Hold On
Bella slowly got out of her car and headed for the porch. A lump that felt like the size of a golf ball formed in her throat. She snorted, thinking of the magazines they had at the clinic. She swallowed hard, willing it away.
"Jacob. What are you doing here?" "Bells, can I come in? I really need to talk to you" he was almost begging. The lump kept her from speaking this time so she merely nodded and opened the door. Jacob followed her in and shut the door quietly. He slowly took in her living room, which was open and filled with light from the French doors that led to a small patio.
He took a step towards her, but she stepped back. Jacob stopped and sighed heavily. "Look, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't return your calls yesterday. I had a lot going on" "It's okay, Jake. I get it...you obviously thought about all of this and I'm fine. I've thought about it too. I'm sick and it's selfish of me to get involved with anyone" "Bells, that's not - wait...did you just call me Jake?" Bella felt her cheeks flush a little. "Yeah, I guess so. Sorry" she studied her shoes, unable to look him in the eye. Jake's heart had skipped a beat when she said it. No one besides his mother had ever called him that...mainly because he wouldn't let them, but it felt right hearing Bella say it. "No, it's fine" he smiled.
Jake began to pace as he thought of what to say next. Finally, he stopped. I gotta get this out he thought. "You know, I didn't mean to get close to anyone. I was going through my life knowing that I was alone and I was okay with that. But then, I saw you that day at Dr. Whitlock's and I don't know what it was, but I somehow felt drawn to you. At first, I shook it off as nerves, but then you were on the beach and it was like I got a sign or something. You probably think I'm crazy now, huh?"
Bella was quiet, trying to process everything he'd said. Why would he not want to get close to anyone? She went back over it all and something popped out at her. "Bella?" Jake stepped forward again. He needed her to say something. Bella put her hand on his chest. "Wait. You said Dr. Whitlock's?" "Yeah, he is there at the clinic with Dr. Cullen" "I'm confused, Jake. Were you there to see him?" "Yes" he whispered hoarsely and then cleared his throat, willing away the lump that had formed.
They stood in silence for a moment before Bella broke it. "I had thought maybe you'd been there with someone...a relative or maybe...a girlfriend" "You thought that's what I wanted to tell you...that I was seeing someone?" Bella only nodded. Jake took both her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "Dr. Whitlock is a neuro-surgeon. I was there for a surgery consult. I have a brain tumor, Bells" Jake felt relieved, finally having said it aloud. She was the only person in his life who knew. Bella gulped. "So...are you...dying, Jake?" She shut her eyes, bracing herself for his answer. "Not for a long time...if the surgery goes well"
Bella grabbed him in a fierce hug. Suddenly, the thought of losing him made her chest feel...empty. Bella now decided that she was going to hold on to him and never let go, even if she only had him for a little while.