A/N: Hey! You! I know this chapter is going to upset some people but don't lose faith in me! I know what I'm doing :]

I could feel the venom everywhere in my entire body. Time didn't matter. Outside temperature didn't matter. Hunger, thirst, smells didn't matter. The only thing I could focus on was the pain that I felt inside of me.

I was a little aware, as it started to space out a little, of the fact that he sun had come up two times, which meant that if my memory served me right, the process was almost over.

I waited patiently, feeling the energy come back to me in spurts. One minute I was awake and aware, but too tired to move. The next, I was writhing in pain. And then it was over. My body felt wrung out, wasted of life. It was as if someone had stepped on all of my bones and then reset them slowly.

For a moment I was deluded into thinking the whole thing had been a dream. But when I stood up, I saw that my arm faintly glinted in the sun. A thousand diamonds simmered under the ice coating that was now my new skin.

I stood up and brushed my hands on my pants. A smart part of me, dim in the corner of my rapidly processing mind, that I might not have a job anymore. I had, after all, missed three unexcused days with no warning for my absence.

Then I laughed. I was immortal now; I wouldn't have been able to keep the job for very long anyway, considering that my never aging appearance would have caused quite the stir.

I knew that I couldn't go home right now. I hadn't looked at my appearance, but I was sure that I wouldn't look anything like the Bella that my Dad was used to. Could I even see Charlie at this point? I thought of him and I waited for the dry ache in my throat that the Cullen's had warned me of, but nothing happened. I didn't have the urge to run to him and rip his throat out.

What did happened was a pang, deep in my chest that left me crippled. I missed him and my emotion for missing him was amplified by a million-no, a trillion. I let out a dry sob and then composed myself. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. I had to go see Jacob. Whatever would face me in the next couple days…or rather, for the rest of my existence, I couldn't do it alone. And I wouldn't allow myself to think of how much this might change things between us. Not when I had just gotten him securely in my life.

I was glad that I had moved my car before I blacked out. My head hurt in a very human way, and I wasn't sure I was up to walking to the trail near the meadow. I stumbled over and got in the truck. When I started it, the roar of the engine made my ears ring. I shuddered to myself. Had it always been this loud?

I found myself impatient with how slow the car moved. Although the drive from the cliff to Jacob's house was only 30 minutes, it felt like an hour. Surely I could have walked there faster than drive in this old thing!

The air outside of Jacob's house smelled tense. I could practically feel the worry emitting from the people inside. I stood, letting the wind blow through my hair and consider what I was getting into. Would I want to kill the people inside? Would Jacob be able to stop me if I did? I let myself have faith in my love and walked up to the door.

Before I could even knock, the door flew open.

"Bella!" cried Jacob, who hugged me without even looking at me. His face was so agonized, worry and grief spilled over his cheeks and forehead.

And then he yelped as soon as he touched me, falling back into the doorway.

"Jake-"

"What the fuck are you? Who are you?"

"Jacob, it's me…"

A roar filled his throat as he shoved me backwards. Instead of falling like I normally would, I was able to leap back up almost gracefully. Instinctively, a growl came up in my throat.

We stared at each other. Hours seemed to pass, but I didn't mind the stillness. Being still came easily to me.

"Bella?" he asked finally. I nodded. "No." he fell to his knees and began to sob.

"Jacob, it's ok." I moved close to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

He ripped my hand away from him and snarled.

"How could you do this to me? After…after the other night?" he stood up and looked down at me cruelly. "Did you put your clothes on and go straight to him? Did you fuck him for your immortality?"

I winced and shoved him, hard. He fell back so hard and fast that he hit the wall. I wondered where his family was and why they hadn't come to his defense. I suppose I was lucky that it was just the two of us.

"How dare you. I didn't choose this."

From the corner of the room he looked at me warily. His eyes were red and puffy and curled up like that he just looked like my Jacob…my love. I wanted to get close to him and kiss him. I wanted to dig my teeth in his throat and-

I sucked in a breath, alarmed at my thoughts. I didn't want to hurt Jacob. I didn't want to...eat him. I took a deep breath and calmed myself.

I offered my hand out to him and reluctantly he took it. He shivered and as soon as he was on his feet he released me.

"You're so cold. Freezing."

"I don't feel cold." I said softly. "But you…you're burning hot."

"Thanks." He cracked and smiled sadly. Jacob always was one for lame jokes.

"Ok. So." I breathed.

"So."

"Can I come in?"

He looked at me once again, his brow furrowing in conflict. I could tell he was torn, but eventually, he stepped aside.

"Yeah, come in."

OOO

I smelled something in his house. It was too many flavors to pick out just one, most likely some kind of broth or stew. Normally I would have been hungry from the first wiff, and it wasn't that it smelled unpleasant per say…it's just, there was something a lot more tempting to me at the moment. My friend's heart thudding wetly n his chest at the opposite end of the couch.

I knew he didn't trust me. I didn't blame him but it still hut when he sat down away from me. He wouldn't even look at me, except to occasionally flick over my face and sharply turn away.

"God. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are…I mean, you smell revolting, but…I never knew that it was possible for you to be even more beautiful." My face warmed at that thought. If it were possible for me to blush, I would have.

"Thanks."

"It's just…you aren't Bella. You're like this…I don't know, Barbie or something. Even your voice is different."

"Is it?" I focused but all I could hear was my alto tone that I had lived with since puberty.

"It's like…bells, ringing in the distance." He shook his head. "A stupid thing to say."

"No, it's sweet."

That was the wrong thing to say. He stiffened and looked away again. Each breath he took was farther and farther apart, as if the very act of taking me in was breaking him apart.

"This isn't sweet Bella. You were gone for three days. Charlie called and I said you were over here, but Jesus…I didn't know that…if I had known, maybe I could have…"

"You couldn't have done anything, Jake." I whispered.

His face fell and he began to cry again.

"I don't know what to do Bells. I should kill you for just being on the land…but you aren't just a vampire, you're-"

"Exactly, Jake. I'm me. I'm Bella. Nothing has changed."

"Everything has changed, Bella. I wanted so much for us and now we'll never have it." He stood and kicked the table over, picking it up again and snapping it in half. I sat very still, willing myself not to stop him. I would rather it be the table than myself. "I wanted to have kids with you, little boys with black curls and brown eyes…I wanted to grow old with you…to stop being a wolf and just be me…"

I stood finally and moved to the broken table. I picked up the two pieces, impressed at how light they seemed to me, and frowned.

"We can probably fix this with a little glue." I said. "Do you have any wood glue, maybe?"

"Wood glue?" he laughed. "Bella, if only the solution was as easy as applying a little bit of wood glue."

I dropped the table and faced him. He looked at me with such sorrow it just broke my heart. That's when I realized…it hadn't hit me yet. I thought this was all some surreal, sick form of video game I was playing or maybe an alternate universe that I could step out of if I said the right thing. But Jacob was looking at me with such hopeless eyes that I knew…I knew it was over.

I put my hand on his cheek and for a moment he let his face rest in it. Then he breathed in and winced, handing my fingers back to me.

"I don't know what to do." I said.

"Tell me who did this to you." He demanded, stepping away again and moving to the window. "I want to kill them."

"It was the boy, Jacob." I decided not to follow him and instead went into the kitchen where a stew was indeed cooking.

"The one in your class? But why?"

"He was Tanya's sister. She was this vampire who loved Edward before I came along. It was a revenge thing…I guess."

"You guess?" he yelled. "How could this be done out of love?"

"I just mean…I think maybe he wanted me to have to live forever not being able to have the one that I love. So I'd know how she felt."

"How can you be so calm?"

He fisted the windowpane, the wood making an awful sound. I let the sadness overcome me then, as dim light came in and lit up his face. I hadn't realized how badly I had wanted the same things that he did until I couldn't have them anymore. Beauty, no matter how great it was, was no substitute to the most important things in life.

I would never grow round with his children…. I would never see laugh lines in the mirror that came from years of joy. I would never be able to make room for someone else on this earth-I'd always be taking up too much space. And it would never be for any good. No higher purpose.

If I could cry, I would have. I felt like crying, the sadness choking in my throat, but nothing came out. And that was suddenly the last straw. I couldn't even cry when I was sad? Then what could I do? Drink blood and wander the grounds forever.

The thought of blood sent another pang in my chest as my ears picked up on the race of Jacob's heart. But besides being tempting, there was something clouding the way of his thick and rich scent. A…wet dog, sort of smell. I wrinkled my nose and the feeling passed.

"Are you hungry?" he whispered.

I looked down and realized that I was staring the stew with intensity and longing that was more than for carrots and beef.

"Oh." I tried to think on the feeling of hunger but I felt nothing. Just a strange hollowness in my stomach. "I'm not…sure."

"Want to try some?" he offered.

I remembered the taste of stew…my human memory telling me that it was delicious and warm. Warm like blood? I nodded and he got out a bowl. Carefully moving around me, he ladled some in a bowl and handed me a spoon. I took the bowl in my hands and it was indeed warm.

I sat down at the table and eagerly took a bite. The initial taste wasn't…bad, but it felt more slimy than warm. I swallowed and it felt congealed in my throat. I wondered if I should spit it back up or just let it sit in there. Could I digest?

When I looked back up at Jacob I saw that he had an expression on his face, which was a mixture of confusion and worry.

"Good." I lied.

"You want blood." He sighed.

As soon as he had suggested it, my stomach heaved and I rushed to the sink, spitting up the stew. My throat finally started to burn, an ache that I felt like I would never be rid of.

"I'm sorry." I cried.

"Let's go hunting." He said finally.

OOO

Even as a wolf Jacob stayed far away from me. His large mass strayed a foot at least to the right of me as we walked into the forest.

"You sure none of the guys are in here?" I asked. He shook his head, his snout snorting out a gust of air. "And if I turn for you, run away?" He nodded.

I looked around me, trying to think about how this was to be done. I had never hunted before and Edward had always refused to let me watch any of his family do it. Did I just…go for the throat of an animal? Did I have to snap the neck? I shuddered in disgust.

"I don't know what to do Jake." I admitted. He reluctantly came over and nudged my hand. Then he swayed his head in a 'follow me' motion.

I was running then, and if there were one good thing in this whole mess it would be this. I was flying, gracefully and surely stepping out of the way of trees and branches, jumping over logs and rocks.

A smell came into the air. It was light, like grass or vegetables. My head snapped in the general direction and my feet flew underneath me as I moved towards it. It got stronger and stronger until my hands were around its neck and my teeth had sunk in deep. The blood felt good, great even, but I had a feeling when I tossed the corpse aside that it just wasn't enough. My throat still ached painfully, but I knew I'd have to get used to it eventually.

I ate two more, gorging myself in hopes that I'd be ok around normal people again. I wasn't sure how much control I had over the situation, because according to Edward, Newborns were dangerous and uncontrollable…a slave to their blood lust.

Jacob walked up to me and I sighed happily. Even if I repulsed him, my heart still sang when I saw him. And with these new eyes of mine, I could see so much more than ever. Every flaw and perfection on him was brighter, smoother, and more beautiful. The light hit him in a million ways a million different times per second. He was amazing. A perfect specimen.

He was bare-chested and I noticed anew how beautiful he really was. I thought that being normal was my inadequacy, but I could see now that I would be inadequate next to him no matter what I was.

"Are you…finished?" he asked, wincing a little.

My fullness gave me new courage and strength. His disgust towards me, when I was behaving myself pretty damn well, irritated me.

"Come off it." I stepped in front of him and glared up.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me Jake." I stood my ground. When he tried to move I gripped him with both hands and held him there. He winced.

"Too tight."

"Tough. Now listen. I know this is…fucked up. It's not what either of us wanted. But I'm scared Jacob. I'm-" my voice caught. "I'm lost and I'm alone in this. And three days ago you told me that you loved me. I don't see why that has to change."

He pushed my arms away and started walking again. I didn't follow him so he turned around.

"I want to be able to say that nothing has changed, but how can it be that simple Bella? You're never going to age…you're never going to die. I don't know if I want to be the same way. I don't want this forever." He gestured down his body and frowned.

"Nothing has changed for me in this, Jacob." I swallowed my pride and went to him again. This time I clasped his face in my hands and forced him to look right at me. "Except that now when I say that I want you forever, I mean it."

He squirmed a little but I didn't let him go. I was stronger than him now, and even though he reeked, he was still warm and handsome and kind. He was still the person I loved. I was still so attracted to him.

"Please let me go." He begged. "Your smell burns."

I reached on my toes and pressed my lips lightly against his. His eyes were crazed, trying to focus on me and push me away at the same time.

"I love you, Jake. Please don't give up on me." And then I released him.

OOO

Jacob agreed that it wasn't best for me to go back to Charlie's. At this point Charlie was used to me being down in La Push 24/7, but I was an adult. It wasn't like he could demand I come home even if he wasn't used to it.

I decided to stay the night, but the matter of where I would sleep was uncomfortable. Under normal circumstances, I would get into Jacob's bed without hesitation. But Jacob walked into his room and shut the door.

It was quiet in the living room. Billy was with the Clearwater's for the night and the rest of the pack was with their families. I was truly alone and that felt awful. I wondered if this was how it would be for the rest of eternity.

I didn't need to sleep, which was a strange feeling. I was tired but when I tried to close my eyes, it felt awkward. I sat up and wrapped my arms around my legs. I sat very still and listened for Jacob's breathing. I could hear it though his door was closed so I focused on the steady rhythm. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever heard, far more complex than my human self had ever thought of before.

I decided to shut my eyes, more out of habit than for any other purpose. I focused on my own breathing, which was more mechanical than human now. It disturbed me at first but after an hour or so I was able to pretend that I was human and none of this was real.

I fell into a lull. Not sleep, or anything remotely similar, but a trance almost. I had never had the patience for meditation as a human, but I think this was what it could be like. I could meditate for hours now if I wanted to.

I heard a shifting in Jake's room and I snapped out of my trance. I listened to see if he was ok, and then closed my eyes again when I heard him snore a bit. Every bone I my body wanted him to wake up and come keep me company. But he actually needed sleep…he could sleep. Why shouldn't he?

So I sat still and tried to imagine all of the things I could do now with my life.

OOO

The first thing that I did was quit my job. Loathe as I was to do so, I realized that my shockingly red eyes would probably send off a few warnings and suspicions. I hadn't looked in the mirror yet, but I could imagine how bad they were.

Afterwards, I sat on the couch again and I wished desperately that I could sleep. I felt so restless. A job would have been perfect to occupy myself if I thought that I could control myself.

Around seven or eight am, Jacob came out of the room and saw me. He blinked a couple times and then sleepily walked into the kitchen, his feet thudding on the floor.

"You're still here then." He grumbled.

"Being dead isn't too exciting….I thought I'd hang around the living to spice things up."

He grunted a response and started making breakfast. Though as a human I had found the smell of breakfast enticing, the frying of bacon and the hiss of eggs hitting the pan made me sick now. I felt sorry that he had to eat that. I was even more sorry that I had to smell it.

He came in with a plate of food and sat down next to me. This, at least, was an improvement. I watched him shovel the food in his mouth and then I took the plate from him and brought it to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Washing the dishes?"

He stiffened and then smiled.

"Am I boring you?" he joked dryly.

"Hardly." I ran water over the dish and took a sponge to it. "You are endlessly fascinating."

"Sure sure."

"No really." I dried the dish off and leaned against the kitchen table. "I've probably never been so entranced by someone before."

He shifted uncomfortably before standing and stretching.

"Oh, thanks I guess.. I'm going to go get dressed."

I thought of him pulling off his clothes, his body still soft from sleep, not hard and stiff like it was when he was around me recently. My breathing hitched and I spoke without thinking.

"Let me join you."

He froze, his hands balling into fists. I couldn't tell if he was going to punch me or just walk away. He opted for the latter, his door slamming loudly. It hurt like it had been in my face.

I could hear him slamming drawers closed angrily behind the closed door. I knew it was wrong for me to expect him to be ok with this only a couple hours after he had found me out. All the same, it was killing me that he had woken up feeling just as he had last night.

He came out wearing a tight green shirt and dark black pants. I looked away before he noticed my red eyes flashing with lust.

"You know what I miss most?" he whispered.

I kept my eyes adverted but I could hear him coming up behind me

"What?"

"Your eyes. I wish I hadn't taken them for granted…now I'll never see them again."

I let my head fall a little in defeat. I'd never be able to give him what he anted-me, normal.

"I know." I said sadly. "I'm sorry."

He sighed heavily and awkwardly patted me on the head once.

"I think we should part ways for the day."

I turned around quickly, fear rising n my chest.

"What? No. You can't-"

"We have to. I can't be here for you…forever. So, you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet."

"Jake, please." I felt pathetic begging. But a day without him felt endless.

"No, Bella. I'm going to hang out with the guys today. You aren't welcome."

I winced. I don't think I was ever not welcome before.

"Ok." I whispered. He nodded in response.

"I'm going to head out. Make sure you lock from the inside before you leave."

And then he was gone.

OOO

Sitting around was not something I wanted to do for another day in a row. If I had eternity, I might as well try and use it. But I didn't just have forever, I thought to myself slowly. I was also invincible now. Nothing, aside from ripping me apart and burning me, could hurt me. I could do anything…anything at all.

I knew at once what I wanted to do. I decided to run there, stretching my stiff legs. I managed to turn a thirty-minute drive into a 10-minute run. I stood at the edge of the cliffs, not even winded, feeling exhilarated.

I looked down at the depths, my hair swirling above me in a comical whirlwind. There was no reason in the world that I shouldn't jump. Nothing would happen to me, not even if I hit a rock. I could leap farther, dive deeper, swim underwater indefinitely. The world was my oyster, and so was the water.

I stepped back, preparing to jump. And then I did.

I felt like I was flying, my body extended in the air, curling in a ball right before I hit the water. I felt the water surround me, almost lovingly like a caress. I didn't rise to the top like I normally would, but rather stopped breathing and just looked.

It was kind of creepy, truth be told. The water wasn't clear like an arctic ocean, but it wasn't dirty either. It was…murky, weeds swimming around my face. I could see everything perfectly, better than my human eyes ever could, but there wasn't much to see. Disappointed I swam to the surface.

The salty breeze smelled wonderful, but it felt neither cold nor hot to me. I swam towards the beach sands, relishing the feeling in my arms and legs as I strained myself. I stepped up on the rocks and got out.

I was soaking wet. This normally wouldn't be a problem, but I couldn't go home in case Charlie saw me and I had locked Jacob's house before I left. Having wet clothes wouldn't do anything to me physically, but I didn't relish the idea of tramping around looking like a sewage rat.

I sighed heavily and tried to think of my options. I didn't have money, so I couldn't buy anything. My only real option was to just dry off. But where?

And then I realized where I wanted to go, my legs carrying me there before I could decided that it was a bad idea.

The Cullen house.

OOO

No one had been in there for years, that much was apparent. So when Edward and his family fled after the engagement, they truly hadn't come back just like they said they wouldn't. All the same, it looked just as beautiful as before. More so, even.

I stood before the door that I had walked in and out of so often, and wondered to myself if it would be locked. A part of me shivered to think that there might be more inside than I was prepared for.

"I can't die." I reminded myself.

I shook off my nerves and reached for the doorknob. I tried to turn it, but it was locked. I stamped my foot a bit childishly and sat down. A part of me knew it was pointless to come here, but this was the one place where vampires weren't freaks. Where they were accepted. I thought that maybe it would be comforting to have a bit of that reassurance in my life.

But the Cullen's were gone. I was supposed to be human. So many things were wrong and I just wanted to fix it.

"Bella?"

And there was the voice, which now with ears of an equal I heard was even more unimaginably perfect than my human self had ever thought.

I looked up and saw the face of the one person I hadn't thought of to seek help from. The one person who would probably be willing if I asked nicely enough.

Edward Cullen.

A/N: I'm going to say something and I'm not sure of the reaction, but at this point I don't care.

Yes, for the past 3 chapters I did request that I get a certain amount of reviews before I post a new chapter. Why? Because I'm not an idiot. No one will read this story if it doesn't have a certain amount of reviews. As a writer, I don't want to be overlooked! :[ I normally don't care if people review my things or not, because I'm writing what I want to write, and that's all that matters. This time though, I decided to try and request that people review, using a new chapter as an incentive, to see if maybe I'd get more of a response in my story. Not because I'm "greedy" or "stupid" or a "bad writer". To be honest, I was just frustrated that so many people were subscribing to me but not reviewing. It felt sort of like I was being cheated. Because I love hearing from you guys. When I don't, I feel like I did something wrong.

But whether you review or not, quite frankly I think that it's (excuse my language) fucking mean spirited to review only for the purpose of saying that you think I'm (enter rude term here) for requesting reviews. It's not your business what I do or do not do with this story. It's MY story. That's the point. If you don't like it, don't read.

I'm not requesting a certain amount of reviews for the next chapter anymore, because honestly I get them too quickly and I don't have enough time in my schedule to write 10+ pages every day :/ However, I AM setting a new precedent. Every rude anonymous comment that I get will be deleted and if I start to get too many, I'll delete this story entirely and not think twice of it. Maybe that doesn't matter to you. Fine. But this is supposed to be a community where we entertain and support each other-NOT tear each other down.

As a final note, I hope that through this I didn't give any of you the impression that I'm a bitch or that all I care about is a number next to my story. Because I don't. And I encourage all constructive criticism that you think I need. But I don't appreciate being torn down. I really hope that you enjoy this chapter. So thanks for reading, sorry if I came off wrong and enjoy the chapter. I had so much fun writing it.