Isn't it funny that the last chapter I struggled over for two weeks and this one I managed to write in about an hour? Two chapters in one week, I'm spoiling you! I hope you enjoy this one. As always feedback is very welcome.

Chapter 10

"I'm taking you for breakfast. No arguments."

Rash turned up at Bea's Dad's house and dragged her out the door. It was way before Bea needed to leave but Rash had promised her pancakes and a very large coffee at the diner near the train station and Bea was too sleepy to put up much of a protest. And anyway, coffee was just what she needed.

"How are you feeling about going back to work?" Rash looked at Bea over the top of his coffee mug expectantly.

Bea hesitated. She was feeling fine about going back to work. In fact, she was chomping at the bit to get back to treating patients. She had had way too much time on her hands lately to think. What she was more apprehensive about was seeing Alicia.

"I feel fine about that " Bea replied in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. "Listen, please thank your parents for letting me stay the other week. I'm so embarrassed about the state I was in. What must they think of me?"

"My Mum likes you" Rash said. "Honestly, it's ok."

Bea thought back to the first evening when she had turned up drunk and upset on Rash's doorstep. She probably didn't make any sense and was soaking wet from the rain. Thankfully Rash's parents were already in bed at that point, she wouldn't have gone back the next night sober to ask for a place to sleep if they had seen her in that state. She had woken up very early and snuck out before anyone was up.

She'd felt humiliated. It had been a long time since she had to sneak out of someone's house to avoid their parents, and even though the last time was under very different circumstances she was just as embarrassed.

"You're welcome to stay any time you like" Rash said. Bea gave him a grateful smile. "I'm sorry I bailed on you in the pub that night, I don't think I've apologised for that. You never told me what happened" he said. "Not that you have to, you don't owe me an explanation."

Bea sighed. If she didn't tell someone she thought she might explode. Enough days had passed that she wasn't gripped by an all-consuming dread every time she thought about what she'd told Alicia. But that evening still came flooding back to her frequently. The breakup, the vodka, and the very drunken and very ill-advised revelation. Part of her wanted to crawl back to bed and hide. "You know Lilah and I broke up" Bea started.

"I know" Rash said. He sounded genuinely gutted. "You two were great together. I thought you really liked her."

Bea put down her fork, half a strawberry pierced on the end. "I did. I do. But not enough apparently."

"She dumped you? I thought it was you who…"

Bea interrupted Rash, not wanting him to think ill of Lilah for one second. It wasn't her fault, none of this was her fault. The only thing Lilah did wrong in Bea's eyes was care too much about someone who didn't care enough back. "No, it was pretty mutual. I mean, technically I let her off the hook but only because I knew what was coming if I didn't." More heartache, that's what. For everyone.

Bea had gone from not saying a word to talking too much. She had a habit of doing that. But she had to get all this off her chest and the one person she wanted to talk to about it the most was the one person who she couldn't.

"Lilah worked out I had feelings for someone else so I let her go. It wasn't fair. She's an amazing girl, she deserves to be with someone who will appreciate that and treat her properly."

"Feelings for who?" Rash asked, leaning forward. Bea brought out the gossip in him, a trait he wasn't exactly proud of.

Bea slumped back in the booth and closed her eyes. "Why do I always do this?" she asked rhetorically. "This isn't the first time I've fallen for an unavailable straight girl and it probably won't be the last."

"Who?" Rash asked again, Bea having ignored his question the first time.

Bea went quiet, deflated. She stared into her half empty coffee mug, unsure whether she should disclose any more. The last thing she wanted was to make things difficult for Alicia at work and telling someone else of her feelings had the potential to do just that. She'd barely admitted them to herself beyond that one stupid second when they spilled out in Alicia's living room. She'd spent the better part of a week trying incredibly hard not to think about her feelings at all. Because they scared her.

She trusted Rash to keep a secret, but she had to make sure. She opened her eyes and looked at her friend in a way that told him plainly that what she was about to say was deadly serious. "Rash, you can't say a word. I mean it. I don't want to make this situation any worse than it already is. You have to promise."

Rash nodded, waiting. "I promise."

Bea looked away. She couldn't meet his eye when she said it. "I told Alicia I was in love with her."

Rash was taken aback. He exhaled. "Wow."

"Yeah. I got drunk and it just spilled out. I didn't mean to say it, Alicia has enough to deal with."

"Is it true?"

Bea nodded slowly. "Unfortunately."

Bea stood in Mrs Beauchamp's office already changed into her scrubs with her stethoscope slung round her neck. She was itching to get back out there into the madness of the ED, a debrief from her head of department was just one of the hoops she had to jump through before that could happen. But she would do it gladly if it meant she could get back to work. She missed learning. And she needed the distraction. She listened to Mrs Beauchamp intently as she lay down the rules.

"Minor patients only" Connie said sternly. "I mean it. Stitching lacerations, writing prescriptions, administering pain relief. Anything more serious than a broken finger and youe to ask for help, got it? I've asked Dr Hardy to keep and eye on you for the next few days. If you're out of your depth ask him for help. I'll know if you don't. And absolutely under no circumstances are you to set foot in resus. Do you understand?"

Bea nodded. "I understand."

Connie's manner was more relaxed now that she'd laid down the law of the land. "Then get out there and see some patients" she said. "Treat the walk-ins this morning, see what we get through the door. And Dr Kinsella? Welcome back."

Bea managed a smile that she hoped didn't convey how nervous she was. "Thanks Mrs Beauchamp."

Bea left the office somewhat distracted and collided with someone just outside the door. "Oh, sorry" she said, before looking up and realising with horror that it was Alicia. Bea had been hoping to avoid her for a couple of hours yet, enough time for her to figure out what the hell she would say to her. This wasn't the meeting she had in mind.

"Bea." Alicia seemed just as surprised. "You're back, you didn't tell me."

Bea's hands started fidgeting awkwardly. It wasn't like her. She was usually so confident. "Yes."

"Can we talk please?" Alicia asked, but she didn't sound angry, she sounded relieved. She spoke in a hushed voice, this was no one else's business but their own. "I've missed you."

Bea didn't know how she would feel seeing Alicia again but she didn't expect her insides to feel quite so painful and her brain to feel quite so confused. "I've missed you too" Bea said with reluctance in a voice even quieter, in case that small admission was overstepping some line between them that hadn't existed before. Whereas before Bea felt perfectly relaxed and at ease in Alicia's company, she now felt on edge.

"Are you alright?" Alicia asked. Her hand twitched, like she was about to touch Bea on the arm affectionately but she thought better of it. Bea noticed with sadness. She was naive to think nothing would change but she was still unhappy that her suspicion turned out to be correct. "How is it being at your Dad's?"

"Not ideal" Bea said truthfully. "He's doing better but it's exhausting."

"You can come home" Alicia said. "I'll understand if you don't want to, but you can."

Bea didn't understand how Alicia could appear so calm when Bea herself was freaking out. If she could re-wind the clock and keep her stupid mouth shut she would in a heartbeat. "Thank you" was all she said. It was too formal a reply but she didn't know what else to say.

"So, can we sit down talk later?" Alicia asked. Pre-empting Bea evading her question the same way she'd ignored all Alicia's messages, Alicia continued before Bea had a chance to weigh in. "We need to talk Bea, we both know we can't ignore this forever. It's too important." Conscious of the fact they were still standing outside Connie's office, Alicia motioned for Bea to follow her into a quieter part of the corridor. "What you said to me, it shocked me, I don't want to lie to you by pretending it didn't. But I want to understand. And I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Bea shook her head. She was about to cry and she was annoyed at herself for that. "I can't, not yet. I'm sorry Alicia. I'm sorry."

Once again Bea walked away from her feelings in a hurry and left Alicia alone. Alicia hadn't ever seen Bea like this. She was in pieces, and Alicia was the cause of this. Alicia watched her retreat but didn't try to follow. She would let Bea get away with it this time, but she wouldn't let her avoid the situation for much longer. By the end of the shift Alicia wanted answers. If they were to save their friendship they needed to sit down and really talk.

Bea's face burned hot with embarrassment as she searched for her first patient of the day from the few walk-ins that had arrived early. She felt like a coward. She was a coward. Once again she had legged it when things got uncomfortable instead of confronting her feelings for Alicia. She'd left Alicia standing alone in an empty corridor and didn't even look back to see her reaction.

Bea surveyed the people sat in the patient waiting area. It was early, it wasn't that busy yet but that would change in an hour of so, Bea was certain of it. A tired looking mother was slumped in a plastic chair, a sleeping toddler clutched to her chest. A woman about Bea's own age was sitting quietly, staring into space. She caught Bea's eye and looked at her curiously, but she turned away quickly, her expression glum. And a middle-aged man in a plaid shirt was sitting in the corner cradling his wrist in his lap.

Bea took an educated guess that he was her first patient of the day and walked over to him, reading the name off the chart.

"Mr Atkinson?"

The man looked up and nodded, surprisingly cheerfully for the early hour and the pain he was probably in. Bea could see his wrist was badly swollen without even doing a proper exam.

"That's me. But please call me Doug." He stood up, still holding his wrist.

"I'm Dr Kinsella" Bea said. She felt an instant relief at having something and someone else to focus on besides her own problems. "Follow me, I'll take a look at you."

"I fell off a step ladder fixing a blind and landed funny" he said. "Do you think it's broken?"

They reached an empty cubicle. "Hop up on the bed and I'll take a look."

Alicia had been tied up in resus all morning with the victims of a multiple RTC. Bea was glad. Not about the accident of course, but about the fact that Connie's warning to stay away from trauma cases gave her a perfectly legitimate excuse to avoid Alicia.

She'd been kept busy. It was just the way she'd wanted it. She'd x-rayed and splinted Mr Atkinson's not-broken wrist, treated little sleepy Maisie Woods for a high fever and stitched up the forehead of a teenage boy names Jason who had fallen off his BMX in the skate park. Heading back out to the waiting area for the next recipient of her medical training she noticed the same woman from earlier had not moved from her spot. She was wearing jeans and black lace up boots. Her green trench coat was bundled up on the chair next to her and she held her handbag on her lap like she was expecting to get up any second. Or was prepared to, at least.

"Hey, Noel?" They receptionist turned at the sound of his name and scooted closer to Bea. She pointed towards the waiting area and the woman she was watching. "Has she registered with you yet? She'd been here at least a couple of hours, I'm surprised no one's got to her yet."

Noel's brow furrowed. "No, I don't think she has. Usually patients are dying to get their name on the list." He shrugged. "Maybe she's waiting for someone."

Just then the woman looked up, but she didn't glance away this time, she fixed her gaze on Bea. Now it was Bea's turn to feel uncomfortable, but she put down the next patient's chart she was holding and walked over to the woman.

When she realised that Bea was walking towards her, she seemed to shrink into herself.

"Hello" Bea said gently, not wanting to scare her away. She seemed timid, as though she would run away like a startled rabbit any second. "Are you ok?" She nodded slowly but didn't answer. Bea persisted. "You've been sitting here a while. You need to sign in at reception if you need to see a doctor or we won't know you're here."

The woman finally looked up at Bea and seemed to be studying her face. "I'm just waiting" she said. "I don't need to see a doctor, I'm not sick or hurt."

Bea wasn't convinced but was stuck on what to do to help. "Do you need someone to talk to? Because we can do that too." The woman didn't move but Bea stood up, authoritatively. "Come on, let's go somewhere quieter."

In the cubicle, Bea pulled the curtain closed to give them some privacy and the woman sat down on the edge of the bed. She seemed to be more alert now they were out of the busy waiting area. "I don't mean to be a bother" she said apologetically.

"You're no bother" Bea said. Once Bea got wind of a mystery she couldn't let it go and there was something about this woman that was peaking her interest. Usually people wanted to get in and out of the ED as quickly as possible, either up to a ward or safely back home. It was very rare to have someone willingly sit in the waiting area without demanding treatment. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Hazel Tate."

"Ok" Bea said, getting somewhere. "Sit tight, I'll see if I can pull your medical records."

"There's really no need." Hazel tucked her blonde hair behind one ear. She opened her mouth about to say something else but faltered and clamped her mouth shut again.

"You have to help us help you" Bea said. "You said you're not sick or injured, those are the two biggest reasons people come to see us here. So what do you need?" Bea hoped her tone was kindly and not demanding. She was still learning the bedside manner aspect to her job, she hoped she was getting the hang of it.

"I'm not a patient" Hazel said. "I came to see someone. I think. But I'm not exactly sure who that person is. I might have got it all wrong anyway." Hazel stood up, flustered, and made a grab for her handbag and jacket. "I'm sorry for wasting your time, I'll leave now."

"Hey, wait a minute." Bea held the curtain closed. She hoped she wasn't appearing threatening but she didn't want the woman to leave. "Are you looking for a patient? Or someone who works here?" Hazel didn't answer but she didn't push past Bea to leave either. She slumped back down on the bed and her face contorted into a look of anguish.

"I'm sorry" she said again, and covered her face with her hands. "I'm not making any sense, am I? My thoughts aren't making much sense either."

Bea sat down beside her. She knew that feeling. "Can I help? I'd like to help. We're not only here to fix broken bones you know."

Hazel offered a weak smile. "Is there somewhere I can get a glass of water?"

Bea made a decision then. Since Hazel never registered with reception and Bea hadn't got around to signing her in herself, she was planning to do that when she went to find her medical records, Hazel was nowhere on the system. "Come with me" Bea said and lead her out of cubicles and towards the relative's room.

It was empty. Miraculously, the RTC had not resulted in any fatalities so there were no grieving relatives in here, although the day was still young. "Have a seat" Bea said to Hazel. "I'll be right back with that water."

Bea returned a few minutes later with a glass of water from the staff room and a Kit-Kat she'd found in the top of the fridge. She made a mental note to replace it later. She had a feeling it was Dylan's and knew he would be less than happy to find it missing. "Here you go" Bea said, closing the door behind her. She handed Hazel the water and chocolate bar and she took them gratefully.

"Thank you. You must think I'm such a weirdo."

"No. You should see some of the people we get through here on a Saturday night." Bea's lame attempt at a joke made Hazel smile and she relaxed. "But I am wondering why you're here."

Hazel took a small sip of water and put the glass and the chocolate bar down on the low coffee table in front of the sofa. Bea noticed for the first time how red her eyes were. She looked like she had been crying. Hazel took a deep breath, seeming to find some courage from somewhere inside her and Bea waited.

"Are you her?" Hazel asked.

"What?"

Hazel swallowed. "Eddie McAllister works here" she said. It wasn't a question.

Bea froze. "He used to."

Hazel nodded slowly. "It wasn't hard to find him, a quick search on Facebook was all it took."

Bea looked towards the door, but where that was to check that no one else would come in or plan her own escape she didn't know. Because Bea felt a rising sense of dread that she knew exactly who Hazel Tate was and why she was here.

"I wanted to forget. It happened a long time ago, or it feels like it did anyway. I didn't want to drag it all up again, I didn't think I could take it. I almost fell apart the last time, that's why I told the police I didn't want to make a statement again."

Now there was no doubt in Bea's mind who Hazel was and she was thankful that it was her who had found Hazel and not another member of staff who was less aware of the sensitive situation. Bea knew she shouldn't be talking to her however, knew that if things turned around and she agreed to help the police, if Eddie's defence got wind of the fact Hazel had been here it might cause no end of trouble. But Bea was getting ahead of herself, and she didn't have it in her to abandon someone who was this upset, she never had.

"When I'd found out Eddie had done it again I felt sick. I could have stopped him and I didn't, I'm so sorry."

Bea was lost for words. She should say it wasn't her, that Hazel was apologizing to the wrong person. Eventually Bea managed to speak. "It wasn't me Eddie hurt" Bea said carefully.

Hazel didn't seem to hear her. "I have a niece" she continued. "She's thirteen. I love her more than anything. This whole time all I've been able to think about is what if something like this happens to her? What if she gets raped one day and someone could have done something to stop it and didn't?"

Bea took a step towards Hazel and crouched down beside her. "Hazel, it's not me" Bea said again. But please, stay here. I'll be back soon, I promise." Bea waited for Hazel to look at her. "Will you stay?"

Hazel nodded and Bea stood up. When she was at the door about to turn the handle to leave, Hazel spoke again. "She's here though isn't she? I was right about that?"

Bea didn't answer but her silence was all the answer that was needed. Bea closed the door softly behind her.

Bea hovered outside resus with one eye out for Connie in case her boss caught her and thought she was lurking to try and jump in on a trauma case. She could see Alicia through the glass working on a patient but made no attempt to go inside. Eventually, conscious that the longer she waited, the more chance there was of Hazel losing her nerve and leaving, Bea grabbed Louise as she was about to enter resus and asked her to get Alicia.

She watched as Louise approached Alicia and spoke to her, then Alicia looked up and saw Bea waiting. She said something to Duffy who was also treating the patient then walked towards the door.

"What is it?" Alicia asked.

"I need to talk to you" Bea said. "Can we go somewhere?"

That somewhere was the staffroom. There was no one else in there, they were all too busy treating patients. Before Bea could speak, Alicia beat her to it.

"I'm so glad you've decided to talk to me" she said. "It's not good for you to bottle things up. I should know." Bea opened her mouth to talk but Alicia held up a hand. "Just a moment, please. I need to say this." She sat down on the sofa and gestured for Bea to do the same. Reluctantly, she obeyed. The clock was ticking. Bea wouldn't be able to live with herself if she blew this one chance of getting justice for Alicia but she had to tread carefully.

"I don't want things to be weird between us either" Alicia continued, referencing the note Bea had left on her bed. "They don't have to be. If we can just clear the air…"

"Alicia, that's not why I need to talk to you." Bea took Alicia's hand, ignoring her own feelings. This was far more important. "We will talk about it ok? I promise. But now there's something more important I need to tell you." Bea paused, waiting a second for Alicia to digest what she had said. "There's someone here who wants to see you."

"Who?" Alicia asked, just as confused as Bea had been earlier when Hazel appeared.

Bea sighed. Lately Alicia seemed to be getting her life back on track and put the whole Eddie nightmare behind her. Bea hated that she was the one who, in 30 seconds time, would open those wounds again. But she thought she knew Alicia well enough to know that she would want the chance to get justice, even if it was painful. As Bea summoned the strength to tell Alicia about Hazel, she hoped to God her instincts were right.

"There is no easy way to say this. It's one of the girls who accused Eddie before. Her name is Hazel and she's here. She thought it was me at first, I told her it wasn't but I think she guessed she was in the right place. I didn't tell her your name or anything, I promise. But she wants to see you and I left her to come and find you."

Alicia sat as still as a statue and Bea could see tears had sprung to her eyes. Bea was aware that she still gripped Alicia's hand but it didn't feel awkward and Bea didn't try to pull away. Her friend needed support and that was all that mattered.

"Would you like to see her?" Bea asked gently. "I can tell her to leave if you want."

"Where is she?" Alicia turned to Bea. She looked lost.

"She's in the relative's room. I made her promise to wait for me but I'm a bit scared she might leave if I'm gone too long."

Alicia nodded her head slowly and methodically as she processed the information Bea had hit her with. When she didn't speak again for a minute, Bea gave her hand a squeeze. "I can come with you, or you can see her alone. Or not at all. Like I said, if you want me to tell her no…"

"No" Alicia said. "I mean no, I'll see her." She took a deep breath and smiled. From that smile Bea saw Alicia's strength and courage and knew she had made the right choice telling her. Bea stood up and Alicia followed.

"Come on" Bea said. "You can do this."