Now Everyone knows that there are certain incontrovertable truths in our world - e=mc^2, jerkass politicians, TV and a deep human reluctance to interact any more than necessary with other humans. Anyone who reads this fic will know that there are also certain incontrovertable truths in the Naruto world - Naruto is a goofy loudmouth who somehow always pulls through, Sasuke will have fangirls, and Rock Lee will have eyebrows to rival Australia's last Prime Minister - look up 'John Howard's eyebrows' on google pics and you will see some terrifying images. However, one of the most fundamental truths in the Narutoverse is the pevery of adult male Jonin, lead by the heroic efforts of Author, Sannin and Mega-Perve; Jiraiya.

Chapter eight: HELP!! It fell off!!

Tsunade sat up sleep[ily as a woman, wet, half covered by a towel, and in hysterics barged into the room, holding something in her hand.

"TSUNADE!! IT FELL OFF!! MY BALLS FELL OFF!!!!! HELP!!!!!" She shrieked, ripping TSunade from her peaceful dreams of...

"J-JIRAIYA???!!!" Tsunade shot out of bed, ignoring her own state of relative undress as she realised what the woman was holding. THat can't be good....

"Put em back!!" The woman sobbed, waving her fists around, letting the towel slip down further.

"Jiraiya, just sit down, and calm down... I'll get Shizune to make some tea." Tsunade said, pulling on her green jacket and a pair of pants. She left the room hurriedly, for some unaccountable reason, blushing. She was a doctor, and she'd seen everything there was to see, anda most of the junk you weren't meant to see, but there was something profoundly disturbing about Jiraiya entering a room in a towel, waving around his family jewels.

"Shizune, wake up. I need you to make a large dose of tea, with a mild sedative in. not enough to knock Jiraiya out though." TSunade said absently, to her half sleeping assistant. "And then get my books." Without a further word to the young woman, Tsunade turned back to her bedroom, where Jiraiya sat, hiccupping, but calmer. His breasts had grown since she'd left, and were now getting to be quite large. Tsunade tucked her jacket more securely around her, frowning as she folded her arms.

"Hey, grandma Tsunade, guess what- OH MY GOD!! Sensei?? WHat are you doing in Tsu--- YOU'RE A GIRL???????????????????????????" Naruto was sitting on the ledge, his eyes wide as he took in the scene, more due to the fact that the Great Pervy Sage was sporting breasts rather than the size, and relative scarcity of covering on them - or Tsunade's for that matter. Naruto was an odd kid.

"Oh my god.. Summoning Jutsu! Gamakichi? Go grab my camera PRONTO!!"

"WHAT??" Jiraiya yelled, standing up, and rounding on his/her student. His towel, unfortunately couldn't cope with the movement and slithered to the gound.

NAruto's eyes widened, as he realised the new dimensions of Jiraya were becoming (literally becoming, because as the two blondes watched, his hips and chest were still visibly filling out) very interesting.

"Hey, Boss, I got your cam- WOWEE!! HEY GRANDPA! COME LOOK AT THE BOSS!!" Gamakichi shouted, waving one webbed hand in the air. However, even as a naked woman, Jiraiya was a skilled ninja, and managed to reverse summon the little toad before it managed to call up the entire population of Myobokuzen, but not before Naruto got a snapshot, and well away.

"I have tea...." Shizune said, nervously, entering the room, already fully dressed, and blushing furiously as she saw Jiriaya, Naked and furious. "um....sorry, I'll come back-"

"Hey, Jiraiya, until I fix you up, how about you borrow some of my clothes?" Tsunade said, pouring two genorous cups of tea. she could use the calming effect of a bit of sedative herself.

"That's Jiraiya-"Shizune's eyes widened, and Tsunade turned to stare at her, wondering why Shizune had been blushing if she hadn't known that the naked person in her room was Jiraiya- Oh...

"I'll go get your paperwork for the day, Lady Tsunade..."

Tsunade shook her head, a faint blush tinting her own cheeks.

"What the **** is going on, Tsunade?" Asked Jiraiya, his voice carefully flat, as he picked up one of Tsunade's blankets, wrapping it securely around his body - it was just too weird to think of jiraiya as a she - and folding his arms.

"Well....you see....everyone was kinda sick of your perviness, so...."

"So you turned me into a girl?!?"

"Not exactly - it was a gradual process....I originally just intended to make you less pervy....

"Ah, that makes it all better??" Jiraiya asked, readjusting the folds of his blanket absent-mindedly, so that they hung more flatteringly around his now more slender frame.

"Well, I intended for it just to make you less pervy...." Tsunade was finding her position very difficult to defend under the weight of Jiraiya's supremely unimpressed glare. Her cheeks heated up a little bit more.

Jiriaya didn't say anything, his long-lashed eyes sharpening as he pressed his fingers together. After an excruciating thirty seconds, a grin flashed across his face and he wrapped his arms around Tsunade's waist, pulling her onto his lap.

"You do realise that from here, I could do absolutely anything I wated, right?" He purred into Tsunade's ear - it had not taken him long at all to master the voice of Icy Menace that was so useful to all females, he was barely even female at all...

Tsunade nodded, visions of shuriken and kunai splattering like blood across her vision. They were dispelled as Jiraya's hands slid upwards along her waist.

"Of course....you could just reverse this jutsu right now, and we'll pretend it never happened."

"Uh..... I don't really..... know... how......"