Chapter Ten: I Am Missing Someone But I Don't Know Who

The next morning Meredith's alarm rang at 6.

"Why do you have to get up so early?"

"Susan's funeral is today" she said as she walked out of bed and into the bathroom. The words she said had made him jolt out of bed and follow her.

"But your test is today?"

"I am going to the funeral and then to the test"

"Do you want me to come?"

She opened her mouth to talk then stopped. Lauren had said she would take her to the funeral and then Meredith remembered what she had said about pushing him away, "If it isn't a problem for you it would make me feel better to have you with me"

"Then I will come, I brought a black suit with me just in case"

"See Derek this is why I love you"

She hugged him then turned around closed the bathroom door and started the shower.

He walked downstairs to find the rest of the interns sitting at the kitchen table, chugging down coffee and there were textbooks and flashcards scattered all around the table. They were taking in as much of the information as they could in the last hours before the test. Izzie was the first to notice Derek had walked into the kitchen.

"Dr. Shepard, I didn't know you spent the night"

"I didn't want Meredith to spend the night alone"

"I thought she was with Lauren"

"Lauren took care of her until she was ready to talk to me" Everyone just stared at Derek, "so I am making Meredith some breakfast do any of you want anything?"

They all responded a similar "No we have already eaten" so he just made enough for him and Meredith to eat. When he was done cooking she made it to the kitchen dressed in all black. She looked absolutely beautiful but she also looked broken. Lauren followed slowly after Meredith into the kitchen

"Oh Meri I can't get over how gorgeous you are"

"Thanks Lauren"

"I mean you were always a cute kid and I had such a hard time keeping boys away from you when you were a teenager but you truly are so beautiful Mer"

Meredith just gave her a faint smile and then looked at the food on the kitchen table.

"Is that for me?"

"Yeah Mer, you eat and I will go get ready real quick"

"No Derek take your time, I was hoping we could show up just on time and sneak in at the back where Thatcher won't see us"

Derek wanted to tell her that she needed to face him but he knew she would instantly get very defensive so he dropped it.

"Whatever you want babe"

He kissed her forehead then went upstairs to shower and get dressed

She was eating her breakfast then slowly began to notice all her friends were staring at her.

"Guys I am okay. I studied for the test, Derek is going to take me to the funeral then I will come to the hospital to write the exam. It is going to be a hard day but I will make it through"

They all nodded in agreement and then Derek came downstairs

"You ready to go?"

"Yes" she replied smiling at him

He took her hand and they walked out to the car. While he was driving he noticed she was reading a textbook.

"Mer stop worrying about your exam, you are going to do fine"

"I am not so sure Derek my mind is just all over the place today"

"Don't doubt yourself, you know the material and you are going to do great"

She nodded her head in agreement and shut the book as they pulled up to the church. As the stood at the entrance they could see the ceremony was just beginning and they snuck into a seat in the back.

Derek had one arm around Meredith's shoulder pulling her close to him and he was holding on to one of her hands very tightly as she rested her head on his shoulder. The ceremony was very beautiful and the entire chapel was in tears throughout. Meredith tried so hard not to cry and Derek could see how hard she was fighting. He didn't want to force her into anything so he just let her be at the moment. He would make her talk later. Just as the ceremony was ending they got up and left walking back out to the car when they heard a familiar voice yell at them.

"Meredith stop!"

She turned around to see her very drunk father looking right at her

"Why did you think you had any right, any right at all to be at this funeral?"

"Mr. Grey why don't you just leave her alone right now"
"I don't even know who the hell you are but shut-up! Get the hell away from my wife's funeral Meredith! She trusted you and you killed her! You took her from me! Like mother like daughter eh? All you are here to do is take from me what your mother didn't stick around to take huh? Was that her dying wish?"

Meredith just listened to him insult her and her mother with her eyes closed, all she wanted him to do was shut his mouth and she let it slip out of her mouth

"Could you just shut up and leave me alone! I wanted to pay my respects to my step mother"

Thatcher's eyes were filled with fury Derek saw him lifting his hand and he instantly jumped in front of Meredith.

"I swear to God if you lay one finger on my girlfriend I will kill you"

Meredith just grabbed Derek's hand and pulled him away with her.

"Derek come on let's go he is not worth it"

Derek gave Thatcher one last death stare before walking away. In the car on the way to the hospital Meredith took the textbook back out and opened it to a page in the middle hoping it would prevent Derek from bringing up anything that her father had just said to her. He noticed she was using the book as a diversion from conversation but he wasn't going to let her get away with it this time.

"Meredith the book may as well be upside-down you are not taking any of it in I know it"

"No you don't" she responded flipping the page for the first time in almost 10 minutes

"I can talk to the chief you can write the test another day"

"No Derek I am writing it today"

"Meredith you really aren't in any shape to write this test, you have had an incredibly emotional day"

"Derek I am fine to write this test now be quiet I am studying"

He sighed, he was not going to win this one. When they got to the hospital he walked her up to the locker room.

"Okay now I have a surgery but I will be done when your test is over so just come up to my office"

"Okay" she said nodding her head

"I love you" He kissed her forehead then left so she could change into her scrubs

Once she was changed she headed up to the test room and took a seat. The test was passed out and directions were given. She wasn't exactly paying attention however, all she could think about were the words her father had said to her and the last things her mother had said to her before she died, and the last conversation she had with Susan before she died. She had actually lost three parents in one week and the pain was unbearable. Time in was ticking away fast and she hadn't even opened up her test booklet or written her name on her scantron, she just sat there. Two whole hours had passed and she did nothing but sit there. When the test was over she walked like a zombie into Derek's office and when he saw her face he knew something was up.

"Meredith? Is everything alright? Did you have a hard time on your test?"

"I… I… Derek, I didn't write anything"

"What?"

"I sat in the seat for 2 hours I didn't even read a single question. All I could think about was how my parents though I was such a failure and I just couldn't focus myself to answer a single question"

"Oh Meredith"

He held her as close as he could and she cried, she cried like he had never seen her cry before.

"I failed them Derek. My mom, my dad, you, my exam! God I am such a failure!"

"Meredith look at me, right in my eyes. You are not a failure and I am going to talk to the chief. You are going to get a chance to write this test just for now let's just hide out here"

"Okay"

"Okay"

She just kept crying in his arms while he put on his brave face for her because inside, he was so worried. What if she doesn't get a chance to re-take the test? Will she fail and have to repeat her intern year? God he was so worried but all he could do know was be as supportive as he could and just wait.

Take me back Josephine

To that cold and dark Decmeber

I am missing someone but I don't know who

Now I'm standing alone

And I'm dying to remember

Sometimes I wonder how I ever started loving you

Someone help me understand why I'm still loving you