Sorry for the delay on updating. I am currently fighting for time to write while traveling. I had a bit of spare time tonight so here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

*I do not own any of the Twilight Characters. They all belong to Stephanie Meyers*

Chapter 9

Throughout our lives we experience roller coaster rides. Some are just that, on a roller coaster, feeling the wind through our hair and our face, feeling the freedom of what it means to soar. Others are roller coasters of our emotions. We experience them when something bad happens and we experience them when something good happens. Sometimes we experience them for no reason what so ever, just because. These past few weeks, I have definitely been on a roller coaster ride, and even though I've wanted it to stop more times than I can count, I know that it will be a while longer before I will be able to step foot on solid ground.

After Edward Cullen had performed a series of tests it was determined that yes, as expected the leukemia was in my bone marrow, but unfortunately we had not caught it early enough. Approximately 85 percent of my bone marrow had already been infected and of the percentage was increasing rapidly every day. Edward had told me that due to the rate of infection, chemotherapy was going to start immediately. As in, the moment the conversation of my test results was concluded. So within 24 hours of finding out I had leukemia, not only did I find out that it was extremely progressed but also that I would begin the treatment of shooting poison into my veins and attempting to kill away this deadly disease. It is fair enough to say, that I did not handle the situation neither bad or good, but that I did not handle it at all. I shut down immediately. I was unable to feel anything. I was neither angry nor sad. I was neither crying nor screaming. I just sat there. I knew that the news probably wouldn't be good, but I did not think that it would be that bad.

My first chemotherapy treatment brought on the expected symptoms. Within 15 minutes of returning to my room, Alice by my side of course, I began feeling nauseous. Within 25 minutes, I was racing to the bathroom throwing up whatever was left in my stomach. Within 45 minutes, I was curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor clutching my stomach, willing the pain to stop. During all of this, Alice was there. She held my hair back when I was throwing up the contents of my stomach. She wiped my brow and mouth with a wet washcloth when I was between fits. She held my hand as I fought against the pain. And finally, when I had no more energy or strength left to pull myself upright when another bought of nausea hit me, she lifted me up and was my strength.

It amazed me that this woman that I had never met before today was my sole strength in my time of need. Don't get me wrong, I had friends. Many of them worked at the hospital, though these friends weren't friends that you could depend on during this time of need. I was never the most popular girl, but I was never an outcast either. The thing was, I never formed strong connections and friendships with people due to the fact that I was afraid of losing them. In all reality I was my own worst enemy when it came to keeping people close to me.

In turned out, Alice was what I needed to get through this. Though small and petite she had an energy and strength like no other person I had ever met. She knew when to comfort me and touch me and when I needed space to deal. Even though she didn't speak constantly, just the mere presence of her being there was enough. I knew now that Carlisle was a major part of who Alice was.

Edward came to see me on a regular basis. Though I was not interested in my doctor in the slightest, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought that he saw me at my worst when he came to check on me during my fits of vomiting. Edward was good at his job. He had awesome beside manor and truly cared about his patients. The thing that I couldn't deny was the electricity that seemed to spark between us every time we were together. Edward, like Alice and Carlisle, was extremely calming. When Alice wasn't around, I found myself anxious about what was to come, but as soon as Edward would enter the room, that all changed. I don't know how I got lucky enough to get involved with the Cullen family, but at this very moment, I was more than relieve that I had them in my life.

Thinking back over the last two weeks it was hard to forget about the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Both were excruciating. The chemotherapy due to the nausea and vomiting and the radiation due to the weakness and tiredness. I knew that both were supposed to help me, but this morning, waking up, and finding a clump of hair on my pillow was almost enough for me to say, "Screw it, I don't want to get better." My hair was one of the few things that made me feel a little more than just ordinary. I had always received compliments on it and it was something I prided myself on tremendously. Having it fall out was definitely a heart breaker and almost a deal breaker. I knew the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments and I knew hair loss was one of them. Even so, I wasn't completely prepared for it.

Alice had come in shortly after my find and assured me that she would make sure that no matter what happened I looked beautiful. She told me of a store she knew that sold wigs made from real hair and was pretty sure that she would be able to find one for me with the same color and hopefully the same style. Alice, bless her heart, was trying everything in her power to cheer me up, but for once, she wasn't able to. I had curled on my side, my back to her and wouldn't say anything. Alice knew that I wanted to be alone and left me, promising to come back with a surprise that would be out of this world. I didn't completely register her comment, but then again I hadn't really cared at the time. I was content being drawn into myself, escaping the rest of the world around me. This was the way that Edward Cullen found me when he came to see me.

I was dozing, not moving when the nurses came to check my vitals or take more blood. I was content with the position I was in and had no intention of ever returning to the real world. Then, out of nowhere, I felt a sense of peace and comfort. I knew without looking who was at my doorway. A part of me wanted to tell him to leave, to never come back, because if he wasn't here, then this wouldn't happen. The other part of me wanted to ask him to hold me and never let go. To take me away from all this pain and discomfort to a place filled with laughter and hope. I did neither of those. I remained laying on my side, eyes closed, hoping with everything I have that he would leave. Turns out, luck and hope weren't on my side.

"Bella?" Edward asked, approaching my bed.

I didn't respond and kept my eyes closed.

"Bella, please look at me." Edward said, sincere concern seeping through.

Still, I did not move nor respond.

Edward walked around to the other side of the bed and I could feel his eyes staring at me.

"Bella Swan, look at me now! I know you aren't asleep." He said with a forcefulness that I had never heard before.

Slowly I peeked through one of my eyelids and noticed that he looked worn out. I had never taken the time before to see how his work affected him. I knew it was a stressful job and I knew that he took on a lot. What I didn't realize was how much was taken out of him. For the first time, in 2 weeks, I felt sorry for someone other than myself.

I slowly opened both of my eyes fully, uncurled my body and looked at Edward.

"Yes Edward?" I said, my mouth dry from the lack of fluid I had been taking orally due to the constant threat of vomiting.

Edward pulled a chair next to the bed and said, "Bella, I have an update for you."

I attempted to pull myself upright in bed, to better able see and speak with Edward, but I just didn't have the strength. I collapsed back down and sighed, disgusted with myself for being so weak. Edward quickly jumped out of his chair and put his arms around my back and under my legs. I slightly jumped, and felt him due the same, when a spark of electricity cursed through my body. Edward looked at me and I looked back up in him. The intensity between our eyes was extreme and hard to deny. He slowly shifted me to a better seated position and then he lingered a bit longer than necessary. I knew one of us had to break the eye contact, but I couldn't find the strength in me to do it. The connection lasted a few more seconds before Edward finally pulled himself away and sat back down in the chair.

"Bella…." Edward started, but was unable to finish due to the hoarseness in his throat.

Edward cleared his throat and then started again.

"Bella, I have some good news and some not so good news."

I cleared my throat knowing that whatever had just transpired between Edward and myself had dried out my throat and caused the same effect on me as it had on him.

"Okay. Hit me Doc." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, the good news is that we have been able to contain the leukemia and it hasn't spread any further." Edward said, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"That's great." I said, feeling optimistic for the first time since the diagnosis. "What's the bad news?"

"Well, you still need a complete bone marrow transplant." Edward said, sullen for the first time since "the incident".

"Okay. I know all about those and I knew that it was something that was more than likely going to have to occur." I said, not sure as to why the sudden shift in mood.

"Well, Bella, it's not that simple. The thing is, you have to be off Chemo for at least 3 months to ensure that it does not kill the new bone marrow. This means that we have to wait three months from when we stop chemotherapy, but due to the fact that the only thing containing your leukemia at the moment is the chemotherapy we can't take you off of it." Edward said, looking at me for the first time since delivering the news.

I shook my head, trying to process everything that I had just been told.

"So wait, what you are telling me is, Option A: I get of chemo, wait three months and hope that the leukemia doesn't kill me before I can get the new bone marrow, or Option B: I continue with the chemotherapy and radiation treatments and hope that the leukemia decides to work with us and die away so that I can hopefully get off of chemo long enough to get the bone marrow transplant?" I said trying to make sense of my options.

Edward shook his head sullenly and dejectedly.

"Well, I guess either way I'm pretty much fucked." I said, getting angry for the first time since the discovery of my disease.

"Bella, no that's not….." Edward started but I wouldn't let him finish.

"Don't tell me that that isn't my only option. Option A is hope to not die, Option B is hope to not die, but either way it looks like I'm fucking dying. So why, please tell me why I'm even going through this shit. Why in the hell do I have to go and puke my guts out every fucking day and why do I have to deal with having no fucking strength and losing my hair, when NO MATTER what, I'm going to fucking die!" I yelled, and not realizing it till after it happened.

Before Edward could say anything, I broke down in tears. I cried for my mother and father who were no longer here. I cried for my patients who I had handed over like they meant nothing. I cried for everything that was wrong in the world and people couldn't fix. But most of all, I cried for myself and the fact that I had nothing and no one that I could say loved me unconditionally, without any regrets, and made me happy. I cried for myself and the shitty hand of life I had been delivered.

I continued to sob, when I felt a strong pair of arms encircle my depleting frame. Arms I knew could only belong to one person. Arms that made me feel save and comfortable, and for some reason extremely complete.

Edward held me like that for what seemed like hours. He didn't attempt to leave or make excuses for his actions. Edward stayed when I needed someone the most, and Edward held me when I finally let go. When I finally shattered the wall surrounding me and was tumbling down into what seemed like nothingness, Edward caught me, and for the first time, in my whole entire life, I realized that I was falling in love. Falling in love with my doctor, my mentor's son, most possibly my best friends brother.

I WAS SCREWED. Leave it to me to shatter my walls when I would not be able to be around and see them be built into a home. Leave it to me to wait for the worst possible time to allow people into my life, knowing that more than likely I would not spend many years enjoying crazy times with them. I guess life truly is a roller coaster ride at times, and at other times, it's a hand of poker.

Hope it was worth the wait. Let me know what you think, and though I don't know when I'll have the chance to update again, I will try to make it sooner than this!