Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended. If I did own Twilight, I would have more parties.
Standing at the crossroads
Trying to read the signs
To tell me which way
I should go to find the answer
And all the time I know
Plant your love and let it grow
****
"So, is the Sex God a good kisser?" MK asks, as soon as we're seated at dinner.
"Jeez, Mare, get right to the point," I grumble.
"MK, you saw Bella practically attack him on her patio last night. Bella's got good taste. He must be a good kisser. Right?" Angela says, looking at me for verification.
I know I'm blushing, but I can't contain it anymore. "His skills are superior," I answer simply. "Hey, Em's got a date with a hot LA guy, too!" I add, going for the deflection.
Success! The first pitcher of margaritas is spent discussing Demetri. I study Emma carefully. I think Edward's right. She's definitely interested…possibly even smitten.
We're back to Edward and me for the second pitcher. I tell all. My girls are fully back in fairy godmother mode again, oooh-ing and ahhh-ing in all the right places. They laugh uncontrollably about the dirty texting and my elevator undie confession.
"Wow. We've successfully corrupted Bella in only five days," Angela laughs.
"Nah. She always had it in her. We just stood her in front of the Sex God and he did the rest," Em argues. "That man is so hot he could probably 'poof' the chastity belt off of a Victorian virgin just by smiling at her."
I blink blankly at her. Before I have to respond, my phone buzzes with a new text.
*B- Hey you, having fun? --E
*E- Yep. U? --B
*B- Yes. Want to know what I'm wearing under my pants? –E
*E- Better not be some other girl's lipstick. –B
*B- U have a dirty mind. Wish I was with u and the black thong. –E
*E- No room at our table. Only my girls and Jose. –B
*B- Jose? --E
*E- Cuervo. –B
*B- Mom wants 2 know y I keep laughing. She says hi. –E
*E- Ew, you txted abt my thong with ur mom there? --B
*B- I'm very sneaky. She wouldn't have known if u weren't so funny. –E
*E- Tell her hi. Eat ur dinner. Talk 2 u l8r. –B
Beaming, I lay my phone back on the table. The fairy godmothers are looking at me again.
"Can't stop smiling. Very giggly," Angela says.
"Texting about her non-granny panties," Em chimes in.
"Eyes light up at the mention of Sex God's name," MK adds.
"Our little Bella is falling for the Sex God," Angela concludes.
"Yep," MK agrees.
"Definitely," Em nods.
"Absofuckinglutely," I say.
****
After the third pitcher of margaritas, we call Ben to come get us. It's still early, so the girls (and Ben) ask to stay for awhile at my house. I agree, but head to my room to change from my going out clothes to my favorite holey jeans and big comfy tee.
When I emerge, Angela has passed out drinks and MK has found the disco playlist on my iPod.
"Disco sucks," Ben complains.
"But it's the most fun for dancing and I'm in a dancing kind of mood," MK responds.
One and a half drinks later, all us girls are dancing and singing Hot Stuff to Ben. He's used to it. He's been the only guy routinely invited to our girls' nights for more than two years now. As long as he's allowed to drink with us, he's happy to be entertained by us. MK pulls me up to stand on the coffee table with her and we shake our booties, holding onto each other and laughing.
"Hello?"
Shit. My bootie shaking stops immediately and I turn to see the Sex God in the doorway.
"I did knock. I just don't think you could hear me," he explains, probably mistaking the horror on my face for anger, and running his hand through his hair nervously. God, that's so sexy.
I realize there's no way for me to gracefully get off this coffee table given my somewhat inebriated state, so I crook my finger at Edward. "Come here," I say. He does.
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I just couldn't stay away any longer. I'll go if you want," he says.
"I want you to stay," I lean down to say softly to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Stay." I kiss his lips softly. "Please stay." I kiss him again.
"Well, since you asked so nicely…" he says, smiling and kissing me once more.
"Catch me!" I say lightly, hopping down to him and wrapping my legs around his waist. He does, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other under my ass.
"Always, Bella. I'll always catch you," he chuckles quietly. I heard him, but am distracted by how freaking good he smells…and looks…and tastes. Yep, I'm sucking on his neck, I realize. I stop and lick the spot I was sucking then lean back to look at him.
"Thanks. Want to put me down now?" I ask.
"Not really. Do you want me to put you down now?" he asks back.
"Not really." We grin idiotically at each other. I dive in to kiss him again, saying with my lips and tongue what I can't say out loud. His fingers have found the hole in my jeans right under my right cheek. I feel his fingers softly stroking the skin there and moan out loud, too tipsy and too smitten to care that my friends are in the same room.
"All right, you two. This has gone far enough. Put her down, SG. I think you two need to cool off a little," Emma says.
We ignore her and continue kissing.
"Isabella, you know I will go ninja on your asses if I have to. Get the fuck down for a minute. I promise I'll give SG back in a little bit," Emma threatens. She's such a bully.
I pull back from the kiss. "She's serious. She'll hurt us," I laugh, pulling my legs from around his waist and sliding down to the ground. He slowly removes his fingers from the hole in my jeans and takes the bottle of beer Emma is holding out to him.
"Huddle, ladies," MK calls and before I realize what's happening, the fairy godmothers have abducted Edward; Emma pulling his arm, Ang and MK pushing from behind, and disappearing into my bedroom. They shut and lock the door.
"What are you doing?" I yell, pounding on the door. "Let him out or let me in!"
"Oh, relax. We're not hurting him, Bells. We'll let him go in a few minutes…if he's good," Em chuckles. I can hear MK giggling in the background.
Ben comes up behind me. "Come on, Bella, let's sit. You know they won't let him out until they're through with him. But they like him; they'll be gentle," he adds with a laugh.
Defeated, I take my margarita glass from Ben and drink it down.
****
Exactly 22 minutes later, they finally emerge from my room. Emma strides out first, shooting me a haughty, self-satisfied smirk. I give her my James glare. Judging by her laughter, she is not frightened. Angela follows behind, smiling warmly at me. MK and Edward are walking together and talking quietly, smiling.
His hair is more of a mess, indicating that he's run his hands through it a lot, but he looks otherwise unscathed. When our eyes meet, he aims the lop-sided grin at me and says simply, "I passed."
****
I know it's a bad idea, but I agree to play Em's favorite drinking game anyway. I don't really understand this stupid card game, which is why I usually end up being the drunkest. Edward promises to help me, but I still have to do three shots of tequila.
Multiple shots of tequila make me giggly. And handsy. Edward doesn't seem to mind either side effect.
We are sitting next to each other at my kitchen table, one of my legs draped across his, both of my arms wrapped around his arm. I sigh contentedly.
"Having fun, baby?" he asks, looking and me and smiling. He's only had to do one shot. He is not drunky like me. I giggle.
"Mmhmm," I answer, pulling on his arm until he bends to kiss me on the lips. "Want to stay over and fool around?" I ask against his lips.
"Sure…and no," he says against mine.
What? Hurt, I pull back and look into his eyes.
Cupping one side of my head with his hand, he leans in to whisper roughly, "Bella, I want to stay tonight, but I'm not fooling around with you for the first time in 15 years when you're drunk. There are things I want to say to you, do to you, that I want you to have a fucking clear memory of the next morning." Desire courses through my body at hearing his words, settling between my legs. He kisses my ear, kisses my lips, then sits up to smirk at me.
"Jesusfuck," I whisper. Lily, you're gonna have to wait at least one more day. I think she's crying.
****
"You wanna go outside and get some air?" he asks a little while later. My buzz is wearing off and I'm feeling a little sleepy. I nod.
We go out and sit down in a chaise by the pool; he sits first and I stretch out between his legs, resting my back against his chest. Our hands are intertwined and resting on his thighs.
"Talk to me," he says in my right ear, before kissing it and resting his head against mine.
"About what?"
"Marcus?" he asks softly, squeezing my hands and planting a kiss in my hair. I wonder briefly if he knows that it will be easier for me to talk about this when I don't have to look him in the eyes.
So I talk. I tell him about meeting Marcus right after I graduated from college. He was 42, I was 22. We became friends, we dated, we slept together. He proposed unexpectedly. He wanted marriage and children. He knew that I wasn't in love with him; he wasn't in love with me either. But we got along very well and he thought friendship and companionship could be enough for both of us.
I had only been in love once, with Edward. It had ended horribly. My parents had once been passionately in love. That also ended horribly. I started to think that maybe Marcus was onto something. I agreed to marry him.
I got pregnant with the twins shortly after the wedding. I was happy being a mom, but Marcus and I were more like roommates than lovers. Chase was born about two years later and after that, I basically moved out of the master bedroom, preferring to sleep up on the second floor with the kids instead of on the main floor with my husband. I knew that he loved me as a companion and friend and I felt the same, but I felt that I had settled for a marriage that lacked passion, both emotional and physical.
I tell Edward how horrible it was when we found out Marcus was sick and that he wouldn't recover. How he tried to teach me everything about his publishing company in the months he had left so I could run it after he was gone. He fervently hoped that one day the children would want to follow in his footsteps. I tell him how I found that I actually liked running the company, especially with Jacob and Angela, who were already in place, to help me.
I talk about how excruciating the last few weeks of Marcus' life were and how I had struggled for the three years since his death to rebuild my life as a single mom and a single woman.
At some point during my monologue, Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly, holding me close and continuing to plant kisses in my hair.
"Baby, I'm so sorry you went through all that," he says softly, rocking us slowly, gently, from side to side.
"Edward, no offense, but if you don't stop shaking me, I'll puke," I say, breaking the solemn mood.
"Sorry, sorry," he says with a chuckle.
"You know what the one of worst parts was?" I ask, serious again.
"What, love?"
"My parents. Through planning my wedding and all of the wedding activities, they started talking again. They discovered that they were still madly in love with each other and it had just been their stubborn refusal to compromise about anything that had caused the divorce. Their dreams of true love came true just as mine were dashed. I made my decision to marry Marcus based on a fucking faulty premise. And I was pissed, really pissed, at them for a long time for that reason. My dad moved to Phoenix with my mom right after the wedding and they got remarried two months later."
"You've forgiven them now." It's a statement, not a question.
"Yes. When Marcus got sick, when we knew he was dying, they dropped everything and moved up here to help me, help the kids. It's probably the first time in my life that Renee acted like a parent. And they are so good to me now. They are wonderful grandparents. Marcus didn't have any family left. He was an only child of only children, just like me, and his parents were both dead when I met him. So Charlie and Renee were all we had as far as blood relatives went. I feel compelled to give my kids more of a support system than I had though; they have Ang and Ben, Jake and Nessie, MK, Emma. They're the best pseudo aunts and uncles any kids could have."
"You're a great mom, Bella. Your friends told me," he says quietly but firmly.
"What was that about, anyway? What did those little kidnappers do to you in my room?" I ask, leaning to the side to look back and up at his beautiful face.
"I'm not allowed to say under penalty of bodily harm." He's trying not to smile.
I narrow my eyes at him and say, "Come on, Edward, I won't tell them that you caved."
"Nope. Emma threatened some body parts that I'm very attached to, so you won't be getting any info out me," he says with mock seriousness. "She's a scary, scary girl." Now he is serious.
"Truer words, my friend, truer words," I laugh, snuggling back into his chest. "What about you? Any ex-wives or serious girlfriends in your past? Or present?"
"No wives, no ex-wives, no present girlfriends. I've had a few long-term girlfriends, but no one that I was serious enough to really think of marrying. I just didn't feel it, you know? What my parents have, what Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie have. That's what I want," he says earnestly.
"You didn't settle," I say quietly.
"Bella—"
"No, it's okay. I can't regret the path I chose. Marcus was a good man and I got three great kids. And I'm here now, with you," I say, swinging my legs to one side and turning my body so I can get my arms around Edward. I hug him tightly and press tiny kisses all along the left side of his neck.
"So Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, they made it?" I ask, happy for my almost-family. The six of us has been inseparable that final summer, until I ruined everything. I was genuinely pleased for Edward's siblings and their soul mates.
"They did. Married, jobs, kids, the whole deal," he answers with a smile.
"We're the only ones who didn't make it," I remark with sadness.
"Bella? Don't look now, but we're hanging out, holding hands, kissing. I don't think our ending is written quite yet," he says with shining eyes. "We get to choose what happens next."
I smile up at him before pressing my lips to his.
****
Angela and Ben come to find us to say goodnight. I get up and Ang pulls me toward the gate, saying "Walk half way with me," while simultaneously giving Ben the 'I want to talk to Bella alone' look. She uses it a lot. Ben gets it and starts asking Edward questions about life in LA.
"Okay, spit it out," I say when we're far enough away from the guys.
"All right," she says. "I'll make it short and sweet. That's a great man standing over there with my man. Bella, he's more than just a Sex God." We walk through the gate and a little way into her backyard.
"I know," I respond. "He's terrific. He's the same as I remember, but different, too. I know that makes no sense. This whole thing makes no sense. This week has been such a whirlwind…it's too fast, too much, but I love it. And I'm scared to death that when my kids get home I won't be able to balance this, won't be able to be 'mom' and this woman that Edward seems to like."
"You'll find the balance, Bell. We'll help you. Edward will help you, if you let him. He wants this, too. Trust yourself, your feelings," she says.
"I feel like I don't know what to do, where to go next. Ang, I don't want to lose him again." I say, stopping and turning toward her.
"Bella, you're going to figure it all out. Just give it some time," she says, hugging me tightly. "Now for the important question: Does he make you want to drop your panties in two minutes or less?" She leans back to look at me.
"Angela, he makes me want to drop them so fast that I'm thinking of never wearing underwear again just so I won't have to waste time taking them off," I answer. We both laugh.
"Is it safe to come out now?" Ben asks, pretending to hide behind the gate. Edward is right beside him.
"Yes, Ben, take me home. See you tomorrow, Bells. Love you!" Angela says as she wraps her arm around Ben's waist and turns toward her house.
"Edward, take good care of our girl," she says over her shoulder.
"Yes, ma'am, I intend to," Edward replies, smiling into my eyes and taking my hand to walk back inside my house.
****
The house is quiet and dark when we get back inside. I know Emma and MK are here somewhere; they were already planning to spend the night before I asked Edward to stay.
"Do you run this boarding house all year long?" Edward asks. Apparently he realizes they're still here, too.
"No," I laugh. "They don't stay over very often when the kids are here, but are usually here almost full-time when the kids are out of town. I don't let them drink if they're going to drive. And I like the company when the kids are gone," I admit.
We go inside my bedroom and I shut the door quietly, suddenly nervous. Edward slides his arms around me from behind.
"Bella, are you sure this is okay, me spending the night?"
"Yes, I want you here," I say, turning in his arms and looking up at him. "I want you."
His eyes darken immediately and, groaning, he bends to kiss me, opening my lips with his tongue. He lifts me off the ground and walks to the bed, never releasing my mouth. He lays back on the bed with me on top of him before rolling us so that he's hovering over me, one of his legs in between mine.
"God, Bella, I want you too," he murmurs against my lips. He slides his lips along my jaw and down my neck before continuing. "But not tonight, with both of our senses dulled by tequila. Not with Emma and MK in the house. I don't want to have to be quiet. I don't want you to have to be quiet. In fact, I'm planning to make sure that you're very, very loud."
"Edward," I groan.
"I know, baby," he answers. "It's going to be worth the wait, I promise." He rolls off me, lying beside me and grabbing my hand. He holds our intertwined fingers over his heart and I smile when I feel it racing just like mine. We turn our heads to look at each other, our eyes dark with desire.
"I believe you," I say quietly. "I'm gonna get ready for bed. Want to borrow my toothbrush? That's not a hint or anything. I just remember how freaky you used to be about oral hygiene."
He responds laughingly, "I missed you so much and I didn't even know it. Yes, I'd love to borrow your toothbrush." And he does.
****
I let Edward brush first, and then I use the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth and put on pajama pants and a tee. I feel awkward and self-conscious as I come out of the bathroom, but as soon as I see Edward already in the bed, it all seems to melt away. He pulls the covers back for me, laying them over me as I snuggle in. We are both lying on our sides, facing each other, and he reaches for my hand.
"You okay?" he asks, grinning my favorite lop-sided grin.
"Yeah. You okay?" I ask softly, grinning back.
"Somewhat better than okay. Talk or sleep?" He doesn't give me the make-out option I was hoping for.
"Talk. Can I scoot closer?"
"Bella, I won't be able to keep my hands off you if you get closer. But how about this?" he asks, hooking our legs together. He rubs up and down my legs with his a little, pushing my pj pants up around my knees.
"Better," I say. "I just want to be close to you."
"Baby, I'm dying over here. Let's talk about something else, okay?" he asks, but he does lean forward and plant two quick kisses on my lips. "Why does Emma keep calling me SG? What's it stand for?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say, trying not to laugh.
"Oh, you're not telling, huh? All right, I'll get it out of you eventually," he replies, smiling and squeezing my hand. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"
"Well, I have a short meeting at 10 with Jake, so I'll already be downtown. The waterfront? Then maybe cook dinner here, just me and you. I mean, that's what I was thinking, but if you—"
"No, it's perfect." Two more kisses. "I want to ask you something, but I don't want you to give me an answer now. I want you to think about it, regardless of what your initial reaction is, okay?"
I nod, already apprehensive because his face is so serious.
"I'm going to Forks on Saturday to see my family. I want you to come with me."
I stare at him, wide-eyed, unblinking.
"Bella, I want to spend as much time as possible with you. It will be all day, by the time I drive there and back. I can't get out of this; it's a big damn family lunch thing. My parents would love to see you. You would get to see Alice, Emmett, everybody. Please just think about it. Please," he pleads.
"You said you were free on Saturday," I say, looking down.
He chuckles before answering. "The family thing was supposed to be Sunday, but my mom needed to move it to Saturday for some reason. She specifically asked me to ask you to come. Just think about it, okay? You don't have to come, but I really hope you do." He leans in to kiss me again.
I look up into his eyes as he pulls back. He's serious. He really does want me to come.
"I'll think about it," I say, never breaking eye contact. I know I have to face his family, our past, if I want to move forward with Edward. I'm just not sure if I'm ready.
I yawn, he yawns. We laugh.
"Sleepy?" he asks quietly.
"Kind of," I answer.
"Me, too. Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams," he smiles.
"Goodnight, Edward," I say, smiling back.
We fall asleep that way; smiling, holding hands, legs intertwined.
****
I wake up several times during the night. Each time, Edward and I have shifted position in some way. Each time, we are still intertwined in some way.
I wake up for good a few minutes before my tv alarm will come on. I'm lying on my back and Edward is on his side mashed up against me. His face is buried in my neck, one arm and one leg are thrown over me. He's heavy, but I like it.
I sigh and smile up at the ceiling, feeling happy tears gather in my eyes. I think the last time I cried was two years ago, but this week I've cried almost every damn day. I don't go to grief counseling with Dr. Denali anymore. She fired me for not being willing to 'let it go' by crying, said she couldn't help me if I wasn't willing to 'participate in my own healing'. I thought it was a crock of shit at the time, but damned if I don't end up feeling better every time I cry this week. I might have to send her a fruit basket.
When the tv comes on a few minutes later, I reach for the remote to turn down the sound. Too late. My personal paperweight has woken. I feel the laughter rumbling in his chest before I hear it.
"Sportscenter? You wake up to ESPN? Bella, you are now officially my dreamgirl," he laughs into my neck.
"Single mom with two boys, remember? If I don't learn this stuff, who will teach them? I can't leave it to my dad. They'll end up being couch potatoes and watching baseball from April 'til November," I say, laughing with him, trying not to get too excited about the dreamgirl comment. He was barely even awake when he said it. "I'm hoping my boys will be more well-rounded than that, in sports and in life."
"You're a great mom, Bella," he says, lifting his head to look in my eyes. He kisses me gently, then puts his face right back into my neck, squeezing me with his arm and his leg. I put both of my arms around the one that's over me and draw lazy designs on his skin.
"Maybe you should reserve judgment on that until you actually meet them," I say, chuckling. "You might change your mind."
"Why would you think that? I like everyone else you've introduced me to this week, even scary Emma. Why would you think I wouldn't like the little people who are actually pieces of you?" he says, looking at me again, his green eyes intense.
I shrug. "They're kids. They can be loud, annoying, snotty."
"Just like you. And I like you," he laughs. I pull his arm hair. He laughs harder.
"When are you leaving for LA?" I ask quietly.
"Sunday night."
"You know, you could stay here until then, check out of your hotel. I mean, if you want to. No pressure or anything. I know things are moving fast this week," I say, looking away from his intense gaze.
"Bella, look at me," he says. I do. "I'd really like to stay here if you want me to."
"I want you to," I whisper, lost in the greenest eyes again.
"Well, okay then," he whispers, smiling.
"Okay." I'm smiling, too. Then I'm moaning because he's buried his face back in my neck and is alternately licking, kissing and sucking the skin there. "Edward, I have to get up."
"I know. I just needed a taste, a little preview," he says, still kissing. That statement elicits another moan from me. He pulls away, kisses me quickly on the lips then yanks the covers off me. "You'd better go now while I have a little self control. I'll go make coffee."
Funny, sexy, and he makes coffee? I'm so screwed.