A/N- I was going to put a warning on this chapter for graphic(ish) sex/violence but I figured anyone who'd read this far would probably be fine with it, still, I thought I'd give you guys a heads up anyway. Also, quite a long one that I'm genuinely nervous about posting. I'll shut up now (I know you prefer fic to A/N)

Seven months into term

'Blaise...' Theo looked up from the other side of the table, expression unreadable, eyes fixed on Blaise's.

'Yeah?' Blaise answered cautiously, no idea what this was about.

'Can we talk? In our room?' Theo asked. Blaise nodded and quickly packed up his things, following Theo from the room and enjoying the fact that nobody in Slytherin gave them a second glance. That was one of the only benefits of this year- when you were worrying every minute for your survival and your sanity, who was dating who became a somewhat secondary concern.

They reached the room and Blaise dropped his bag to the floor, reflexively casting silencing and locking charms before following Theo to his bed and sitting down on the edge of it.

'What's the matter?' he asked quietly, seeing Theo's gaze was fixed on the floor, 'You know you can tell me anything, right? Is it something to do with the addiction? You're not... but if you need...' Blaise himself wasn't craving right now, but he could deal with it for Theo's sake. He could summon up the urge if Theo needed to.

'No... it's not that. Well, it's related... I'm... Blaise is what we do... do you enjoy it? Is it enough for you?' he asked, eyes remaining firmly fixed on the floor.

'What do you mean? Of course it is.' Blaise answered, instantly on the defensive.

'Really?' Theo looked at him then and he could see the desperation, the confusion, the need in Theo's eyes. He froze for a moment. He owed it to Theo to think about this properly.

'Well... it's not bad.' He started, 'I mean... it's...good, however strange that sounds. I like doing it...' He hated how unsure he sounded.

'I just... we said when we started this that we were in it together, and we can't be unless I'm completely honest with you. The last few times it hasn't been enough for me.' Theo's eyes had returned to the floor.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean that I can torture you to unconsciousness and still don't get control of the addiction completely. It doesn't even turn me on like it used to. I've been ducking into McGonagall's emergency rat cupboards for a few weeks now between times- ripping off their skin and breaking their bones and drinking their blood and feeling their hearts race as it coats my fingers and... ' His eyes were downcast, ashamed, as his voice trailed off. Blaise's breathing hitched and he grabbed Theo before he knew what he was doing and kissed him, hard, wrapping arms around him as he did so. It was a moment before Theo kissed back.

'It's been too long since I've done that.' Blaise remarked, 'You don't get to be ashamed, remember? I love you no matter what.'

'And I love you too... but...'

'No buts. We started the cruciatus because we both got something out of it, but mostly because I enjoyed it. If you're not getting something out of it any more, we'll find a solution. We can stop, if you need to.'

'No,' Too quick, too desperate.

'Theo... how often are you hitting the rats anyway?' Blaise asked cautiously. Theo hit him with a cruciatus two or three times a week. In his calculation, that was about the equivalent of two rats every day- by far the highest level of addiction of any Slytherin. Theo always seemed to need before he did. There had been several occasions where he had had to drink in Theo's darkness to get himself properly craving before Theo snapped and really hurt him. Theo couldn't need too many rats after that, surely. He was already at a scary level of addiction.

'Every day.' His eyes were resolutely fixed on the floor. Blaise's mind flipped for a moment.

'...shit, Theo. Why didn't you tell me before?' Blaise stuttered out.

'Because I was ashamed. I didn't want to tell you in case you thought I wanted it. In case you thought I was doing it for fun rather than because I had to. I'm not, but... but... I don't even know any more.'

'That's not all of it, though, is it? What aren't you telling me? Why did you bring me in here now? Please Theo, trust me.' Blaise was aware that he was begging now, but he didn't care.

'I... I wanted to ask... but I don't... I love you and... it's just hard. I didn't ask for this addiction. I didn't ask to cast the cruciatus on you. I know you like it but... it just feels... it feels too much like I'm taking advantage, and I know you don't always want it, and I don't always want it either. It's the addiction. I need the darkness and the pain and the horror, but... the cruciatus stopped working a while ago, at least, it doesn't work properly anymore. With the rats... I've been getting creative... going beyond... and it helps, it really does, but I couldn't... can't... I mean I can't actually hurt you like that, but I can't go without hurting you because... I know it's impossible to torture that many rats in a day, I know I would flip and attack someone, but I wouldn't be able to limit to the cruciatus because it's... Shit Blaise, you know you're fucked when the cruciatus has become too tame.' Blaise could see the tears dripping onto the floor between Theo's feet. He sighed and knelt, moving into that space himself, forcing Theo's eyes up to look at him, resting his arms on Theo's thighs.

'Hey...don't beat yourself up. It's probably my fault... I mean, it probably only happened because you did it to me so many times.' He replied, 'Don't you dare blame yourself for doing something I asked you to do.' He pulled Theo into a hug, sliding further between his legs to do so.

'We'll work something out. I promise.' He whispered as Theo's head collapsed onto his shoulder and tears started to soak into his shirt.

XxXxXx

'What about the cutting curse?'

They'd moved to stretch out next to one another on Theo's bed. Theo was still wrapped in the protective circle of Blaise's arms, head resting on his shoulder.

'What?' Theo's body tensed again.

'I mean...you said the cruciatus is too tame. Maybe it's not me, maybe it's the curse you're using. You said you got creative with the rats. Why not just get creative with me instead?' Blaise pondered aloud.

'Because those spells are really fucking dangerous, Blaise. Because I could kill you or seriously harm you when I did it, and because I wouldn't be able to stop if you said no when I was under the influence of the addiction.' Theo answered. Blaise lapsed into thought.

'What if we do it when you're not craving? At least... the first time? Then you'd be in control, be able to stop if you needed to. If I asked you to...' Blaise offered. Theo sat up and looked at him.

'But...isn't the whole point to satisfy the craving... if I'm not craving then what's the point?' Theo sounded genuinely confused.

'Look... you said it didn't turn you on anymore, right? So we can fairly reliably guess that what satisfies the craving has the side effect of turning you on. Therefore, if we do it when you're not craving and it turns you on, then we know that it'll get rid of the craving, right? I mean...killing rats still gets you hard, right? It's just me that doesn't.' He tried to keep all the hurt out of the last part of that, reminding himself that it wasn't about him, that it was nothing personal, it wasn't about their relationship, it was a physical reaction to a physical addiction.

'I'm sor...'

'Don't apologise. It's not your fault. Answer the damn question.'

'Yes it turns me on.' Theo answered, monotone.

'Good. Then we'll try it.' He answered and began to pull off his shirt. Theo scrambled away.

'Not now?'

'Why, are you craving too badly?'

'No, I had a rat on the way back from dinner, but...'

'No time like the present. We need to get this done before you're craving too badly, plus...'

'What?'

'Well... I wouldn't exactly mind if my boyfriend got turned on by me and not a rat when I was conscious for once. Do you have any idea how long it's been since we had sex, Theo? Not you casting the cruciatus and coming over my unconscious body?'

'Fuck Blaise, I..'

'Not that there's anything wrong with that. You know full well that I love it up until the point of passing out, but still some partnerwork might be appreciated...' He resumed pulling off his shirt, reaching up and pulling Theo into a kiss as he worked off the other man's shirt.

'You've got your wand, right?'

'Yeah...' Theo answered pulling it out of the pocket of his trousers before pulling them off and throwing them, along with the remainder of Blaise's clothing and his own shirt, off the bed.

Soon they were skin to skin, kissing ferociously, hands everywhere, scratching and pinching and caressing in equal measure until Theo broke the kiss.

'Not a fair test if I'm already hard. Gimme a sec.' He gasped, moving away from Blaise and schooling his thought and expression, fingering his wand and resolutely thinking about Snape's underwear. Blaise just lay there and watched him, happy that his state of arousal wasn't the one they'd be measuring, but wishing Theo would hurry up. He was nervous, but not afraid. He'd done some research since that night two months ago when he'd asked Theo to cast the cruciatus on him. There were words for what he was (masochist) and clubs and porn and everything. He was allowed to want to try this, and allowed to like it too. And he trusted Theo enough to stop if he said no. (Probably. And dammit if that uncertainty didn't make this hotter.)

'Alright.' Theo breathed and suddenly he was there, on top of Blaise, skin on skin, wand in hand, 'Where do you want this?'

'You're not meant to ask me where... bugger it all... somewhere that they won't be able to see it if we can't get it to heal by tomorrow.' (If I don't want it healed by tomorrow)

'Your wish is my command.' And a kiss to the lips and then...

'Secetare' And the wandtip sliced through his chest and he gasped and Theo gasped and jerked against his hip (Experiment successful) and blood trickled down his side onto the bedclothes while Theo's hand slid after it, catching the blood as it ran.

'You alright?' Theo whispered from above. Blaise could barely nod. Pleasurepain was building up inside him and Theo's hand (Theo's HAND) was smearing the blood a lot lower now. He reached up to respond in kind but Theo pushed his hands away with the wand.

'No. I need to keep focus. Can you stand another?' Theo whispered seductively in his ear and Blaise moaned as the wandtip came to rest on his lower stomach.

'Do it.' It was a challenge and Theo knew it and grinned, stroking the wand upwards without the incantation before slicing quickly down again.

'Secetare' Blood was spilling again. Blaise was shuddering with pleasurepain and Theo's hand had disappeared, replaced by his mouth, drawing a trail in blood down Blaise's chest again, like he had so many weeks and months ago, except this time it was his own blood coating Theo's fingers and sliding down his throat.

And then Theo's tongue slipped lower and Blaise's eyes slipped shut.

XxXxXx

Afterwards, they lay in the ruined bed, entangled together, sticky with blood and other things. Blaise sighed contentedly and tightened his hold.

'It's been too long...' he murmured.

'Huh?' Theo answered, somewhat groggily from beside him.

'Since we've been together properly. I've missed you Theo.' He kissed him softly as he said it, tasting his own blood on the other man's lips and feeling a stirring in his groin.

'You know... neither of us were craving when we started that...' Theo answered a moment later.

'So?'

'That makes it all us. We can't blame anything else for it.' He finished.

'I'm strangely ok with that. You?'

'Yeah... I suppose I am too.'

A/N- Reviews are appreciated even more than usual since I'm so worried about the content of this one...