Chapter Ten

Adam knocked on the door. "Breakfast is waiting."

There was silence for a long moment, but then she answered, "I'll be a few minutes, Adam. I'm afraid I'm not a early riser. Please start without me."

He smiled. "Come downstairs when you're ready."

When she appeared at the top of the stairs, Ben's eyes moved to her which prompted Adam to turn in his chair. His heart leapt at the sight of her, her hair pulled back away from her face and cascading over her shoulders, and her dress, something less formal than she normally wore, though still not exactly ranch material. He made a mental note to escort her to town for more comfortable clothes. When she arrived at the table, all the men stood and remained standing while Adam moved her chair out and seated her.

"I apologize for my lateness. I'm afraid I tend to sleep later in the morning because I'm usually up playing poker late into the night." She couldn't bring herself to look any of them in the eye, feeling a bit beneath them.

"I thought I'd take you to Carson City today for more comfortable clothes," said Adam.

She looked toward him, but not at him. "Carson City?"

"Well, yes," said Adam, turning to her again. "By now, McCovey probably knows you were seen in Virginia City. It's unlikely he'll look for you in Carson City."

"Adam, thank you, but I don't need clothes. The clothes I have are…" What she wanted to say was that she was more comfortable in the clothes she always wore playing poker, but she knew what he was trying to do. "They're comfortable." The silence was palpable. She placed her napkin on the table, though she'd eaten nothing. "If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling well. I would like to retire to my room." As she stood, so did everyone else.

When Adam moved to follow, Ben grabbed his arm and shook his head, and when she had turned the corner at the top of the stairs, he said, "Adam, maybe bringing her here wasn't the right thing to do. It's obvious she's feels…" He slightly shrugged. "Out of place."

Leaning back, Adam dropped his napkin on the table and exhaled. "What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave her in Virginia City to be attacked by McCovey."

"No, you couldn't," said Ben, pushing his food around on his plate. "But maybe she'd be better off in San Francisco." Slightly shaking his head, he said, "I don't understand why Hayden sent her away in the first place. He could have protected her at the Parker House."

Adam thought for a moment. "You're right, Pa," he said, his brow creased and his lips slightly pursed. He said nothing more, but continued his contemplative mood as he finished his breakfast. Once Joe and Hoss left the table, Adam said, "I thought she could be happy here."

"Adam, there's more to finding a woman to share your life with than just the time you spend together," said Ben. "You have to live together, day and night, and each needs to share responsibilities. She's not cut out for this kind of life."

"I know she isn't…now, but she's intelligent, Pa. She could learn."

Ben raised his brows. "And if she doesn't want to?"

Folding his lips into a line, Adam bowed his head. "I think she's more frightened than anything. It would be a big change for her."

"Adam…"

"Pa, if I'm not going up to the line shack just yet, I should unload the wagon." Adam stood and left, his head spinning as he donned his gun belt and hat without thinking about it. His thoughts were elsewhere. His work during the day did little to keep his mind off Aubrey.

When he ended his day, he found that she hadn't come down for lunch. He knocked on her door for the second time this day.

"Come in."

Pushing the door open, Adam said, "Hop Sing said you haven't eaten today. Would you come down for dinner with me?"

She offered a bright smile. "Yes," and taking Adam's arm, she allowed him to escort her down the stairs and to the table.

Once everyone was seated and thanks given, serving dishes were passed around the table, the only sound, the clink of silver against china.

As the Cartwrights spoke about their day, Aubrey realized Adam's report of his work was missing. In a lull of the conversation, she asked, "Adam, what about you?"

His smile was brief. "I didn't get much done today. I unloaded a wagon."

Aubrey's smile slowly faded. She knew his…melancholy…if that's what it was, was her doing. The conversation moved around each of them during the remainder of dinner.

Afterward, Adam walked Aubrey around the front of the house to the rose garden. Neither knew how to start the conversation. It was Adam who started when he took her hand and pulled her close. "I wanted you to be comfortable here. You're not."

Smiling, she reached up to touch his face. "It seems we have only one thing in common."

"That's not true," he said as he moved his arms around her. "We talk about lots of things. We sit for hours watching people…figuring them out."

"Not so much, it seems," she replied, looking into his eyes, though without a smile, as if she was searching for something.

"Not true. We're both able to learn. As much as you've had to live on the streets, city to city, you know more than you think."

She closed her eyes. "I don't like to think about those times, Adam…the fear…hunger." She sucked in a breath. "Beatings, just because I fought. Most times it didn't even do me any good." Looking into his eyes, she added, "And then there's poker…the only thing besides you…" Pushing away, she said, "The only other thing that makes me happy, and the one thing that has sustained me through the bad times."

"You talk about it like it's a person," said Adam, now standing behind her.

She chuckled. "An old friend, at least. It's comfortable. It's familiar."

Wrapping his arms around her again and laying his chin on her shoulder, he asked, "Am I not comfortable?"

"Mm. You are," she said, smiling sweetly. "But you're not made of stiff, painted paper. You have emotions and desires."

Moving to her neck, he kissed her skin and moved up to her ear. "You've never seemed to have a problem with my emotions or desires."

Aubrey closed her eyes as her chin quivered. "Nights with you…" She inhaled, then let out a timorous breath as she leaned her head back to give him access to her neck. "…are unforgettable." Now, she straightened soberly. "Days…are lonely. But the cards are always there…day or night…whenever I want them…or need them."

Adam walked away and leaned on the fence that supported the roses. "So you'd trade the love of man for a cold, lonely, unfeeling deck of cards?"

Her shoulders slumped as did her head. "Can't you understand? I don't know anything but the cards? I can't even have a conversation with your family unless it's about cards…or strategy." She took his hands in hers. "I would embarrass you and your family…because of who I am…because of what I do." Her brows creased, pleading for him to understand. "Because that's all I know. I couldn't talk to your friends or their wives…about anything." After a long silence, she whispered, "I'm sorry, Adam." When a tear rolled down her cheek, she wiped it away. "You are the only man I have ever loved. And I'm leaving you tomorrow." As she backed away, her face glistened with tears of heartache.

Adam reached for her, but she turned and ran back into the house and up to her room. He followed her, but stood just outside staring at the front door with his hands curled in fists and his lips puckered until Ben opened the door. Seeing the look on his father's face, Adam turned on his heel and, with his hands in his pockets, walked to a chair at the porch table and sat down. When he heard his father's footsteps coming up the risers, Adam leaned the chair back, moved his hands behind his head, crossed his feet and looked out at the night sky.

Ben sat down and waited.

Closing his eyes, Adam exhaled. "Before I left San Francisco, I had asked her to come meet you. She turned me down."

Ben kept his eyes on his son. "Two people who care for each other aren't always meant to be together."

Adam's eyes moved right…toward his father, though his father sat behind him. It took awhile for Adam to respond. "I'll take her back to San Francisco…to the Parker House." Letting the chair drop to all four legs and standing up, he continued, "We'll leave tomorrow for Carson City. Catch the stage from there." Heading for the kitchen, he cut a piece of pie and took it upstairs. "Aubrey?" he said at her door.

"Adam, please…"

Folding his lips into a line, he turned the door knob. "Hop Sing said you haven't eaten anything today, and you barely ate anything for dinner." He set the piece of pie on the night table. "I brought you some apple pie."

She had backed against the far wall, but offered a slight smile. "Thank you, Adam. I'm afraid I don't have much of an appetite."

"You still need to eat something or you'll take sick…and probably be too weak to travel back to San Francisco."

Her head snapped up. "San Francisco?"

He took a deep, disappointed breath at her excitement.

"Oh, Adam. I'm sorry." Moving forward, she laid her hands on his chest. "I know you want me to stay." She searched his eyes. "I just don't…fit in…here, and you'll be the one who pays for that."

Moving his hands to her shoulders, he said softly, "I know. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I thought you could be…" He snorted. "I wanted you to be happy here." He smiled sadly when she folded her hands against her chest and rested her chin on them. "Get some rest. We have a long trip ahead of us."