my soul. Soft music began next to me. The notes, beautifully complex, surrounded the room in comfort, cushioning me from any doubt that I had.
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
I'll wear those shoes and you will wear that dress.
I sang the gentle notes, setting up Rachel for her intro. Her grandparent's poses relaxed, calmed down a bit. Their eyes were opened wide, mouths gaping. Her dads were smiling supportively in front of us.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
My mouth was hanging open at this point. Every time Rachel sang, it lit up something inside of me. It took the tiny flame that was burning inside and lit it up to a full-blown bonfire. My heart smashed against my chest again, aching to hold her close. The song ended, leaving the room pulsing with energy. Rachel's family clapped excitedly. Rachel curtsied and nudged me to bow, which I didn't do. I was too dumbfounded by what I just did to get a grasp on anything.
"That was marvelous," Rachel's grandmother gushed, folding her bony hands in her lap. A dinging sound came from the kitchen. Rachel's disapproving father got up animatedly.
"Dinner's done! Let me just get it set up!" He called, scurrying off to the kitchen. The table was already lined with various foods, dotted with different decorations.
"Great job," Rachel applauded me, giving me a light kiss on the cheek, "I love you." My face tingled where she touched it.
"I love you, too," I whispered back, hugging her tight. She smiled brightly, enjoying the success. We sat back down at the table, resuming our positions. Mr. Berry brought out a full chicken, glazed and brown on the outside. He started to carve it a tiny bit, giving it the "Home Improvement Magazine" feel.
"Let's pray," Rachel's grandfather declared. Rolling his eyes, Rachel's dad sat down and we all lowered our heads. Rachel's grandfather went on for a good 5 minutes. The whole duration was spent by Rachel and I drawing invisible pictures with our fingers on each other's hands, stifling tiny giggles. We both said an automated "Amen" when the prayer was finished, thankfully coming in at the right time. Rachel's dads gave us an apologetic look, seeing the annoyance in our eyes. We ate, listening to Rachel talk about glee club and upcoming songs she wants to sing. I loved hearing about her dreams, no matter how often she talked about them. I started to talk, too, the topics flowing like running water. About 2 hours later, Rachel's grandparents left, lifting an awkward weight off of the room. I breathed a shaky sigh, happy for things to be natural again. I went back home after a while, waiting for the next day. I was ready to go visit Matt again. I floated through the next day of school, not focused on what I was doing again. After my "education", I drove back to the hospital.
"Mike!" Matt smiled excitedly as I entered his new room. It was still quiet, but it was much better than before. The spark was back in him, happiness radiating from him. He was sitting up on small bed, clicking through the channels of a tiny television. I gave him a happy hug, feeling the warmth fill him back up.
"Matt, you look so much better!" I smiled back, studying him carefully. The color was back in his face, making him look a little bit more human. Matt laughed a breathy chuckle. He looked well rested, his eyes fully open.
"Hakuna Matata, dude," Matt replied, referencing another favorite movie of mine. We chattered about Rachel, school and football, just like old times. Before I left, I could swear I heard Matt humming "Hakuna Matata".
"I'll be back tomorrow, dude," I told him, leaving his room, "Bye." Matt waved goodbye, throwing a little bit of cracker at me while I turned out the door.
I reached home, my mom lounging lazily on the couch. She turned to me excitedly.
"How was Matt?" She asked, smiling. I told her every detail of what happened. I went to bed shortly afterward, my brain soothed.
My phone buzzed angrily in my pocket, shaking me from my sleep. The alarm clock's blaring numbers shone in my face. 6:15. Groaning, I picked up the phone.
"He-" I started, interrupted by shaking, immense sobs. It was Madylyn again.
"Get to the hospital...now!" She yelled, weeping into the phone. As quickly as she came, she went. The "disconnected" beep screamed from the other end. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach, the air stopped up in my throat.
I sprinted out to my rusty truck, my blood pumping loudly under my flushed skin. Shoving the key in ignition, I drove as fast as my truck would go, which was still below the speed limit. The rain whipped on my windshield, making splatter marks everywhere. Familiar scenery whizzed past me, not noticing a thing. My mouth was dry and chapped, my breath coming in wheezing pants. Pedestrians, soaked with rain, looked like amorphous blobs on the side of the unforgiving road. My truck started to sputter and groan.
"Oh no, not now, not now," I mumbled, annoyed. I was about 2/3rds of the way there, it couldn't break down now. The truck broke down, slow enough so I could pull off to the shoulder. I slammed my fist on the dashboard, thoughts jumping around my head too fast to give any thought at all. The only thing I could think of at that moment was to get out and run. I did just that. Smashing the door closed, I took off, weaving my way through scarce amounts of hitch-hikers and hobos, heading toward the hospital. The rain soaked my face, blending in with the frustrated tears that were pouring from my eyes. A gracious sign appeared in the distance, "Hospital: 1/4 mile" Adrenaline pumped through my tired body, letting me run faster until I finally reached my destination. I pushed through the doors, sprinting to the reception desk. Madylyn was waiting behind it, her face streaked with tears. I was frozen and wet from the depressing rain. She signaled for me to come with her, walking quickly back to the ICU, the place that I didn't want to go the most.
"What's going on?" I asked urgently, trying to catch my breath. Madylyn opened her mouth to speak, a choked squeak coming out in it's place. We reached a different room, more wires and tubes coming from Matt's lifeless body. His heart rate was sluggish and quiet, dwindling in him.
"He had another heart attack," She cried, burying her face in her hands, "His heart is basically useless right now. He's almost gone." The words sucked every bit of emotion out of me. They sucked every bit of hope I still had inside of myself. Everything went blank. My heart was completely broken in emotionless, tiny pieces. Breath was shallow and broken. Every little bit of sadness shoved up from my stomach up to my eyes, crying desperately. Shrieking, throaty sobs escaped me, useless and shaking. I was spiraling out of control, watching my best friend dying in front of me. I clung on to him, his life visibly slipping away. His grip was cold and sparkless, nothing of Matt left. I felt like it was my fault somehow, not coming to the hospital to visit him out of the ICU longer. My whole body was trembling and frozen, nothing around me mattering.
"Matt, Matt, please," I choked stupidly, my tears coming recklessly. I clung on to his life by my fingertips, hanging on to the Matt I knew. I had no control of myself, no self-respect at all. Madylyn sobbed across from me, mimicking my position. Matt's humming replayed in my head. The heart monitor seemed to decline further and further, causing my breath to come faster and shallower. Every memory of us repeated in my head, just like last time. I imagined his heart now, mangled and weak, barely clinging on to life. Matt's gruff hand was completely motionless, not responding to any touch.
"Matt, please, hang on," I breathed, weeping into my hands. The heart monitor slowed further, coming to a complete, shrieking, broken, tearful stop. A steady line. No beeps. Just one line.
"MATT! PLEASE! HANG ON!" A shrill, shameless, desperate scream pierced the air. My own.
i kind of hate myself for this chapter haha i wanted to make it longer, but the end fit. love you, loyal little kitties!