Chapter 10

"Did you move on, Derek?"

"If you mean did I get married, the answer is no. I have still yet to completely settle down. About a year after you left Mark dragged me out to a club got me rat assed and I had a one night stand and from then on I have had a hell of a lot of one night stands…"

"Oh. Derek…" Meredith said squeezing his hand, she couldn't help but feel guilty at the fact that he had never got married, that was always Derek's biggest dream. She also could not help that a part of her was also secretly relieved.

"No. Mer, it's ok. I chose to live like that and recently I have been a little more settled," Derek began and suddenly felt a wave of nervousness wash over him which caused him to take a deep breath before he continued. "I have been dating the same person for a couple of months now, her name is Rose. She is a circulating scrub nurse here at the hospital."

"Derek…" she said in a worried tone.

"She's lovely…"

"Ok, as long as you are happy," she said ignoring the unexpected stab of jealousy that she was suddenly feeling.

"Your daughter is beautiful, extremely smart too, you must be so proud of her," he stated in an attempt to change the subject.

"Thank you… And I am, although sometimes she is too smart for her own good. Matt blames Cristina," Meredith instantly regretted bringing Matt into the conversation as an uncomfortable atmosphere filled the room.

"I say she just takes after her Mother, complete the snoring as well," Derek chuckled trying to break the atmosphere.

"Ha ha geez thanks Derek." Meredith said as she let out a giggle, Derek had always teased her non stop about her snoring.

"She looks so much like you. You know, when I first met her earlier today I felt as if I had seen her before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was so odd, but as soon as I saw you I realized why she was so familiar and it made sense. You named her Amelia?" Derek asked his last question in a gentle tone.

"Yeah," she nodded tearing up slightly but then quickly regained her composure. "Amy and I had a deal, remember? We agreed that we would name our first born after each other. How is Amy, where is she now?"

"She is good, she is still here in New York, she is going to go nuts when she finds out you are here," Derek said as Meredith giggled.

"What is she doing? Is she married? Any kids?"

"She is actually a teacher…"

"Amy, a teacher?"

"Yeah, I know, shocking. She is also married and you are going to laugh at this… She actually married Sam Bennett."

"What? No way!" Meredith said in a disbelieving tone around a fit of giggles; Sam had been the dorkiest boy ever and Amelia had hated him with a passion. He had followed her around like a lovesick puppy.

"Honestly… They have been together for fifteen years and they have two children, a boy and a girl," he loved to see her laughing and looking so carefree, it reminded him of the uninhibited teenage girl she once was.

Sitting here laughing with Derek, she felt the most relaxed she had been in a long time. She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed.

"I guess his persistence paid off. I am happy for her, did she keep her end of our deal?"

"Kind of… She named her daughter Elizabeth, she gave her your middle name. I asked her not to give her your first, it was just too painful, I'm sorry."

"That's ok, Der, I didn't choose Amelia just because of the deal Amy and I made. I guess giving her that name made me feel closer to you and to the baby we lost. Remember we discussed that we were going to name our baby that had it been a girl?"

"How could I ever forget?" he sighed looking into Meredith's eyes which were beginning to fill with tears just like his own were. It was amazing that the grief and pain still felt the same as it did nineteen years ago.

"You know I planted a tree down by the lake, at our spot."

"You did?"

"Yes, it's still there today. I can show you if you like before you go back to Seattle?"

"I would like that," Meredith nodded as a tear fell from one of her eyes.

"Then it's a date," Derek said with a weak smile.

"It's a date," she said jokingly, her smile mirroring his.

"You're a wonderful Mom, you would have been a wonderful Mom to our baby as well."

"Thank you… You know I never ever thought of her as a replacement, in fact when I first found out I was pregnant I was horrified," Meredith said as the first of her tears fell, "I never wanted to have another child because I didn't want to replace our baby."

"Oh Meredith…" he said as he put his free hand to her face and brushed away her tears.

Meredith couldn't help but lean into his touch, "An- and now I ca- can't help but f- feel guilty, she is s- sick and i- it's m- my fault."

Meredith was now openly sobbing and Derek instinctively pulled her into his arms and ran a hand over her hair as he kissed the top of her head in an attempt to calm her down. "You mustn't blame yourself… How is it your fault?"

"This i- is God's way of pun- punishing me for t- the term- termination."

Derek pulled back slightly from her and placed both of his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him.

"That is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth, you were forced into that termination. If anyone should get Karma, it should be our parents, they were the adults. And I promise you, I will do everything I can to save your daughter, I will do everything in my power to make sure you don't lose another baby."

"Thank you, Derek," Meredith said as their eyes fixed on one another. Her sobs had now subsided, Derek always had a way of instantly calming her down.

"You're welcome," he replied as he brushed away a bit of her hair from her face, his eyes drifted down to her mouth and then back up to her eyes getting lost in them. Meredith mirrored his actions and the next thing both of them knew was that their mouths were fused together, both of them unsure who had initiated the contact.