Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of Mtv and Viacom productions.
Note: The Submariner Series proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K, ...did.
Note: This story is the next in the series and takes place approximately five years after "The sound of the other shoe"
The Paths We've Chosen
By
Wildgoose
(It's been a muggy and also stormy August day so far and despite all the rain the temperature is still hovering around the ninety degree mark out side of the local hospital. Daria and Jane Lane are sitting in chairs along side a hospital bed in the maternity ward while William is busy standing beside his wife who is the occupant of the bed. He is wearing a heavy leather glove on one hand, ....the one he uses to hold Neirte's hand whenever she feels a contraction coming on. )
Daria: Um Will, .....why exactly are you wearing that glove? This isn't a Michael Jackson fetish or something is it?
William: Who?
Daria: Never mind, ....that was before your time. Besides, ...you wouldn't want to know anyway. (Beat) So about the glove?
Jane Lane: (answers before William can) Fingernails. She got him once already when the contractions first started.
William: (in defense of his wife) Hey, ....it was an accident!!
Jane Lane: An accident that pierced one of the bones in your palm, ...but an accident none the less. (A moment passes before Jane explains to Daria) They were holding hands on the couch when the first contraction hit. (Jane turns back to William) How are the stitches by the way?
William: Okay I guess, ....the doctor has me on pain killers and antibiotics. He said that if he didn't already know Neirte he would have sworn it was a stab wound and notified he police.
Daria: How do you mean the doctor knows Neirte?
William: Relax, ....I meant he knows about the fingernails. He thinks they're just some weird kind of genetic throwback. He says weird stuff like that does occur from time to time. Though I think the webbed fingers were more along the lines of what he was talking about.
Daria: Does the OB/GYN know about the nails?
William: Of coarse, ...she wishes she had them herself. (Neirte is heard cursing in the background as another contraction comes on. Will grits his teeth as she squeezes the wound under the glove) Ugh, ....talk about sharing the pain!! (Daria and Jane laugh in the background) God, ...I wish this kid would hurry up.
Jane Lane: Hey now, ...that's HER line!
William: Who cares, ...she's hurting me!
Jane Lane: Oh you wuss, ...do you have any idea how much pain I was in when I had YOU?
William: Yes, ....you've told me a hundred times. But you didn't have half inch retractable fingernails capable of piercing bone.
Daria: I think he's got you on that one, Jane. (Jane Lane shrugs and changes the subject)
Jane Lane: How far along did the doc say she was?
William: About five centimeters, ...it's going slowly so if you guys want to step out and stretch or something. I'll stay here with Neirte, ....she's still debating if she wants an epidural or not.
Daria: Well, ....I can't speak for her but it might be safer for YOU if she did. Don't want to damage any other parts of your anatomy now do we?
William: Something you're not telling me here?
Daria: Let's just say women tend to lash out at the things that caused the pregnancy in the first place while experiencing the whole ordeal.
Jane Lane: (smirks evilly) In other words, ...protect your nuts boy! (faux Italian accent) Or you just may end up singing soprano.
Daria: (glances over at Jane) Well excuse ME for trying to be tactful.
Jane Lane: Now now, ....don't get defensive. I'm just spelling it out for him is all.
Daria: Yea yea. (Starts pushing Jane towards the door) We'll be back then, ....we're just going to go get a snack or something. Do you want us to bring you guys back anything?
Neire: Ice cream!! (Jane and Daria exchange glances and reply with an equally enthusiastic tone)
Daria/Jane: Vanilla!!
William: Anything works for me, ....I'm not picky. And take your time, ....we'll send for you if anything happens. (Jane and Daria step out the door and down the hall to the waiting room where all the others have been arriving to participate in the wait for good news)
Daria: (as she spies her daughters) Well, ...there's the girls. Where's Trent?
Jane Lane: Eh, ....I'm sure he'll be along sooner or later. He can't just up and close shop you know.
Daria: Shouldn't that be my line?
Jane Lane: If the question had started differently then yea, ...sure. But it didn't, ....deal with it.
Daria: That's a rather interesting mood swing you've got going there, Jane. When you're in the room with your son you're happy as a clam. Out here you're irritable, ....what gives? Are you still having that funky dream where your grand kids are born in a fish tank?
Jane Lane: (Scowls) Shut up!
Daria: (eggs her on) The same one where Neirte's mom shows up and tells you off?
Jane Lane: Hey, ....she didn't tell me off. She just questioned why I was shitting a brick over the whole deal.
Daria: And it was in English of all things.
Jane Lane: Hey, ...it was my nightmare so I can have it in any language I want.
Daria: I guess subtitles would have made it seem too much like a bad movie, huh? (Jane pauses in thought)
Jane Lane: Yes, ......yes it would. (They proceed out into the waiting room where Quinn and her family are just arriving.) Good god, ...It looks like they're all showing up for the occasion.
Daria: I hope they don't all want to be in the delivery room.
Jane Lane: Nope, ...the only extra's are you and I amiga. So commandeth the parents to be.
Daria: Wait, .....why am I supposed to be in there with you during the critical moments? Up until now I've just been in there to offer support.
Jane Lane: Camera duty. You don't think I can handle the camcorder and the digital at once do you? (Beat) You've got the camcorder, ...I always screw up the shot with those things.
Daria: Not like the regular camera where you just get your thumb in front of the lens. (Jane smirks)
Jane Lane: Just make sure you get the kid coming out.
Daria: (cringes) Ewww!! What makes you think they would ever want to watch THAT over and over, ....it looks like a wet saint Bernard trying to come in through the cat door.
Jane Lane: Interesting analogy, ...."Foxworthy"? (Daria nods)
Daria: One of life's greats, I've always thought.
Jane Lane: Agreed, .....now lets break the lack of news to everybody else.
Daria: Whatever you say grandma. (Jane scowls and grumbles something about feeling old)
(The next hour or so is spent filling everyone else in the waiting room in on what's been going on so far. As she does so Quinn instructs little Kesthea to sit down on the floor and play but instead she immediately starts to claim any reading material in the area as hers)
Quinn; (smirks sheepishly) Seven year old's.
Amy: So do they know if it's going to be a boy or girl yet?
Daria: No, ...they wanted to be surprised.
Jane: I say it's a girl.
Amy: What makes you so sure?
Jane: Neirte's Fey, ....they're predominately a female society. It's simply a matter of genetics.
Amy: But Will is one hundred percent human, ...which means the child has increased odds of being male since the guy unconsciously has the final say in the gender of the child. I'm saying it's a boy.
Jane: A boy WHAT? The kid could be born Fey for all we know. (Amy pauses to reflect on this new variable)
Amy: I'd forgotten about that. But either way I'm calling it a boy.
Jane: Twenty bucks says either way it's a girl.
Amy: Deal.
Quinn: (who happens to be eavesdropping since the conversation isn't exactly quiet) I'm in on that one, .....I'm calling boy either way also. (She rolls her chair over to them and forks over a twenty. After this everyone begins to consider the various possibilities ranging from male or female to human or Fey and the betting flies. Daria and Jane Lane who have chosen not to involve themselves in the Malay watch from the proverbial sidelines in amusement. So much money could stand to be made off of what was supposed to be an auspicious and cherished occasion)
Daria: God bless capitalism.
Jane Lane: Yea, ...it makes you wonder how we could have learned such practices only to pass them to our children. (Daria pauses to reflect and the scene blurs to a moment in the past where Daria is a mere three years old and Quinn a toddler. Quinn is screaming and throwing her food about while Daria is reiterating that Quinn must be punished and asking if she could be punished NOW! Their Grandmother from Helen's side of the family, who happens to be today's baby sitter, just plops her head into her folded arms on the table and starts to sob uncontrollably. The scene then flashes through various moments in Daria and Quinn's youth where Quinn had to bribe Daria just to get her to leave the house whenever the fashion club would come over. The scene flashes again to a point approximately nine months after Y2k when weather conditions were just now considered marginally safe to travel in. Quinn and Daria are arguing over which of them should go out for supplies from the nearest FEMA station )
Quinn: Daria, I CAN'T go! I mean what if I get that STUFF on me? Think of what it could do to my complexion, ....I mean my PORES could get clogged for gods sake!!
Daria: I thought YOU didn't have pores?
Quinn: Don't be silly Daria, ....of coarse I have pores. I'm only freakin` human or whatever, ....my pores are just tiny. So tiny that they can't be seen by anybody. And they need to STAY that way if you get my drift.
Daria: Let me see if I've got this straight Quinn, .....you're telling me that your appearance is vastly more important than your own sisters life?
Quinn: Oh don't be stupid, ....of COARSE not. But think about it, ...everybody else who didn't have one of these shelters could be all UGLY or disfigured and it could be up to me to save humanity or something. I mean, ...what guy would want to get with me if I looked like everybody ELSE!!
Daria: Quinn, ....you're a shallow egotistical idiot and if by some twisted sense of fate you're humanity's last hope then I think I'll take pleasure in committing suicide the moment that becomes inevitable. But in the mean time, ....mom asked YOU to go.
Quinn: Look Daria, ....I can't go out there. At least you're already unpopular and mediocre looking, ...there isn't much that could happen that could make you worse than you already are. (Daria scowls and crosses her arms) Ugh, ....FINE! Twenty dollars for you to go in my place. (Daria turns to walk away) Thirty then. (Daria continues to walk) Dammit Daria, fifty! It's all I have left, ...Take it or leave it. You can even use it to buy some of those funky little pills for radiation in case you get sick. (Beat) Because if neither of US goes then mom will get mad and go herself and then if something happens to HER it could be on both our consciences for a long time. Oh wait, ....you claim not to have one.
Daria: (growls, walks back over to Quinn and snatches the fifty) If I end up glowing then the first thing I'm going to do when I get back Ms. perfect is grab your boobs with my radioactive hands and god willing they'll swell up so large they'll crush your perfect little life right out of you. (Daria storms around the shelter acquiring what she needs for the trip and heads out)
(The scene blurs back to reality)
Jane Lane: Wait, ....you actually TOLD her you'd irradiate her? (Daria nods) And sure enough, you came back hot and made a bee line for her. Though I don't recall you ever actually grabbing her boobs.
Daria: She saw me strip out of my wet clothes and she knew I'd be coming for her so I ended up having to chase her down. I did manage to grab the top end of her ass before she was able to seek refuge with my mother though.
Jane Lane: That's right at the base of the spinal column isn't it? Where Quinn developed that tumor several years ago....... (Long awkward pause) Oh god Daria, .......no wonder you've been so sisterly to her since she lost the ability to walk.
Daria: You guys hadn't even checked me out with the Geiger counter yet and as far as I knew I was just wet. I figured giving her a scare would be adequate pay back, .....I never actually meant the things I said.
Jane Lane: That's a hell of a guilt trip you've got there. Do you think she'll forgive you for it?
Daria: I've already made up for it with family. (Jane wears a confused expression as she has no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean) But I've never taken a bribe from her since that day in the shelter.
Jane Lane: (sighs) It's funny how sometimes it takes a major mistake to make a better person out of you.
Daria: (looks over and gives Jane Lane a light punch on the shoulder) Rub my nose in it a little deeper why don't you.
(The scene cuts to several hours later where Neirte and Will have moved to the delivery room. She is confused by what exactly is supposed to happen with the stirrups and begs Will not to leave her. At this point it is too late for her to accept the epidural and she bears down on the next contraction)
Nurse: Hey, ...not so hard!! You're going to shoot this kid across the room if you keep that up. (Neirte curses at him in Fey and the nurse looks to Will for a translation)
William: You don't want to know.
Nurse: I can take it, ....I've been called everything and anything by women in her position. They never mean any of it, ....lay it on me.
William: (sighs) She said "Get blown by a shark you squid F*#$ing jellyfish!!!"
Nurse: (cringes at the thought) Owwwwwww, .....that would have to HURT!! And I honestly can't say I've ever been told THAT.
William: Not to mention the very weird mental image it creates. I may just have to paint that one when we get out of here.
Nurse: Where the hell is she from originally? That accent is pretty tough to place, ....not to mention the language. (Beat) I thought I'd heard just about every dialect in this place.
William: Don't ask, .....it's too hard to explain. (In the background Jane and Daria are heard conversing)
Jane Lane: Did you get all of that, Daria? I want to be able to torture the girl with this stuff when she's back in her right mind.
Daria: This is incredible footage.
Jane Lane: What is?
Daria: Quinn would be jealous, .....below the eyebrows the girl has absolutely ZERO body hair. Not even follicles, ....I doubt she ever has to shave.
Jane Lane: Since when do you monitor another persons body hair growth?
Daria: Since I encountered a woman without any. The webbed toes are cute too.
Jane Lane: Are you sure you're getting her best side, ....they can't both be good. (Daria chuckles)
Daria; Well, ....with the side I'm filming I'm just hoping she doesn't give me the raspberry. (Jane laughs hysterically)
(The doctor soon comes in and the actual delivery gets under way with Daria and Jane getting as much of the ordeal on film as they can. The scene cuts to half a day later, Jane, Daria, and the rest of the family are crowding around the glass windows of the nursery to get a glimpse of the newborn. )
William: Behold, ....the newest edition to the Lane clan. I give you all my daughter!! (An exchange of money ensues in the background between the winners and losers of bets that had been placed early on in the day. Neirte whispers something in Will's ear) Really, ......how can you tell so soon?
Neirte: I just know, ....I'm her mother.
Amy: What?
William: My daughter's a Fey.
Amy: She can tell that already?
William: I guess she would know better that I would.
Daria: (smirks evilly) Look Jane, ....no fish tank!! (Jane Lane flips Daria the bird along with a smirk)
Jane Lane: So do you guys have a name for this kid or what? ( A look of panic comes over Neirte's face as she and William had never actually agreed on a name)
William: (exchanges glances with Neirte in a non verbal debate and then makes an announcement) Syron, .....her name is Syron Neirte Lane.
Daria: (whispers to Jane Lane) Kind of fitting all things considering, ....don't you think?
Jane Lane: And history is made. It makes me wonder what key moment in OUR history actually set things in motion for this to eventually occur? (Daria pauses and reflects for a moment)
Daria: I would have to go with March of 2001 as that key moment.
Jane Lane: What makes you say that?
Daria: The world had recently been nuked, ....we couldn't exactly continue the way things were you know.
Jane Lane: That hardly contributed to things becoming what they are, Daria.
Daria: Ah, ...but it did. As a result of that catastrophe, .....WE were drafted. Or don't you recall.... (The scene dissolves to a moment in the past. The scene is set in march of 2001 and is of the inside of the Morgendorffer household as Daria walks up to the front door to answer it.) Don't everybody rush to get the door at once, ....you might hurt yourselves!! (Upon opening the door Daria finds herself face to face with an MP dressed in BDU's holding a clipboard with two other similar officers behind him. In the background down near the head of the driveway are several state troopers huddled together in conversation) (VO) Wow, ...Halloween must be early this year! (Out loud) I can tell you right off the bat that my sister will reject you based souly on your clothes. That's just the way she is, ...sorry. (Daria starts to close the door but the MP braces it with his hand and looks down to compare a picture on his clipboard with Daria's face)
MP: Daria Morgendorffer...?
Daria: Sorry, ....you just missed her. I think she's on her way to Canada, ....if you hurry you might catch her. (She tries to close the door again but is unsuccessful)
MP: Ms. Morgendorffer, ....you received a notice in the mail several months ago notifying you that you had been selected by the draft for this country's armed forces. However you failed to report to your assigned recruiting station to be assimilated into the soldier's training program. As a result we are now here with the full authority of the US government to enforce your draft order. Your options are to either come along quietly or resist in which case we will forcibly arrest you.
Daria: Look buddy, ....I already told you.... (Quinn comes to the door behind Daria)
Quinn: Daria, ...I told you to let me know when my date arrived. (Looks the MP over) Eww, ....camouflage is SO 80's. You can't POSSIBLY expect a date with you wearing THAT, ...can you? (Quinn continues to blab as the MP looks at another page with a photo on his clipboard)
MP: Quinn:Morgendorffer...?
Daria: (gestures to Quinn) Just walk away and all will be forgiven.
Quinn: Ugh, .....for gods SAKE Daria. Don't be RUDE, ...just because I'D never go out with him doesn't mean that he's not more your type. I mean he's GOT to be better than Jane's brother. (Daria stomps on Quinn's foot trying to shut her up)
Daria: Don't mind her, ....she's my domestic partner, Tabatha.
Quinn: Daria, ....I'm your sister Quinn. Did all that time in the shelter fry your brain or something? I stopped denying our relation back in high school. (Daria is gritting her teeth to keep from beating the life out of her sister)
MP: So you ARE Quinn Morgendorffer..?
Quinn: Du-UH, ...I only said it myself.
MP: We've been looking for you also, ....you'll need to come with us please.
Daria: (groans loudly) Fine, ...take her. (Daria shoves Quinn out at the MP and tries to slam the door shut but the other MP's rush to help and force their way in. One of them grabs Daria from behind and realizes his mistake when Daria Jams the heel of her boot into his kneecap several times and then does the same to his shin before he crumples to the ground in pain. Daria is then tackled by one of the others and is then restrained with hand cuffs as the scene fades to the inside of a military truck that was waiting at the curb of Daria's house. As Daria is tossed in while still restrained. she hears a very familiar voice once inside the truck.)
Jane Lane: Hola amiga, ....I see they got you too. What a small world this is, huh?
Daria: (Manages to turn her body enough to see Jane sitting on a metal bench that is molded into the side of the truck) Jesus, ....they got you too?
Jane Lane: (smirks) Did they hit you on the head, Daria? You seem to have me mistaken with someone who walks on water. And no, ...I'm actually a mental projection of Jane's true self. Would you like to know about the Matrix is as long as we're here?
Daria: (groans) Give me a break, Jane. You never told me you'd been drafted.
Jane Lane: I never saw a reason to tell you, ....I was planning to high tail it out of the country and I didn't want you to have to lie about my whereabouts. You know, ....plausible deny-ability. I would have gotten back in touch with you eventually. (Helen can be heard outside of the truck threatening the MP's with every legal tactic she can think of while Jake is busy ranting about how the military will do to his kids what the military school did to him. Just then Quinn is tossed into the truck with them.)
Quinn: You can't DO this to me, ....I'm too popular!! I'm going to be the laughing stock! (She lets out a scream as one of the MP's climb into the truck to guard them)
Jane Lane: But of WHAT? There's so many possibilities to choose from. (Daria bangs her head on the floor a few times, lets out a loud groan and then turns towards the MP)
Daria: Look buddy, ......I am NOT army material. This is a major mistake you're making here, I don't have a killer instinct of any kind with exception to mowing down an occasional dog with my mom's SUV.
MP: (looks at his clipboard) You were selected for the navy, ...not the army.
Daria: So instead of dying on some god forsaken rock I have to drown inside a tin can? What the hell kind of alternative is that? I refuse to fight for ANYBODY do you hear me? (The MP gets up and draws his side arm before aiming it at Daria's forehead)
MP: Ma'am, .....your words indicate to me that you intend to desert your patriotic duty at your earliest convenience. Is my assessment correct? Because if it is then I will be forced to shoot a known traitor to this country.
Daria: (blinks after a long moment) Will a get to live just a little longer if I say you're wrong in that assessment?
MP: It will extend your life expectancy considerably.
Daria: Then you're wrong. (The MP puts his piece away and sits back down. Daria decides to beat her head on the floor a few more times)
Jane Lane: Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You did better then I did, .....I was only able to fend them off for a good thirty seconds with Trent's duck phone.
Daria: What about your son?
Jane Lane: I was able to hand him over to Trent before they hauled me off. I'll be damned if they were going to give the kid to social services while I'm still alive.
Daria: Do you really think Trent will be able to take care of him?
Jane Lane: I hope so, Daria. Because right now Trent is all I have to fall back on.
Daria: (sighs) He'll have me to fall back on too, Jane. Given our captors previous actions, ...I've come to a decision. I'm going to marry your brother.
Jane Lane: You MUST be joking,....you've regained your sense of humor, right? (Daria shakes her head) Well this is certainly a hell of a time to spring this on me? When did you decide this?
Daria: Just now, ......I'm afraid of dying. I KNOW I'm going to die out there if they make me fight and for however much time I have left I don't want to be alone. Your son can benefit from our insurance as well, ...we'll claim him as a dependant until you can take him back.
Jane Lane: Does Trent know?
Daria: Not yet. I haven't had the chance to ask him yet.
Jane Lane: The Daria I know would NEVER make a drastic decision like that on the spur of the moment. (Beat) You MUST be scared!!
Daria: It was the yellow puddle on the floor that gave me away wasn't it?
Jane Lane: (looks away in disgust) Eww. (Beat) Anyway you're wrong, Daria. You're not going to die, ....not as long as we stick together. (Daria smiles) You'd just better not be settling or I'll kick your ass for breaking my heart. (Laughs) The next thing you'll be telling me is that you plan to be a mother. (Daria groans in irritation)
Daria: Well, ....at least I'll finally be part of the "in" crowd.
Jane Lane: How so?
Daria: Well, if I have to wear those ugly ass camos then for the first time in my life everyone will be dressing just like ME. On PURPOSE!
Jane Lane: (Acts like her mind has just been blown) My god, ......the prophesy has come to pass. You ARE "the one".
Daria: Yea, ....now if I could just figure out how to stop bullets and destroy the sentinels here. (Jane laughs)
(The scene fades back to the present as Daria and Jane continue to discuss the past)
Jane Lane: So how do you figure getting drafted contributed to THIS?
Daria: Not your getting drafted, ....MINE.
Jane Lane: Now this I'd like to hear.
Daria: (hushed tone) Well first off, ....I did kinda settle for Trent. Sorry to break your heart, ....but I was afraid of dying alone and your brother was the only person I felt I knew well enough to be an option at the time. (Beat) But on the upside, ....think about it. If I hadn't gotten drafted, ...I may not have settled for Trent, ...in which case I might not have had Amy who might not have met Neirte who might not have introduced her to your son leading us to where we might not be today.
Jane Lane: And your saying I played no part in all of that?
Daria: Of coarse you did, ....but Will had already been born and your contributions as a mother would not have led us to where we are today.
Jane Lane: This isn't going to turn into one of those paradox stories where you traveled back in time to become your own great grandmother, is it?
Daria: (Daria stops to stare in complete confusion) Excuse me....?
Jane Lane: Never mind. (Beat) Anyway I still feel insulted, ....I've been left out of the loop of "What if's"
Daria: Not true, ...it was just THAT loop. There's still plenty of others to come, ....especially with a granddaughter around.
Jane Lane: Truth.
Daria: Just remember that when your playing with your granddaughter, ......"there is no spoon". (Jane stares at Daria with a blown away expression)
Jane Lane: Whoa, .....that's so creepy it's funny. (In the background a nurse comes out of the nursery and asks if Neirte would like to hold her daughter. As such Will and Neirte enter and embrace their child as everyone else makes faces through the glass and takes pictures) We may be getting old, Daria. But I get the feeling our life's adventures are nowhere near over.
Daria: You're not going to try to resurrect "the tank", are you?
Jane Lane: Nah, ...."the tank" is gone for good. But we'll come up with something, .......legends never die. Maybe we'll get motorcycles or something.
Daria: (sighs) Great, ....biker grannies. That's exactly the legacy I want to leave my family.
Jane Lane: It beats out eventually being confined to a nursing home.
Daria: (scowls and sighs) Shut up and enjoy your family. (Jane laughs as she looks on at her son, his wife, and her grandchild as she contemplates the future that is to come of this blended family.)
The End............................
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.
I may be contacted at wildgoose81@hotmail.com
Note: The Submariner Series proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K, ...did.
Note: This story is the next in the series and takes place approximately five years after "The sound of the other shoe"
The Paths We've Chosen
By
Wildgoose
(It's been a muggy and also stormy August day so far and despite all the rain the temperature is still hovering around the ninety degree mark out side of the local hospital. Daria and Jane Lane are sitting in chairs along side a hospital bed in the maternity ward while William is busy standing beside his wife who is the occupant of the bed. He is wearing a heavy leather glove on one hand, ....the one he uses to hold Neirte's hand whenever she feels a contraction coming on. )
Daria: Um Will, .....why exactly are you wearing that glove? This isn't a Michael Jackson fetish or something is it?
William: Who?
Daria: Never mind, ....that was before your time. Besides, ...you wouldn't want to know anyway. (Beat) So about the glove?
Jane Lane: (answers before William can) Fingernails. She got him once already when the contractions first started.
William: (in defense of his wife) Hey, ....it was an accident!!
Jane Lane: An accident that pierced one of the bones in your palm, ...but an accident none the less. (A moment passes before Jane explains to Daria) They were holding hands on the couch when the first contraction hit. (Jane turns back to William) How are the stitches by the way?
William: Okay I guess, ....the doctor has me on pain killers and antibiotics. He said that if he didn't already know Neirte he would have sworn it was a stab wound and notified he police.
Daria: How do you mean the doctor knows Neirte?
William: Relax, ....I meant he knows about the fingernails. He thinks they're just some weird kind of genetic throwback. He says weird stuff like that does occur from time to time. Though I think the webbed fingers were more along the lines of what he was talking about.
Daria: Does the OB/GYN know about the nails?
William: Of coarse, ...she wishes she had them herself. (Neirte is heard cursing in the background as another contraction comes on. Will grits his teeth as she squeezes the wound under the glove) Ugh, ....talk about sharing the pain!! (Daria and Jane laugh in the background) God, ...I wish this kid would hurry up.
Jane Lane: Hey now, ...that's HER line!
William: Who cares, ...she's hurting me!
Jane Lane: Oh you wuss, ...do you have any idea how much pain I was in when I had YOU?
William: Yes, ....you've told me a hundred times. But you didn't have half inch retractable fingernails capable of piercing bone.
Daria: I think he's got you on that one, Jane. (Jane Lane shrugs and changes the subject)
Jane Lane: How far along did the doc say she was?
William: About five centimeters, ...it's going slowly so if you guys want to step out and stretch or something. I'll stay here with Neirte, ....she's still debating if she wants an epidural or not.
Daria: Well, ....I can't speak for her but it might be safer for YOU if she did. Don't want to damage any other parts of your anatomy now do we?
William: Something you're not telling me here?
Daria: Let's just say women tend to lash out at the things that caused the pregnancy in the first place while experiencing the whole ordeal.
Jane Lane: (smirks evilly) In other words, ...protect your nuts boy! (faux Italian accent) Or you just may end up singing soprano.
Daria: (glances over at Jane) Well excuse ME for trying to be tactful.
Jane Lane: Now now, ....don't get defensive. I'm just spelling it out for him is all.
Daria: Yea yea. (Starts pushing Jane towards the door) We'll be back then, ....we're just going to go get a snack or something. Do you want us to bring you guys back anything?
Neire: Ice cream!! (Jane and Daria exchange glances and reply with an equally enthusiastic tone)
Daria/Jane: Vanilla!!
William: Anything works for me, ....I'm not picky. And take your time, ....we'll send for you if anything happens. (Jane and Daria step out the door and down the hall to the waiting room where all the others have been arriving to participate in the wait for good news)
Daria: (as she spies her daughters) Well, ...there's the girls. Where's Trent?
Jane Lane: Eh, ....I'm sure he'll be along sooner or later. He can't just up and close shop you know.
Daria: Shouldn't that be my line?
Jane Lane: If the question had started differently then yea, ...sure. But it didn't, ....deal with it.
Daria: That's a rather interesting mood swing you've got going there, Jane. When you're in the room with your son you're happy as a clam. Out here you're irritable, ....what gives? Are you still having that funky dream where your grand kids are born in a fish tank?
Jane Lane: (Scowls) Shut up!
Daria: (eggs her on) The same one where Neirte's mom shows up and tells you off?
Jane Lane: Hey, ....she didn't tell me off. She just questioned why I was shitting a brick over the whole deal.
Daria: And it was in English of all things.
Jane Lane: Hey, ...it was my nightmare so I can have it in any language I want.
Daria: I guess subtitles would have made it seem too much like a bad movie, huh? (Jane pauses in thought)
Jane Lane: Yes, ......yes it would. (They proceed out into the waiting room where Quinn and her family are just arriving.) Good god, ...It looks like they're all showing up for the occasion.
Daria: I hope they don't all want to be in the delivery room.
Jane Lane: Nope, ...the only extra's are you and I amiga. So commandeth the parents to be.
Daria: Wait, .....why am I supposed to be in there with you during the critical moments? Up until now I've just been in there to offer support.
Jane Lane: Camera duty. You don't think I can handle the camcorder and the digital at once do you? (Beat) You've got the camcorder, ...I always screw up the shot with those things.
Daria: Not like the regular camera where you just get your thumb in front of the lens. (Jane smirks)
Jane Lane: Just make sure you get the kid coming out.
Daria: (cringes) Ewww!! What makes you think they would ever want to watch THAT over and over, ....it looks like a wet saint Bernard trying to come in through the cat door.
Jane Lane: Interesting analogy, ...."Foxworthy"? (Daria nods)
Daria: One of life's greats, I've always thought.
Jane Lane: Agreed, .....now lets break the lack of news to everybody else.
Daria: Whatever you say grandma. (Jane scowls and grumbles something about feeling old)
(The next hour or so is spent filling everyone else in the waiting room in on what's been going on so far. As she does so Quinn instructs little Kesthea to sit down on the floor and play but instead she immediately starts to claim any reading material in the area as hers)
Quinn; (smirks sheepishly) Seven year old's.
Amy: So do they know if it's going to be a boy or girl yet?
Daria: No, ...they wanted to be surprised.
Jane: I say it's a girl.
Amy: What makes you so sure?
Jane: Neirte's Fey, ....they're predominately a female society. It's simply a matter of genetics.
Amy: But Will is one hundred percent human, ...which means the child has increased odds of being male since the guy unconsciously has the final say in the gender of the child. I'm saying it's a boy.
Jane: A boy WHAT? The kid could be born Fey for all we know. (Amy pauses to reflect on this new variable)
Amy: I'd forgotten about that. But either way I'm calling it a boy.
Jane: Twenty bucks says either way it's a girl.
Amy: Deal.
Quinn: (who happens to be eavesdropping since the conversation isn't exactly quiet) I'm in on that one, .....I'm calling boy either way also. (She rolls her chair over to them and forks over a twenty. After this everyone begins to consider the various possibilities ranging from male or female to human or Fey and the betting flies. Daria and Jane Lane who have chosen not to involve themselves in the Malay watch from the proverbial sidelines in amusement. So much money could stand to be made off of what was supposed to be an auspicious and cherished occasion)
Daria: God bless capitalism.
Jane Lane: Yea, ...it makes you wonder how we could have learned such practices only to pass them to our children. (Daria pauses to reflect and the scene blurs to a moment in the past where Daria is a mere three years old and Quinn a toddler. Quinn is screaming and throwing her food about while Daria is reiterating that Quinn must be punished and asking if she could be punished NOW! Their Grandmother from Helen's side of the family, who happens to be today's baby sitter, just plops her head into her folded arms on the table and starts to sob uncontrollably. The scene then flashes through various moments in Daria and Quinn's youth where Quinn had to bribe Daria just to get her to leave the house whenever the fashion club would come over. The scene flashes again to a point approximately nine months after Y2k when weather conditions were just now considered marginally safe to travel in. Quinn and Daria are arguing over which of them should go out for supplies from the nearest FEMA station )
Quinn: Daria, I CAN'T go! I mean what if I get that STUFF on me? Think of what it could do to my complexion, ....I mean my PORES could get clogged for gods sake!!
Daria: I thought YOU didn't have pores?
Quinn: Don't be silly Daria, ....of coarse I have pores. I'm only freakin` human or whatever, ....my pores are just tiny. So tiny that they can't be seen by anybody. And they need to STAY that way if you get my drift.
Daria: Let me see if I've got this straight Quinn, .....you're telling me that your appearance is vastly more important than your own sisters life?
Quinn: Oh don't be stupid, ....of COARSE not. But think about it, ...everybody else who didn't have one of these shelters could be all UGLY or disfigured and it could be up to me to save humanity or something. I mean, ...what guy would want to get with me if I looked like everybody ELSE!!
Daria: Quinn, ....you're a shallow egotistical idiot and if by some twisted sense of fate you're humanity's last hope then I think I'll take pleasure in committing suicide the moment that becomes inevitable. But in the mean time, ....mom asked YOU to go.
Quinn: Look Daria, ....I can't go out there. At least you're already unpopular and mediocre looking, ...there isn't much that could happen that could make you worse than you already are. (Daria scowls and crosses her arms) Ugh, ....FINE! Twenty dollars for you to go in my place. (Daria turns to walk away) Thirty then. (Daria continues to walk) Dammit Daria, fifty! It's all I have left, ...Take it or leave it. You can even use it to buy some of those funky little pills for radiation in case you get sick. (Beat) Because if neither of US goes then mom will get mad and go herself and then if something happens to HER it could be on both our consciences for a long time. Oh wait, ....you claim not to have one.
Daria: (growls, walks back over to Quinn and snatches the fifty) If I end up glowing then the first thing I'm going to do when I get back Ms. perfect is grab your boobs with my radioactive hands and god willing they'll swell up so large they'll crush your perfect little life right out of you. (Daria storms around the shelter acquiring what she needs for the trip and heads out)
(The scene blurs back to reality)
Jane Lane: Wait, ....you actually TOLD her you'd irradiate her? (Daria nods) And sure enough, you came back hot and made a bee line for her. Though I don't recall you ever actually grabbing her boobs.
Daria: She saw me strip out of my wet clothes and she knew I'd be coming for her so I ended up having to chase her down. I did manage to grab the top end of her ass before she was able to seek refuge with my mother though.
Jane Lane: That's right at the base of the spinal column isn't it? Where Quinn developed that tumor several years ago....... (Long awkward pause) Oh god Daria, .......no wonder you've been so sisterly to her since she lost the ability to walk.
Daria: You guys hadn't even checked me out with the Geiger counter yet and as far as I knew I was just wet. I figured giving her a scare would be adequate pay back, .....I never actually meant the things I said.
Jane Lane: That's a hell of a guilt trip you've got there. Do you think she'll forgive you for it?
Daria: I've already made up for it with family. (Jane wears a confused expression as she has no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean) But I've never taken a bribe from her since that day in the shelter.
Jane Lane: (sighs) It's funny how sometimes it takes a major mistake to make a better person out of you.
Daria: (looks over and gives Jane Lane a light punch on the shoulder) Rub my nose in it a little deeper why don't you.
(The scene cuts to several hours later where Neirte and Will have moved to the delivery room. She is confused by what exactly is supposed to happen with the stirrups and begs Will not to leave her. At this point it is too late for her to accept the epidural and she bears down on the next contraction)
Nurse: Hey, ...not so hard!! You're going to shoot this kid across the room if you keep that up. (Neirte curses at him in Fey and the nurse looks to Will for a translation)
William: You don't want to know.
Nurse: I can take it, ....I've been called everything and anything by women in her position. They never mean any of it, ....lay it on me.
William: (sighs) She said "Get blown by a shark you squid F*#$ing jellyfish!!!"
Nurse: (cringes at the thought) Owwwwwww, .....that would have to HURT!! And I honestly can't say I've ever been told THAT.
William: Not to mention the very weird mental image it creates. I may just have to paint that one when we get out of here.
Nurse: Where the hell is she from originally? That accent is pretty tough to place, ....not to mention the language. (Beat) I thought I'd heard just about every dialect in this place.
William: Don't ask, .....it's too hard to explain. (In the background Jane and Daria are heard conversing)
Jane Lane: Did you get all of that, Daria? I want to be able to torture the girl with this stuff when she's back in her right mind.
Daria: This is incredible footage.
Jane Lane: What is?
Daria: Quinn would be jealous, .....below the eyebrows the girl has absolutely ZERO body hair. Not even follicles, ....I doubt she ever has to shave.
Jane Lane: Since when do you monitor another persons body hair growth?
Daria: Since I encountered a woman without any. The webbed toes are cute too.
Jane Lane: Are you sure you're getting her best side, ....they can't both be good. (Daria chuckles)
Daria; Well, ....with the side I'm filming I'm just hoping she doesn't give me the raspberry. (Jane laughs hysterically)
(The doctor soon comes in and the actual delivery gets under way with Daria and Jane getting as much of the ordeal on film as they can. The scene cuts to half a day later, Jane, Daria, and the rest of the family are crowding around the glass windows of the nursery to get a glimpse of the newborn. )
William: Behold, ....the newest edition to the Lane clan. I give you all my daughter!! (An exchange of money ensues in the background between the winners and losers of bets that had been placed early on in the day. Neirte whispers something in Will's ear) Really, ......how can you tell so soon?
Neirte: I just know, ....I'm her mother.
Amy: What?
William: My daughter's a Fey.
Amy: She can tell that already?
William: I guess she would know better that I would.
Daria: (smirks evilly) Look Jane, ....no fish tank!! (Jane Lane flips Daria the bird along with a smirk)
Jane Lane: So do you guys have a name for this kid or what? ( A look of panic comes over Neirte's face as she and William had never actually agreed on a name)
William: (exchanges glances with Neirte in a non verbal debate and then makes an announcement) Syron, .....her name is Syron Neirte Lane.
Daria: (whispers to Jane Lane) Kind of fitting all things considering, ....don't you think?
Jane Lane: And history is made. It makes me wonder what key moment in OUR history actually set things in motion for this to eventually occur? (Daria pauses and reflects for a moment)
Daria: I would have to go with March of 2001 as that key moment.
Jane Lane: What makes you say that?
Daria: The world had recently been nuked, ....we couldn't exactly continue the way things were you know.
Jane Lane: That hardly contributed to things becoming what they are, Daria.
Daria: Ah, ...but it did. As a result of that catastrophe, .....WE were drafted. Or don't you recall.... (The scene dissolves to a moment in the past. The scene is set in march of 2001 and is of the inside of the Morgendorffer household as Daria walks up to the front door to answer it.) Don't everybody rush to get the door at once, ....you might hurt yourselves!! (Upon opening the door Daria finds herself face to face with an MP dressed in BDU's holding a clipboard with two other similar officers behind him. In the background down near the head of the driveway are several state troopers huddled together in conversation) (VO) Wow, ...Halloween must be early this year! (Out loud) I can tell you right off the bat that my sister will reject you based souly on your clothes. That's just the way she is, ...sorry. (Daria starts to close the door but the MP braces it with his hand and looks down to compare a picture on his clipboard with Daria's face)
MP: Daria Morgendorffer...?
Daria: Sorry, ....you just missed her. I think she's on her way to Canada, ....if you hurry you might catch her. (She tries to close the door again but is unsuccessful)
MP: Ms. Morgendorffer, ....you received a notice in the mail several months ago notifying you that you had been selected by the draft for this country's armed forces. However you failed to report to your assigned recruiting station to be assimilated into the soldier's training program. As a result we are now here with the full authority of the US government to enforce your draft order. Your options are to either come along quietly or resist in which case we will forcibly arrest you.
Daria: Look buddy, ....I already told you.... (Quinn comes to the door behind Daria)
Quinn: Daria, ...I told you to let me know when my date arrived. (Looks the MP over) Eww, ....camouflage is SO 80's. You can't POSSIBLY expect a date with you wearing THAT, ...can you? (Quinn continues to blab as the MP looks at another page with a photo on his clipboard)
MP: Quinn:Morgendorffer...?
Daria: (gestures to Quinn) Just walk away and all will be forgiven.
Quinn: Ugh, .....for gods SAKE Daria. Don't be RUDE, ...just because I'D never go out with him doesn't mean that he's not more your type. I mean he's GOT to be better than Jane's brother. (Daria stomps on Quinn's foot trying to shut her up)
Daria: Don't mind her, ....she's my domestic partner, Tabatha.
Quinn: Daria, ....I'm your sister Quinn. Did all that time in the shelter fry your brain or something? I stopped denying our relation back in high school. (Daria is gritting her teeth to keep from beating the life out of her sister)
MP: So you ARE Quinn Morgendorffer..?
Quinn: Du-UH, ...I only said it myself.
MP: We've been looking for you also, ....you'll need to come with us please.
Daria: (groans loudly) Fine, ...take her. (Daria shoves Quinn out at the MP and tries to slam the door shut but the other MP's rush to help and force their way in. One of them grabs Daria from behind and realizes his mistake when Daria Jams the heel of her boot into his kneecap several times and then does the same to his shin before he crumples to the ground in pain. Daria is then tackled by one of the others and is then restrained with hand cuffs as the scene fades to the inside of a military truck that was waiting at the curb of Daria's house. As Daria is tossed in while still restrained. she hears a very familiar voice once inside the truck.)
Jane Lane: Hola amiga, ....I see they got you too. What a small world this is, huh?
Daria: (Manages to turn her body enough to see Jane sitting on a metal bench that is molded into the side of the truck) Jesus, ....they got you too?
Jane Lane: (smirks) Did they hit you on the head, Daria? You seem to have me mistaken with someone who walks on water. And no, ...I'm actually a mental projection of Jane's true self. Would you like to know about the Matrix is as long as we're here?
Daria: (groans) Give me a break, Jane. You never told me you'd been drafted.
Jane Lane: I never saw a reason to tell you, ....I was planning to high tail it out of the country and I didn't want you to have to lie about my whereabouts. You know, ....plausible deny-ability. I would have gotten back in touch with you eventually. (Helen can be heard outside of the truck threatening the MP's with every legal tactic she can think of while Jake is busy ranting about how the military will do to his kids what the military school did to him. Just then Quinn is tossed into the truck with them.)
Quinn: You can't DO this to me, ....I'm too popular!! I'm going to be the laughing stock! (She lets out a scream as one of the MP's climb into the truck to guard them)
Jane Lane: But of WHAT? There's so many possibilities to choose from. (Daria bangs her head on the floor a few times, lets out a loud groan and then turns towards the MP)
Daria: Look buddy, ......I am NOT army material. This is a major mistake you're making here, I don't have a killer instinct of any kind with exception to mowing down an occasional dog with my mom's SUV.
MP: (looks at his clipboard) You were selected for the navy, ...not the army.
Daria: So instead of dying on some god forsaken rock I have to drown inside a tin can? What the hell kind of alternative is that? I refuse to fight for ANYBODY do you hear me? (The MP gets up and draws his side arm before aiming it at Daria's forehead)
MP: Ma'am, .....your words indicate to me that you intend to desert your patriotic duty at your earliest convenience. Is my assessment correct? Because if it is then I will be forced to shoot a known traitor to this country.
Daria: (blinks after a long moment) Will a get to live just a little longer if I say you're wrong in that assessment?
MP: It will extend your life expectancy considerably.
Daria: Then you're wrong. (The MP puts his piece away and sits back down. Daria decides to beat her head on the floor a few more times)
Jane Lane: Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You did better then I did, .....I was only able to fend them off for a good thirty seconds with Trent's duck phone.
Daria: What about your son?
Jane Lane: I was able to hand him over to Trent before they hauled me off. I'll be damned if they were going to give the kid to social services while I'm still alive.
Daria: Do you really think Trent will be able to take care of him?
Jane Lane: I hope so, Daria. Because right now Trent is all I have to fall back on.
Daria: (sighs) He'll have me to fall back on too, Jane. Given our captors previous actions, ...I've come to a decision. I'm going to marry your brother.
Jane Lane: You MUST be joking,....you've regained your sense of humor, right? (Daria shakes her head) Well this is certainly a hell of a time to spring this on me? When did you decide this?
Daria: Just now, ......I'm afraid of dying. I KNOW I'm going to die out there if they make me fight and for however much time I have left I don't want to be alone. Your son can benefit from our insurance as well, ...we'll claim him as a dependant until you can take him back.
Jane Lane: Does Trent know?
Daria: Not yet. I haven't had the chance to ask him yet.
Jane Lane: The Daria I know would NEVER make a drastic decision like that on the spur of the moment. (Beat) You MUST be scared!!
Daria: It was the yellow puddle on the floor that gave me away wasn't it?
Jane Lane: (looks away in disgust) Eww. (Beat) Anyway you're wrong, Daria. You're not going to die, ....not as long as we stick together. (Daria smiles) You'd just better not be settling or I'll kick your ass for breaking my heart. (Laughs) The next thing you'll be telling me is that you plan to be a mother. (Daria groans in irritation)
Daria: Well, ....at least I'll finally be part of the "in" crowd.
Jane Lane: How so?
Daria: Well, if I have to wear those ugly ass camos then for the first time in my life everyone will be dressing just like ME. On PURPOSE!
Jane Lane: (Acts like her mind has just been blown) My god, ......the prophesy has come to pass. You ARE "the one".
Daria: Yea, ....now if I could just figure out how to stop bullets and destroy the sentinels here. (Jane laughs)
(The scene fades back to the present as Daria and Jane continue to discuss the past)
Jane Lane: So how do you figure getting drafted contributed to THIS?
Daria: Not your getting drafted, ....MINE.
Jane Lane: Now this I'd like to hear.
Daria: (hushed tone) Well first off, ....I did kinda settle for Trent. Sorry to break your heart, ....but I was afraid of dying alone and your brother was the only person I felt I knew well enough to be an option at the time. (Beat) But on the upside, ....think about it. If I hadn't gotten drafted, ...I may not have settled for Trent, ...in which case I might not have had Amy who might not have met Neirte who might not have introduced her to your son leading us to where we might not be today.
Jane Lane: And your saying I played no part in all of that?
Daria: Of coarse you did, ....but Will had already been born and your contributions as a mother would not have led us to where we are today.
Jane Lane: This isn't going to turn into one of those paradox stories where you traveled back in time to become your own great grandmother, is it?
Daria: (Daria stops to stare in complete confusion) Excuse me....?
Jane Lane: Never mind. (Beat) Anyway I still feel insulted, ....I've been left out of the loop of "What if's"
Daria: Not true, ...it was just THAT loop. There's still plenty of others to come, ....especially with a granddaughter around.
Jane Lane: Truth.
Daria: Just remember that when your playing with your granddaughter, ......"there is no spoon". (Jane stares at Daria with a blown away expression)
Jane Lane: Whoa, .....that's so creepy it's funny. (In the background a nurse comes out of the nursery and asks if Neirte would like to hold her daughter. As such Will and Neirte enter and embrace their child as everyone else makes faces through the glass and takes pictures) We may be getting old, Daria. But I get the feeling our life's adventures are nowhere near over.
Daria: You're not going to try to resurrect "the tank", are you?
Jane Lane: Nah, ...."the tank" is gone for good. But we'll come up with something, .......legends never die. Maybe we'll get motorcycles or something.
Daria: (sighs) Great, ....biker grannies. That's exactly the legacy I want to leave my family.
Jane Lane: It beats out eventually being confined to a nursing home.
Daria: (scowls and sighs) Shut up and enjoy your family. (Jane laughs as she looks on at her son, his wife, and her grandchild as she contemplates the future that is to come of this blended family.)
The End............................
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.
I may be contacted at wildgoose81@hotmail.com