Gal Pals

by Alexpv22

Lori and Leni get into a fight, after the former loses a golf game. Said fight later causes the rest of the Loud Sisters to get caught up in it all. Overwhelmed by the chaos, Lincoln escapes the house and heads downtown for some peace and quiet. There, he has a chance meeting with three of Lori's classmates. What does the future hold for Lincoln, after crossing their path?

10. Chapter Ten: Karmaic Kountdown

Karmaic Kountdown

As Superintendent Chen begins her tale, let us turn back the clock several days ago; about the time Lincoln was let out of school early for break. The moment Cheryl brought in his phone book (or whatever that little thingy with the note cards is called,) Principal Wilbur Huggins began collecting a series of numbers. After collecting a reasonable pile, he picked out one and pressed a button on a speed-dial phone.

It rang and rang incessantly for about fifteen seconds; until someone, at long last, picked up on the other line. "This is the Royal Woods Administration Office" a voice spoke on the other end, "how may I transfer your call?" After sharing a brief yet casual talk between Huggins and the secretary, the former quickly got down to business.

"I would like for you to connect me with Superintendent Chen, please" Huggins said bluntly, "it's a matter of grave importance." Without hesitation, the woman on the other line quickly connected the principal to Chen's office phone line. Once again, Huggins found himself put on hold. But this wait felt more bothersome than the previous one.

"Come on...pick up the phone already" Huggins thought anxiously, "at this very moment, a child's life or mental state may very well be at risk!" Finally, after almost two minutes of being on hold, a voice sounded off on the other line. "What is it now, Wilbur" Superintendent Chen's voice murmured in minor annoyance, "if this is about raising the grade on your evaluation report from last month; I told you that..."

Before Chen could continue, she suddenly heard a loud thud on the other end; which meant that something either fell...or that Huggins slammed his fist upon his desk. "With all due respect, ma'am; I called you about something more important than a silly evaluation report" he shouted suddenly, taking the superintendent off-guard. Upon realizing his rash behavior, Huggins quickly took a moment to calm himself down.

"My apologies...I'm just...a little out of sorts lately" he sighed deeply while rubbing his temples, "you see...something has been going on with one of my students, Lincoln Loud." Upon hearing the boy's name, all the past memories of other reports concerning the "Loud Children" flashed through her mind. Unfortunately, said incidents numbered nearly in the hundreds to thousands.

These included Luna disrupting class due to her music, Lori often shirking her in-class studies to focus on her text sessions with her boyfriend, Luan terrorizing her peers with her pranks and of course, the many reports of aggressive/unsportsmanlike conduct performed by Lynn Jr. But she seldom if not ever heard any ill reports about their younger brother. "What do you have to report, Huggins" asked Superintendent Chen, "and make it quick, I'd like to finish my paperwork before starting Break."

As she sat back in her chair and listened, the expressions on the woman's face suddenly began to change rapidly. In the span of twenty to thirty seconds; her face changed from shocked to confused to outraged to disgusted all the way up to horrified. Soon after that, all became deathly quiet; save for the faint chatter of the building's staff outside the office doors.

For the longest time; neither Chen spoke nor did Huggins on the other end of the line and the poor woman, in her frazzled state, almost drop the phone from her hand. It wasn't until she heard Huggins' voice calling her name through the phone when she finally snapped out of her daze. "Ma'am...are you alright" he asked worriedly, "you went quiet so quickly...I thought something bad might've happened."

After taking a moment to collect herself, Chen picked the phone back up and assured Huggins she was alright. "I just...felt a tad overwhelmed earlier" she explained, "what you've told me is...quite a bit to take in." Huggins murmured softly on the other end; admitting that, when he first heard the story, he was in the same boat.

"Despite how...outrageous it all sounds, every bit of young Lincoln's story is true" Huggins said with a deep sigh, "I've even seen the physical evidence of what he's endured." Upon hearing this, Superintendent Chen questioned Huggins about the "physical evidence" he saw. What he described next was something the administrator did not expect.

Full-bodied sunburn, bruises, black eyes, skin rashes due to "highly experimental serums," coming to school covered in all manner of trash. These were but a few of the examples of circumstances Lincoln endured...but the superintendent remained moderately unconvinced. "I would like to believe you, Wilbur; I truly would" she murmured slightly, "but how do we know this isn't simply a lie the boy created to earn sympathy from you?"

At first, Principal Huggins said nothing; believing that his superior may be right. But then, he remembered that a friend of his was with him from the start of the ordeal; a student known as Girl Jordan. "I'll get back to you on that later on, Superintendent Chen" he said suddenly, "I just need to make one other phone call."

The woman let out an exasperated sigh on the other end of the line and urged him to hurry along. After pressing the hold button, Huggins quickly sought out Jordan's home phone number and dialed it. Soon, he found himself in a troubling discussion with the girl's mother.

"Run that by me again; if you would, ma'am" Huggins said while lightly shaking his head, "you go to Mr. Loud's house to retrieve his belongings and upon your arrival, you almost got caught up in a fight?" Upon hearing the man's words, Jordan's mother quickly rephrased the statement. "I go to the house to pick up Lincoln's things" she began slowly, "but as soon as his parents help me in, we almost found ourselves caught in the biggest sibling quarrel I've ever seen!"

As she continued, much of the story sounded like a typical sibling fight; shouting offensive names, throwing food at one another, shouting; that sort of thing. "Then, one of his sisters came rushing in while wildly swinging a baseball bat" she shuddered, "it almost struck me in the leg." Huggins winced under his breath at the news, muttering how this matter should be brought up to Principal Ramirez at the Middle School.

"After barely dodging the bat, I suddenly stumble backwards and fell onto a pile of mud pies one of the young twins was using" Jordan's mother explained, "at least, I think that was mud." She then mentions how, while trying to clean herself off, a snake suddenly wrapped around her right ankle. "Hold it there, ma'am" Huggins exclaimed suddenly, "did you say that...a snake was around your ankle?"

After taking a moment to push back the image in her head, Jordan's mother confirmed that was what she saw. "According to Mrs. Loud; this snake was one of her younger daughter, Lana's many...many 'exotic pets.'" Soon after that, she began to list all the other critters the girl had; including a frog, a lizard, a rat, several insects (including ants and a flea) and many others.

"Mrs. Loud even said to me 'be glad it was the snake that saw you and not the gator'" Jordan's mother whimpered fearfully, "how that girl is allowed to have so many animals indoors, much less an alligator, is beyond me!" Huggins hummed softly to himself, upon hearing this; wondering if Animal Control should also be contacted.

"Anything else happen there that I should know about?" he asked, "this is all starting to become more than just a student's mental state at stake." With a weary sigh, Jordan's mother prepared to continue...but Huggins quickly stopped her. "Hold that thought, Miss" he stated, "I might need you to join me in a group call with the superintendent...she would want to hear this."

Sometime later, Huggins checked with the parents of other students Lincoln was said to be associating with. With each call, much to his dismay; the stories all seemed nearly the same...Lincoln's current home situation left him on edge. After each of these parents shared their stories with Superintendent Chen, she then suggested that someone should contact Child Protective Services.

(Line Break)

During the evening hours of the first day of break, Superintendent Chen was seen relaxing in her home; engaging in some reading. When at that moment, her phone begins ringing off loudly; almost causing her to drop her book. She growls softly in annoyance and picks it up, expecting to see Huggins' number once again.

But what she saw, instead was the caller ID of Amber Keck; the Middle School gym teacher/coach. "Hello there, Amber" the superintendent greeted casually, "heard you went to the spa today, how was it?" After this, Chen sat quietly as she listened to the coach chatter away on the other line.

While this went on, she reached over and took a sip from a glass of lemonade. But then, something in the coach's story shocked Chen so much; the glass almost fell from her hand. "His sister did what to the stylist" she gasped, "and he had the marks to prove it?" There was a soft murmur on the other end, which would mean that Keck gave a short yet simple answer.

After this, the voice of one Principal Ramirez suddenly spoke up. He went on to explain the talk young Lincoln had with a high school boy named Chaz. "The stories we heard him talk about, ma'am...you can't imagine how bizarre they all sounded" Ramirez sighed, "he said things about full-body sunburn, having to sleep in a doghouse for several nights, being forced to meet with several 'dates' at the homecoming dance...a dance he had no intention of going to from the beginning."

Upon hearing about the sunburn, she recalled Huggins mentioning the same thing not long ago. "It was some of the worst stuff I've ever seen, ma'am" sighed Principal Ramirez, "worse than the sort of sunburn my brother-in-law got last summer in Miami." Then, Coach Keck mentioned something about Lincoln being banned from the supermarket due to his sisters' actions.

"Take your pick, ma'am...there's more of that to come, unfortunately" she sighed deeply, "Ramirez even said the kid once suffered a barrage of April Fool's pranks set by his elder sister, just to protect a friend." When Coach Keck went into detail on what the pranks were, Chen almost choked on her lemonade. "She did all that to him...and the parents did nothing to stop it" she asked in disbelief, "what if Lincoln got hurt?!"

When Ramirez said that Mr. and Mrs. Loud were too afraid to discipline their daughter, Superintendent Chen's jaw almost struck the floor. "That is ridiculous, a parent is not supposed to fear their own child" she decreed, "nor should said child perform such physically harmful 'jokes' (and I use the term 'jokes' very loosely here.)" Both Ramirez and Keck muttered softly in agreement and asked their superior what she planned to do next.

"After giving it much thought, I think I should give Child Protective Services a call" she muttered in reply, "it's high time that we looked more into the Loud Family...before things get worse." With that, she bade the two teachers' farewell and made an immediate call to the Royal Woods CPS building. While this was going on, things did not change much between the Loud Sisters.

(Scene Change: The Loud Residence, two days into Spring Break)

It has been two days since Lincoln left the house. Yet their moods still remained the same...bitterly hostile. In the beginning, this nonsense was just between Lori and Leni; the two eldest sisters.

But not long after, the other sisters went into the breech.

Luan's tools for pranking became weapons of war, Luna readied her guitar to unleash a violent blast from her power chords, Lucy's bats were poised to strike anyone foolhardy to approach their mistress and Lori eyes blazed red with fury; ready to throttle anyone who'd dare speak up first. The parents, meanwhile hid themselves behind the separating wall leading into the kitchen. From the corner of his eye, Lynn Sr. looked towards his youngest daughters; hoping they would have more sense.

Alas, it appeared that even they were swept up in the hostility; even Lily glared menacingly at her elder sisters. While this was going on, Rita thanked the heavens that Lincoln was far away from all this. But she wondered just how long they would be apart from one another.

Sometime later, each of the girls decided to leave the house and "clear their heads" a little by visiting some of their favorite hangouts. Little did they suspect that they would not be so warmly greeted, upon their arrival. The first of these places Reininger's, Leni's workplace and oftentimes favorite hangout.

Upon her arrival, she spotted her work friends Fiona and Miguel; chatting idly with one another. "Hey, guys; it is totes awesome to see you both" she called out in a mildly cheerful tone, "I could use some good company, right now." The duo in question simply cast some disinterested glances her way and continued with their discussion.

Presuming that they didn't hear her, Leni began to approach the front door; only to be stopped by her employer, Mrs. Carmichael. Being the...shall we say, ditzy gal she is; Leni was oblivious to the firm glare the older woman was giving her. "How have things been, Ma'am" she asked casually, "I'm guessing that swimwear sales have gone up due to Spring Break?"

In response to this inquiry, Mrs. Carmichael presented her with a chart paper; which showed a red line dipping incredibly low. "No, Ms. Loud" muttered the businesswoman, "I'm afraid sales haven't gone up...they haven't gone up for the past few days." This news seemed to greatly shock the usually chipper blonde.

"But why, the store is always popular during Break" she inquired, "what could be causing sales to go so badly?" At that moment, Miguel exited the store and took his place beside his boss; his face also bearing a disappointed look. "It's not so much as a what that's causing sales to drop, Leni" he grumbled bitterly, "it's a who."

This made the girl feel even more confused...that is, more so than she usually is. "What's a 'who'" she asked, "I've never heard of a Who before...but my sister's heard of a band called The Who..." Before Leni could continue, Mrs. Carmichael informed her that she would be taking a "leave of absence" until called upon again.

"Where would I take a 'leave of absence' to, Ma'am" she asked naively, "I mean, I could take it to the mall or to a movie or..." Once again, Leni was stopped in mid-speech; this time by Fiona, another work friend. "I'm gonna cut to the chase and just tell it to ya straight, girl" she said bluntly, "you are banned from coming into the store until we say you can come back!"

Thanks to the simple word of "banned;" Leni, at last was able to understand her situation. "But...But why are you guys banning me" she questioned fearfully, "if it's about that time I took the clothes off the sales rack, last week; I made sure to put them back, after I was done in the dressing room." It was here that Mrs. Carmichael revealed that the girl's situation was far more severe than that.

"Let's just say...something about you has been brought to my attention, recently" she said matter-of-factly, "something that has caused our customers to stop shopping her. Alas, the poor girl still didn't follow what was happening and she quickly became distressed. "Well...can we still hang out together outside of the store" she asked, "I mean...I won't be breaking the ban, if we did."

Upon hearing this, Miguel and Fiona gave Leni the cold shoulder and walked away. This sight caused the girl's heart to tighten slightly, as if it were being squeezed by a vice. Leni then gave her boss one last pleading gaze, hoping she would show pity on her.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Loud but until the ban is lifted; you must leave" Mrs. Carmichael droned softly, "I can't have someone who has such blatant disregard for family in my store." With that, she walked through the doors and shut them in Leni's face...hard. In the moments following this incident, the young blonde proceeded back to her home; her brain buzzing with questions.

Why did they ban her from her own job, why were her friends acting so mean...and what did Mrs. Carmichael mean when she said that she showed...blate, blatein...blate ant disregard for family? Upon thinking of the word, Leni suddenly froze in her tracks and her face slowly contorted into a vicious sneer.

"It must've been Lori or one of the others" she growled to herself, "they must've called my work and said something to Mrs. C!" With this in mind, she decided to head back home and give her sister a piece of her mind. But then, she suddenly thought that...maybe it wasn't such a good idea to do that.

After all; back home, things were already hostile enough. So, why say something that would only make things worse? Realizing that she was feeling a bit stressed, she decided to give a call to the person who might be able to help her; Chaz. With a blissful sigh, she brought up her phonebook and pressed her boyfriend's phone number on speed dial.

But no sooner had she done this, a bright red "X" symbol appeared with the words "call blocked" showing beneath it. "What...Blocked, why would my number be blocked" she asked herself, "maybe...maybe it's just a mistake, let me try it again." With great determination, she tried three more attempts to call Chaz...only to be met with the same "call blocked" symbol each time.

After the third and final failure, Leni sniffled softly and trudged off for home. Meanwhile, the rest of her sisters were in similar situations themselves.

(Scene Change: The Royal Woods Baseball field, first day of break)

Down at the baseball field, in the park area of town, Lynn was raring to vent out her stresses with some good ol' sports action. Upon her arrival, she spotted two of her friends on the field; Margo and Polly. With her gear hoisted on her back, Lynn rushed towards the field; all while calling out her friends names.

"You gals ready to rumble" she exclaimed, "'cause 'Lynner, Lynner Chicken Dinner' has got the urge!" Much to her surprise, neither of the girls spoke up. They just glanced at her for about five seconds and then, went back to cleaning up their shoes or gear.

Believing that her friends might not have heard her, Lynn reached into her sports bag and brought out an air horn; which she then proceeded to blare it wildly while screaming. Despite wincing slightly from the loud blares of the horn, Margo and Polly continued ignoring her. At this point, Lynn was beginning to feel mildly bothered and prepared to blare the horn again.

But then; a tall, burly mustachioed man dressed in a sports uniform quickly snatched it away, before she could sound it off. Normally, Lynn would openly throttle anyone who touched "her stuff." But when she saw that it was one of her coaches, she quickly stood at attention.

"I'll be taking that, Loud" muttered the man, as he stowed away the air horn; "best explain why you're disturbing the girls here?" Without the slightest hesitation, Lynn proceeded to speak to her coach casually; indicating that she wanted to hang with her sports pals. "What makes you think we'd want to hang with you" grumbled Margo, "I mean; after our big football game loss, last week...I'll bet you see us as 'bad luck...' right?"

Lynn could barely understand what was going on in front of her. Why were her friends talking this way to her, why was her coach being so apprehensive...and what was with Margo talking about "bad luck?" After giving a nonchalant shrug, she proceeded to walk through the park entrance.

But then, her coach suddenly gripped the back of her collar and pulled her back. "I'm sorry, Loud" muttered the coach, "but I'm afraid that there's no place for you here." These words felt like a hard right hook to the gut for Lynn, who appeared utterly dumbfounded.

"Could you run that by me again, Coach" she murmured confusedly, "I think I may have had some stuff in my ears." The baseball coach let out a deep and exasperated groan, before facepalming himself. Then, he fished about his gym bag for a few moments until he found what he wanted; a stack of papers.

"I'll explain it to you better with these, Loud" he grumbled, "maybe then, you'll understand." Without even a word, he shoved the papers into Lynn's arms and gestured for her to read them. The young jock then proceeded to skim through them all, without hesitation.

Upon reading them, Lynn discovered that these papers were all the sign up sheets for all the sports teams she signed up for over the past year or so. Much to her surprise, every sheet had a thick red mark plastered on each of them. Sensing that the girl wasn't getting the message, the coach decided to get down to brass tacks.

"In the past, Loud; I've overlooked some of your...shall we say, overzealous behavior, during games or practice" he stated, "but recently, Principal Ramirez has brought to my attention some news about you that I find...questionable." Before Lynn could question him, the coach quickly interrupted her and began to go into deeper detail on the matter.

"I've been told that your eldest sister, Lori...it is Lori, right" he questioned softly, "anywho; I heard that your sister, Lori had...a bit of a bad game at the golf course last Saturday." Lynn grumbled softly and said that his assumption was correct. "Lori always was a sore loser" she sighed, "especially whenever she loses against her 'rival,' Carol Pingrey."

The coach said nothing in response, the only thing he did do was give a simple nod. In his mind, he began to believe that poor sportsmanship might have been a common trait shared within Lynn's family. "So, then...you said your other siblings began to fight as well" he said matter-of-factly, "care to explain what you meant by that?"

With an exasperated groan; Lynn proclaims that such a thing always happens, whenever one or more of her sisters fight. "Long story short; whenever a serious fight happens, the rest of the family stays out of the way until said fight is settled" she explains in annoyance, "this happens almost every time we fuss over something stupid!" This explanation suddenly brought Margo and Polly to burst out laughing.

"The only thing stupid here is that story, Lynn" Polly shouted between guffaws, "the idea that you guys would let a silly fight get so bad is laughable!" Taken aback by such a response, Lynn tried to make a retort; only to be interrupted by her coach. "I've also read reports about you pushing your brother out of your home, a few months back" he said bluntly, "apparently...it was all due to you thinking he was...'bad luck?'"

Upon hearing mentions of her brother, Lynn's anger began to boil; believing Lincoln must've squealed on her. "Look...whatever that wimp told you, let me tell you my side of the story" she insisted, "see...even after doing all my rituals; the moment Stinkin' showed up, we still..." Her speech was suddenly halted, after the coach lightly yet shrilly blew his whistle.

"Cut the nonsense, Loud and give it to me straight" he demanded, "did you and your family or did you not force your only brother outdoors over some stupid superstition?!" Rather than respond respectfully, Lynn suddenly flew into a tirade. "BUT YOU KNOW ME, COACH; I NEVER LOSE!" she roared bitterly, "BUT AS SOON AS THAT LITTLE PUNK SHOWED UP, MY A-GAME FELL APART!"

The coach, Margo and Polly didn't know which was more disturbing; the fact that Lynn refused to deny her belief in superstition or that she was speaking so viciously about her only brother. Needless to say, it made what he was about to say next much easier. "Loud...you're a great athlete, one of the school's best" he said with some glimmer of pride, "but due to your behavior as of late and your...apparent delusional ideas of luck, you have left me with no other options."

With a heavy heart, he then revealed the nature of the red marks on the papers. "These mean that until further notice, you're officially cut from all your athletic extracurricular activities" the coach decreed, "I'm sorry...but it must be done." In what seemed like a flash, Lynn's entire world seemed to fall to pieces.

"Wha...What, you're cutting me; you're star player" she muttered in disbelief, "why cut me for something that isn't even my fault?!" Soon after saying this, Margo stomped over towards Lynn and got right up in her face; proclaiming that she was just as much to blame for her family's situation as the rest of them. "If you all weren't so butthurt about losing, none of this would be happening" she said firmly, "but nope, it's never about the game or fun with you...it's just about winning."

Lynn was slowly becoming rather irritated by her friend and teammate's behavior. "Has it ever occurred to any of you that for most athletes, winning is fun" she asked bitterly, "I mean...how can you have fun and lose at something?" With this statement; the coach reminded Lynn that the true value of a game athletes play comes from how you play it, not by achieving victory.

"When I was in college, I lost a big bowling championship; one that I had spent thee months prepping myself for" he explained, "sure; at first the loss bothered me...but I had so much fun playing the game overall, I forgot about it." Lynn stared dumbfounded at her coach, after the story ended. How could this man, who pushed her to be her best on the team, be so nonchalant about losing a big game?

"What...What about your team" she asked suddenly, "they must've been sore about the loss!" The coach shrugged his shoulders and said that his team also felt happy that they had a lot of fun during the game. "The best part was when my roommate bought us chicken wings to celebrate our hard work" he sighed blissfully, "those were some good times."

Alas, Lynn was still unappeased; the idea that people would take losing with such uncaring attitudes was (to her) absurd. "But losing gives you nothing, in the end" she cried, "all it leaves you with is shame, humiliation and anger!" To the coach, Margo and Polly; hearing such talk from her was both disappointing and disgraceful.

Without another world, the three of them went off to the farthest point of the field; leaving a flabbergasted Lynn Loud behind. "What the...What is the matter with you people" she wailed desperately, "I did nothing wrong here, NOTHING!"

(Scene Change: the community center)

While Lynn was experiencing her supposed "betrayal;" elsewhere, Lucy Loud was seen walking off towards the town community center. There, she hoped to have a nice get together with the Junior Morticians Club. "This nonsense between Lori, Leni and the others is getting on my nerves" she thought monotonously, "maybe some time with my own people will calm my nerves."

As she marched her way up to the entrance, Lucy could see several of her fellow club members already inside. She smiled softly, anxious to be among friends soon. But as her hand reached for the door, one of the other Goth kids suddenly popped up behind her; giving Lucy a bit of a fright.

He was a tall, lanky young man dressed in what looked like a white, long-sleeved lab coat and long black boots. His ears were long and pointed, he had a round, bald head, had bags beneath his eyes and a set of small buck teeth (but to him, they were like fangs.) Upon recovery, Lucy greeted her friend in a dry yet casual fashion.

"I'm guessing everybody's already inside" she murmured, "good...let's get the meeting underway." Just as Lucy tries to enter the building, the tall boy suddenly blocks her. Five times over, she tried to move passed her friend...and five times over, he still blocked her way.

"What's going on, why are you blocking me out" she asked, "I'm gonna be late for the meeting." Upon saying this; one of her other friends, a glasses wearing Goth named Boris, suddenly popped up. "Sorry, Lucy...we must ask you to leave" he murmured, "this meeting is for members only."

The young Goth felt both insulted and confused by her friend's statement. "What are you talking about, I am a member" she grumbled, "I have been since last year...I was the one who created it!" With that statement, the other club members informed Lucy that she was thereby banned from the Mortician's Club.

To add salt to the wound, they also revealed that her position as leader was refilled by someone else. Upon looking inside, Lucy could see Haiku sitting within her seat at the table. "Why that vile little traitor" she growled, "let me in there, she and I have some business to discuss!"

Alas; her entry was denied, once again and the boys quickly escorted her off the grounds. Confused, angry and betrayed; Lucy trudged her way back home, all while waterfalls of tears were running down her cheeks. But almost ten seconds later, her sadness gave way to full-blown anger.

"I'll just go home and hang out with Fangs" she muttered, "but the others best stay out of my way...or else!"

(scene change: Downtown with Luan)

Normally; Ms. Luan Loud is seen as a peppy, goofy, energetic gal full of bad puns. But today, she was not in a funny mood; which was a side of her people seldom saw. "The nerve of my sisters getting uppity with me" she grumbled to herself, "I make one or two jokes to help lighten the mood and everybody has the stones to call me stupid?!"

With so much frustration welling up inside of her, Luan was in need of a good joke or something to take her mind off things. Then, much to her surprise; she spotted something at the bus stop that made her squirting flower spin. It was young Benjamin "Benny" Lewis, a fellow jokester and Luan's boyfriend.

With a blissful sigh, she skipped her way merrily towards him; eager to share her anguish with someone. "Hi, Benny; it's so nice to see you" she breathed dreamily, "I could use the company of someone I can trust, right now." Much to her surprise, Benny simply turned his head up and walked away; giving Luan the cold shoulder.

Confused, the young comedienne chased after him; all while calling Benny's name. "Sweetie, what's wrong" Luan asked worriedly, "why won't you talk to me...did I do something wrong?" At that moment, Benny's stride suddenly halted; which almost caused Luan to crash into him.

Then, he placed his backpack upon the ground and began to fish his hand around inside of it. In time, Benny found what he was searching for and brought it out; a marionette dressed in pink Victorian English-style clothing and a pink hat. Luan recognized this to be Mrs. Apple Blossom, Benny's personal ventriloquist puppet (much like her Mr. Coconuts.)

"I'm afraid Benjamin isn't in the mood for chatter, at the moment" Benny said through his puppet, "rather...he's not quite in the mood to speak you at all, for the moment." Taken aback by such a response, Luan questioned why Benny was acting this way. "From the moment he met you; Benjamin presumed you were a kind, loving and amusing kindred spirit" listed Mrs. Apple Blossom, "but recent events have shown us otherwise."

With that said, Benny carefully placed the puppet back into his backpack and walked away. Meanwhile, Luan remained frozen where she stood; both from shock, distress and most importantly, confusion. What sort of "events" was Benny (or Mrs. Apple Blossom, as the case may be) talking about?

With the prospect of chatting with her boyfriend now a bust, Luan decided to turn to the one place that could cheer her up, Funny Business. "Funny Business Inc." was a joke shop Luan helped sponsor through her many entertainment gigs, party appearances and most importantly, it was also her armory for pranking. "Maybe they have someplace in mind for me to perform at" she murmured hopefully, "since it's Spring Break, there will be parties and what's a party without a clown?"

With this in mind, she strolled off on her way towards the joke shop. There, she saw the manager talking with a delivery truck driver. Upon inspection, Luan saw that the truck was filled with hundreds of stink bombs. "With that many bombs, I could leave the house smelling like a manure pile for the entire summer" she thought to herself while wringing her hands together, "better yet...I could fill them all with perfume and leave it smelling like lilacs for that long!"

To her, the latter idea felt more "hilarious;" mainly because of how much she knew Lana and Lynn despised the smell of perfume. "It would be the perfect revenge weapon against those gals" she murmured sinisterly, "in the end, victory won't be the only thing smelling sweet!" After letting out a hearty laugh, Luan's eyes darted around; hoping to see someone laugh at her poorly conceived pun.

Alas, she was met with only stone-cold silence around her. While grumbling bitterly at the fact no one could hear another one of her "joke gems," Luan trudged her way over towards the shop. But when the manager caught sight of her, he suddenly grew hostile.

"What are you doing here, Missy" the man grumbled, "come to buy more of my products for your next 'Prank-Pocalypse?'" Luan was rather surprised by his tone, as well as him speaking so bitterly about one of her prank sprees. "Sir, my April Fools Fest is over for the year" she stated, "I want to know if you have any gigs booked for me...I need something to take my mind off some home-related stress."

Upon hearing her talk about "stress," the manager almost ripped his hair out by the roots. "You are in no position to talk to me about stress, young lady" the man roared, "I'm the one that's been having real stress here!" After this, he brought out a business sales chart and presented it to Luan.

The girl was surprised to see that profits have taken a dangerous nosedive in the past few days. "As you can see here, Ms. Loud, sales are falling faster than a team of clowns on a wet floor" he grumbled, "and don't you dare take that as a joke, this is serious!" Hearing her benefactor speak to her this way truly shocked Luan.

In the past, the man always greeted her jollily and with a smile. But something about the poor sales brushed that side of him away and replaced it with a sort of...incredibly livid "shock jock" sort of behavior. "I understand you're stressed, Sir; I really do" she murmured softly, "but why take your anger about bad sales out on me?"

As a response, the man brought up her "Prank-Pocalypse" endeavor again. "Not only have you been using my merchandise to terrorize your family" he roared loudly, "but your actions have also broken several rules of comedy; the biggest one is even when pranking, never...ever put the lives of others at risk of physical harm!"

Upon hearing this; Luan realized that the nature of her pranks must've somehow, reached her benefactor's ears. "With all due respect, Sir; you don't know my family" she retorted as calmly as she could, "I've been doing this to them for years and yet, they're still alive and kickin' now." Despite the casual nature of her words, they only seemed to make the man angrier.

"Full-body waxing, mass water bucket dumps, booby traps...and Lord only knows what else you plan for your family" he muttered in disgust, "how is any of that meant to make them laugh...TELL ME?!" In that moment, something inside Luan snapped. The stress she endured at home, Benny deciding to distance himself from her and now, her benefactor insulting her "comedic methods" helped push Luan over the edge.

"DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU FAT MOOK" she roared suddenly, "OTHER PEOPLE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT PRANKS, PRANKS ARE ONLY MEANT FOR THE PRANKSTER TO ENJOY!" After this, she flew into a full-blown tirade; going on about how if people felt upset over a prank, they simply didn't "understand the joke's subtlety." "There is nothing subtle about the things you do, Luan" muttered the manager, "you go over the top with every 'joke' you do!"

While still feeling rather bitter about the present situation she was in. Luan still found enough nerve to look the man in the eye and say "when it comes to comedy, you either go big...or go home." As if by some sort of ironic turnaround, the shop manager glared at her firmly and told her to head off for home.

With a vicious scowl on her face, Luan put her foot down and proclaimed she would not move an inch. "You may not be giving me any prank products, for some reason" she muttered bitterly, "but can you, at least tell me of any gigs set up for me!" Without saying a word, the manager marched through the front doors of Funny Business.

Upon his return, he had a tremendous amount of pink rejection letters in his arms. Then, he unceremoniously dumped the papers down at Luan's feet. One of these, after being caught in the breeze, smacked itself against Luan's face.

After reading it over; Luan's jaw dropped so low, it almost fell from her face. "This...This was my gig for that big graduation party in June for my homeroom" she gasped, "wha...why would they turn me down?" She turned towards the store manager, hoping he would give her an answer.

But instead, he gave her a small smile and a sort of "isn't it obvious" look. Luan groaned softly at this and began fishing about the papers for at least, one place that still wanted her to entertain. Alas; every establishment in town that hired her, every family that booked her to perform even the children of some of these families sent her the same notices.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS" Luan shouted, "CAN NOBODY IN THIS TOWN TAKE A STINKIN' JOKE?!" Upon hearing her outburst, the manager began to feel rather worried. "This girl is obviously off her rocker" he thought to himself, "I dunno if I should call the police or the paddy wagon!"

At that moment, Luan turned to face her benefactor; her teeth clenched so tightly that the brackets of her braces came close to popping off. "Luan...don't look at me that way" he begged her, "I mean it, head on home and relax...or I'll be forced to get drastic." Luan remained undeterred by his threats and soon, she began to stomp her way over to him.

As she approached her "former confidant," Luan suddenly filled the squirt tube of her flower with ghost pepper hot sauce. It didn't take long for the manager to realize that she intended to use that on him. Feeling rather nervous of the situation, the store manager swiftly made good on his earlier threat.

With lightning speed, he suddenly drew out a squirting flower that was as large as a stop sign. Attached behind it, Luan spotted a fire hose; one used by party clowns for joke firemen skits at parties. "Just turn around and go back home, Ms. Loud" the manager said firmly, "I have a squirting flower loaded up with 1,000 gallons of water and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Scoffing slightly at his warning, Luan gave the pump in her right hand a squeeze and a droplet of ghost pepper sauce was sent flying out of her flower. The drop struck the man on the cheek and the resulting splat caused a small speck of the sauce to hit his left eye. This little bit was just enough to leave the poor fellow in a considerable amount of pain.

As he reached up to wipe at his eye, the hose fell out of the man's hand. Once it hit the floor, the collision caused the nozzle to suddenly turn on. Afterwards, the hose began to flail about wildly; blasting gallons of powerful water blasts willy nilly.

When the water stuck at the area around them, it resulted in tremendous amounts of damage. The water broke apart numerous parts of the ground, peeled way the areas of the Funny Business building's paint and shattered many windows. That's not even including the other damages caused to other buildings beside this one.

Snapping out of her angry state and realizing her error, Luan chuckled sheepishly and proceeded to slink away as quickly as she could.

(Scene Change: Loud Residence, a half hour after the sisters have departed)

Coming down the eastern edge of the neighborhood was a large, black van. On its side, the words "Royal Woods Child Protective Services" were shown in bold white lettering. From out of the van, a team of figures in suits approached the house and knocked on the door. After knocking on it three consecutive times, there was still no answer.

"They must not be home, ma'am" one of the male agents informed his leader, "perhaps, we should wait till they come back?" The lead agent quickly dismissed the idea, insisting that the family being away would be the perfect opportunity to mount an investigation. With that in mind, the agents proceeded to assault the door more roughly.

After several minutes of shoulder-slamming, pounding and even kicking the door; their commotion quickly caught the attention of much of the neighborhood. Among the onlookers; Bud Grouse, the Loud Family's neighbor on the eastern side of their property, came bursting through his front door. "LOUDS, KNOCK OFF THAT RACKET" he fumed angrily, "SOME OF US ARE TRYIN' TO REST!"

This outburst quickly caught the agents' attention and they briefly ceased hitting at the door. "Sir, return to your home" the leader said calmly, "this is a matter of government business." Upon hearing this, Mr. Grouse suddenly began to chortle loudly. "The government, eh...about time ya came here" he stated, "I always knew the Louds nonsense would ruffle Uncle Sam's feathers too much."

At first, they all presumed this man to be nothing more than a disgruntled old man angry for little to no reason. But the moment he mentioned the Louds, they believed he might be of some help. After taking the time to collect herself, the lead agent cleared her throat and approached Mr. Grouse.

"So sorry to disturb you, Sir" she said humbly, "my name is Agatha Greenwood, I am here with my associates from Child Protective Services answering a call from the Royal Woods superintendent." Though he didn't quite understand what was going on, Mr. Grouse still did his best to be respectable. "What can I help ya with, Missy" he asked, "if you're from Social Services, I'm guessin' you're plannin' on separating those rambunctious Loud kids."

Ms. Greenwood was taken aback by such a brash assumption but chose to disregard it, for the moment. "Actually...while my business does involve the Loud Siblings, it's actually for something else entirely" she stated, "on that note, could you help us by answering a few questions?" Once again, Mr. Grouse was uncertain on how to answer...but decided to continue in being respectful.

After almost a half hour's worth of discussions, Agent Greenwood and her team thanked Grouse for his cooperation and went on their way. "Oh...one last question, Sir" she said suddenly, "because of the thoroughness of our investigation, we are required to investigate the Loud House premises. But..." With a soft, knowing smile; Grouse gestured at a bench seated on the front porch.

"There' a key hidden there that Lynn made for emergencies" he stated, "or...whenever one of his kids are sneaking back into their house after being gone most of the night." Once again, the agents thanked Mr. Grouse for his assistance and went on their way. Upon finding the key, Agent Greenwood unlocked the door and slowly opened it.

What they found inside was a sight they were not expecting. Every inch of the inside was coated in garbage; from the dining room, the living room, the kitchen and even the stairs. "Okay, everyone; let's split up and investigate" Greenwood murmured, "Mathers; you, McKenzie and Dayton go upstairs and look around...the rest of us will work down here."

The team nodded in unison and immediately went began their investigation. As Mathers and his team made their way upstairs, he was suddenly pushed back; when something came flying at his face. Had it not been for McKenzie's reflexes in catching him, he would've fallen down all the steps.

Upon recovering, he saw what it was that came at him. It was a medium-sized black bat and it suddenly came flying out of one of the bedrooms upstairs. "Guess what Chen said in her memo was right" Mathers muttered to himself, "this family is hoarding wild animals in this place." Agent Dayton simply scoffed at his comrade, insisting that it was just one bat.

The moment the group reached the top of the stairs, however; Dayton quickly regretted his words. For coming out of one of the bedrooms before them, the team could see scores of animals rushing out in an alarmed frenzy; possibly disturbed by their presence. Upon seeing these animals, Agent Mathers took out a clipboard and began checking off each one he found there.

"Let's see...we saw the bat, just a moment ago" he muttered softly, "here...we got a pig, some rodents (squirrels, rats, mice etc.,) there's a frog, a few lizards, there's that snake..." As the man continued his checklist, Agent McKenzie suddenly started scratching herself all over. "Agent, what is the meaning of this" grumbled Mathers, "this is no time for dancing!"

Upon hearing her superior's concerns, McKenzie insisted that she wasn't messing around. "I feel like something is...crawling all over me" she shrieked, "get it off...GET IT OFF OF ME!" After bouncing and flailing about wildly, something suddenly flew out of the agent's left sleeve and landed atop of Mathers' nose.

Upon inspection, the team discovered that it was a flea. "It must've crawled into your clothes when you weren't looking" Mathers shuddered loudly, "put this thing in a jar...a baggie or something!" As the agents began to store the flea away, the snake suddenly grew defensive and lashed out at Agent Dayton.

The man was so surprised by this sudden ambush that he began to stumble backwards. Only to realize too little too late that he was edging towards the steps. With an alarmed yell, Dayton fell backwards and stumbled down every step; before crashing at the bottom painfully.

Thankfully enough, the man was unharmed; a little dazed and mildly sore from the fall...but no injuries were sustained. Then, as he bent over to dust off his pants, there came a vicious growl and something suddenly bit Agent Dayton hard in the rear. The poor man could only run about the room, screaming painfully; wondering what had caught him.

When he looked over his shoulder, Dayton saw a small dog attached to his rear end. He was relatively small with white fur and a black circle around his left eye. But despite the animal's size, it still had a powerful bite.

"Having wild animals in the house is one thing" wailed Dayton while trying to pull the dog off of him, "but how can this family afford to feed them and this pup?!" Upon asking this, the agent suddenly tripped over himself and fell to the floor. There, he met with the family's other "house pets;" a cat, a yellow canary and a hamster inside of its ball.

"More pets" cried Agent Dayton, "this is unreal...it can't be legal to have this many animals in one home!" As Agent McKenzie rushed down to aid her colleague, Mathers resumed his investigation upstairs. What he found there were things neither he nor anyone else expected to see within a household.

The first room he looked into was the one that the bat flew out of. There, he saw that it had been divided in two. On the left side; the room was decorated in what looked like macabre and Gothic apparel. The covers of the bed were a blackish-grey, it had a sunbrella that was black as pitch, a matching black blanket and the sheets were also a blackish-grey.

"Whoever sleeps in this, they must be a horror fan" muttered Mathers, "but why is it only this side that looks this way?" With this question in mind, he turned his attention towards the right side of the room. Unlike the one half; this side appeared relatively normal.

When he saw the pennants, posters and stickers exclaiming the words "go team" upon the wall; he could tell whoever slept here must've been a sports fan. Then, he caught a glimpse of a newspaper cutout hanging on the wall as well. After squinting his eyes, Mathers saw that the article read "Lynn Loud Takes Home Game Trophy, Wins Football Season."

Upon reading the words "Lynn Loud," the man's teeth started to clench. "So, this is the Lynn Loud everyone talks about" he growled softly, "this is the girl responsible for putting my Amy in a leg cast, after that game!" Upon thinking this, Mathers' mind suddenly flashed back to after the football game.

(Flashback: Several Months Earlier)

It was a brisk November afternoon and everyone from both Royal Woods and Hazeltucky gathered at the field to watch the big Football game. It was the fourth quarter of final game of the season. Score was tied, two minutes left on the clock and both teams were on their last bursts of energy.

That is to say, most of the players on both teams were almost tapped out...save for two of them. On the Royal Woods side, Lynn Loud stood on the field with her teammates, pumping her fists and dancing about wildly. Many of the Hazeltucky players wondered why she was doing this.

Then; Mathers' daughter, Amy let out a laugh and told her teammates not to worry. "Loud's just doing another one of her dumb 'good luck rituals'" she scoffed softly, "said that unless she does at least one, the 'Sports Gods' will curse her and cause her to lose the game." Upon hearing the mention of "sports gods," the entire Hazeltucky football team suddenly burst out in mocking laughter; which helped reignite their desire to win.

Meanwhile, Lynn growled viciously at her opponents; clearly infuriated with how Amy was insulting her good luck rituals. Then, as if on cue; Amy turned towards her opponents and began to do a mock version of Lynn's dance rituals. All while rolling her eyes, flailing her arms and wagging her tongue stupidly as well.

Finally, after she stopped dancing; Amy turned towards the Squirrels team and said "newsflash, Loud; it takes skill and intelligence to win at sports...not dumb superstitions!" That was it; for Lynn, that insult was the final nail in the coffin. With her fists clenched tight and her face scarlet with rage, she vowed to make the girl pay.

At last, the time came for the final play to go underway. After shouting the necessary signals, Amy was given the ball and raced towards the goal with all the strength she could muster. But she failed to notice the enraged girl with a ponytail chasing after her.

Faster and faster did Amy run, up to the point where she felt her heart would burst from her chest due to pushing herself too hard. But her efforts were worth it; for up ahead, she could see the goal just twenty yards away. "Push it, Amy; you can do this" she thought to herself, "just a little bit more and you'll win this!"

She was no more than ten yards away from the goal. Amy suddenly heard a noise that sounded almost inhuman. It was a combination of a lion's roar, a walrus' grunt, the T-Rex roar from Jurassic Park and the screams of a dozen boy band fanatics. Despite the unholy nature of the noise, Amy still continued on.

But no sooner had she heard this noise, Amy's world came to a crashing halt (quite literally.) Before she could react, the poor girl was suddenly hit from behind by what felt like a rocket-powered steamroller. But in truth, it was only Lynn Loud; whose mouth was frothing madly with the desire to take the ball from her opponent.

After both players fell hard onto the ground, the ball flew freely up into the air. Not long after; Lynn quickly recovered, snatched the ball back and ran as fast as she could towards the other goal. Alarmed by this turn of events, much of the Hazeltucky players desperately tried to stop her from getting even remotely close to victory.

But despite even having much brawnier players attempt to stop her, Lynn simply plowed past them like a rocket. With ten seconds left on the clock, one last player leapt at her and grabbed hold of her legs; causing Lynn to fall. But exactly where she fell was yet to be determined.

As the buzzer sounded off loudly, signaling the end; the referee rushed onto the field and analyzed the players' position. Upon doing so; he could see that just before she fell, Lynn managed to land the back end of the football over the goal line. "The ball is in the goal" cried the ref, "victory goes to Royal Woods!"

Upon hearing this declaration, Lynn proceeded to whoop loudly in victory; all while doing her ""Lynn-er, Lynn-er, chicken dinner" victory dance. "WE WON THE GAME" she exclaimed with great joy, "HOPE YOU ENJOY EATING CROW, LOSERS! WHOOO!" After that, her team proceeded to hoist her up in the air proudly and carry her off to the sidelines.

But while they celebrated, the Hazeltucky team lamented in their loss. Normally, they accepted losing with a smile and a "that was a great game" attitude. But when it came to Lynn's overzealous and often obnoxious behavior, all those good vibes quickly died out.

However; at the moment, the loss of the game was the least of their problems. Soon, they realized something might've happened to their captain after getting sacked. With that thought in mind, they quickly rushed to her side; only to find Amy clutching at her leg painfully.

When he saw his daughter in such a state, Mathers quickly rushed down onto the field. "AMY! Baby girl, are you alright" he asked with worry in his voice, "what happened?!" While still in great pain, Amy moaned softly and gestured at her leg. "I think I hurt my leg when I fell, Daddy" she said in a pained voice, "tell me the truth...how does it look?"

After moving her hands away, Mathers got a better look at his daughter's leg. There was a large mark on the knee area and it looked incredibly swollen. Fearing the worst, he quickly called out for the crash cart at the top of his lungs.

"Somebody come here and help my girl, now" he roared, "she needs medical attention!" Soon after saying this, a pair of men arrived at the goal line with a stretcher and helped the girl onto it as gingerly as they could. Afterwards, she was quickly rushed off the field; giving the Hazeltucky coach the opportunity to call dial 911.

(Back to reality)

As the memory slowly faded away, Agent Mathers suddenly began seething with rage. "Because of that little bitch, my Amy's got a busted leg and has to be wheeled around for six months" he growled under his breath, "the worst part is...her team still won the game, even after this happened!" Normally, some parents would look at a player injuring themselves during a game as a typical situation for football players.

But in this case, Mathers felt that there should've been an exception. Not only had Ms. Loud injured his child. But the behavior she displayed on the field during the game showed that she had little regard for such things.

"If nothing else gets this family in trouble, I'll make sure they suffer for what they did to Amy" he seethed bitterly, "I swear it!" With that, Mathers turned slightly and prepared to exit the room. But then, he suddenly tripped over something and unceremoniously fell onto his face.

Upon hearing the collision, Agent Dayton (who recovered from his own earlier spill) rushed into the room. "Sir, are you alright" he asked worriedly, "what did you find?" Mathers only offered a soft groan, in response and did his best to slowly get back onto his feet.

"Sakes alive" he moaned loudly, "what the hell did I just trip over?" As soon as he got back onto his feet, Mathers looked down and saw what caused him to stumble...a large coffin. "What the...WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS A COFFIN DOING IN HERE" he cried in alarm, "who does it even belong to?!"

As Agent Dayton began to inspect the coffin, he found the letters L.L. inscribed in gold lettering beneath the lid. "Fat lot of help this gives us" grumbled Mathers, "everybody in this house has the initials L.L." Then, at that moment; Dayton observed all the Gothic things on the one side of the room closely.

Upon doing so, he saw that each item also had the same initials on them and in the same lettering. The only thing offering any real clue on the girl's name was a diary of poems. At first, Dayton hesitated; thinking it rude to peek into a girl's diary.

But with the urging of his superior officer, Dayton quickly did as he was told. As he skimmed through the book, each poem the agent read seemed more depressing and cynical than the last one. But one poem in particular truly made the agent's blood run cold.

Each word he read seemed to viciously tear at each one of this girl's other sisters. Much of the text included terms that he was surprised a girl this age even knew about. "Whoever this L.L. girl is, she has some serious issues to work out" he muttered in disgust, as he put the book into an evidence bag.

After that, he joined Agent Mathers in the next bedroom in the hall. One side contained a small baby's crib, which seemed relatively normal. While the other side had a sight neither he nor Agent Mathers expected to find; a collection of lab beakers, vials and chemicals.

"This is...this is outrageous" Mathers shouted, "how could anyone have such dangerous materials this close to an infant's bed?!" Upon observing the right side of the room, Agent Dayton spotted several ribbons and awards for scientific achievement. "Well...despite the careless way this person organizes her things, they certainly are quite the prodigy" Agent Dayton muttered "wonder who won these?"

Upon saying this, he spotted an award featuring the child's name in question; Lisa Loud. "Lil' Lisa...yeah, I remember her" he chuckled, "she helped tutor my son for his finals, last year." He took a moment to observe all of Lisa's awards, wondering how lucky the family must've felt having a genius in their home.

"Before you start singing the gal's praises, Dayton; come into the bathroom" Agent Mathers said suddenly, "there's something you should see." A split second later, both agents regrouped in the bathroom; where Agent Mathers discovered a series of hidden cameras. One was a near microscopic camera hidden beneath the showerhead.

The second was hidden beneath the windowsill. But the third camera was in a place neither of them expected, the toilet's water tank. "Why on earth are there so many cameras in here" exclaimed Agent Dayton, "just how paranoid are these people?!"

For what felt like hours, the agents searched every nook and cranny of the house for evidence of shoddy living conditions; which...wasn't very difficult to find. "Be thankful that the family isn't home yet" muttered Agent McKenzie, "otherwise, this job would be even harder than it already is." However, little did they suspect that there actually was someone present on the premises; during their search.

(Scene Change: The Loud Residence, Lisa's bunker)

As we leave Luan and the agents behind for the moment; our tale takes us to Lisa Loud, the family genius. With her family causing such a ruckus, she could barely focus on her work in her room; especially during one of Lily's crying episodes. Said episodes had been going on without end since the whole fight started.

This time, however...it seemed as though she might've been crying about something else. But even with her vast amounts of knowledge, she couldn't decipher what it was. Her only option left for solitude was her bunker, something she personally built to wade out Luan's April Fools frenzies.

But for today, it was her own little sanctuary; the one place that offered her peace and quiet. Before entering; she decided, albeit reluctantly, to bring Lily with her. After all; with much of her family gone at the moment, someone needed to watch the baby.

After momentarily silencing Lily with her favorite binky, Lisa sighed blissfully and quickly began her work. As she sat at the table, scribbling away in her notebook; Lisa began to bitterly grumble about the sibling quarrel going on. "It's a miracle that my family units haven't destroyed the house with their immature behavior" she muttered to herself, "why must I be the only one with any real common sense within the household?!"

Hoping it would get her mind off things, Lisa pulled over a collection of beakers and vials; poised to create some sort of mixture. "Now that I have some time to myself, I can continue my experiments for a stench removal spray" she murmured softly, "I will finally have a defensive weapon to help protect me from Lynn's accursed Dutch Ovens." With that, she proceeded to mix up several containers of chemicals or minerals together veeeeerrrry carefully.

For almost forty minutes, Lisa's solitude went undisturbed and this was something she warmly welcomed. But then, her laptop suddenly began to buzz loudly; which meant that a new e-mail must have arrived in her inbox. "Perhaps it's a notice telling me that my curable disease samples are set to arrive soon" she giggled giddily, "I cannot wait to start my experimentations!"

However, the moment she opened up her e-mail account; her joy quickly faded away to confusion. Instead of finding a delivery notice, the latest e-mail on her account was sent by a university she had been eager to visit. She opened it, expecting to read a notice saying how eager the faculty was to meet her.

But much to her shock, this was the message the university had sent her.

To Miss Lisa Loud

For months, we had been eager to meet the infamous child genius of Royal Woods. Your achievements and the awards you have received for them have certainly piqued our interests. But then; it has been revealed to us by Miss Margaret Chen, the superintendent of the Royal Woods School District, that many of your experiments involved LIVING TEST SUBJECTS!"

Lisa briefly stopped herself from reading further and took a moment to gulp down a nervous lump in her throat. In while typing up her entrance note for the university, she presumed that the science faculty would applaud her successful tests on living subjects. Alas, it seemed that she had grossly miscalculated; which was a rather rare occurrence.

As her stomach continued to tie itself in knots, Lisa continued to read the e-mail.

What we also find questionable, Ms. Loud is your often flagrant disregard for the emotional and/or physical well-being of those around you. Not only do we find your use of security surveillance and...placing trackers on your loved ones to be a tremendous invasion of privacy. But the...samples you have sent us are...shall we say, not what we are looking for.

This part of the notice caused Lisa to grow very nervous. "Why would they fault me for that" she thought to herself, "everything I use those cameras for is for the benefit of my family and science!" What she read next truly felt like she was being punched in the head. Needless to say; the words "self-obsessed," "narrow-minded," "arrogant" and "immature" were used in the next few paragraphs.

In the end, it was the final statement that truly shocked her.

"With all of this in mind and with so much negative evidence against you, you've left us with little choice but to deny your entry into the university. Perhaps, one day...when you have grown up a little more and matured, we may welcome you then.

Sincerely,

Dean Jacob Rathborne, head of WestCoast University

P.S. We extend the best of luck to your parents, as they try to raise you into becoming a more respectable woman of science.

After reading the notice; Lisa, her face blank with shock and alarm, closed out the e-mail and closed her laptop shut. For what felt like ages, she hadn't spoken a word; the only sounds that could be heard were those of Lily suckling on her pacifier/binky. Then, ever so slowly; Lisa's demeanor changed into a look of blind fury.

"Normally, it is beneath me to engage in inane human emotions" she muttered, "but in this case...RAAAAAAAH!" In a matter of moments, Lisa unleashed her rage by leveling anything and everything within the bunker. At the same time, the many sounds of crashing and things breaking caused Lily to come out of her nap.

Within seconds, the wee babe suddenly let out wails so loudly; even the bunker doors found it difficult to muffle out the noise. In an instant, Lisa quickly ceased her rampage and glared down at her little sister. "As your elder sibling, I command you to cease that noise" she roared loudly, "if you don't, I shall be forced to take drastic measures!"

Not long after saying this, she rushed over to a shelf of beakers; ones that contained an odd series of multicolored liquids. Upon reaching the shelf, she snatched one up that bore a deep purple color and snickered madly. Meanwhile, above ground; the Child Protective Services agents had just finished combing the house over.

They swiftly stepped out of the house, each one of them large loads of items from there (which they planned to use as evidence for their case. "Looks like that takes care of the house, everybody" Agent Mathers sighed, "though, I still don't have much love in saying this...I'd say this mission is..." Before the agent could finish his statement, he and his team suddenly heard a voice screaming from close by.

Without a moment's pause, they hurried over to the source of the noises; a large underground bunker. "What the...Why does the family have something like this here" pondered Agent McKenzie, "for that matter, how can they afford to have it built, support their children and all the animals they have?!" Soon, the other agents began to wonder the same thing.

Then, the loud noises sounded off again; this time, Agent Dayton could tell it was the sound of a baby crying. "Why would a baby be in something like this" he asked worriedly, "we have to help it." With that, they reached for the steel knob and prepared to twist it.

But the moment they did, there came a loud ringing sound; one almost as loud as an air raid alarm. This not only brought the agents great pain. But it also caused many people in the neighborhood, Mr. Grouse among them, to rant angrily about the racket it caused.

Finally, after seven second, the ringing ceased...but the sounds of a baby crying didn't. Then, the hatch door opened and out popped Lisa; whose eyes were bloodshot with rage beneath her glasses. "WHO DARES TO TRESSPASS UPON MY BUNKER" she demanded menacingly, all while waving the beaker of fluid about.

Upon seeing the beaker of chemicals in her hand, Agent McKenzie presumed the girl to be dangerous and immediately took action. After distracting her with a set of jingling keys (which, due to Lisa's frazzled state, worked like a charm;) the woman swiped the beaker away from her and held it high in the air. Meanwhile, Agent Dayton peeked inside of the bunker and discovered that his hunch was correct; there was a baby inside.

This sight coupled with the beaker of chemicals led the agents to one conclusion, the girl wished to harm the baby. "This is...This is obscene" cried Agent Dayton, "where are this girl's parents during all this?!" Seeing that she was the only child present at home, the agents decided to ask Lisa where her family was.

"How am I supposed to know that, I have better things to focus my attention on" she grumbled, "I could offer the use of my tracking chip system...but no, my family demanded I shut it down!" Upon hearing this statement, the agents were even more horrified than they were earlier. "What...Why would you chip your family" gasped Agent Dayton, "don't you know that it's both inhumane and an invasion of one's personal privacy?!"

With a vicious scoff, Lisa said she didn't care for such things. "In the pursuit of science, one must always go above and beyond" she decreed, "and if that means invading my family's privacy, so be it; it's not like that matters in the grand scheme." That was it, that statement was what they needed to close the case.

"Young lady, I'm afraid you and your sister will have to come with us for a while" murmured Agent Mathers, as he approached Lisa. Feeling threatened, she took the beaker that was in her hand and threw it at the agent. At the last second, Mathers ducked and the beaker sailed over his head.

Within seconds, the beaker struck a new target; a woman who was walking her dog. As the chemicals spilled on them; the dog barked angrily, while the woman seethed with annoyance. "Darn kids and their water balloon fights" she shouted, "I got half a mind to...to call...caaaaww..."

Within seconds, both the woman and her dog fell into a deep sleep. Soon after, the agents looked down at Lisa and questioned what was in that beaker she threw. "I am uncertain if it's any business of yours" she replied rudely, "but if you must know, it's an experimental sleeping serum...one that I spent months toiling over and you three ruined it!"

Utterly offended by her brash language, the agents demanded to know if she planned to use it on the baby. "Again, I don't see how that is any business of yours to know" she muttered bitterly, "but I needed some way to test it...and ceasing my sister's bothersome wails was the perfect reason to do it!" Once again, the agents felt highly offended by her reply and decided to take action.

While Agent McKenzie marched into the bunker to retrieve the baby, her partners remained behind to deal with the young "genius." As Mathers plucked her off the ground; Lisa demanded to know what the meaning behind their actions were; all while flailing madly in his arms. "Just who in the name of Einstein do you three think you are" she grumbled, "I have half a mind to report you to the authorities!"

With this statement, the agents reached into their jackets and drew out their badges; proclaiming "we are the authorities!" Upon seeing the Child Protective Services logo on their badges, Lisa's anger quickly gave way to nervous fear; thinking she might be in trouble.

Incidents such as these occurred all over town for each of the sisters. On the second day of break, Lana found herself openly shunned by her mentors at the auto shop. The one who hit her the hardest was her crush, Skippy. Meanwhile, Lola thought about visiting the local stadium to practice for the upcoming Miss Spring Blossom Pageant.

She had hoped that being around her fellow competitors would get her mind off of things going on at home. But when she arrived, the leader of the pageant informed Lola that she had been banned. To add further insult to injury, the host added that she was thereby banned from all state pageants until further notice.

Lori, meanwhile was trying to get in touch with some school friends; hoping that discussing plans for break would take her mind off of her stress. But with every name she called up, Lori discovered that she had either been blocked or her calls went straight to voicemail. "UGH! I literally can't deal with this crud right now" she seethed bitterly, "maybe checking out my Social Media page would help clear my head.

With this thought in mind, Lori pressed her thumb on an icon and a blog page suddenly opened. Upon entering said page, she proceeded to write a post on her wall. "'OMG! So angry today because of crazy family'" she muttered while typing, "'wishing I could leave college sooner...or that I was an only child...' POST!"

Once her status statement was posted, Lori sat back slightly and let out a small sigh; feeling mildly relieved from getting that thought off her chest. While she rested, Lori waited for the "likes" to pour in for her post. But as time passed, she didn't hear any chimes on her phone (which signaled that someone "liked" her post.)

"What is wrong with people" she growled, "venting posts are literally one of the best ways to get likes or sympathy comments online!" With a bitter huff, she picked up the phone and checked to see why no one "liked" what she wrote. Instead, what she found was a large series of angry comments from people on her list.

Many of said comments ranged from "I'm blocking you from my phonebook," "don't sit with me at lunch anymore," and "you're the absolute worst." To add fuel to the fire, Lori saw that her number of online friends took a tremendous nosedive. Soon, her hundreds of followers dwindled down to only one-hundred (which to her, felt like a huge loss.)

"WHAT THE "H" IS GOING ON HERE" roared Lori, "why have all my friends betrayed me like this?!" Deciding to look for answers, she took a peek inside of Carol Pingrey's page. What she found there almost caused her to drop her phone.

"What the...WHAT IS THIS" she shouted, "I gotta show the family this immediately!" With that thought in mind, she sent a mass e-mail to each of her sisters; hoping that at least, one would open it. Afterwards, she fell back onto the couch and heaved a deep sigh; clearly confused by what she saw.

As time passed; on the third day of break, a young lady, in another part of town, sat in her room and was happily strumming a little tune on her guitar. Her name was Sam Sharp and she was one of the best musicians in Royal Woods...next to a certain someone she knew. As she sat on her bed, gazing at a picture of Luna Loud for musical inspiration; her mojo was suddenly disturbed by the sounds of joyful shouting.

"YEAH, THAT WAS THE BEST CONVENTION EVER" a young voice exclaimed, "I can't believe he signed my book and let me take a picture with him too!" As the boy continued bouncing about excitedly, Sam could only grumble with annoyance at the sudden interruption. "Simon, do you have to shout so loudly" she murmured, "I was in the middle of a jam!"

The little boy, known as Simon, slowly walked into the bedroom; his head hanging low with shame. "Sorry for bugging you, Sis" he muttered, "I just had so much fun today." Upon seeing the look of genuine regret in his eyes, Sam accepted his apology and hugged him close.

"So...tell me about the convention" she asked eagerly, "did you see anybody cool?" Upon being asked this, Simon showed him his comic book; which bore a signature in black sharpie on the cover. "Cool, you got your book signed" she said with a smile, "that might be worth something, you never know.

Then, as she looked at the signature again; Sam felt that there was something familiar about the name. Upon looking at it more closely, she suddenly spotted a familiar name; "Loud." "Loud...that's my girl, Luna's family name" Sam thought to herself, "could it just be a coincidence or..."

Curious to learn more, Sam asked her brother to see the picture of him with the man who signed his comic. "No, Sammy; he's not a man" giggled Simon, "he's a boy, just two or three years older than me." No sooner after saying this, Simon took out his phone and showed his sister the picture.

"He asked his friend, Clyde to take the picture after he finished signing autographs" Simon said giddily, "it was so cool meeting him!" Sam smiled warmly at her brother, happy to see he had a lot of fun. Then, when she saw the picture appear; she gasped loudly.

Standing beside Simon and other Ace fans his age was a young eleven year old with white hair and buck teeth with a little chip in them. The moment she saw this boy, Sam couldn't help but think that she had seen him from someplace. Then, realization suddenly struck her like a flash.

"I know this kid...Luna showed me a picture of him, once" Sam blurted out, "yeah...it was on a family picture they took; this is her baby bro!" Upon having this revelation, Sam chuckled and muttered how her girlfriend never told her she had a famous brother. "I gotta give her a call and tell her about this" she murmured joyfully, "she's gonna flip."

Just as Sam brought up Luna's number and prepared to hit the speed dial button, Simon quickly stopped her. "That's not a good idea, Sammy" he said warningly, "I heard from one of his girlfriends that he's...been going through some stuff...at least, that's what one of the older girls said." This sudden reveal caused Sam's thumb to freeze stiff, just as it was inches away from pressing speed dial.

"Wait...what's going on with Lincoln" she asked curiously, "and...what's this about 'girlfriends,' Simon?" At first, the boy hesitated; fearing that if she heard the story, Sam would think he was just making it up. But then; he remembered his mother always telling him to go for help, whenever he saw people in trouble.

With that in mind, Simon took a seat on a bean bag chair in Sam's room and sighed. "Before I tell you this stuff, Sammy...promise me that you won't get made or think I'm lying" he begged softly, "please?" While a little surprised by her brother's words; she still promised to be respectful, nevertheless.

"Okay, Sammy; get comfy" Simon murmured, "'cause what I'm about to tell you is wild."

(scene change: Luna's bedroom, that same afternoon)

While most of her sibs decided to step out and cool off, young Luna Loud chose to stay at home with her music. Whenever she felt stressed, bummed out or sad; she could always count on her tunes to help put her mind at east. This time however; her mind was so frazzled, she could barely focus.

Anytime she tried to strum a simple melody, she'd strike a chord out of tune. Each time it happened, she assumed her guitar needed "fine tuning." Unfortunately, she did this so many times that one of the strings snapped. "DANG IT, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THIS STUPID THING" Luna roared loudly "I'VE NEVER HAD THIS KIND OF TROUBLE BEFORE!"

In a fit of rage, she suddenly chucked her guitar across the room; which slammed hard against Luan's ventriloquist dummy, Mr. Coconuts. At first, Luna feared she might've badly damaged the dummy. But then, her earlier anger towards her sister quickly overwhelmed her concern.

"Who cares if that dummy is broke or whatever" she mumbled, "the less I hear Luan's stupid jokes through Mr. Coconuts the better!" As Luna sat down on her bed, her cellphone suddenly started to ring. She looked over at the screen of her phone and saw Sam's picture on it, which made her smile slightly.

"Good ol' Samurai, my beautiful blonde bombshell" she thought happily, "maybe a good chat with her will help lift my spirits." As she reached over for her phone, a strange sensation suddenly washed over her. "If I didn't know any better...I'd say that I'm starting to sound like Lori when she thinks of Bobby" she murmured to herself, "next thing I know, one of us will start calling the other 'Boo-Boo Bear.'"

For the first time in a while, Luna found herself having a genuine laugh; which felt good to her. She then believed that Sam calling her was a sign that things were going to be okay for her. Sadly, what happened next was something no one was prepared for.

Hey, Samurai; it feels like forever since I've heard your voice" she said joyfully, "how's Spring Break been workin' for..." Before the pixie-cut rocker could continue any further, the other end of the line suddenly erupted in a flurry of angry screams. To outsiders, it all sounded like angry muffled chatter.

But to Luna's poor ears, she heard Sam say things she wasn't prepared for. "Whoa...Whoa there, girl; easy does it" Luna said as calmly as possible, "start up from the beginning again and...try not to talk so fast." Soon after saying that, the chatter continued much less frantically.

That being said, what Luna heard from her GF took her completely by surprise. Her expressions changed rapidly, during the conversation; from confused, to shocked right down to outright flustered. "WHOA! Slow down a tad, luv" she murmured calmly, "what's got you so strung up?"

Before her girl spoke up, Luna pressed the speaker button on her phone; so that she could hear her more clearly. "My brother just got back from the Ace Savvy Convention and said he saw your brother there" Sam's voice explained, "seems your bro has quite the fanbase out there." Upon saying this, Sam went on to ask Luna if she heard about the "Full House Gang?" "I think so" Luna muttered hesitantly, "those are the characters my bro and Clyde made up."

It was then that she remembered what inspired them to make those characters...or more specifically, who. Each member of the gang was based on her and the rest of her siblings. "All due respect, luv...what does Lincoln's comic have to do with our conversation" questioned Luna, "did your bro come dressed as one of our characters?"

As a response, Sam e-mailed a picture of Lincoln at the convention with Bill Buck. In said pic, Luna saw that Lincoln was being handed a large wad of cash. "What the...why's he gettin' that money" she exclaimed, "did he sell something there or what?" The moment Luna learned of Lincoln's financial success through his comic, her eyes almost popped from her head.

"I can't believe you have such a successful brother in your family, Luna" Sam stated, "but what I really can't believe is what Simon told me about what's going on at your house!" What followed after this was a heated discussion between the two young ladies. This discussion was so fierce; on the other end, poor Simon had to clasp a pillow over his ears to shield himself.

Sam fiercely scolded Luna for letting her petty anger put her own brother at risk. While the latter shot back by saying that Lincoln's supposed to stay out of the way, when the protocol was in affect. "Last time he tried to fix things, it only made things worse" Luna grumbled, "little dude's gotta learn to butt out sometimes."

Unfortunately for her, this kind of talk only seemed to make Sam angrier. "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR ONLY BROTHER" she roared loudly, "he was only trying to help knock some sense into you and your dumb sisters!" To say that Luna was shocked by Sam describing her sisters that way would be a gross understatement.

But before she could make any kind of retort, Sam started up again. This time, her tone sounded softer and distressed; almost on the verge of crying. "It really...really hurts me to do this, Lunes; it honestly does" she choked out, "but until this family business of yours is settled or until my loving Purple Pixie comes back...I think we need some space."

Hearing these words come out of Sam hurt her worse than an electrical shock. Although it wasn't, technically her wanting to break up; it certainly felt like it. After that; Sam sniffled, murmured a soft "I love you" and hung up the phone. After that, all time in Luna's world suddenly stood still.

No sooner had that call ended, Luna suddenly heard her phone chime. This same thing was happening with each and every one of the other Loud Sisters. When they picked up their phones, they discovered that Lori had sent them an e-mail.

At first, none of them bothered to open it; believing that it was another LoriXBobby tribute pic, video or who knows what else. But overtime, everyone relented and quickly opened it up. What they saw was a picture...but not of their sister and her boyfriend.

Instead; it was a pic of Lincoln, at the Tranquil Springs Spa and surrounded by ladies (ones whom many of the girls immediately recognized.) "What the...what are Cici and Phoebe doing at the spa" muttered Lynn in disbelief, "and why are they there with Stinkin', of all people?!" As if they weren't flustered enough; when each of the girls looked down at the comment section, their collective anger almost boiled over (except for Leni, it took a while for it to happen with her.)

"That little rat" roared Lola, "we're all ripping each other apart and he gets to hang at the spa...I'M GONNA KILL HIIIM!" Just then, another picture appeared; one of Lincoln accepting his royalties for the Checkmate comic series he wrote. Underneath it were words from an Ace Savvy website's newsfeed stating "Grade Schooler Honored at Con."

When Lisa read this, she felt beyond outraged. "WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY HONOR THAT TWIT" she seethed bitterly, "SO HE WROTE SOME SILLY COMICS...I CAME CLOSE TO ACHIEVING PERPETUAL ENERGY, WHERE ARE MY ACCOLADES FOR THAT?!" Upon hearing the girl insult her brother's achievements, Agent Dayton unceremoniously stored her inside of the van.

"You should be proud that your brother is getting recognized for doing something constructive" he said firmly, "I think it's praised well earned." Alas, the child genius was still not convinced; further proclaiming that anyone who reads such stories are "lack-witted knuckle-scrappers who hold civilization back from greatness." Upon hearing her insults; Agent McKenzie sent a glare Lisa's way that was so cold, it actually made her shiver.

"I'll have you know, lil' missy that I've been an Ace fan since 1978" she said proudly, showing off an Ace Savvy t-shirt beneath her suit. "I would've gone to that convention myself with my daughters, who are also fans...But instead, I'm stuck dealing with this nonsense." Sensing his partner's dismay, Agent Mathers patted McKenzie comfortingly on the shoulder and smiled.

"Don't worry, partner" he said empathically, "maybe the kid could sign one of these Full House Gang books for you guys." Lisa let out a sheepish chuckle and tried to "save herself" by mentioning that she was the inspiration behind Card Counter. "Perhaps...you could lighten my sentence because I'm 'part of the story'" she murmured, "maybe just a little?"

Without missing a beat, the three agents responded with "not a chance" and drove off with Lisa in tow. After a brief montage of the agents arriving and picking up each of the girls at their current locations, the van arrived at the Child Protective Services building. There, each of the girls received a respective scolding from the agents.

"You girls are in a whole mess of trouble for what you've done" growled Agent Mathers, "destruction of public property, multiple counts of disturbing the peace, reckless endangerment of a minor/family units, willfully harming a school student, illeagal animal ownership...take your pick." After the agent had finished, not one of the sisters dared to speak up. At the moment, they were either too scared or too frustrated to say anything.

Upon seeing their collective demeanors, Agent McKenzie decided to be the "good cop" to her superior's "bad cop" and speak with the girls calmly. "Look, girls; we're willing to work with you here" she offered kindly, "if you cooperate and willingly admit your mistakes, we can try and help bring down your punishments in court." Upon hearing the "C" word, Leni and Lola began to shiver fearfully.

Lynn meanwhile, decided to go her own way and scoffed at the agents. "Look, you Men in Black dropouts; we've had a rough week...alright" she grumbled, "so don't try and make us pee our pants with your 'scare tactics,' go ahead...do your worst, nothing you've got can compare to what we've endured!" While the agents fumed slightly from the young jock's words, her sisters simply facepalmed in annoyance; thinking she'd just made things worse.

Then, at that moment; Agent Mathers suddenly started chuckling, which confused the girls. After calming down, he decided to reveal what was so "funny." "Y'all think we are the ones who are gonna punish you" he sniggered, "nope...sorry, somebody else has that position covered."

At that moment; there came a loud "boom, boom, boom" outside the door. In Leni's mind, she presumed that someone was bombing the place. But upon listening closely, the girls' faces went pale.

"Uh...Leni, those aren't explosives going off" shuddered Lori nervously, "those are footsteps approaching." No sooner had she said this, the office door suddenly swung open; revealing the shadowed figures of the girls parents, Lynn Sr. and Rita. As Leni waved hello to them sweetly, everyone saw a blood-red glow in their parents' eyes; which meant that they were all in deep trouble.

(AN: WHOOO! Several days, 15,000 words and almost fifty pages later *in terms of Microsoft Word pages;* this chapter is now done. Sorry for taking so long with this, everyone. But I wanted to make sure each sister got a respective slap in the face/kick in the rear from Karma, not just for this story's events but for all the ill actions they've performed in the actual show.

Soon to come, the Loud Sisters head to the park with their parents; where they'll find a little surprise waiting for them there. What will happen next, stick around for more)

(Second AN: Karmaic is an actual term, meant to describe "the present state of Karma. In the midst of Karma's wrath as resulted from a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence." Just thought I'd point that out, in case people are confused by the title)

(Third AN: Some might read this and presume that some of the girls may be acting out of character; namely Luan, Lynn and Lisa. But bear in mind, they're STILL stuck in this protocol nonsense. As such, their minds are still overwhelmed by emotions and their hearts are equally overwhelmed by anger.

In such circumstances, anger makes us say and do rather stupid stuff. Plus, if the theories are true; Luan, Lynn and Lisa may secretly be...emotionally/psychologically unstable. As such, it was only a matter of time before they went THIS nuts)