10

Elsie stood in Mr. Carson's pantry in somewhat of a state of shock as he told her the news. It was dreadful news "He was always such a nice young man" she said, lamenting the loss of Patrick Crawley "What will lady Mary do now?" At this, Mr. Carson sighed and said

"I don't know. I don't think she ever really wanted to marry him."

"Well of course not, she made that perfectly clear."

"But who is the next heir and will he be any better? That's the question." He looked pensive and sad for a moment before continuing "But I'll miss him, both of them.

Mrs. Hughes nodded in sincere agreement but a dreadful thought had just occurred to her. What would Cora do? She must be terribly sad. She must also be worried about lady Mary. Elsie doubted that she would hold to their plans to meet that night. She would understand if Cora didn't come, her husband would want her near. But Elsie wanted her too. The tragedy gave Elsie a desperate need to hold her lover in her arms, she wanted to kiss her face and tell her everything would be all right. She knew she couldn't guarantee that, she knew she couldn't do anything to make it better, but she wanted to try. It wasn't her place, though, and she would accept that with as much grace as she could muster, she would wait for Cora to come to her, she would not push in.

Cora sat in her room thinking. What could be done for Mary? What would she do now? The entail would leave her penniless and without a title. Poor Robert, James had been a very good friend, not just a cousin. He would never show how sad this made him, his English stoicism would either be his downfall or his salvation, she wasn't sure which at the moment. She thought of Elsie, she knew Elsie would be worried about her. She would try to see her toni- no… no it couldn't be tonight. It couldn't even be very soon… Robert would need her and she intended to be there for him. Elsie would understand. Elsie always understood.

The next few days had Elsie's head buzzing with worrying thoughts that gave her heart a heaviness she couldn't seem to shake. Cora had her family to look after, and to look after her. In the end she belonged to them; she loved Elsie and Elsie loved her, loved her a great deal more than she had ever expected to, but in the end Cora would not be hers. Elsie had never felt so very alone as she did in that moment. To love someone so completely, to be pursued by someone who aches and longs for you, and then to realize that no matter how much either of you cares, in the end you cannot be together. In the end, Cora had a husband and three children, and Elsie had no one. There would come a day when whatever they had would end, Elsie would not try to lie to herself about that, she knew it. On that day she would have no idea where to turn. The thought was so cold and lonely she could hardly stand it. She tried desperately to wave it away but it would not leave.

They had a local memorial for the Mr. James and Mr. Patrick at the church today. Everyone had come back for Luncheon and Elsie thought she'd pop in to see Mr. Carson and check in on the state of things. She knocked on the door as she entered "They've all gone?" He was decanting the wine for dinner by now.

"They have, thank the Lord" he said without looking away up.

"What about the lawyer?"

"He was the first away. Didn't even stay for the luncheon."

"I wish they'd make their minds up. Gwen's put clean sheets on the blue room bed, now she'll just have to strip it again."

"Can't you leave it for the next guest?"

"Only if you don't tell" She loved when Mr. Carson let her bend the rules. He chuckled and looked mischievous as he set the wine down. Elsie asked one of the questions that had been buzzing around her head "So has it all been settled?"

"Oh I don't know if anything's been settled. There's a fellow in Manchester with claims to the title, I gather, but it's all a long way from Settled." He seems upset, more than he should be, which wasn't wholly uncommon.

"You mustn't take it personally"

"I do take it personally, Mrs. Hughes, I can't stand by and watch our family threatened with the loss of all they hold dear."

"They're not our family."

"Well they're all the family I've got." Mr. Carson looked as though he really meant it, as though she'd offended him somewhat. She instantly regretted voicing her thoughts, she had to be careful here. She was just a bit raw at the moment, feeling abandoned and being silly. She had forgotten that she wasn't alone, at least, in being alone. Mr. Carson was in the same boat, and without the luxury of a lover. The heaviness in her heart was rising to the surface now. Mr. Carson looked repentant, and somewhat embarrassed

"I beg your pardon" he said quietly, and looked down, away from her.

"Do you" she began somewhat hesitantly "ever wish you'd gone another way?" He looked up at her inquisitively and a bit surprised "Worked in a shop or a factory? Had a wife and children?"

"Do you?" She couldn't quite read his face. She wondered if she was being too open with him, but he was her closest friend, she had no none else to talk to about this sort of thing.

" I don't know." She said uncertainly "Maybe" she said questioningly "Sometimes." She finished, feeling quite certain now that she actually had, and that if she could tell anyone she could tell him. He looked as sad as she felt. They didn't have time to discuss it further; Gwen knocked on the open door and they both looked over at her.

"William's laid tea in the library, but her ladyship hasn't come down."

"She'll be tired. Take a tray up to her bedroom"

Elsie felt very tired herself. Very tired of feeling silly. She had been so content with her lot before Cora.