Author's Note: The chapter is specially dedicated to Shadowfax, who is really extremely perceptive ;)

Chapter Ten

Seregil prided himself on being a master detective, and for the past week, he was trying his best to figure out what was different about Alec. He instinctively knew that something was wrong, but he didn't know what. There was the littlest treacherous whisper in his mind that it might have something to do with their illicit kiss, but he quickly brushed the thought away. He had apologised for it and taken himself out of the equation and away from Alec, and it seemed to work. It had hurt, that was for sure, but it had worked. He would sooner hurt himself a thousand times rather than hurt Alec, and he had known that Nysander was right. If he wasn't going to stay, he would hurt this Alec beyond measure when he finally went back home.

But the problem was still looming over his brain. What if he didn't make it back home?

At first, he had tried to squelch the thoughts whenever they popped up, putting his faith in Aura and truly believing that he would either find a way back, or someone would come looking for him. But as the weeks wore on, there was no news from either Alec or Nysander. It was worrying. Beyond worrying, and Seregil finally started to acknowledge the dread building slowly in his chest. Home – and Alec – was starting to get further and further away.

He tried to distract himself with the people around him, lavishing his attentions on a lovesick Beka who seemed convinced with every passing day that Nyal wanted her for nothing more than a quick fling. Seregil was tempted to remind her that in his world, Nyal would have laid down his life for her. Then again, who was he to say that everything in his universe was parallel to this new one? If that was true, then the new Alec would have met his own Seregil. So far, that had not happened, and Seregil was beginning to get worried.

He was even more annoyed at himself for the sick jealousy rising in his gut when he had seen the way Alec's face had lit up when he was telling Seregil about Thero. He had wanted to be genuinely happy for Alec, he really had, but a small childish voice in his head was demanding, 'What about me?' It had shocked and sickened him to be harbouring such thoughts; he was supposed to be happy for Alec, and he wasn't supposed to be jealous or wanting Alec for himself.

He frowned down at the cake batter he was stirring, listlessly drudging the spoon through the creamy mixture. It was to be Elsbet's birthday cake, and Kari had asked him to help with the baking. Maybe he wasn't being a great help.

"Seregil." He looked up to find Beka giving him a wan, understanding smile. "How's the cake mixture coming along?"

He looked down distastefully at the brown sludge. "Um, I think Kari might have to start a fresh new batch."

Beka couldn't stifle a giggle. "Well, better you than me," she said solemnly. "Mom said I'm better with a knife than I am with a spatula."

Seregil's lips lifted up in a crooked grin. "That's you all over, alright."

"Beka, honey?" It was Kari, wiping her flour-dusted hands on her apron and looking a bit mystified. "There's a man here to see you, he says it's urgent."

They both looked up in surprise at Kari. "Is his name Nyal?" Beka asked calmly, although she was gripping her wooden spoon so tight that her knuckles were whitening.

Kari nodded, then stepped aside to allow a tall, dark man through the kitchen doorway. Seregil recognised the tanned, angular face immediately, complete with the familiar hazel eyes.

"Bec." Even the deep timbre of his voice was the same, and Seregil had to blink in disbelief. Nyal ignored Seregil's gaping, taking off the odd hat on his head that had the symbols 'NY' embroidered on it and twisting it in his hands. "Bec, can we talk?"

Beka looked down at the cake mixture, which she had hijacked from Seregil. Once Kari seemed to be satisfied that Beka did indeed know the man, she quietly took her leave. Seregil was about to do the same but Beka's arm shot out and gripped him. "Stay, Seregil." She looked up at Nyal with a sniff. "So, speak."

Nyal tilted his head in Seregil's direction. "Could we be alone?"

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in Seregil's presence," Beka said stubbornly, and Nyal heaved a long-suffering sigh. Seregil tried to hide his smile by clearing his throat.

"It's always your way with you, isn't it?" Nyal said through gritted teeth.

"Hey, it's your choice, Nyal. I'm not forcing you to be here. You can stay or you can leave." Beka held her head up proudly, staring Nyal straight in the eye even though he was a good deal taller. "So, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

"Beka." The pleading tone in his voice must have weakened her resolve a bit, for she turned her head away. "Beka, I'm sorry about the things I said."

Beka continued to stir the batter for a while, and Seregil watched her with fascination. "We always say things that we're sorry about later," she said quietly.

Nyal stepped forward so that he was less than a foot away from Beka. Seregil took this opportunity to read his body language signals, scanning them for any sign of deception or deceit, but all he could detect were remorse and regret. "Beka, I was confused. We were fighting, and I was tired-"

"God, so was I, Nyal!" Beka snapped. "You're not the only working student around. I just finished a twelve hour shift, and all I wanted was to just sit and read a book in your arms or something, and you go and tell me that crap about not being ready for commitment-"

"I was scared," Nyal admitted. "I was scared, okay? Look, I've always fooled around with girls, and it's never been serious, and they've always run circles around me and tried to trick me into commitment, and if I asked them to jump, they would ask how high. Then along comes you, and...God! You're so stubborn, and independent, and you don't care what others think, and you're so fiercely protective of your family..." Nyal trailed off, his shoulders slumping and suddenly looking extremely weary. "I didn't know what to think. So I ran."

All this time, Beka didn't say a word, her head just bowed down as she kept her gaze on the cake batter. Seregil held his breath, not wanting to intrude and hesitating whether to leave the kitchen so they could have their privacy, but at the same time, he wanted to be around in case Beka needed him.

Most of all, he couldn't help being fascinated by this scene, watching the laws of his own universe trying to weave their magic in this new one. He knew deep down in his heart that Beka and Nyal would be together, just like Alec and...

He swallowed the lump in his throat, blinking. It wouldn't do to get carried away in a situation like this. He refocused his attentions on Beka, who was still gazing down at the bowl and refusing to meet Nyal's eyes.

"Please, Beka, love." Nyal stepped closer, his hands coming up to frame her face, and Seregil saw the way her eyes fluttered close as her body reacted to Nyal's mere touch, and he had never missed Alec more than this exact moment.

"What do you want from me, Nyal?" Beka's voice was a cracked whisper.

"Be with me. Always." Nyal's thumb rubbed gently over her freckled cheek. "I wasn't sure earlier, but these past few weeks have been hell without you. Please." He rested his forehead against the top of her head. "I love you, Beka."

Beka didn't reply, but Seregil saw two drops of moisture land in the cake mixture.

"I'm going to leave now," he said quietly, but it didn't matter, for the couple didn't seem to appear as though they had heard him.

The birthday party had been a success, even though Seregil had to convince Kari to buy a birthday cake from the bakery in the end. Still, Elsbet didn't mind as she ended up getting something very rich and chocolatey, and towards the end of the party, Gherin and Luthas were gleefully smearing each other's faces with chocolate and cream while Magyana and Kari tried to control the chaos. Beka was blissfully unaware, wrapped in Nyal's arms. They were in the love seat at the corner of the living room, where they had pretty much been all evening after Nyal was introduced to the Cavish family. Seregil couldn't help the dopey smile on his face as he observed them with something akin to paternal protectiveness. After all, Micum's children were almost like his own, even in this world.

He turned to get more wine and was surprised to find Alec's dark blue gaze on him, as though trying to scrutinise his thoughts. He offered a smile and got one in return, but it still left him very unsettled. Witnessing the moving scene between Nyal and Beka that afternoon had touched him in ways he hadn't been expecting, and it opened up a whole fresh new pain in his persistent longing for Alec. He closed his eyes with a grimace. This meant he had to keep his distance from Alec even more now. The thought seemed ridiculous and heart-wrenching, but he had no choice.

So what if you're not around? The sly, treacherous voice in his head was popping up more and more often these days. Illior knows that he'll just talk more to Thero, that's all.

"Shut up, shut up," Seregil muttered to himself, and was startled to hear a dry laugh next to him.

"I haven't even said anything." Micum had a cheerful twinkle in his eye. "But sure, I'll shut up."

"No, uh, I mean-"

"Relax, Seregil."Micum patted his shoulder heartily. "Come, help us finish the wine. Kari will soon be putting the kids back to bed, then the adults can have a fine time finishing the wine that we still had leftover from the last dinner party."

Sure enough, there was indeed plenty of wine, and even Nysander and Magyana helped themselves to more than a few glasses. There were red and white ones with names that Seregil couldn't even pronounce, but that didn't stop him from imbibing. What was worrying, though, was the way Alec gulped down glass after glass as though it were water, and finally even Micum had to take his glass away from him before Alec's face got any redder. Alec was just laughing and laughing, stumbling around and hugging everyone fondly. Seregil couldn't help smiling. His Alec was a happy drunk too.

Then it was suddenly his turn as Alec released an amused Nyal and lurched towards Seregil. "My friend! My buddy!" Then those strong, familiar arms were around him, and Seregil was filled with a shock of longing that surprised even him. He was glad that no one seemed to be paying attention to them. "Seregil, my friend."

"There, there, Alec." Seregil rubbed his back in what he hoped was a friendly fashion, but he couldn't help remembering that memorable embrace outside Azarin's brothel, which was the exact time that Alec had told him when he first had inklings of his feelings for Seregil. Before he knew it, he found his arms snaking around Alec too, to hold him close, one hand stroking the hair at the nape of his neck. He felt Alec's breath hitch against his shoulder.

"God, I love you, Seregil," Alec blurted out, and Seregil had to call upon his every restraint not to say those words back. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."

"Hush, now," Seregil whispered fiercely, holding Alec even tighter. The day's events were taking a toll on him, and all he could think about was the light in Beka's eyes when Nyal held her. He was pretty sure he looked the same right now.

"Why don't you love me?" Alec's voice now sounded tight and breathless, and Seregil easily recognised that he only sounded like this when he was close to tears. "What did I do wrong? Am I not good enough?"

"No, Alec, no." Seregil was alarmed, stroking his hair consolingly. "You've done nothing. It's all me. It's me, alright? By the Four, I hate to see you sad-"

To his surprise, Alec abruptly released him, his eyes dull and dead. "You say all these words. And they're empty!" He tottered away towards the couch, collapsing on it and resting his head in his hands. Seregil longed to go to him, but did not dare to cause any more damage than he might already have.

For the rest of the night, Seregil kept a watchful vigil on him, and when Micum asked if anyone would help him send the extremely inebriated Alec home, Seregil was the first to volunteer.

The apartment was just how Seregil had remembered it, even though it was shrouded in darkness. His first instinct was no longer to light a lamp, but rather to look for those odd triangular things that Alec called 'switches' to turn on those magic lamps installed in the ceiling. Once he managed to do this, the apartment was flooded with a warm yellow glow, and Seregil managed to drop the snoozing Alec on the couch first so he could lock the door.

Undressing Alec was technically an easy task, for it was something Seregil had done thousands of times – both slowly and quickly – but this was different. Shaking his head, he realised it was foolish to hesitate about this because he wasn't doing it with any amorous intentions, right? Ignoring the mocking laughter in his head, he did it quickly and deftly, trying not to let his hands linger on that familiar, well-loved body. He quickly covered Alec with a blanket before his hands started to get any funny ideas, then heaved a sigh of relief.

He was supposed to get back to Nysander's after helping Alec home, but seeing the way Alec's brow was twisting in some imagined nightmare, Seregil didn't have the heart to leave him. He rested a cool hand on that brow, and it instantly relaxed, softening Alec's features. Seregil stared for a long moment, then stood back.

Who was he kidding? He was always going to love Alec, whether in this universe or the next, and to not love him was like asking him not to breathe. And he knew the depth of Alec's feelings for him, and he knew how much pain it was bringing the young man, and he hated himself for it.

"Illior's fingers, I'm a monster," he whispered to himself, sinking into the chair beside Alec's bed, and there he sat, watching over the sleeping boy until the wee hours of the morning, until dawn broke out in quiet brilliance over the silent city.