Chapter 10

Back on the high horse yet again! Finals are horrible things created by the worst kinds of people. Again thank you for sticking around and I love you! Read and enjoy.

Stiles…

I just stood there, letting the words sink in to everyone around me. I was so angry, and I knew, somewhere deep down that it wasn't at Isaac. I was angry at myself. At being so weak that I couldn't even shield them from my big secret, that no matter what big bad I help take down, or whatever crisis Beacon Hills throws our way, I was still too weak to protect them from this.

Suddenly the adrenaline that was keeping me upright is cut like a cord and I slump fully against the coffee table. My body is too heavy for my abused legs to keep up. I feel everyone in the room shift forward, as if to help me, but it was as if they didn't know how.

It was as if their whole world had been ripped away from them, like a gust of strong wind through a sandcastle at the beach. As if it was their secrets out in the open for everyone to gawk at instead of mine and that only pisses me off more.

Derek suddenly realizes that he should probably, but at this point I'm fuming, and I shake off his attempts then proceed to try and make my way over to the couch. Everything seems to spin but I manage to prop myself back onto the couch. When I finally make it back to the couch I groan out in pain as I try to find a comfortable position, but I give up and find it easier to just slump back.

I go to reach for the soup once more, but let out a whimper when Peter swipes it away. I am just about ready to beg when he finally talks; his voice is clipped and cold.

"It's cold. I'm going to go warm it up," he stands, but it's all wrong, its jerky in a way Peters movements never are and his voice is shaky almost. Its such contrast to his usually smoother than thou attitude, I'm not sure that I like this new attitude. There is a part of me that is scared, what if he is just like my dad, what if he reverts back to evil Peter… I'm not sure I can take that, not again.

I don't get to ponder that thought for very long before he eventually comes back. His movements are no longer in sharp jerks, and he looks a bit less frazzled. He pastes on a smile, but I am the master of fake smiles and I can spot his a mile away. Peter sits directly in front of me holding up the now steaming soup and my mouth waters again, my attention fully on the soup and I go to pick it up only to be waved off. I swallow and my eyes begin to water at the thought of not being able to eat… again. Derek comes into my peripheral and I instinctually flinch back, he opens his mouth as if to talk to me but is quickly turned away by Peter.

Peter raises the spoon and looks at me in my eyes. It's as if he is gouging me, seeing how much i want it.

It's like he wants to see how deep this abuse runs.

He blows it gently and brings it to my lips. Only then does he speak.

"We will talk about this later nephew, for right now this boy needs some food," he smiles, and this times it's genuine, but it isn't any more than an upturn of his lips, and then it's gone.

"You know I can feed myself right?" I snark back, trying to act more normal so that the betas can stop looking at me like a wounded animal.

"Maybe you can say that in a time when you can hold yourself up," his words are cold, filled with something I can't put my finger on. It makes my blood run cold. I know im as pale as a ghost. I try and swallow down the feelings his words cause me.

"Maybe all of you should have minded your own damn business," there is anger in those words, real anger that makes my chest hurt and heart ache. God I'm full of it, this anger inside me, for everything with my dad, to Scott, to not being able to protect Derek. So much anger it feels like I want to explode with it.

"And what Stiles? Let you be? Left you alone to live in your room and come here drunk in the middle of a pack meeting? Let you die! Is that what you want from us Stiles?!" Isaac was practically screaming, his face was red and his eyes looked especially enraged.

I heard the clattering of the soup bowl on the coffee table, my stomach was mostly full and I almost wanted to ask for more, but I felt as if that would be crossing some sort of boundary. Instead I turned away bitterly and I could hear Danny talking quietly to Isaac. When I looked back Peter and Derek were standing close to one another, Derek's hands where clenched into tight fists, so tight they began to look white.

"Isaacs right, Stiles, why didn't you come to us?" Peter said finally looking at Derek; both werewolves had their jaws clenched hard and in times like this I would laugh about the family resemblance. Right now, all I could do was glare at the empty bowl. My insides felt like they were on fire, all I wanted to do was either yell, sleep, or throw up. Maybe I could do a combination of all three?

Derek was in my field of vision faster than I could blink. He sat down on the empty space at my feet and caught my eyes. He looked angrier than I have ever seen him, but I knew somewhere in my heart that it wasn't towards me. Maybe at my stupidness or even at my idiot actions, but not me.

Even like this, angrier than all hell, Derek was still beautiful. His jaw was so sharp I was pretty sure it could cut glass. There were these tiny freckles that cover the expanse of his button nose. No one realizes this but the one imperfection Derek has is that his nose slumps to the right just a tad. Then there were his eyes. I knew logically that his eyes can't be multiple colors at once, but they were this mesmerizing mix of green gold, and even just a hint of brown around the rim. Something about those eyes keep drawing me closer and closer to him.

I'm fucked and I know it.

I'm in love with my own alpha, I know that I should care but I just don't. Sometimes, in the darkness of the basements, I think about him, and suddenly everything doesn't seem so bad. It doesn't seem unbearable.

We continue to stare at each other for so long, his anger seems to disappear. Then Derek shakes his head, causing his jet black hair to come out in front of his eyes (wow he really needs a haircut), and looks at me with a hard look.

"This isn't going away Stiles, we aren't walking away from it," he pauses for a minute before adding in a quiet "I'm not walking away from this."

At that I lost it. Sobs tore out of my chest and tears ran freely out of my eyes. I couldn't stop once it started, all that anger broke down to a feeling of utter hopelessness. I began to cry in earnest and I just let it all go.

"I… I'm so so-sorry," I stuttered out between sobs, "I-I thought I could handle this," I put my head in my hands. I began to shake and stutter out "I'm sorry," over and over again. I felt so broken, so beaten down; it felt as if there was nothing left to give. My body hurt so much, but more than that, my heart felt as if it was hurting with it. The sobs wracked through my chest, they were pathetic sounds, at least to my ears. They showed me how I couldn't even manage to keep it together, how I failed myself.

I felt a hand on my thigh and two people at my side, but that only made it worse. There was someone moving the coffee table, and then more hands. Everywhere on me there was something, a hand or fingers brushing gently through my thighs, I even felt Erica's head on my lap ( I knew it was her by her perfume). The sobs grew louder before they quieted down. The only reason i felt like they ever stopped was because I couldn't manage anymore tears. It was like the well was dried out, and I was so tired…

"It's okay Batman, we are here, and we aren't leaving," Erica's warm voice soothed, it was so quiet that I could barely hear it.

"We are your family, we are pack Stiles," Boyd pushed on, grabbing his mates hand in his before giving it a comforting squeeze.

I began to drift off, the thought of pack soothing me to sleep. Even Jackson and Lydia's presence managed to comfort me to some extent.

There were no nightmares that night.

…

How was that guys! I'm trying to work up to longer chapters since its been so long! Ive missed you guys a lot. Please let me know what you guys think! Any ideas? I always love it when people give me ideas!

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