"I will be my undoing If I become my obsession.
I will forget the ones I love If I do not serve them.
I will war with others If I refuse to see them.
Therefore I choose to turn away from my reflection,
To rely not on myself
But on my brothers and sisters,
To project always outward
Until I disappear."

I repeat the words in unison with the others as Marcus reads them from his prayer book. He smiles when he is finished, and I have to fight the urge to stand up and punch him right in that fake smile of his. I never noticed it before -I had always assumed that was just the way he was- but things have changed and I know better now.

An elder bends down in front of me, and I close my eyes as she removes my shoes and lifts my pant legs. The water is cold as it runs down my legs, and the harsh sensation instantly draws me back.

I spent the last few days of my initiation moving from building to building, in hopes that Tobias wouldn't be able to follow me. Last night though, I crept through the sector in the dark, and positioned myself in the building next to his. I stayed up all night, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

In the early hours of the morning, he made his way to the window, and stared out for quite some time. Eventually he moved away, opting for push-ups -far more than I could keep track of- before moving out of sight again. I debated on saying goodbye for a long time, and when he finally came back into view, I knew I couldn't do that to him. He stood there, the makeshift punching bag in his hands, staring for a long time. Eventually he threw it to the ground, and let out an animalistic scream before punching a hole in the wall. He stood there for a minute, hand still in the wall, before pulling it out and slumping down to the ground. I can't be sure, but I think I saw him reach up and wipe his face a few times.

In the short time I had spent with Tobias, I felt myself pulling further and further away from Abnegation. But I chose Abnegation to be safe, and there is no turning back now. I have to forget all of this, and commit myself fully. I will never forget Tobias, but just like Caleb, I cannot dwell on him. I have to separate myself from them.

I'm vaguely aware that the elder is done, and open my eyes. She nods her head in respect, and I do the same as she stands and offers me her hand, helping me up and out of the water. She dries my legs and feet, and when everyone is ready, we are led into the dining hall.

Lunch has been prepared for us, and those of us who are Abnegation born lead in a prayer that is used only for special occasions; births, weddings, deaths. When we are finished, Marcus takes the first bowl, handing it to the left as custom dictates.

I watch as the bowls make their way around the table and wonder who thought this up, and why left? The conversation I had with Tobias runs through my head, and I know the answer; to keep us obedient. I smile politely throughout dinner, only speaking when spoken to. We are considered adults now and no longer have to abide by that rule, but I still do it anyway. I have no desire to play extra nice at this moment.

Rose and Krystal are assigned a house together, while Susan and I will return to our childhood homes. As we pack what little things we have to leave the dorm, I listen to their conversations. Rose and Krystal both are going to apply to work in the maternity ward -no surprise there-, but Susan says she is going to follow in my mothers footsteps; strict Factionless work.

As she talks, my first-aid kit catches my eye and I sigh, remembering that Tobias needs his stitches removed.
"Susan?"
"Yes, Beatrice?"
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Susan gives the others a look, but comes over with a smile on her face. "I need a really big favor from you," I say.

I tell her only what she needs to know, and explain how to find Tobias and that he needs his stitches removed. She gives me a questioning look, which is actually a little surprising, but she doesn't pry as to why I can't do it myself. I tell her at the last minute to tell the Dauntless boy that I sent her, and she'll be just fine. She nods and grabs her things before heading out the door, and I'm left alone.

I carefully remove the Dauntless clothing from the bag I brought back, and fold them so they are hidden within my Abnegation ones before leaving. I don't know why, but I can't leave them behind.

"Beatrice!" my mother says excitedly as I walk in the door. She takes my things from me and sets them on the table before wrapping her arms around me tight. "My beautiful girl. I missed you."
"I missed you too, mom." She pecks me on the cheek and tells me to put my things away while we wait for my father to come home; he's allowed to leave work early today to welcome me back home.

When I come back down, she is in the kitchen, slicing up loaves of banana bread to hand out to the Factionless. I take the plastic wrap from her and start wrapping them, enjoying the simplicity of it all. When my father walks in the door, she gives me a quick nod and a smile, and I rush out to greet him.

"Dad!" I say, holding onto him tight.
"I missed you too, Beatrice," he says.
"I need to talk with you," I say, a little bit of my nerves coming through.
"Okay. Let's go sit."

I smile at my mother as I walk past the kitchen and join my father in the living room. It's an odd feeling, being here as an equal instead of a child.

"So, Beatrice, tell me what's on your mind."
"Well," I start. "Initially I was thinking about working in the triage unit in the hospital after initiation..."
"But..."
"But, some things happened, and I think I would like to go into politics, with you."

My father smiles a little, and tilts his head just a bit. "Funny, I always thought it would have been your brother that would have followed in my footsteps." He stops, realizing what he just said, and his smile disappears. "No matter," he says, clearing his throat. "What prompted this change of heart?"
"It's kind of a long story," I say.
"I have time," he says, giving me a reassuring smile.

I'm careful with my words, leaving out most of the details since everyone, especially my father, would be very displeased with some of my actions. Instead I tell him about the things that I saw, the way they live -in groups and not alone- and how I would like to change that; allow them to become part of the system again, and stop them from ever becoming Factionless in the first place. My father was silent the entire time I talked. He doesn't say anything when I finish, and it makes me feel small and naïve.

"Say something," I say.
"Beatrice, I don't understand. You're wanting to change something that works?"
"No, dad. Well, yes, but that's not just it. Why do we do this? Why do we toss aside those that we love? Our factions are supposed to be our family too and-"
"Beatrice," my father interrupts. "I don't know about this. If I were to go in there tomorrow and start telling everyone how I wanted to change our entire way of life, they would charge me with planning a conspiracy or treason."

"Treason? Dad, this isn't treason. Or a conspiracy. It's change. Sometimes change happens. Obviously things were different before, and that's why our founders-"
"That's why our founders set the system up this way. Change isn't always good, Beatrice." I huff, irritated that I'm still being treated like a child.
"But dad-"
"Go to the hospital. You'll do wonderful there," my father says, effectively dismissing me.

I stand, looking at my father for some sort of sign that this is all a cruel joke. He isn't this callous, is he?
"Don't you find it weird that yesterday I could never have talked to you like this, yet today someone rubs some water on my feet and now I'm your equal?" I watch his face get lost in thought for a moment before turning and heading up to my room. The last thing I hear is a soft, "Andrew," from my mother as I close the door.

I walk to my window and stare out it. I can see some of the rooftops of the buildings the Factionless live in in the distance, and I look in the direction I know Tobias is in.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.

I plop down on my bed and wonder if I'll be able to go back to him; if he'll accept my apology and my friendship again, not that I actually took it away from him. Somehow, I have turned all of this into a giant mess, and I feel like I'm just hurting everyone in the process, including myself. I don't care if I'm being selfish right now, I just want this feeling to go away. I try my best to put on a happier face when there's a soft knock on my door.

"Come in." My father opens the door, and I sigh.
"Your mother and I had a small talk, and she thinks it would be a good idea if you worked under me."
"Really?" I say, my mood instantly lifted.
"Yes really. On one condition though. You will not train to go directly into a government position. Instead you will train to be a council member- an Ambassador. Jonathan Wilson is of retiring age soon, and having a woman take his place will look favorable to the other factions. They often make remarks how we are mostly older men on the council, so having you there will in the very least look good in their eyes; show them that we are striving to make progress."

I narrow my eyes at my father. The more that he talks, the more I realize this is something to make Abnegation look better to everyone else, and it has nothing to do with me or his faith in my abilities. As bad as I want to say no on principal, I can't deny this opportunity. Council members often make the transition into government positions, and this might be my only opportunity.

"Okay," I say. "When do I start?"
"I still have to talk with the rest of the council, but tomorrow," my father says with a smile.