So this is for Mikoreiweek 2015 as well. For the 3rd day's prompt: treasure.
It's an AU set 'once upon a time.' Pure crack ahead.

-xoxo-

Munakata lived in a happy family. They were the King's exclusive landscape gardener so their name had some prestige in the Kingdom.

Even so, Munakata was bored in his life. It wasn't that he didn't like his current occupation; landscaping was a noble profession. But he couldn't help longing for something more intellectually challenging, something more exciting.

One day, when he was trimming trees in the King's garden, a paper that had been floating in the air hit him on the face. When he looked at the offending sheet, he realized it was some kind of riddled treasure map. On the first line, it was written,

If my lead you follow, happiness you will find.

Even regardless of the fact that the line sounded really stupid, Munakata knew it would be foolish to believe it would lead him to an actual treasure. But the next riddles looked well crafted enough; he could kill some time with it.

The successive riddles had led him past the borders of his Kingdom, but Munakata was feeling adventurous. When he reached a deserted castle, he somehow knew it would mark the end of his journey. As he opened the door indicated by the last riddle, he was at first surprised to see it was a bedroom, with no chest to be found that could contain a treasure.

Instead, there was a sleeping form soundly lying on the bed.

Who was that man? Maybe he was the guardian of the loot, like some kind of final boss? But no, the riddles hadn't mentioned any such thing. So far, however enigmatic they might have been, once deciphered they had always been accurate. And Munakata was absolutely confident that he'd solved the last one correctly.

Then had the man managed to outstrip Munakata and he stayed there to wait and mock the latecomers? Munakata felt a blow on his ego at that possibility.

There was only one way to be sure; he only had to ask the man. He slowly and carefully skulked to the bed. With a closer look, it was a tall, red haired man, in a get-up that was oddly in between elegant and neglectful. Munakata hesitantly touched his shoulder softly to wake him but the man wouldn't stir. Then he repeated the motion, more firmly this time but still got no reaction. Then, "Hey," he called with a more energetic shake but to no avail.

Munakata was starting to wonder if the man was actually dead, but his soft, regular breathing said otherwise. After a while, Munakata decided that drastic measures were in order. So he grabbed the man's head and slammed him against the headboard. He may or may not apologize later, depending on the man's circumstances.

"What the fuck?" came the man's reaction. It wasn't said with the yelp of someone who'd just been attacked by surprise, but with the whine of someone who'd been woken too early from his Sunday morning lie-in.

So Munakata decided he wouldn't apologize.

"Would you be as kind to declaim your identity?" Munakata asked like he hadn't just hit the man in the head.

The other frowned. "Why are you speaking like that?"

"Speaking like what?"

"Like you're in a royal court or something," said the red hair.

"I'm speaking normally," Munakata countered. "Please answer my question."

"Suoh Mikoto," he said. "And I'm your future husband."

Munakata frowned in turn. "What?"

"Isn't that why you've come here?"

"I've come here to hunt for a treasure," Munakata protested as he agitated the map before Suoh's eyes. "And with all due respect, I don't consider what you're offering at treasure."

"But if you marry me, you'll be able to solve puzzles all day," Suoh smugly said as if he'd just offered Munakata the grail.

And well, to Munakata, that last part was indeed tantamount to the grail. But how did that complete stranger know about Munakata's hobbies, though? "Can you read thoughts?" he asked a little apprehensively.

"Nah. But Kusanagi said only a puzzle nerd would bother solving these riddles," explained the redhead. "My kingdom's in need of someone with that kind of talent in order to figure out some ancient enigmas."

"And why do I have to marry you in order to do that?"

It was just plain stupid.

"Well, Kusanagi says it's crucial that person be my spouse so we'd have uh… 'concurring interests'?" Suoh parroted.

That Kusanagi was decidedly a cunning man. By then, Munakata already disliked him almost as much as his interlocutor.

But the fact remained that the offer –solving puzzles to his heart's content, was really enticing. "So if I agree to becoming your husband-"

"-Wife," corrected the other.

Munakata scoffed. "Am I not supposed to be the prince charming who woke you from your cursed slumber?"

"I was taking a nap." Suoh pointed. "And we aren't in some dumb fairy tale."

"Tsk, if you say so," Munakata reluctantly conceded. "But it doesn't explain why I am supposed to be the wife in that story."

"Because I'm a King, in case you didn't know. So I can't be a wife."

Munakata was frustrated beyond words at how that statement sounded so logical even though the whole conversation was in fact the epitome of ridiculous.

"C'mon, ain't gonna ask you to carry my children," Suoh continued as if it was supposed to be some big relief for Munakata.

"I can't bear children, anyway."

"That's why."

... Munakata's head hurt.

For the sake of his sanity, he had to get this over with quickly. "So if I consent to… to marrying you," Munakata reiterated, "I'll really be able to do puzzles ad libitum?"

"Ad nauseam," Suoh overbid. Then he grinned and added, "Or you can perform your conjugal duties, too, if you prefer. I won't mind."

"Disgusting," Munakata spat.

He then took a moment to think and finally, "Fine, then. I'll agree to this farce."

Suoh grinned wider. "Except for the conjugal duties part," he specified.

Suoh shrugged. "Oh wells, I'll have a lifetime to talk you into it," he said confidently.

Munakata only rolled his eyes. He was in no mood to argue anymore.

"But I have one condition, and it's not negotiable." He then paused and intently looked at Suoh. "I'm not wearing a dress at the wedding."

-xoxo-

To Munakata's relief, the wedding hadn't been too extravagant. The whole ordeal had been kept a secret from the public, so at the ceremony that Kusanagi had presided, there had only been their closest relatives.

Their married life was quite peaceful, if you ignored how often they bantered for no reason at all, most of the time. Suoh spent his days either sleeping, eating or, his newest hobby, trying to get in his new 'wife''s nerves –easy, and pants (he eventually reached his goal after one particularly heated argument) As for Munakata, his time was divided between solving puzzles and dealing with his annoying husband. With time, he realized the latter task was in fact quite simple: he only had to feed him with food and sex, and then the sloth would sleep for hours straight.

If my lead you follow, happiness you will find.

Munakata smiled as he thought back to the line written on that treasure map. All things considered, maybe it had kept its promise, after all.