She wasn't sure if it was her phone's alarm or the feeling that she was being watched that truly woke her.
"Stop it," Nancy mumbled, blindly reaching for her phone on the bedside table. "I can't go back to sleep if you're going to stare at me like that."
"Sorry. Just wanted to check on you before I went for my run." Ned's hand brushed against her forehead. "Hm, not warm."
The alarm stopped, and Nancy opened her eyes to see Ned placing her phone back down, next to a mug that hadn't been there the night before.
"Tea," he answered her silent question. "How are you feeling? Mia won't mind if you cancel."
"Better. It must have just been something I ate," she said. "I promise I'll tell Mia I want to go home if that starts to change."
"I'd take insult to that if it wasn't for the fact that you started feeling sick before I made dinner last night." Ned eyed her critically for a moment, assessing the truth behind her claim. "In that case, you'd better get up," he said reluctantly. "I hit snooze on that alarm twice already."
Nancy stretched before sitting up and reaching for the mug. She murmured her thanks as she took a sip. "Next time, remind me I how much I hate having to get up this early."
Chuckling, Ned leaned down to brush a kiss against her forehead. "But then we wouldn't have all of your great finds."
Ever since Mia dragged her to a yard sale a couple months ago, they'd made it a semi-regular thing. According to Mia, it was the perfect way to ease into meeting neighbors. Nancy was hardly eager to become well-known around the neighborhood, but at least Mia's outgoing personality made her the more memorable one between the two of them.
She truly enjoyed Mia's company, though, and the mornings they spent scouring their neighbors' abandoned junk for diamonds in the rough were worth the extra sleep she might be missing out on. Nancy discovered she had a talent for finding great marked-down pieces that just needed a little work, and she was surprised at how much she enjoyed fixing them up. Mia was excited to finally figure out Nancy's thing, and Nancy was more than happy to let her think it was true. So far she had sanded down, re-stained, and re-planed a once-wobbly handmade bookcase, fixed a neat floor lamp with two bulbs that just needed a minor cord repair, and happily lugged home a vintage gossip chair with a seat requiring some re-upholstering. She still wasn't sure what she would do with that one, but she had fallen in love with it.
"I think Mia wants to go for lunch. But we're still on for the hardware store, right?"
"You bet. It's my turn to pick a color."
They were slowly starting to decorate the house, to make it theirs instead of the anonymous beige meant for quick resale. It was a small comfort, but the newly sunny yellow walls of the kitchen reminded her of cooking lessons with Hannah and mornings with her father, swapping sections of the newspaper over breakfast.
"We'll see about that. Love you," she said, tugging gently on his shirt to pull him closer for another kiss. Eyeing his black ribbed sleeveless tank and moisture-wicking athletic shorts, she couldn't resist teasing him. "You know the idea is to blend in, not stand out. Can't you put on a few more layers?"
Ned raised an eyebrow. "I could if you wanted me to overheat and pass out."
"Fine, go give all the housewives a show." She grinned, releasing her hold on his shirt.
"Too bad for them. I only have eyes for my wife."
The feeling she was being watched returned that afternoon.
"Have you ever thought of dyeing your hair? I bet a lighter color would look really nice with your complexion."
Nancy looked up from her plate of salad to see Mia scrutinizing her closely, too closely. "Uh, no. Not really."
In truth, she had. It'd be so much easier to dye her hair instead of having to deal with the wig every day. She'd only been given the wig because the agents thought she was pregnant. She was pretty sure she no longer had to keep up the pregnancy ruse with them, though.
At their last check-in, they had eyed her midsection curiously, but said nothing. Nancy could tell from the sympathetic frowns that they assumed Nancy had miscarried. Her stomach dropped every time she thought of the lie. She hated using a tragedy like that for her own benefit. But the life she and Ned were creating together—she couldn't imagine what her life would be now if they'd never been placed together, if she had never been told he was still alive. That thought sent a horrified cold shiver down her spine.
Yes, dyeing her hair would be easier. But she couldn't bring herself to fully turn herself into Diana in that way. She would gladly deal with the annoying wig as long as it meant getting to see Ned's eyes light up every time she took it off and shook out her real hair.
"It was just a thought." Mia turned her attention back to her own plate. "You know, it's too bad you didn't find anything today."
Nancy shrugged her shoulders, throwing Mia a smile. "Just as well. Ricky and I are going to pick up paint later. Our bedroom is next on the list."
Mia's eyes lit up. "Can you bring me back some paint samples? Some pastels would be nice, for a bedroom."
"Sure. Planning on doing some of your own redecorating?" Her interest rose as Mia bit her lip in indecision.
"Sort of." Mia grinned. "I have a secret. But you have to promise not to tell Alex I told you."
"Of course. Now, c'mon. Don't keep me in suspense."
Mia's smile widened as she placed her hands over her abdomen. "I'm pregnant!"
"W-wow," Nancy stuttered. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks," Mia beamed. "I'm still a week away from my second trimester. I made Alex promise not to tell his family until then, and here I am, blabbing away. I'm just too happy to keep it to myself, though."
"Your secret is safe with me," Nancy promised.
"I know it's early still, but I'm eager to get started on ideas for the nursery." She blushed. "Okay, so maybe I already have a few. We decided to start trying when we moved here. Neither of us thought it'd happen so fast. As soon as I realized I was late, I was starting to think of themes."
Nancy speared a piece of cucumber on her fork and began to lift it to her mouth. When Mia's comment sunk in, the fork slipped from her fingers, clanging against the plate.
"Are you okay?" Mia asked, concerned.
"I just realized I'm late." Nancy flushed as she realized she had said the words out loud, her gaze flying to Mia's face. Mia was her closest friend in this new life, other than Ned, but Nancy knew she could absolutely never tell her the truth. This felt uncomfortably close to the truth.
She was never late. Even with the stress of their forced relocation and new life, she'd never missed her period. Until now.
"Oh," Mia said softly. "I'm pretty sure I have some extra tests left at the house, if you want them." When Nancy didn't respond, she added, "Is this… Would it not be a good thing for you?"
"I don't know," Nancy answered truthfully. Then she shook her head, forcing herself to pick up her fork again and put a smile on her face. "I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe I've just lost track of the days or something."
Mia's gaze was still sympathetic when Nancy glanced up at her again. "Then at least taking the test would give you some peace of mind," she pointed out. When she changed the subject a moment later, Nancy was so relieved she practically slumped in her seat.
Every fiber of her being was telling her that if there was a wrong time, this was definitely it.
A week later, the tests Mia gave her were still hidden in the bottom of her purse. She knew it was time to finally take one when she all but ripped her purse out of Ned's hands when he went searching for gum. She lost count of how many times he'd asked her in the past week if she was okay. Each time she tried to assure him she was, the look he gave told her he didn't believe it. She just didn't know how to talk to him about this, if there even was a this at all.
It's just stress, she told herself as she set the timer on her phone. She sat down on the edge of the tub, intentionally placing the stick next to her where she couldn't stare at it, waiting to see if one or two lines would appear in the appropriate window.
There was a significant chance she really was pregnant. Other than their first night—and morning—together, she and Ned had always been careful about using condoms. She knew that condoms weren't one hundred percent effective, though—a fact her father had made sure she understood during his awkward birds-and-bees talk. She had considered going to the doctor to get a birth control prescription, but that had been a step that seemed too real, especially after the lie she had told the feds.
This, though… If she and Ned were to have a baby, they'd be sealing their fate. There was no way either of them would put their child at risk. There would be no toeing the line, no potential slip-ups. Oh, she and Ned might have fully committed to each other, but they were still themselves. That was a luxury they couldn't afford if they were parents. She couldn't imagine a child understanding why Mommy's hair looked different at home or why Mommy and Daddy called each other by different names—and if he or she innocently slipped, repeating something said in the privacy of their home that might jeopardize all of them... Oh God, to raise a child in this lie...
Her phone vibrated against her thigh, and she took a deep breath before picking up the test.
Ned climbed out of the truck cab and slammed the door behind him, then took the short walk up the drive to the mailbox. In the distance he could hear the crack of bats at the nearby ballpark, the unintelligible shouts of parents and teammates at the little league games. During her yard-sale ventures, Nancy had started noticing Halloween decorations going up in some of the other yards in the neighborhood. One of them had gone all-out, complete with cheesy fake spiderwebs, blinking purple and orange lights, and glow-in-the-dark ghosts. A life-sized witch figure had been propped up in the rocking chair on the front porch, beside a cauldron that perpetually spilled a dry-ice mist. Oversized fake spiders had been perched in the front shrubs, and the lights in the plastic jack-o-lanterns clicked on with military precision at the onset of dusk.
Nancy and Ned had agreed that they would pass out candy to the trick-or-treaters; there was something about the idea that felt both wonderfully adult and incredibly playful, to answer the door and ask about costumes, to distribute candy into buckets and bags. Neither of them had wanted to go crazy with Halloween decorations, though. They had gone to the local craft store on a day that Nancy was feeling well, and had joked and teased each other as they tried on masks and played with articulated skeletons on display. In the end they had settled on a skeletal fluttering ghost that Ned strung up between two posts on their front porch, a wreath made of fall foliage, miniature pumpkins, and acorns, and a trio of hand-carved jack-o-lanterns. Ned's suggestion that they pick up a few bags of miniature candy bars and treats in preparation had ended just as both of them had known it would: with only a couple of the rejected pieces left at the bottom of the bowl, and candy wrappers dumped into the kitchen trash can by the dozen.
Ned had begun to wonder if the heat would ever break. Now, as Halloween neared, the temperature was finally starting to drop just a little, and he could feel fall coming. He both welcomed it and resented it. The changing of the seasons was another reminder of what they had left behind, and what he was missing back in Illinois.
Ned snickered as he sorted through the mail. A part of him was always terrified that he would find an envelope or postcard addressed to Ned Nickerson or Nancy Drew in the box, but he was far more likely to find credit card and car dealership offers. As far as the feds could tell, they were still safely, completely under the radar. Thank God.
"Hey, babe. Where are you?" Ned called out as he shut the front door behind him. He'd noticed all the blinds were closed when he pulled into the driveway, a sure sign that Nancy would be greeting him, not Diana.
"Kitchen!"
A delicious aroma hit him as he started heading her way. It was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. "Whatever you're making smells like home." He found her in front of the stove, and wrapping his arms around her from behind, he peeked over her shoulder to see what she was stirring. "Mmm, garlic mashed potatoes."
"And there's a pot roast in the oven. I found a recipe online. Definitely won't be as good as your mom's, but I figured I'd give it a try."
"What did I do to deserve this treat?" Ned placed a kiss at the crook of her neck. Ever since they'd committed to each other and their relationship, ever since they had started having sex, he had become much more comfortable with this. He could be close to her, now; he didn't have to hide how attracted he was to her, and her response to him was eager and happy. At least, it usually was.
Nancy spun around suddenly, tears in her eyes. "Ned." She launched herself into his arms, sobs wracking her body.
"Whoa—what's wrong, Nancy?" Rubbing her back comfortingly, he quickly turned the stove and oven off before moving them to the living room. He sat down on the couch, pulling Nancy onto his lap, concern creasing his brow. He hadn't seen her so upset in a very long time. "Please, baby, tell me what's wrong. Did something happen? Do you think someone made us?"
She shook her head. "Baby. It's not safe." Another sob. "We're alone. No help."
"Why aren't we safe?"
"Not us." Nancy picked her head up from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "Our baby."
"Baby?" Ned's eyes widened. "You're—we're going to have a baby?"
She nodded, confirming his question, and Ned's entire world seemed to shift. He hardly knew what to think, but she was clearly upset, and he didn't want to upset her further. A baby? "They're going to know I was never pregnant before. It's too soon. I know it is."
He didn't care what the agents thought. "So we tell them it was a false positive before. And that you are now." He hesitated. "You're sure?"
Nancy nodded. "I'll have to go to the doctor to confirm, but after I took the first test and it was positive, I went to the store for more. They're all positive."
"Hey," he said, wiping her falling tears. "We're going to make this work."
"I want this," she said quietly. "But I want this at home, where we have our families to help us out. And we won't be worried every time our child is out of our sight that Marc's family is going to get him or her."
"I know this isn't ideal, Nancy, but we're going to be a family. I always knew you'd be the mother of my children one day. That day may be coming sooner than we thought, but I love you, and I already love this little baby." He put his hand against her stomach.
"I love you too." She placed her hand over his. "This baby is going to be so lucky to have you."
"Let's just hope it looks like me. Otherwise, we'll have a tough time explaining the hair and eyes." That earned him a smile from Nancy.
"At least we already have a crib."
Ned laughed. "True. We also have each other. That's how I know everything will be okay."
"I should go finish dinner," Nancy said, moving to get up.
"In a minute." Ned pulled her closer. "It'll keep. I want to enjoy this for a minute longer."
She rested her head against his shoulder again. "We have to get home," she whispered.
Ned closed his eyes and rubbed his hand up and down her back again. The last time they had met with the feds, Nancy and Ned had been assured that progress was being made on the case, but it was tedious and agonizingly slow. There were no guarantees about when they would be back in Illinois… if ever. He knew he would be terrified, once this truly sank in, but… he and Nancy had made a baby. Somehow, despite how careful they had mostly been, there was a baby.
And this would be their baby's home.
And then Ned's face was buried in the crook of her neck and his lips were against her skin, tasting her. She whimpered, but she was already straddling his lap, and she wasn't moving away from him.
"We are home," he whispered. "For now, together, we're home. This is why you've been feeling sick?"
"Yeah." She nuzzled against him, and he could feel the firm weight of her breasts pressing against his chest. "I'm sorry. I know neither one of us wanted this to happen, not now. And I don't know how…" She sniffled. "I thought we were being so careful…"
"Me too." He slipped his hand under her shirt, at the small of her back, and let it drift up to the closure of her bra. It wasn't as though she hadn't been pregnant even this morning or last night, but he felt a sudden curiosity, a need to see her and claim her all over again, to find the signs that her body was changing to nurture their baby…
His child. They had joined and their love had made a life, and that knowledge was absolutely staggering.
She helped, once he began to slide her clothes off, and soon she was naked and lying down on their couch, one hand above her head and resting against the arm of the couch. Her eyes were still a little puffy from her tears. She moaned softly, drawing one knee up, the sole of her foot against the couch cushion, as he began to trace her curves. There was no gentle rounding to her belly yet, and Ned thought that he was only imagining that her breasts might be slightly bigger, but he vowed to do this as often as she'd let him. He didn't want to miss a single second or sign.
Ned's eyes widened as he glanced up into her face. "Are you feeling bad now?"
She smiled slightly. "Scared and a little sick and excited," she said. "This… means growing up. So far I just feel like I've been faking it."
"Yeah." He gently drew his palm down and over her belly, in slow circles. "Anything you want, anything at all… you know I'll give you. Anything at all. If you're craving Oreos at three o'clock in the morning..."
She reached up and cupped his cheek, urging him to look at her. "You're happy," she whispered, almost as though she couldn't believe it.
He nodded. "Did you think I wouldn't be?"
She shrugged slightly. "I've barely started to figure out how to be a wife. I have no idea how to be a mother."
He held her gaze and lowered his face to her belly, pressing a lingering, gentle kiss against her bare skin. "We'll figure it out," he said. "Baby, after all we've been through… maybe nothing is going to be exactly as we dreamed, but when I think of everything else that could have happened, maybe we're just where we were meant to be. And it will work out, sweetheart. I know it will."
She gazed into his eyes for a long moment. Then she drew him to her, on top of her, and he loved her with the sweet reverence of having found his home. When they were both panting, when she was rubbing against him and almost driving him crazy, he gently rolled them over so he was on his back and she was perched over him.
She was still a little nervous, doing this, but she breathed out a whimpering sigh. "Ned," she whispered. "Oh, honey…"
He kept stroking her, teasing her breasts, caressing her hips. His stomach tensed for a second as he realized what was different this time—he hadn't been inside her without a condom since their first night and morning-after together—but now, it was all right.
The mother of his child. Ned gazed up at her, his throat thickening. Of course she was afraid. Everything about their life together had been terrifying, at first, but at least some of it was in their control. This…
And then she cried out, her face and chest flushed. Ned moved with her, holding himself back with effort. He didn't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable. But he cried out too, one hand gripping her hip.
After, she collapsed against him, panting, her skin damp. Her reddish-gold hair was longer now, and it spilled against his chest. Ned sighed in contentment, then rested his palm against her back.
"Mmm," she murmured finally. "Guess we can save money on condoms now, huh."
Ned chuckled. "See? You're already thinking positive," he told her. "This has already been incredible, and we still have a pot roast…"
Nancy pulled back to look into his eyes and grinned, then shook her head. "You're so predictable," she murmured.
He shook his head, holding her gaze. His palms cupped her hips. "And you're nothing I could ever have predicted," he told her. "But your heart… I know your heart. I know you. You are fierce and determined and brave and incredible. And that's the kind of mother you'll be."
Her blue eyes gleamed with tears, and she leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. "There's no one else in the world I'd rather share this with," she whispered. "I love you, Ned Nickerson."
"And I love you."