18Dec2014 – if you started reading on or after this date, you knew this was coming.
Otherwise, some explanation is called for: It occurred to me that a real gothic serial would be appearing in a newspaper or magazine in the midst of news articles and advertisements. And who am I to deny the people their slice of authenticity?
Meyers owns all.
FANFIC TIMES
All the news that the others won't print
Letter to the Editor
Anonymous
The readers of Fanfic Times cannot have helped but to notice the recent addition to its pages of a certain fictional tale which is more than a little evocative of that seedy genre known as Gothic literature. While we applaud this paper's continued support of the arts, we must voice our concerns over the ghoulish nature of the story in question.
Consider the protagonist of this piece: One Isabella Marie Swan (Izzy, to her bullies). To the unassuming, she is like any other run-of-the-mill Bella. But probe more deeply, and you will find that she exhibits signs of antisocial behavior which, to modern mainstream sensibilities, is entirely inappropriate. Among other things, Bella exhibits a marked unwillingness to discuss matters in which we are most interested. This is rude and discourages the development of any friendly feelings to which we might be inclined. Doesn't she want us to like her? Bellas in other fanfics (Hit by Destiny for instance) suffer far more serious childhood trauma (which is described in delightfully excruciating detail) and yet they come out sweet and gentle. This Bella seems to take it personally that no one likes her. Why should they? She's mean.
Whatever justification this Bella might have for her indifference and hostility is unfairly kept from the reader by Bella's unwillingness to come clean about her past, specifically about just what went down in high school. Bella asserts that such details are not interesting. But we beg to differ. This is the very thing we want most to know. It is all well and good to ask a person to wait until the end of a story to find out the name of a killer, but there is no reason that we should have to wait to find out anything about how Bella ticks. Isn't she the one telling the story? Can't she just tell us? Repression is suggestive of trauma, but we think that we should be the judges of whether or not the events in question were truly traumatic. Art, after all, is suffering. And Bella's the one who reads the Marquis de Sade. Who is she to scold us?
We propose that the following course of action be immediately carried out (in the story, that is): Bella is to confront Edward with the details of their shared history (discussing these details at great length), secure his apology, and work with him to resolve any lingering hostility posthaste. That such a confrontation at this stage of their relationship would be unlikely to happen in real life—because a person suffering anxiety is unlikely to confront anything head-on and because all of the evidence that Bella's collected up to this point on one Edward Cullen suggests that no such action on her part would actually produce an apology from him and because apologies are just words that mean nothing—is hardly an impediment to the satisfaction of the readers' desires on this point.
We believe that our proposal is key to the emergence of a kinder, gentler Bella. A Bella who doesn't listen to Rasputina. We would very much like to read about that Bella solving the mystery of who killed that whore Tanya. And we would be more concerned for her well-being when a dead animal showed up on her doorstep too. As of right now, we kind of think she deserves it.
In conclusion, a change of genre is in order. Gothic literature is morbid and depressing. However, delectable exposés of a heroine's suffering, followed by her romantic triumph, now that is something we can get on board with.
We hope that you will voice your opinion in agreeing with our proposal to change the genre of this story to rom-com. Allowing the tale to proceed along its current trajectory is tantamount to suggesting that deviants have a right to their way of life. We would very much prefer that they be just like us instead.
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Just who IS Bella Swan?
What secrets lurk beneath the surface?
When will she confront Edward with the truth of his crimes?
When will she realize that her fucking life is in danger?
Finding the killer is only the first mystery…
Read "Gothic" by author-self-insert
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Murder of Local Girl Still Unsolved
By Ambrose Bierce
A decade after the brutal slaying of a local girl, police are still baffled. Tanya Denali was pretty, well-liked, and headed for college. She had everything going for her until she disappeared one afternoon in a silver Volvo. Now, in an attempt to bring her killer to justice, we have appealed to the public for any theories they might have. Here is what they have to say about the list of suspects, followed by a timeline of the murder:
Edward
Alibi – Bella saw him in the woods at the time of the murder
Motive – Tanya had just cheated on him
Jasper, Edward's friend
Alibi – was supposedly in Texas at the time of the murder
Motive - ?
Votes:
- Yay: Capricorn75 "Jasper did it! Okay, no reason for saying that, I'm just naming my suspect early on. Calling shotgun, if you will." Nov19
- Nay: Cared "I don't suspect Jasper or Alice" 18Nov
Alice
Alibi – was supposedly in Mississippi at the time of the murder
Motive – Tanya and Edward led the brat pack who made Alice's high school years such a torment
Votes:
- Yay: Guest on 14Nov
- Nay: Cared "I don't suspect Jasper or Alice" 18Nov
Bella
Alibi – Saw Edward in the woods at the time of the murder (…but no one saw her, did they?)
Motive – 1. Tanya and Edward led the brat pack who made Bella's high school years such a torment. 2. Plot to destroy Edward's traitorous girlfriend and swoop in to save Edward from prosecution, all in a desperate gamble to make Edward like her (really? desperate much!)
- Yay: I remember someone saying that they suspected her but couldn't find the review when I went back through them
Mike Newton, had sex with Tanya
Alibi – Was on First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive - ?
Jessica, Tanya's friend
Alibi – Was on First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive - ?
Lauren, Tanya's friend
Alibi – Was on First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive - ?
Eric
Alibi – Was on First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive – Tanya and Edward led the brat pack who made Eric's high school years such a torment.
James, Edward and Jasper's friend
Alibi – Was on First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive – Does he need one? Everyone hates James. Except, of course, the people who flip the script and make him the hero of their ffn.
Votes:
- Yay: Angelari7 "James maybe?" 31Oct, cejsmom "my money is on James" 19Nov, 2brown-eyes "possible foreshadowing…James perhaps?" 18Nov, GorGirl "I bet it was James" 25Nov
Felix Manning, had sex with Tanya, mechanic at the place where Tanya's father took his cars
Alibi – ?
Motive – ?
Demitri Giampetroni, had sex with Tanya, brother of waitress who is the last person to see Tanya alive
Alibi – ?
Motive – ?
Carlisle
Alibi – Was in Seattle at the time of the murder with his wife (of course, you will recall that spouses can't be compelled to testify…)
Motive – Was he one of the men that Tanya was having an affair with?
Votes:
- Yay: LRK860 "You have me wondering about Carlisle. Didn't Edward say his parents wanted him to date Tanya, why? Small town gossip surely would have zoomed in on her at some point. Or a good visit to the good doctor because of an STD scare." 20Nov
Mike Newton's father, had sex with Tanya
Alibi – ?
Motive – Didn't want anyone to know that he was having sex with Tanya
Grocery store manager, had sex with Tanya
Alibi – ?
Motive – Didn't want anyone to know that he was having sex with Tanya
Gas station attendant, had sex with Tanya
Alibi – ?
Motive – Didn't want anyone to know that he was having sex with Tanya
Aro Denali
Alibi – ?
Motive – Psycho (poor Tanya)
Votes:
- Yay: Guest "Her sisters knew an awful lot about her sexual exploits, what about Daddy? How long were the girls sitting in the coffee shop, who came to get them" 20Nov, CindyWindy1 "Mr. Denali makes a fine suspect. Acting unhinged and irrationally angry now, and in the past he threatened to horrifically murder high school aged Bella." 27Nov
Unknown serial killer
Alibi - ?
Motive – Psycho serial killer who just happened to have short red hair and drive a car that looked like Edward's
Someone from La Push, it wouldn't be fair to leave them out
Alibi – Just about everyone was at First Beach at the time of the murder
Motive – 1. Maybe Tanya found that pirate gold that's supposed to be buried in La Push (yes, I was serious about this. If Oak Island can have its own show, then I can have pirate gold at La Push). 2. Needed to hide fact that they'd had sex with Tanya.
Votes:
- Yay: Guest "What about the boys on the reservation? Who did she sleep with from there?" 20Nov
Police, maybe just some of them or all of them (ugh?)
Alibi – ?
Motive – They were having sex with Tanya
Votes:
- Yay: Guest "WHY didn't the police investigate further, did Tanya sleep with some of them?" 20Nov
Wives and girlfriends of everyone who Tanya had sex with
Alibi – ?
Motive – They were having sex with her
Votes:
- Yay: Guest "I've got no clue where to begin to whittle down possible suspects who wanted Tanya dead. Lots of wives and girlfriends, for sure." 20Nov (yes this is the same guest who cast the other votes noted for this day – he/she was ON FIRE!)
Vampire, seen by Irene going in and out of Tanya's room
Alibi – Vampires don't exist (supposedly)
Motive – An insatiable thirst for life-blood
Votes:
- Yay: Roxiegirl "sounds like a vampire to me LOL"
Jack the Ripper, I just felt like adding him, though in his defense, he probably would have taken some organs
Alibi – He would have to be really, really old
Motive – Penchant for women of ill repute
Author-self-insert, inspired by sharkjumper
Alibi – Making author-self-insert the killer would require avant-garde maneuvers of a kind multiple reviewers would object to and is therefore unthinkable (or is it?). Besides, I'm clearly Bella, which according to some of you makes me a crazy bitch (but I'm trying not to take that personally).
Motive – Psycho
Timeline
Bella claims that, sometime after lunch (how vague is that? let's hope that she was more specific with the police), she drove to the west end pass of the park, leaving her car in the last turn off and started to hike into the woods.
2 pm Tanya drove to Port Angeles with her sisters, Irina and Kate, to go shopping.
2 pm Edward had a fight with his parents as the latter were leaving for the weekend. His parents drove away in their car. Edward immediately exited out of the back of his house, heading for a trail that met up with the edge of his parent's property and led up into the national park. He made a nineteen mile hike to the top of the blue trail and spent the afternoon in the meadow.
Bella claims that a few hours after she started her hike (vague again!), she saw Edward in the meadow at the end of the blue trail. She waited a few minutes, thinking that he was going to leave, but he stayed. She double-backed and went up the white trail, and sat on the rocks overlooking the bluff for about an hour.
4 pm Tanya left her sisters in a coffee shop, telling them that she was going to run back to a store to purchase a pair of shoes she'd changed her mind about buying. She never made it to the shoe store.
4:15 pm Tanya was seen by a waitress getting into a silver Volvo in front of Bella Italia. The driver had short red hair.
4:15 – approximately 5 pm, a person or persons unknown drove Tanya to a cabin in the outskirts of Port Angeles. Tanya entered the cabin of her own volition or was carried in. Blows delivered to Tanya's head prior to her death were sufficient to render victim unconscious and are consistent with being struck several times by the driver of car while she was seated in the passenger seat.
Approximately 5 pm, a person or persons unknown made several incisions in the creases behind Tanya's elbows and knees, as well as the neck and inner thigh, all at points where significant blood loss could be expected.
Approximately 5:15 pm Tanya expired.
6:30 pm police responded to an anonymous phone call originating from a pay phone in Forks to find Tanya deceased in the cabin just outside of Port Angeles.
Bella claims that she went back to the meadow. Edward was still there. She hiked back to her truck. It was already dark by the time she made it to the turn off where she'd parked.
9:07 pm sunset.
Edward claims that it was already dark by the time he made it home.
AN: WHO DO YOU THINK DID IT AND WHY? How did he/she pull it off? Was it a cabal of killers?
Let me know if you don't want me to give your username.
My apologies if you sent me a suspect prior to Nov 26, and I missed it when skimming the reviews to prepare this. Please PM me and I'll add your vote!