- STEFAN'S POV -
I lean my head onto my shoulder and give her a sideways glance; a mix of fear and confusion dances wickedly inside those brown eyes of hers. For someone whose mere survival depended solely on controlling her feelings all these years, she's surprisingly bad at it. But then again, I know how easy it can be to feign indifference when you have nothing to lose and no one to care for.
"I know who you are," I say, looking directly into her eyes.
Her pupils grow, becoming rounder, larger and blacker.
"I don't understand what you mean by that," her defense mechanism kicks in, and she tries to stand up in order to distance herself from me as far as possible.
She's quick in her reactions, but I am quicker. I place my hands on her hips, my fingers falling comfortably in the nook between her hips and waist, and I pin her back onto my lap.
When her body collides with mine, she releases a surprised 'yelp' and gives me a fearful look, one that makes me regret my actions immediately. However, her fearful look turns into one of shock and disbelief before it finally welcomes anger and frustration and makes them feel like at home.
"Stay," I say in such a mellow tone of voice which transforms a word I have intended to be an order into a plead. "This ends now - no more games, only the truth."
After several moments, she releases a huff of air and her entire demeanor changes. She crosses her arms, and her body slowly relaxes on top of mine. "How did you know?" she asks.
Animated chatter behind us becomes nothing more than a background noise. We aren't shielded from the look of the crowd, however, if someone did glance our way, they would only see a dark, distorted shadow in the distance.
"Where do I begin?" I say, a smug expression on my face. "The evidence is infinite; however, the main one remains - you can't fake trauma. The difference between Rebecca's and your behavior when you arrived here is incomparable."
I have no intention of mentioning I have seen her around the streets of Urbs - what would be the point?
"Why did you decide to say something now?" she asks, like she's the one in the position to interrogate me. Still, I allow it, but only because she's asking valid questions I would like to give answers to anyway.
"Because of the talk we had; the only reason you feel safe in the system is because of your adaptability skills. You don't like the system, you aren't happy there, nor are you satisfied - you are indifferent, and that's the most ungrateful state a human being can find itself in. To make things worse, you hate the system and you don't even know it; the system was created by the same people responsible for each and every death in the world before. Rich men whose families had an abundance of supplies who would rather see them go to waste than share with those less fortunate. You would have realized that sooner or later."
I remember how her words created a hole in my stomach, like acid, and filled it with feelings bordering with guilt and disgust. My family, and each and every family that lived nearby is directly responsible for her family's death. I can only imagine how many more children were left without their parents, and vice versa. And even though I was only an ignorant child back then, every bite I took now feels like a betrayal.
"Also, like you're unable to feign trauma, you're also unable to hide surprise, which is how I know they have been keeping secrets from you. And now that you know them, do you think they're going to allow you back in just like that?"
She rolls her eyes. "And you're telling me all of this why exactly?"
I inhale deeply before I answer, "Because you're going to help me take the system down."
She gives me a surprised look before laughing into my face, and I really do wish I didn't find her laughter adorable. "And why in the world would I do that?"
"Well, in addition to everything I've already said, did I mention I've also found the note you have intended for you bosses?" I raise my eyebrow, happy I'm finally in a position to utilize one more of her secrets, one I have a physical proof of.
She frowns, like she doesn't understand the meaning behind my words; and she doesn't, not until it dawns on her and her entire facial expression changes.
"You barely mention me," I tease her, enjoying every minute of confusion and surprise crumpling the lines of her face, especially in the area under her eyes and around her nose. "That kinda hurts my feelings."
She frowns again, this time from anger and frustration more than confusion and surprise; she's not angry at me, she's angry at herself - I have an upper hand, and she knows it's because she was careless and too sure in herself.
"You do mention our camp's location," my eyes follow hers intently. "A wrong one, in all fairness. Why would you give them a wrong location?" I continue in my efforts to try to push her over the edge.
She squints, trying to suppress her frustration. "I really don't have to justify my actions to you."
I smirk. "Anyway, apart from losing trust in your beloved system, you really don't have any other choice but to help me. Unless you would like me to announce to the entire camp who you really are, but then your fate would be out of my hands." I blackmail her, but only for good measure.
"Fine," she snaps before exhaling desperately. "But this," she pulls an invisible line along the empty space between our bodies with the tip of her finger. "This is never happening again."
My smirk deepens. I either look incredibly sexy, or like a main villain from a comic book. "Now, now, what did we say about lying?"
"Uh!" she yells through her clenched teeth so only a muffled scream comes out. She hits me in the chest with her open palms, gets up from my lap and starts walking away from me, towards the crowd.
"Rude!" I yell after her.
She flips me off.
Ah, a beautiful beginning of a beautiful partnership.
"I guess congratulations are in order?" Lexi appears by my side as soon as I emerge from the darkness, into the crowd.
I look at her, fairly confused; "Excuse me?", I ask.
"I saw Elena. She looked particularly frustrated, which seems like your doing."
I grin, entertained by her conclusion. "Oh Lexi, I had no idea you think so highly of me."
"Are you denying it?" she raises her eyebrow, anxiously awaiting my response.
"Oh, no, it was me."
She shakes her head, laughing loudly. "I knew it", she exclaims victoriously, pumping her fist up in the air.
I smile, trying to savor these infantile moments between us.
"I don't think she will put up with your duchy charms for too long, so you better quit it. You obviously like this girl."
When I think about everything she had gone through with the men in her life back in Urbs, I realise I should be kinder and gentler and softer with her. However, I'm afraid I'm still stuck at a life stage where I think being mean to girls is the only valid way to show them I truly like them.
"Oh, come on, women can't resist my duchy charms," I say, simply because I'm unable to confess to another person that, yeah, I like this girl. I have liked her long before I actually met her, even though I was well aware that she's the enemy. One more wheel that keeps the system running.
"Speaking of women in your life, Meredith's been looking for you," she says, delicately, steering her look in the opposite direction.
Lexi's never been a big supporter of Meredith's and mine relationship, if you can even call it that. She had always thought that we're using each other which, in a way, we are. She needed me, and I like the feeling of being needed, of having someone depend on me - it's not stressful, it's highly satisfactory.
Which is why liking Elena doesn't fit my profile. She obviously doesn't need me, she can take care of herself.
"Okay. Thanks," I nod.
"I wish you would break things off with her already."
"I know."
"Whatever you have going on there, it's unhealthy."
"I know."
But at least it's something.
I've never been in love, and I guess the most frustrating part of never experiencing it is not knowing how it feels. Is it really life altering, mind numbing, soul crushing experience like the older stories claim or is it something you simply live with, like a newly acquired hobby?
I have often wondered - especially when I became old enough to understand my father's dark side - how did my father make my mother fall in love with him? She was so soft, and he was her polar opposite. Couldn't she see the monster in him?
After some time I've realized that my father didn't look at my mother the same way he looked at everyone else, and as a result, she had looked differently at him as well. I guess even monsters are capable of love.
When I approach my tent, I see Meredith standing next to it, her presence basically conjoined with the darkness that surrounds her.
She really is a vision - her slim figure and rich-in-volume wavy hair make her hard to resist, especially in these desperate times. However, her sadness has made her look much older than she really is, and she looks tired all the time.
"Hey," I nod at her, acknowledging her presence.
She's leaning onto one side of her body, and she has her arms crossed directly under her chest. She nods back at me, a half-assed attempt at silent communication.
Unsure of why she's here, I stop in place. Judging by her body language, sex isn't her intention, so I'm cautious.
"She's dangerous," she finally speaks, cryptically.
"Who?" I frown, confused by her statement, until I remember the only potentially dangerous person here. "Elena," I exhale her name; I'm still able to taste her inside my mouth and when I exhale, she spreads across the air which surrounds me. I look down, clicking my boots together - "Mer - "
"Look, before you say something profoundly stupid, like men often do because they don't know how to read the situation," she interrupts me, stepping closer to me. "I know she's young and new and shiny, and I know you like her. So much is obvious to everyone but her, apparently. There are no hard feelings," she swallows, denying her own words - maybe there are some hard feelings after all. "I think I know her from Urbs. She feels familiar, and not in a good way," she's standing so close to me that I can see the trajectory of every single line on her face.
She's thinking hard, trying to assign Elena a place in her memory, and in the meantime I pray to every almighty being that might be listening she's not successful in doing so.
After several moments, she looks up at me and her look becomes soft, loving, caring. "Promise me you'll be careful, is all," she bats her eyelashes at me, like an innocent, helpless presence when in reality both of us know she's much stronger than she gives herself credit for.
We have an understanding, Meredith and I. We both know that this thing we have isn't a relationship; one could even hardly call it a friendship. I know very little about her, she knows nothing about me. I know she has scars I can't see and that she's only using me to numb the pain. For me, she's an unsuccessful attempt to feel something, anything. To her, I'm only a warm body and a source of most primal satisfaction; to me, she's a distraction.
The thing is, when you begin using something or someone as a distraction, it turns into an addiction.
"I'll be careful," I make a promise I myself don't believe in. If Elena is a burning house, I'm a fool running into it.
She doesn't believe me either, I can see as much in her eyes. Has a man ever been able to resist a pretty girl? In a world before, even before our time, there were people who believed mankind was created simply because a man couldn't say no to a woman.
"Yeah, well, have a good night, Stefan," she nods and walks away.
"You too," I say and I watch her leave.
Like everyday, I'm up before everyone else; I like seeing the world come alive. It's already pretty warm, and it isn't even sunrise, so I leave my tent as quickly as possible and go for a run.
Today, Elena will be joining our strategical meeting. It's not like I'll be giving her weapons anytime soon, however, it might be good for her to meet the guys and feel the team spirit. Maybe it alters her perspective.
It's hard for me to concentrate on breathing properly when the only thing on my mind is her. The story she told me, about her life before she was placed in the system, is on my mind 24/7. Knowing this, I can't really blame her for welcoming her new life with arms wide open, even if it was imposed by others instead of chosen by her. Anything else would be extremely hypocritical from my part when you take into account I was warm and fed while she had to suffer and watch her family sacrifice themselves for her benefit. Of course she wanted to make the best out of the second chance she was given, she probably felt like she owes her life to them.
And now I despise my father even more, for making her build a false life on guilty conscience.
By the time I take a shower, some are already up while others are still stirring in their tens, so I make my way towards our headquarters. Our headquarters are several sewn-together white sheets tied around wooden poles under which two conjoined wooden desks and a map of Urbs can be found. Few of the men are already there, chatting and laughing and, over time, more of them start coming in.
And so does Elena. She stays in the back, so only few of the men notice her; one of them whispers something to the guy standing next to him and the guy gives her a creepy look. She's wearing denim shorts - where in the world did she find those - and a tank top, so I can only imagine which type of comments are being exchanged between two men. I wanna smash their teeth into their mouths.
Other men look at her weary, but they don't say anything.
I keep glancing at her in a rather desperate, yet unsuccessful attempt to catch her look. She seems distracted, maybe even worried.
"Okay," I make my voice heard and all the chatter stops. "Before we begin, I would like to inform you Elena will be joining our team."
I look at her, and everyone else follow my lead; she seems uncomfortable with so many pair of eyes on her.
"She's a female," Matt comments.
I'm still looking at her when she rolls her eyes upon that statement. "Jeez, nothing gets past you, does it?" she retorts.
I try to suppress my smile. "Yeah, I've noticed. She worked for the government, so her knowledge and skills could be of use to us," I comment.
"A government worker?" some start murmuring in distrust, whispering conspiracy theories among each other.
Alaric steps forward - "Stefan, are you sure that's a wise idea?"
I frown. "What happens in those four walls doesn't really matter - it's not real. We all have our baggage," I make a claim in her defense. Some of the men in our team have relatives who work for the government and we use them for our benefit, so these kind of objections won't be taken into account. "Now, can we proceed?"
They nod in approval, so we proceed.
Her attention span during the meeting was minimal. She tried to keep up, as much was obvious, yet her mind kept wandering off.
After our meeting ends and the guys leave, she stays and approaches me, cautiously.
Her hair's up in a wavy ponytail, hanging down her back.
"Your hair," I say when she approaches me which, I realise as soon as the words leave my mouth, sounds very creepy.
"Excuse me?" she raises her eyebrow in panic, reaching for her ponytail. "Ah, yes, this happens when it's humid," she answers politely, without me having to explain myself, which is quite weird - this isn't our dynamic, especially not after our last encounter. "Look, I have a question," she quickly switches back to business.
"Yeah," I nod, staring into her eyes.
"Do you have a long-term plan?" she lowers her voice, as if we're trading secrets instead of having a casual conversation. I mean, are we?
"What do you mean?" I ask her to explain herself.
"Well, this whole rebellion of yours is about overturning the system, isn't it? What happens after you overturn it?"
I place my open palm on the back of my neck and squeeze my skin gently. "Ah, we haven't thought that far ahead, I'm afraid..." I respond in shame because we should have. "Why do you ask?"
She reaches into the pocket of her shorts, all while holding her eyes locked on mine, and hands me a piece of paper.
I unfold it and read the only sentence typed onto it.
Message received. Turn around and head into the other direction. Where you're going, there's nothing to be found.
AN: Dear readers, Happy New Year! Have a successful and prosperous one!
I know, I know, I haven't updated in a while... in a long while. If there's one thing I hate, that's leaving something unfinished. However, a mix of my personal obligations, working, travelling and some long-standing health issues simply hasn't left me with a lot of time to write.
Me updating on the first day of the brand new year should be a good sign, yeah? I promise I'll try to update regularly!
Have a good one :)