Title: The Hand That Feeds
Chapter: 10/?
Summary: Au. GKM Fill. Special Agent Blaine Anderson is in for the ride of a lifetime when he partners up with master conman Kurt Hummel. Together they fight crime, take down bad guys, and save the day. This would all be a lot easier is they could stop falling in love. Here's the original prompt; (You can find it; here )
I'm slightly obsessed with 'White Collar' at the moment, and I thought it'd be perfect for a Glee!AU with Kurt as Neal Caffrey and Blaine as Peter Burke. No specific requests, but bonus points if you include lots of banter and Kurt being the fashionable genius that he is. ;) Together, they fight crime! :D
Pairing: Kurt/ Blaine
Rating: M
A/N: I AM ALIVE! I am so so so sorry that it has been so long since I've updated anything! My life has been insane for the last 2 months, but things are finally calming down and I'm trying to figure it all out! Anyways, I'll save the long explanations for another time, enjoy!
Nothing could be worse than this feeling, not even prison. Seriously, Kurt would take prison over a broken heart anytime, any day.
It really wasn't fair. He has no one. He didn't have a single person left in this world. His father had been murdered, his mom died years ago, and now the man he was in love with not only knew of his feelings, he also didn't return them. Things really couldn't get worse.
But in reality, who had Kurt be trying to kid? He was a world renowned con man, and Blaine was a F.B.I agent. No matter how "Romeo and Juliet" it may have sounded, this was not a Shakespearian play, but it sure as hell was a tragedy.
What had he been thinking? Why in the world was Blaine so damn special? Kurt was a user. That's what con man meant! He needed to be able to use Blaine to get to the bottom of the murder of his father! And of course him and his stupid heart had to go a ruin all of that!
"I need a plan," Kurt mumbled to himself as he stormed down the street. He needed to come up with a way to blow this entire thing off. He couldn't stand the idea of Blaine knowing his real feelings without returning them, and he could not get sent back to prison. His dad was dead, and Blaine was stuck with him for another four years whether he liked it or not.
Kurt didn't acknowledge anybody as he stormed down the street towards Mercedes house and up to his apartment. He didn't want to be bothered. He was supposed to be a hardened criminal for god's sake, he couldn't afford for anyone to see him like this; so hurt and so broken.
Kurt barley registered the fact that he was still walking towards his apartment, trying to scrub the years from his eyes. He wasn't even aware of menial things like the clouds that were beginning to form in the sky, let alone the ominous black van that had been following him since he'd shakily ran from Blaine's home.
"I'm a con man, lying is what I do," Kurt groaned to himself for about the fifteenth time. Sighing heavily, Kurt made one last ditch effort to scrub the tears from his eyes and compose himself. He was going to get home, unwind, and pretend this entire day never even happened. He had always been very good at pretending things didn't happen. It was a defense mechanism that he had adapted very early in his life, and now he was going to put it to good use.
"I can totally pretend none of that ever happened," Kurt mumbled to himself as he turned the corner to his home.
To this day Kurt still swears that if he hadn't been so hung up on Blaine he would've been able to apprehend what happened to him before it got out of control. Alas, he was hung up on a certain curly haired detective and that seemed to seal Kurt's fate.
He never saw the sleek black van.
He never saw it creep closer and closer.
He never saw the arms reach out from the open side door and grab him until it was too late.
He never saw it coming.
"What the fuc-" Kurt began, trying to squirm and kick his way out of his attacker's hold. He never had been much of a fighter. Kurt was much more apt to use his clever mind to trick his way out of a situation, rather than his fists. He was kind of starting to regret that decision at the moment.
"If you know what's good for you, you will shut your pretty little mouth and listen to me before I put about 27 ounces of lead in your flawless forehead," a voice growled at him.
Kurt stopped dead in his verbal tracks, but not because his life had been threatened. Hell, he considered it an off day if he didn't get a death threat. No, Kurt stopped because he knew the person who was threatening him, even if he couldn't see him. Kurt would know that voice anywhere.
"Ch-Chandler?" Kurt muttered, squinting, trying to locate the beanie wearing but case in the dark of the van.
"Mother fucker, I knew I should have invested in a voice changer," Chandler cursed, shuffling around and flicking on the light. His mouse like face was illuminated, his evil grimace still perfectly in place.
"What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?" Kurt growled, his previous woe is me disposition all but forgotten.
"What? Old friends can't have a nice chat every once in a while?" Chandler cooed, scooting closer to the con man.
"Old friends? Chandler you stalked me for two months, and now you're kidnapping me, again!" Kurt yelled. He was seriously tired of this super creep constantly showing up when he least needed him.
The Last time Kurt Hummel had seen Chandler had been 2 years ago.
He had been on the run from a certain curly haired FBI agent and Chandler had been a convenient person available to help him whip up an alias. Kurt had, well he had flirted. He was a command for crying out loud of course he flirted! He had pulled out all his charm to con Chandler into giving him an alias and a place to lay low. He had to or he would've ended up in prison.
A lot of good that did.
Chandler ended up being... not all there. He was cute, sure, but he was also three gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon jug, meaning to say he would pop at any given minute. And Kurt could just not afford to get crazy all over his Dior pants.
When Chandler had come to Kurt asking if he could officially claim him as his "Queen of Crime and Gaydom" (Chandler's words) Kurt declined (politely) and then ran like a bat out of hell. You would've too if you'd seen the nervous twitch in Chandler's eye when Kurt has said no.
Turns out that Chandler doesn't give up that easily. When Kurt pulled his disappearing act, Chandler took it upon himself to orchestrate a full blown con man hunt for Kurt. He apparently lived by the idea that if he couldn't have someone, nobody could.
All the while that Chandler was full on stalking Kurt; Kurt was doing digging of his own. He had decided that he was going to know every last thing about Special Agent Blaine Anderson, for research purposes of course.
"If you would just go out with me we wouldn't have to play this silly cat and mouse game," Chandler smiled in what Kurt guessed was his attempt at being coy. He was failing miserably.
"There is no game you weirdo! You constantly feel the need to spring up on me and try to take me away or whatever and I am sick of it!" Kurt bellowed. He really had no patience for this right now.
"Fine Kurt," Chandler snapped, dropping his cutesy facade, and honestly, scaring Kurt a little bit.
"If you want to be a little bitch about it, that's fine, but when you start screwing with my master plans that is where I draw my line."
"Chandler, I don't have a freaking clue what you're talking about," Kurt snapped back. Seriously, he didn't have time for this bullshit, his head was throbbing and his heart was broken and frankly, he was sick of everything.
"Oh really," Chandler sneered, something deep and twisted flashing in his dark eyes. Kurt was starting to feel really uneasy. Sure Chandler was always a little creepy, but now Kurt was feeling the tell tale flashes of fear every time Chandler opened his mouth.
"Ever since you decided to cozy up to that vertically challenged FBI agent, my life has been nothing but hardship after hardship."
"Chandler I don't know how- oh my god," Kurt began, cutting off suddenly when everything started to click into place for him.
"Holy shit, you're-"
"That's right my porcelain prince, I'm The Banker," Chandler grinned in his creepy malicious way. "And your pretty little face has been making my scheme pretty damn hard when you're running around TELLING FBI AGENTS ALL ABOUT IT!" Chandler screamed, causing Kurt to jump.
He really should have known. It was a cunning plan that lacked unoriginality and flare. It had chandler written all over it.
"So now," Chandler said, sickly sweet leaning in so his panting breath brushed over Kurt's ears, "Were going to play a little game to see if the big bad agent cares about you as much as you do for him, I'm not much of a gambler, but my money is on he doesn't."
Leaning back to his side, Chandler began to laugh manically in a well practiced manner.
Kurt Hummel was fucked.
And not even in the fun way.