SO HERE'S A THING I RAN OUT OF TIME. DOES IT SUCK? I HOPE NOT, IM SORRY. PLEASE REVIEW MAYBE?
Chapter 9: Breaking Point
May 4th, 2012
He couldn't have stopped the words coming out of his mouth of he wanted to. And that was the thing; in all actuality, he didn't want to stop. As wrong as it was, he didn't want to stop.
He wanted to keep going, keep pushing. He wanted to see how far they could go before she broke. And she would, because that was the way between the two of them.
They pushed each other. Subtly, yes, but they did. They pushed and weaseled into every crack and crevice the other had, and then pretended like they hadn't.
He pretended he'd never looked into her best friend's death. She pretended she never tracked his movements online. They pushed and prodded and crossed all kinds of boundaries- all with the other's unvoiced consent. How they'd reached this point he'd never know.
All he did know was that today, against all of his better judgment, he was pushing. The oddity was that for once, she wasn't pushing back.
Instead of joking her way out of it, or getting angry at him, or being disgusted even, she was going with it. She was hearing his words and heeding his commands and he didn't know if that was the worst of everything she could have done. He had a hunch that it was.
The tiny part of his mind, the rational part, was screaming that this wouldn't be something she would normally be comfortable with. She just wasn't very comfortable with her sexuality in the first place. He'd learned that early on.
Sure, she'd talk to him for hours on end about the merits of being a porn star, but the moment she herself was brought into the conversation she clammed up. That all on its own was an indicator that what he wanted, what he was doing, wasn't something she could handle.
He'd done it anyway. She'd called him just before one of his moments with Cameo, and he hadn't had it in him to ignore her. She'd neglected to call when he'd asked, and he'd been worried.
So instead of letting Cameo help him with his aching need, he'd told her something had come up and picked up his phone.
He should have known better the moment her soft little voice met his ears and he could feel his demon start to stir.
Usually the cursed creature left him alone unless there was a person in the vicinity. Now, after so many years, disease rarely did even that. He'd thought it odd that disease was stirring now, when he was most definitely alone.
But he ignored it.
He ignored it and tried to speak to Nel like he wasn't nursing a hard on that was getting worse with every word she spoke.
He ignored it and tried to tell himself that Nel's teasing was not flirting because the pretty girl with innocent eyes and a shy smile would never do that.
He ignored it and tried to push away the thoughts of showing her just how commanding he could be when she brought it up in that slightly timid, slightly joking way of her's.
And then that not so little voice dominated his mind and told him to touch, touch, touch and suddenly ignoring his baser urges wasn't something he felt like doing anymore.
The thing with Pandora's demons was this: avoiding the impulse to listen to them was extremely hard, but possible. However it was only possible if you didn't actually want to do what they said.
And he'd be a damn liar if he said he'd never thought of what it would be like to cup her smooth little cheek in his hand and brush his lips against hers, if only for a second.
It wasn't odd for him to think that, as he often had the same thought when Cameo was around. Pretty much any female in fact. Though with most, he usually just wondered what it would be like to touch their hand, or run his fingers through their hair. It was his biggest shame; how starved for touch he was. But it was an unavoidable fact. He wanted what he wanted, and he couldn't do anything about it. So he grudgingly accepted it.
What made him uneasy, however, was just how much he wanted when it came to Nel.
If asked, he could probably pinpoint the exact time his thoughts shifted into darker realms. It wasn't long after they first started talking, and he often bemoaned that fact. Maybe if they hadn't met he wouldn't be stuck feeling like more of a monster than he usually was. The moment, one he treasured greatly, involved laughter, shy smiles, and a night full of ease with no strings attached. A night where he could forget about his demon and just be Torin. A night like every other one he'd had with her since.
Most of the time he wanted to simply be able to sit with her during their late nights and talk face to face. Other times, when he wasn't watching himself, he wanted to slide his hands under the heavy sweaters she wore and feel her softness warm his palms.
And at that moment, he wasn't watching. He was aching and needing and he rationalized that she could use the release too and he let himself tell her the bare minimum of what he wanted to do to her if given half the chance.
He spoke low and soft and let his need leak through his voice like the desperate wreck he was, and reveled in her response.
He could only imagine what she looked like. Since ever doing anything like that in person was pretty much impossible at the rate he was going, he instead imagined what it would be like if they were on video. The thought had him nearly groaning and he'd carefully pulled out his length in order to stroke himself.
He'd let his head lean back and had continued to talk her through her own pleasure as he'd sought his.
For a second, he'd felt bad, knowing he'd crossed a boundary. But then he heard the distinctive sound of feminine climax and he was gone.