And…we're…back…Welcome! I still do not own FFXII or its characters…and it's still a shame. Hope you are enjoying this crap, which is now officially my longest fic ever. Last chapter? Don't count on it. This one's rated M and I hope it won't be all smashed together like everything has been lately (site's fault) but please excuse it if it is. Remember that reviewing makes you a super duper cool person.

And I'm Doing Just Fine

Chapter 10: All that's waiting is regret

Balthier tried to scream, for all he knew he might have succeeded, but he couldn't quite tell if any sound had escaped his throat or not. The pain behind his eyes was like a hot white light, searing its way into his brain. He silently prayed for death, anything to take away the pain. He felt cold and clammy, and he couldn't tell if he was sweating or just crying profusely, and honestly he didn't care either way.

"Ffamran…"

Balthier cursed under his breath, afraid that if he opened his eyes his father would really be standing there, real or not.

"Ffamran…" chided the voice of Cid, "Don't fight it. There's nothing to be done about it anyway."

He tried to tell him to go away, but he wasn't sure if the words came out or not. He opened his eyes and found that he was not in his room aboard the Strahl, but back in his father's study in Archades…

"Am I dreaming?" he asked as his father approached him.

Cid shrugged, "Yes and no. It's a side effect of your…condition…seeing things like this, thinking you're somewhere you're not."

"So I'm not really here?"

"What do you think?"

"I can't tell anymore," he said, "But I imagine the pain wouldn't hurt this much in a dream."

"If you came home I could help you."

Balthier took a step backwards.

"What?" his father asked innocently, "You think I'm going to harm you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Cid sighed, "You're a fool Ffamran. You could have had everything. And just look at what you've become…a filthy pirate scum playing house with a disgusting little thief!"

"Don't you dare speak of Vaan that way!"

Cid's mouth twisted into an evil grin, "You're just going to ruin his life like you ruined your own. Why not let me help you? Come on son…come home."

"You lost the right to call me son a long time ago," sneered Balthier, unconsciously taking a step towards his father, "And I'll never come back. Not for anything, I'm not like you…you're just a crazy old man."

Cid's hand shot out, making hard contact across Balthier's left cheek, "Watch your tongue boy! You'll not talk to me like that in my own house."

"We're not in your house," sneered the pirate, "I'm imagining this whole thing! So I talk to you anyway I goddamn please!"

Cid hit him again, this time hard enough to bring blood from his lip, "Does this feel like a dream you arrogant little shit?"

Balthier didn't have a chance to answer before the next blow. The pain in his head almost blocked out the pain his father was inflicting on his face and chest. Finally he collapsed in an exhausted heap and began to throw up.

Fran had only left Balthier's side for a few seconds to wet a cloth to put on his forehead. Returning to his room, she let the cloth fall from her hands at the sight of him.

"Basch!" she yelled, running to the pirate's side with inhume speed, "Basch! Get in here now!"

Hearing the panicked tone in her voice the others burst into the room as fast as they could.

"What? What's wrong?" panted Basch, and then his eyes fell on the pirate, "Holy fucking shit…Fran? What the fuck happened to him?"

"I am unsure," she said, as close to upset as the others had ever seen her, "I left him for a few seconds…no more. When I returned he looked like this."

Basch didn't say anything for a moment; he stood there, shocked speechless by the pirate's bloodied face, "It looks like he was beaten," he said finally, "Fran you're sure no one could have gotten in here while you were gone?"

"As I said, I was only gone a few seconds."

"Besides," said Penelo, holding on to a shocked Vaan who was crying noiselessly, "we're the only ones on the ship. We'd know if someone else were here."

"Do you think this is tied in with his…condition?" asked Ashe.

Basch sighed, "I've no idea at this point. Something beyond our control is going on here and I have no idea what it is."

Fran cleaned Balthier up, grateful for his sake that he had lapsed into unconsciousness at some point.

Three days passed, and Balthier managed to get a little work done in spite of everything. Vaan tried to keep him in bed, but lying around so much made him uncomfortable, he did not enjoy pity.

He put the Strahl on autopilot for a while, content just to sit and watch the sky for a while, afraid that the pain would start again any minute.

"Whatcha thinkin bout?"

Balthier spun around at the sound of Vaan's voice and smiled, "I didn't hear you come in."

Vaan curled up in his pirate's lap, "Feeling ok?"

"I'm fine. Sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you lately," he said, planting a kiss on the boy's nose, "I've missed you."

Vaan smiled, "It's not your fault."

Balthier pulled him close and swept a piece of blonde hair out of the boy's eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Balthier traced his lips with a ringed finger, not trying to stop himself from getting lost in Vaan's eyes. They just sat there a moment, starring into the other's eyes, soaking in the moment. Balthier leaned in and captured Vaan's mouth with his own, one hand cupping the boy's cheek lightly, the other making short work of riding the boy of his vest.

Vaan lightly kissed the bruises that still dotted the pirate's neck and face as he struggled with the clasps on the back of his vest. Finally he succeeded and began to unbutton the pirate's crisp white shirt. Balthier however, impatiently stood, holding Vaan up around his waist as he kissed him fiercely. He led Vaan down to the floor and laid him down as he practically ripped his shirt off. He ran his hands through the boy's hair, "Tell me you love me," he panted as he clung to him desperately.

"I do love you Balthier. You know I do," Vaan whispered, letting his lips brush gently against the other's ear.

Their lips met again as Balthier hurriedly rid them of the rest of their clothes.

"Suck," he whispered, placing two fingers in Vaan's mouth.

Vaan let his tongue caress the pirate's fingers all the way up, until he felt the cold metal of Balthier's rings touch his lips. He didn't prepare the boy much; he didn't feel there was the time for it. Positioning himself to enter the boy, he kissed him again.

"Look at me," he ordered, "Just don't look away."

He pushed into Vaan slowly, not letting his eyes leave Vaan's for one second. He moved slowly at first, but as Vaan's moans deepened his speed increased. Vaan moaned and closed his eyes.

"Look at me Vaan!"

He increased his speed again as the blonde's eyes met his. Neither of them lasted but a moment longer before Balthier collapsed on top of Vaan, exhausted.

"That was nice," panted Vaan.

"Vaan…"muttered Balthier.

"Yeah?"

"Get my pills…hurry."

Vaan jumped up, grabbing for his pants. Balthier was already clutching his head, nearly unable to move…and somewhere aboard the ship the strange orange crystal was glowing brightly.

To be continued…

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