Chapter 10: Soul Mates
"You seem out of sorts." Loki says to me a quiet tone, after Natasha mutters something about calling in dinner and stalks out of the penthouse. ...I have a feeling she might have actually crawled into the air ducts to eavesdrop – barefoot and still in her gym clothes. Yeah, Nat would do that. In a heartbeat.
"Do you feel well?" Loki nags at me when I don't answer right away.
"I'm just tired, Bambi." I tell Loki, sounding kind of subdued and give him my best fake smile. He can see through it, he always does. "...I need to go to the workshop; I have some hacking to do."
"Hacking?"
"...Meaning breaking into SHIELD's secure network. Nat and Clint might trust Fury, but I don't. I want to see the facts and decide what's going on for myself. I can't kick ass with the rest of you at the moment, but I am you're best bet for getting good intelligence since we can't exactly spy on a spy agency without getting caught." I explain, trying not to use any technical terms. It's not that Loki doesn't understand technology, because he does – remarkably well. He probably knows what a firewall does, but he wouldn't recognize the word. Those sort of things that are culture specific apparently don't translate into the All-Speak. ...Or so I've assumed.
"Hmm. It's a suitable task for you, but you seem depressed again." The demi-god presses and runs his fingers through my hair. I snatch his long, seemingly delicate fingers and glare at him in mock annoyance.
"I am, a little bit. Not like before, though. Hey... Do you want to -?" I shiver a bit, and unconsciously cuddle closer to Loki as that strange new fluttering in my gut catches me completely off-guard – again.
"What? Are you all right?" I chuckle to myself and shake my head.
"I will never get used to that feeling." I say enigmatically and can't help but smile a bit. Loki looks at me curiously, but it only takes him a moment to figure out what I'm talking about. He laughs quietly to himself and kisses my forehead softly. It still takes me by surprise sometimes – how gentle he can be. I mean, we're talking about a guy (that kind of looks like a girl sometimes), who can snap someone's neck without batting an eyelash – and laugh about it later over a tankard of mead. Yet, when it comes to me, there's only soft touches and whispered endearments. Well, mostly. There's three dangerous little words that both of us, I think, are terrified to say.
I love you, Loki.
How hard would that be? It's damn hard, that's the answer. I want to say it – it's right on the tip of my tongue, but what if he doesn't really feel the same way? I know I'm just being a clingy, emotional shithead because of the pregnancy, but I think I'd really fall apart if he left me. I'm in trouble aren't I? Tony fucking playboy Stark, in a committed relationship that neither party has the balls to acknowledge? Yep, I'm screwed. Hormones are only a good excuse if you're not trying to hide behind a carefully constructed veil of denial.
"Is something wrong, Anthony?" Loki asks, watching me like a hawk. "Other than the current crisis, I suppose."
"Loki, let's go shopping." I say suddenly. It's only a little after five. There's plenty of time to hit Kohl's and look at Baby clothes. I need distraction, that's my problem. This should do it just fine. We need to come up with something for the nursery, too. I'll just use Pepper's old room here in the penthouse for now. Eventually, I guess, Joy will have her own floor.
So that's how I wound up in Kohl's with a cup of decaf Starbucks and a shopping cart overflowing with disgustingly adorable little dresses and shit. When she's a little older, I guess I'll hand Joy over to my personal tailor. Rich is a visionary when it comes to fashion, she'll look like the (half?) Goddess she is when he's done with her. Still, it's sappy and ridiculous, but this stuff is adorable.
"Our daughter needs to possess this." Loki says, coming back from the other side of a clothes rack. There's a group of young women nearby giggling at us, but I can't seem to be bothered. If nothing else, this little stunt will stop all the speculation about poor Steve being the father – going by the pretentious amount of random touching and making out Loki and I have been doing. ...Mostly because Loki's just as much of an ass as I am, and the public's reactions are hilarious. I nearly piss myself laughing when Loki shows me what he found – an Iron Man onesie. It even has a hood that looks my helmet. I'm sure it's for baby boys, but what the hell.
"That comes with us." I agree and add it to the pile. "So does this." I say and toss a little felt hat that looks like Loki's horny helmet at his head. He snatches it out of the air, we both fall into hysterics like a couple of teenagers. It's just too much. I know Loki's kind of considered an Avenger after all that he's done, but it's kind of sobering for him to see an action figure of himself next mine and Captain America's. It's silly, but I think this insane little shopping excursion might be doing more good for him than me.
Either way, the only way the whole thing could be more epic would be if we were in costume. It really is a damn pity I can't fit into a suit, even just for shits and giggles.
"How about this?" Loki suggests holding up a lacy green and black dress that's so frilly it looks it should be on some kind of doll. I just shrug and he throws it in the cart.
"I think that's probably enough." I tell him, chuckling. "She'll outgrow most of this before she ever gets to wear it."
"Probably." Loki agrees, and we can't help but snicker when the cashier rings us up – she's fighting back laughter the entire time. I can't wait to read the news and check up on Tumblr later. It might be some of the most memorable headlines of my life, and it won't even involve booze and Las Vegas hookers.
I am such a terrible role model – we both are. Thank God Steve's basically adopted this kid as his unofficial niece, because only Captain Chastity himself can save little Joy from being entirely corrupted by us. There's Thor too, obviously. ...Hopefully Joy doesn't get kicked out of preschool for singing rude Asgardian drinking songs during recess.
...I am so screwed.
Another six weeks later, the nursery is completed – taken care of by one of the best decorators in New York, of course. I'd have liked to have done it myself, but Bruce and Erin would both murder if I'd been accidentally inhaling paint fumes or, God fucking forbid, touching power tools. ...Not that I'm any way feeling up to doing much of anything.
Thinking of Erin, Today's the seven month check-up. Holy shit. Honestly, I'm glad it's almost over one way or another, because we've ran into a rather nasty unforeseen complication – meaning the arc reactor. Apparently it's normal enough to have some trouble breathing at this point, but it's worse when half of your chest cavity was cut out to fit the world's most badass batteries. ...Never mind the shrapnel. Bruce swore on his life that it won't move, but I keep having nightmares that it does and...
I shake my head and stare vacantly out the window of the penthouse lounge, at Manhattan below me. Loki is out somewhere with Steve, kicking ass and taking names. Hydra, obviously. Mostly they've managed to stay below the radar. They've gotten pretty smart after all the years of acting like nasty little parasites inside SHIELD. ...Not smarter than me, though. They'll have to do a lot better to keep me out of their 'secure' servers. So far, I've managed to track everything they've been up to and the Avengers have been able to sabotage their plans so far. At least I'm still good for something, even though I'd rather be out there fighting. Something big is brewing though, I can feel it.
I sigh irritably and keep staring out the window, as if I'll catch a glimpse of Steve or Loki. I won't though, they're in Queens. I have no idea where the hell Nat and Clint are, they were going to try and salvage some of SHIELD's private personnel data from Hydra's filthy hands while they're (hopefully) distracted by Loki and Steve. Bruce, I know, is halfway to Calcutta by now – back to his proper schedule now that I have Erin to make sure I don't kill myself somehow. Thor... He's in fairyland I guess, which leaves me here alone with Pepper. The others all have this annoying agreement that I can't be alone – period. Well, since I've started with the newest trend of BS, meaning being able to breathe about as well as a chain smoker with asthma. I'm more or less confined to bed rest, which is driving me completely insane.
I hate my life. This fucking kid had better love the shit out of me.
"Are you feeling all right, Tony?" I glance over at Pepper and struggle for a moment to find a more comfortable position in the big leather armchair. In reality, I kind of want to go lie down and try to sleep, but I'm stuck in the fucking chair and the last thing I want to do is admit it. Pepper's watching me intently over the top of the day's copy of the Wall Street Journal. We haven't talked much in that last few months outside of business, so it's a little awkward being alone like this again. I'm glad for her company, though. ...And that she's apparently not going to disown me over this whole mess.
"Honestly, Pep, I feel shit. There's not a whole to do about it though, except hope the next couple months go by fast." I tell her offhandedly. Maybe.
"You're scared." She observes, raising her eyebrows. "I can tell."
And that's Pepper for you, disgustingly perceptive and almost always right. "Yeah." I say in a carefully bored tone, if only because I know there's no point in denying it.
"It'll be all right, you've survived worse. And you can't be that down in the dumps – I saw that three thousand dollar charge from Kohl's when I went over your accounts. Is Joy going to have a different outfit for every day until she's like twelve?" Pepper replies, giggling. I snort and shake my head.
"Your appointment's in ten, we should get going." Pepper says and tosses her newspaper aside. She gets up with a stretch and gives me an odd look as I swear vehemently under my breath.
"Yeah, ok." I grab the arm-rests of the chair and try to get enough leverage to haul myself up. It fails, like the first five attempts. "Fuck."
"Are you... Are you stuck?" Pepper asks, unable to keep herself from laughing.
"Yep." I tell her, pretty sure my face is as red as a tomato. You little shit, I add mentally to Joy who picks that moment to start squirming. Little monster's probably already on Pepper's side. I never had a chance. "Look just give me your hands and – damn it all, fuck me!"
It takes a bit of effort, but Pepper manages to pull me out of the chair. I'll have to remember to stay out of them, or a pillow under my ass or something. It wouldn't be so bad if my back weren't killing me from the extra weight I'm dragging around. My body just isn't built for this, obviously. Jesus Christ I look like a whale. At least I can avoid the paparazzi, since Erin's meeting me on the medical floor here instead of her office – like the last couple appointments. It's just easier for both of us that way, and she gets to play with all the new toys.
"Sir, Doctor Martin is waiting for you." Jarvis informs us, just as get into the elevator. Of course she is, the woman is almost as punctual as Pepper and it's maddening. No wonder they've gotten along so well.
"Is there anything you need done while I wait?" Pepper asks, as she gives Erin a smile when we step out of the elevator.
"No, not really. Unless you can find me decaf coffee that actually tastes like coffee... Or put the decaf in the caffeinated canister, you know, for the placebo effect." I tell her sarcastically. Her lips twitch into a smirk and she mutters something that sounds suspiciously like 'stop whining'.
"I'll be in the lounge if you need me, I have to check up with the board about the shareholder meeting next week." Pepper tells me and hops back into the elevator. Why she bothered to follow me up here is beyond me. She probably figures I can't waddle out of the elevator car fast enough before it shuts me back in or something. Ugh.
"Afternoon, Doc." I say and give Erin a nod. I take one look at the exam table, and contemplate plopping myself down into the chair next to her instead. I end up using the chair to shove myself up there, and I've got to give Erin some serious credit for not laughing at me. She's barely managing it, though. There's tears in her eyes and she's chewing on her lip.
"How have you been feeling? How's the breathing?" She asks, masking her amusement with very real concern.
"Not great." I say truthfully, not that lying would do any good. I'm panting from the effort it took to get onto the exam table and the words sound a little wheezy.
"Hmm. That's not good." Erin says, shaking her head. "Nothing to panic over, though. Judging by the rate she's growing at, you should make it to term without it becoming a real risk to your health. Though, I agree with Bruce. Mostly staying on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy is the best bet. We can still do an emergency c-section if we have to, but I'd rather not for your sake. That's going to take twice as long to recover from."
I groan and swear under my breath before she even finishes the sentence. I don't know what good it would do to argue, I pretty much can't physically do anything anyway. I guess I'm just going stir-crazy. Next thing you know, Someone's going to catch me reading Shakespeare or something. I'm that bored.
"There is something else, thinking of that." Erin says thoughtfully as she flicks through hologram projections of the previous sonograms that she pulled up. She stops on the one from the fourth month and compares it to the sixth month. "I think, you might go into labor at any time now, actually. I'm not sure if it has to do with whatever Loki's genetic make-up is, but she is growing just slightly faster than a normal human fetus. I noticed it a while ago, but I wanted to be sure before I brought it up."
"Jesus." I mutter. "Actually, that's fine because I've totally had it with this." Erin just laughs and pats me on the shoulder in a comforting manner.
"I can't be sure the exact date, that's hard to predict even with humans. I suspect you've got until the the end of the month, tops. Realistically, I'm going to take an educated guess and say you'll be a parent by the end of the week." She tells me with a warm smile.
"Shit, I should really look up how to change diapers shouldn't I?" I mumble, trying not to panic.
"I could tell you everything you'd need to know but we both know you won't remember half of it right now." Erin says jokingly. "I already had this whole conversation with Loki, discuss it with him – he's raised two children by himself. I'm fairly confident that he knows what he's doing."
"At least one of us does." I grumble.
"You'll do fine, Tony." She reassures me gently. "Now, let's do this one last sonogram, and I'll cut you loose for the day."
When I finally escape being tormented by Erin, Jarvis informs me that Loki is back and waiting for me in the penthouse. He's sitting on the couch, with a look on his face that could give that grumpy cat meme a run for it's money. It's obvious why, though. Steve is holding an ice pack against a nasty burn that takes up the better part of his left shoulder and halfway down his back. He winces a bit when Steve adjusts it, but I can see that it's healing already. The skin's even a little blue where the ice was touching it. I try not to gag as I get a closer look. It's gross, and has to hurt like a bitch, but at least it'll probably be healed by the end of the hour.
"Get into a fight with a dragon?" I ask casually, and carefully lower myself into the couch next to him.
"No. Some sort of... flying landmine." Loki says and hisses as Steve accidentally puts a little too much pressure on it.
"That's actually a pretty good way of describing it." Steve says with a shrug. "Looks like you heal almost as fast as I do."
Steve looks banged up too, but not like Loki. I'm scared to ask, but I'm pretty sure the only way Loki would take a hit like that was to protect another team member. He must have covered Steve. He'll admit it over his dead body, but it really is Loki's first reaction in a crisis to protect the rest of us.
"How was your appointment with Lady Erin?" Loki asks, swatting Steve's hands away and holding the cold compress himself.
"Well... She says it could be any time now, that she's growing just slightly faster than an ordinary baby." I say, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.
"Seven months... Is normal for a Jotun child. Yes." Loki says thoughtfully. "Hela was born at seven months and one week, Sleipnir at just shy of seven months."
"Um, I'm going to go get a hold of Fury and get the debriefing over with. Let me know if you need anything." Steve says, and leaves us alone – more like runs away while he can. Loki leans over and rests his head on my shoulder with a tired sigh. Joy decides she's in the mood to kick something, and I kind of just want to escape both of them.
"I need a shower. I am covered in filth." Loki complains. "Join me?"
"You don't need to ask that twice." I quip and let him lead me to the bathroom. I'm more thankful than ever that I have a huge shower; we both fit comfortably and the hot water feels amazing on my sore back. Loki's burns have already healed into new, pinkish skin and the heat doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest. He presses himself against my back, and I brace myself with my hands against the wall, and his lying on top of mine. That's when I notice something I've never seen before – a slightly darker patch of skin on Loki's right hand, just below his index finger, and ending near the joint to his thumb. It's kind of triangular shaped, and absolutely identical to a birthmark on my own right hand. In fact, my mom tried to scrub it off once when I was kid. She though my hand was dirty.
"Has that always been there?" I ask, running my thumb across the mark.
"Hmm? Yes. It's a birthmark, I suppose. It's harder to see in my jotun form, but it appears then too – no matter what form I take, actually." Loki answers. I just lay my hand on top of his. He stares at it for a moment. "Oh." He says, when he notices it.
"Weird, huh?"
"That's... So this is... You're my..." Loki's voice trails off and he bursts into a helpless fit of laughter. "Hela, you bitch. She could have just told me." He says, shaking his head once he's composed himself.
"...What?" I ask.
"There's an old legend that says when two people are soul mates – two parts of a whole spirit, they have some kind of identifying mark. I never knew that it was true; most people don't meet their true soul mate. Though, the way magic functions would suggest that it is a viable concept. Hela must have seen that after she switched her soul with yours to save you. I understand how she returned it now. It all makes sense. I am such an imbecile for not realizing it." Loki explains, chuckling.
"Okay. Soul mates. That's fifty shades of fucked up. How'd I get pregnant?"
"Hela did that, by mistake. It's just the way her magic manifested within you. But if you really are my soul mate, that would be what made it possible." Loki tells me, and places a kiss against my temple. "Enough of this, trying to explain magic to a scientist is like explaining how an orgasm feels to virgin – utterly impossible."
I can't help but laugh at the comparison as we step out of the shower and Loki wraps a towel around my shoulders. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and cringe. God I am fat. And I have stretch lines! Urgh. What part of this is beautiful and sexy, exactly? Because I am not seeing it.