"We're going to have to tell everyone else about what's going on," Buffy said. "It's just so much."
"I know," Angel said as he wrapped his arm around her. They were lying on her bed, talking about the events of the night and plans for what was going on. "Is this too much?" asking about his arm over her. She shook her head. She was thankful to be held for the first in so long, even if it was by her former boyfriend. The cool skin reminded her of him. She never told anyone how much she missed. She never told anyone how much she actually cared for him. She had treated him horribly since the day he met her. She turned him down whenever he tried to tell her how he felt. She rejected him, multiple times. He tried to prove it by killing Drusilla. He took care of Dawn after she died. He proved, time and time again, that he could love, that being able to love didn't mean anything about having a soul. Angel could only love her whenever he had one. But Spike—he had loved with one. And she loved him.
Angel felt the palpitations in her heart. "What is it?"
"I never really realized how much I loved him. Until he gave his life for the world." Angel tensed. She said he was in her heart. But she's actually saying she loves him. "I miss him, Angel. I've dreamed about him so many times. But these past two nights, it's been different. In the others, they were about him just holding me, or I'm watching him die for me. The new ones, we're just talking. And it's daylight."
Angel resituated. He moved from lying beside her, to sitting. She looked at him curiously, wondering why he moved. "I didn't realize," he mumbled.
"That I love him?"
"That you stopped loving me."
"Angel," she whispered and dropped her gaze. She was sitting cross-legged, now staring at her blanket. "You're still my friend. But I've grown up. I've realized that we can't be together. I used to be unable to want to touch you, to have you hold and kiss me. But we both know that leads to all sorts of bad things. I'm not saying any relationships I have must be physical, but the physical is nice. I've changed, Angel. He changed for me. I didn't notice it much then. I took him for granted." She wanted to lean against him, for his comforting arms to be around her, but with the look on his face, she knew better. "I'm sorry," was all she could mutter.
"I get it."
"Angel, I loved you for so long. It hurt after you left. Riley didn't mean much to me. At first, Spike didn't either. Angel… he loved me without a soul."
"And without a soul, I tried to kill you. Your friends. Your family. I always said I was bad for you, Buffy."
"I know." She lied down again, burying herself under her blankets. He stood up to leave, to take his place in the basement. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
"It's okay. I hurt you. I mean, we're not trying to get even with each other."
"I know. Could please stay though? And just hold me?" He struggled with himself, wondering if he should. "Please?" He gave in, hesitantly lying beside his former lover. She quickly sank into a dream.
"I don't understand," Willow said to Kennedy as they lied together. "Buffy's dreamt about Spike. Xander's dreaming about Anya. Why haven't I dreamt of Tara?"
"Maybe you don't miss her as much."
"But I do! I mean, I know I have you now, but I do still miss her," she said, trying not to upset her girlfriend. "She was the first woman I ever loved. How can I not miss her?"
"I know," Kennedy said with a small smile. She stroked Willow's cheek, as if telling her not to cry. "Let's get some sleep?"
Dawn woke before anyone in the house. The clock read 5:30. She just lied in bed, hoping to maybe get a few more hours of sleep. After waiting a few minutes, she decided to give up and get up. She peaked into Buffy's room and saw clothes on the floor. Angel's arms wrapped around her sister. Anger filled her as she shut the door and made her way down the stairs and into the basement. She began taking her fury out on the punching bag. How could she do this? It's barely been a year, and the first time she sees him, she falls back into his arms! Literally! How could she give up on Spike? This is unbelievable! She took her frustrations out on the bag until she was sore and sweaty. Stupid Buffy. She went back upstairs and showered.
Buffy awoke when she heard the water running. She felt arms around her and realized Angel had stayed and held her, just as she had asked. She got up, easing his arm from her waist. He rolled onto his back, ignoring her movement, still asleep. She looked around and noticed Dawn was up. Oh, God. There's no idea what she saw, what she assumed. She's going to be really upset if she thinks what I think she'll think. Buffy changed into her 'research-y' clothes and headed downstairs. She heard the water turn off and Dawn moving about. Well, time to clear up this misconception. She walked into the kitchen and began setting out stuff for breakfast. It was still early, only a little bit until seven. The girls came in after she had gone to bed. Dawn told them they were going into research mode because of a new big bad. They groaned but headed to bed anyway.
Knock, knock, knock. Buffy walked to the front door to find Xander.
"Hey, Xan. Come in. Are you hungry? I was just making breakfast."
"No, I'm fine," he said quietly. He's changed since last year… He's not happy. He's not cheery like he was.
"Okay. Is everything okay?"
"Not really. I-I had a dream about Anya last night."
As she sat in the kitchen, she simply asked, "What happened?" He told her of the dream.
"It was so real, Buff. I didn't want to wake up."
"I know. I mean, I've had similar dreams. But about—about Spike," she gulped. She knew Xander never liked him, just as he never liked Angel. "Oh. Um, we're going into research mode today. Everyone's meeting at the shop around noon," Buffy launched in to everything they had discovered the previous night, including why Angel was asleep in her bed at the moment.
She heard the other girls rustling around. Dawn still hadn't come down. "I'll be right back," she said as she headed up the stairs. She knocked on Dawn's door. There was no answer, so she walked in. Dawn was sitting on her bed. She glared at Buffy as she came through the door.
"What?" Dawn sneered.
"I just wanted to explain. I know you saw Angel in my bed this morning. Nothing happened. I was upset, and he just held me. Like a friend," she emphasized.
"You're not crawling back to him?"
"Of course not. The only feelings I have for Angel are friendly ones. No romantic-y love ones. I love him as a friend."
"So, you still only love Spike?" Dawn whispered. Buffy simply nodded.