The Completely Pointless Plotless Fanfiction Ever!
Hello again, fellow readers, and welcome to another (rather long due) chapter of The Completely Pointless Plotless Fanfiction Ever! The interesting story with the rather generic title. Any of the copyrighted characters in this chapter are not owned by me. Only my character is. And now we shall return back to the show!
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-(Chapter 7: The Author Emerges!! A One on One Battle!!)-
The group looked on as Thomas walked up to the barrel and grabbed onto the feet that hung out of it and pulled. Everyone held their breath. Thomas had pulled out the body of the person and all he had to pull out was the head. The person finally climbed out and shook his head. Everyone's eyes widened at the sight of this person.
"Lyman Halls!?" they shouted.
"Yes, yes..." Lyman said, straightening his hair. The band that put it into a ponytail had come off.
"But...I...how did you wind up in there?" Been stammered.
"Well, I was in the front garden when I heard the explosion so I rushed back here to see what went on. The air was full of smoke so when I turned to leave, someone grabbed me and then shoved me into that barrel." Lyman explained. Everyone else looked to where they thought the voice came from.
"I'll humor you and say that it wasn't me, this time." The Voice said.
"Well, what really happened?" Lyman said, a little freaked out at hearing a disembodied voice all of a sudden.
"Well, this is what actually happened." Been started, "You see, I had somehow wiggled my way out of that blasted barrel and, knowing that that creepy voice would have caused somewhat of a terrible fuss about seeing it empty, I grabbed Mr. Halls and put him there. Then I ran off."
"No, I wouldn't have caused a fuss." The Voice lied.
"See, you lied. It said so right there." Lyman said, pointing to the sentence above.
"And if you weren't, then why don't you find something constructive to do? CONstructive!" Been said, emphasising the word.
"I am doing something destructive, like you have told me to do before." The Voice said. Been groaned.
"Uh, Mr. Franklin? May I ask you a question?" Lyman asked.
"Yes?" Been replied.
"Well, is that really the way you spell your name?" Lyman pointed to the said name.
"What?" Been asked and looked over at his name. "Oh, what is this!? What is this?!" Been said rather annoyed.
"Is something the matter?" The Voice jeered.
"Why, as a matter of fact, there is." Been said, trying not to go crazy. "Now, how long, pray tell, has my name been subjected to the spelling of a retarded chimp, hm?"
"Let's see," The Voice said. "It's been like that for the last half of the previous chapter and the rest of this one."
"No. You're going to change it back now." Been ordered.
"Ok, I don't want to be like 'that' person but seeing as I'm writing this, I give the orders, ne?" The Voice said.
"Excuse me, I believe he has just said to change his name back." Lyman threatened.
"And I believe I just said a-no." The Voice retorted.
"All right. Let's try this again." Lemon said. "Could you please change his name back to it's correct spelling?" Lemon looked over to check Been's name only to see his name mispelled. "I said to spell his name right, not spell mine wrong."
"That is how you spell your name." The Voice said.
"No. It isn't. I should know how to spell my own name!" Lemon said annoyed.
"Looks like you don't know how to spell your own name because that is how you've spelled it all your life." The Voice said.
"My name is not Lemon Halls but Lyman Halls!" Lemon said, getting annoyed.
"Right. It's Lemon Halls, as you've said." The Voice said.
"Do you not know how to spell correctly!?" Lemon shouted.
"Eye no xactly howl 2 spel tank u verry mutch." The Voice said sarcastically.
"Wow. That actually hurt my eyes." John said, rubbing them.
"If you knew how to spell correctly then you would spell correctly!" Lemon growled.
"Listen, that is how the name is spelled." The Voice said.
"All right. Will you just put everything back to the way it should be so we can go on with our lives?" Been half pleaded.
"I wanna eat some food. Right now. To fill my stomache up. All up." sang The Voice to a parody (That he's made up just now) in the tune of Micheal Jackson's "Rock with you", Eat Some Food.
"I don't think he's even listening." Roger said.
"Well, I guess I'll take this as an opportunity to make a proposal." Lemon said.
"Oh my! I didn't know you cared!" Robert said in a fake ladies voice.
"Shut up." Lemon said. "Anyway, I propose that if I were to ever meet that...voice face to face, I would like to engage in a huge, brutal battle."
"Well, I guess it's time for me to finally make an apperance!" The Voice said. Everything was silent for a few minutes until the ground shook. The others were startled by a huge guyser of multi-colored smoke that shot out of the ground. A figure stood in that smoke.
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Meanwhile, (To annoy the readers by keeping them in suspense), at the bush area, the people there were chatting, some with Mr. Lyte.
"Oh good. My name's back." Mr. Lyte said.
"Um, why did he want your boot, Mr. Lyte?" James askd him.
"Well, I guess they are nice." Mr. Lyte replied. "It's too bad he didn't want the other one that's pressing down on my corn." Mr. Lyte took off the boot and rubbed his foot.
"Ugh, I hate those." Misty complained.
"You know what's worse then having a callus?" Ash asked, "Having one and being forced to walk for a long while to a place that has stuff for it."
"Yeah. Reminds me of when we have to do those cram sessions." Brock said.
"What are 'Cram Sessions'?" Roy asked.
"Well, sometimes they want the episode we're doing over with so they'll cram more hours into our shooting schedules. For example..." Misty tried to think of one and one came up. "Ok. One day, we were supposed to be on set at 12 o' clock in the afternoon. When we finished, it was 5 o' clock the next morning. Then, they wanted us to be back on set that same day at 10!"
"Yikes. And here I thought that us leaving at that one time at 11 o' clock at night was late." Ash said.
"See, before we had filmed the third movie, our schedules used to be from 12 noon to 5 in the evening. And then after we had shot the third movie, our schedules have noticeably become wackier and wackier. It could be from 9 in the morning to 8 at night on one day and on another, 7 AM to 10 at night." Brock explained, fondly looking back at the good ol' days when they had first started.
"Is that why you left, Misty? It wasn't HIV?" Roy asked.
"First of all, that HIV stuff is nothing but rumors. Secondly, I didn't leave, although I have thought about it, because of messed up schedules." Misty cleared up.
"Why did you leave again?" Ash asked.
"Well..." Misty started to explain but the scene went back to the others.
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The multi-colored smoke shot everywhere. A figure stood in that smoke. The others looked on as the smoke gradually cleared up. The figure...was a tree. Everyone looked at each other confused as what looked like a robot suit came out of a bush behind them.
"Looking for somebody?" The robot suit said, startling everyone.
"We're looking for that stupid voice, whatever it is." John said.
"Oh?" said the robot suit.
"Yes and when he gets here, I will make him wish he was never born!" Lemon snarled.
"Mm-hm. And what makes you think that he's not already here?" the robot suit asked.
"How do you mean?" Been asked.
"Wait. You don't mean that you're-" Roger started but was cut off with the robot suit's cackling laughter.
"Oh, I mean!" shouted the robot suit as a creepy fanfare played as the words "Robotic Writer: Robo-Gold" showed on the bottom of the screen.
"So, you're finally here." Lemon said.
"Yes. So, I hear that you are interested in...challenging me." the Robo-Suit Author said. He was decked out in a full body robotic suit, colored gold and silver. A black, see-through piece of glass was placed over a rectangular hole in the helmet. An air tank helped him breathe inside the suit.
"Yes. Now we can avoid this by doing what needs to be done. So, I'll ask again. Will you please change our names back to way they should be and leave us alone?" Lemon looked The Robo-Gold up and down. If he refuses, all I'll need is a can opener, Lemon thought.
"There is no reason to keep asking me that question seeing as that is how everything is put the way it should be." the robo-writer quipped. Lemon was not in the mood. He stalked up to The Robo-Gold
"Didn't we just say to change our names back?!" Lemon screamed in the Robo-Author's face.
"Please get out of my face." The Robo-Gold calmly said. "Was I supposed to be threatened by you spitting on my helmet?" Lemon had had it. He pushed The Robo-Gold back, resulting in gasps from the others.
"Lem...Lyman. I thought you were the calm one." Thomas said.
"Well, I'll have to draw the line somewhere." Lemon said. "Now change them back!"
"I will go now. I have no intentions of breaking the forth wall even more by interacting with an in-story character." The Robo-Gold said, despite the times he's talked to them by voice. The Robo-Gold turned to walk away. LAM! A fist connected to The Robo-Gold's back. Surprisingly, The Robo-Gold flew forward a few feet in the air. He collected himself and landed on his feet. He turned to face Lemon, who stood there smirking. "Then again, the fourth wall will be dust by the end of this." The Robo-Gold had rocket boosters come out of the bottom of his feet and flew back over to Lemon. Sha-whack! The Robo-Gold flew back and hit the ground. Lemon had punched him in the helmet.
"You are trying my patience." The Robo-Gold said as he got back up. The Robo-Gold leaped at Lemon and they fell to the ground, doing the schoolyard scuffle. The others started to cheer, ala the students in the schoolyard. Lemon-
"Oh, stop it with the 'Lemon'!" he shouted, "This is exactlly why I'm beating you right now!"
"Oh, shut up and get off me!" shouted The Robo-Gold. He used his feet to knock Lemon off. Lemon landed a few feet away and got up to go back to The Robo-Gold. The Robo-Gold held up his hand and balls of light appeared from the tips of the suit's fingers.
"Oh my." Lemon said and was chased around by goldenrod lasers. He had managed to dodge all but one, which zapped him in the backside. "OW!" he shouted as he ran around holding his butt.
"Bullseye." The Robo-Gold said while smirking. Lemon was now furious.
"Allright. That's it. No one zaps my backside and gets away with it!" Lemon said. He looked over at his name and renewed fury brewed inside of him. Lemon rushed back over to The Robo-Gold and the fighting got worse. There was a dust cloud. The others looked on, some cheering, some trying to get them to stop.
"Gentlemen! Please! Stop it! Maybe we can settle this another way?" Roger tried to plead.
"Get him, Mr. Halls! I bet our names will never be tampered with again, after this." Been said.
"Step aside!" Thomas said as he went over to the two sparring people. He reached down to break the fight apart only to get hit in the face by Lemon. "Did anyone get the number of that carriage?" Thomas said dizzily and fell out. Two of the others quickly came over and dragged him away from the fight.
"Come on, now. I wish you would stop fighting already. Look, you've just made Mr. Adams cry." Robert said.
"I lost my father in a fight." John sniffed and started to cry into Robert's shoulder.
"There, there." Robert comforted John. The Robo-Gold started to get up, only to get pulled back down.
"You fool! Stop pulling me down!" The Robo-Gold said.
"No." Lemon simply said. Pound! The Robo-Gold burried his fist into Lemon's nose. Lemon fell back holding it. "Ow! My nose!"
"Yes. Your nose." The Robo-Gold said.
"It's broken!" Lemon shouted.
"What?" said The Robo-Gold, becoming concerned.
"Yes." Lemon said as the other came rushing over.
"Oh my. It must have been this robo-suit's hand." The Robo-Gold said while looking at it.
"Oh, look at this! It's bleeding!" Been said. Lemon had indeed red stuff on his nose. It looked a little thick.
"Hey, dude. I am so sorry. I did not realise..." The Robo-Gold stopped and sniffed the air. "Hey, do I smell...ketchup?"
"Yes. I smell something like Tomatos, as well." Roger said as he was sniffing the air.
"Like it's a paste of some sort." Robert added.
"Hmmm? Hey, does anyone out here besides me think that 'blood' on Lemon's nose (Lemon grunted at this) is actually ketchup?" The Robo-Gold inquired.
"Um, what makes you think that?" Lemon asked nervously.
"Well..." The Robo-Gold stooped down and picked up an empty ketchup packet that was on the ground near Lemon.
"Heh heh heh. How did that get here?" Lemon said with false innocence.
"Oh, Mr. Halls. Please don't ever scare us like that." Been said relieved.
"Yes. That was a very terrible trick to play on us." Roger said then added quickly "Uh, but now that we've got things settled, how about we have some peace and quiet-"
"How dare you play such a stupid trick on me?" The Robo-Gold said.
"Well, you did nearly break it!" Lemon said back.
"Oh, I knew it was too much to ask." Roger sighed as the two started fighting again.
"Allright, let's make a deal." The Robo-Gold said as they traded punches. "You apoligize and I won't bring out my "Special" Bodyguard."
"What am I apoligising for? You're the one who-" Lemon stopped short. "Your...Special Bodyguard?"
"No. My. "Special" Bodyguard." The Robo-Gold said.
"That's what I just said. Your Special Bodyguard." Lemon said again.
"No, no. You need to put quotation marks around "Special"." The Robo-Gold explained.
"...And does that make it much of a difference?" Lemon asked, slightly annoyed.
"Yes. It does." The Robo-Gold said deadpan.
"Your "Special" Bodyguard?" Lemon asked, rolling his eyes.
"Yes. Now then..." The Robo-Gold stood up and pressed a button. A compartment opened on the left arm of the suit. The Robo-Gold took out a case and opened it up. Different colored Hoi-Poi capsules lined the case. "Now, which one was it again? Oh, number nine!" The Robo-Gold picked a purple capsule. "Bombs away!" he said as he clicked the stopper and threw the capsule into a clearing. Smoke erupted from the capsule as everyone shielded their eyes. A figure stood in that smoke.
"Didn't this already happen?" Been asked, trying to see through the smoke.
"No, but something else is." said a deep voice. The smoke cleared and Agent Smith stood there, a smirk on his face.
"Here you are." The Robo-Gold said as he walked up to the agent. "My "Special" Bodyguard."
"Charmed." Agent Smith said. He looked around. "Am I to understand that we are somewhere in the 1700's?"
"Yes, we are." The Robo Gold said.
"Well, no matter what century we are in, I only know that anyone who messes with him, messes with me and that I'm about to kick someone's butt." Agent Smith said. "Who will I do first?"
"Just our little friend there." The Robo-Gold said, pointing to Lemon.
"What's the meaning of this?" Lemon demanded.
"Well, you wanted a fight so we'll have a fight." The Robo-Gold said.
"Well, we wouldn't be here at all if you hadn't start messing with our names!" Lemon shouted.
"Lem-Lyman can sometimes explode if you know what I mean. We should have warned you that he had a violent reputation if rubbed the wrong way." Robert said.
"If I may start now..." Agent Smith started.
"Just a minute, Agent." The Robo-Gold said. "Mr. Halls. Are you fully aware of what this guy here is going to do to you?"
"No. And should I care? No." Lemon replied.
"Fine then." The Robo-Gold said. "Then let's see for ourselves. You're up, Agent."
"You're wasting our time. Just go away and let us finish our business?" Lemon said.
"I'm afraid I can't." Agent Smith said.
"Well, maybe this will coax you!" Lemon said as he stalked up to the Agent and smacked him right across the face. The others went "Ooooh." as Robert rubbed his jaw, probably reminded of an altercation between him and Lemon some time ago.
"Would you hold this?" Agent Smith said as he took of his coat and handed it to The Robo-Gold.
"Ooooh-wee. Now look what you've done?" The Robo-Gold said. "You, sir, have just made him mad and now he is going to tear you up. Lemme move back." The Robo-Gold moved back as Agent Smith moved towards Lemon. "Just take it easy on him, Agent." Lemon went up to him to smack him again but Agent Smith jumped over Lemon and landed behind him. Lemon turned around and went up to Agent Smith to hit him but the same thing occured. The next few moments were of Lemon going to hit Agent Smith, only to have him jump over him. It ended when Lemon stepped on a ketchup packet that dropped out of his pocket. It burst open and the red condiment squirted over The Robo-Gold and Agent Smith.
"See? I told you to take it easy on him, Agent. Now we blood all over..." The Robo-Gold sniffed the "blood". "Is this even blood?" he asked as he sniffed it again. "No, this is ketchup. Why are we wasting it everywhere?"
"This is unfortunate. I have just got this shirt back from the cleaners." Agent Smith complained. He grabbed the Lemon's ponytail and started to wipe the ketchup off of the shirt. He got up and went over to The Robo-Gold. "I have to go now."
"What?! Are you just going to let a little thing as this stop you?!" The Robo-Gold asked.
"Please remember that I am a cyborg. A very sensitive one." Agent Smith said. (A/N: Is he? I'm just making up an excuse for what is about to happen.)
"So?!" The Robo-Gold nearly yelled.
"Well, I can't stand water or any liquid matter so if so much as a drop of moisture touch my skin, I'll malfunction." Agent Smith explained.
"Hmmmm." The Robo-Gold said as he thought about the scene from the final movie in which all of the Agent Smiths are standing there in the rain. The Robo-Gold's eyes widened. "Um, Agent Smith. I believe that maybe you shouldn't have said that."
"Why not?" Agent Smith asked.
"Well, for one thing, you might want to just turn around." The Robo-Gold said. Agent Smith did so only to see the others with buckets of water.
"Thank you very much." Lemon said with a smirk on his face and they emptied all of the buckets onto the Agent.
"Hey. That's kind of cheating." The Robo-Gold said.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that." said the soaked agent. Agent Smith then sort of froze up aa sparks shot out of him. Smoke engulfed him and went it cleared, a Hoi-Poi capsule laid there. The Robo-Gold picked it up and put it back into the case.
"Not so smart without your "Special" Bodyguard, now are you?" Lemon taunted.
"That's ok because I always have another back up plan." The Robo-Gold said. He started to search around for something. "If only I can find it." The Robo-Gold looked to see Lemon holding out a wand. "I'll be taking that back now." The Robo-Gold reached for it but only had it snatched out of his reach.
"Let's make a deal. Put everything back to the way it was before you came about and you can have it." Lemon said waving it around.
"That includes my name." Been emphasised, really annoyed at how it was all this time.
"Ok, but I'll need the wand for me to do it." The Robo-Gold said.
"I don't think so. You'll just trick us." Lemon said.
"So, I can't have it back?" The Robo-Gold asked.
"Not until you meet to our demands." Lemon said.
"Fine then." The Robo-Gold said and called upon his APGA (or his "Author Powers of Great Annoyance). A keyboard appeared in mid air and The Robo-Gold started to type on it. He pressed "Enter" and a flashing light occured. The Robo-Gold laughed as the keyboard dissapeared.
"What is this?!" John yelled off screen.
"Oh, it's just a great annoyance." The Robo-Gold said. He then laughed an evil laugh as the scene irised out. The last sound we hear is of him coughing and clearing his throat. "Lemme get some water."
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Well, here you are. Another chapter that I feel is long due posted up. Did you like it? Well please tell me if you did. Did you feel it was a waste of time? Well, tell me if it was and I'll try to waste it some more. Remember, I'm still taking requests. Oh, and before I forget, Along said the request chapter requests, I'll now be taking Music chapter requests. So, if there is something you'd like see happen of if you have a song idea, please send them to me and the character you'd like to star in it. Until next time.
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NOTES:
-This episode was in production during February 12-22, 2008. Production was long due to the fight scenes and the choreography for it before.
-This episode originally aired February 28, 2008.
TRIVIA:
-Agent Smith is from the Matrix movie series. He is not really affected by water but acted so in the episode.
-The bush scene in this episode was not originally in the chapter but was added to annoy readers.
-The episode is the final part of the un-named chapter 4 of the manuscript.
-The Author had appeared as himself in the said manuscript. He had decided to put himself in a robo suit for this version so as to conceal his indentity. He will reveal it soon.