Chapter 11: Love?

Stop…staring…Mitchie…I told myself repeatedly as I glanced, yet again, in Shane's direction. To my absolute and complete horror, he was staring at me! A stupid smirk warmed his face and I felt myself blushing…badly. I stared at my music stand, playing the complicated notes like they were nothing, which they were. Beside me, Sierra was staring at me in amazement.

"Man, Mitchie," she sighed. "You're so good at that!"

I shrugged. "Music's always came easy to me. It's like a natural thing." My fingers never stop moving along the neck of the guitar.

Sierra sighed. "Yeah, I can imagine. It's like that with me and school…and acting. But when have I ever done that other than school plays?" She shook her head and smiled. "Oh well. Off to college next year and then, who knows?"

I'd forgotten she was graduating early. "You're leaving me?" I asked, faking sadness. She laughed.

"Yep. You and Shane." She winked. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh wow," I muttered sarcastically, though my stomach was pulling a gymnastics tournament with my heart. "Thanks so much."

"Oh, you know you like it!" Sierra said.

"SHUSH!" I hissed, glancing at Shane, who was, thankfully, talking to Gunnar and apparently had not heard Sierra. "Do you mind??"

"Nope!"

I rolled my eyes. "Jerk."

'Yeah, I know."

Sighing, I turned back to the sheet music. Automatically, my eyes traveled upward, over the stand and directly at Shane's face. I wanted to scream at myself. Why the frick do I do that all the time?? It's going to become…correction, it has become a habit.

UGH.

He has a freaking girlfriend, Mitchie, I reminded myself. For all you know, they could be even more serious than you think, or that they come across as. You're just as good as defeated now.

So if the logical little person in my mind could figure that out, why couldn't the rest of me do the same?

Because I love him.

WHOA!

Wait, freeze, back up, slow down…did I just think that? Did I just seriously think that I loved…Shane?

My stomach lurched. I put my guitar down and curled up on the seat, inhaling deeply.

Love.

Nothing like that had ever, ever come to me before. It grabbed me and shook me like a dog with a rope toy.

My breath quickened, I felt weak and I knew I would loose it. Raising my hand, I quickly got permission to go to the bathroom. Jumping up quickly, I knew Shane's eyes were watching me as I ran out of the room. Making a quick left turn, I ran into the girls bathroom and stopped at the sink. Turning the water on quickly, I splashed my face with cold water and stared at my reflection, trembling. My mascara ran slightly, and I quickly dabbed it. Other than that, I looked normal.

Whoever has seen the cartoons…they lie.

My eyes were not little hearts, my face wasn't red and there wasn't any angel's singing. The only sound I heard was the florescent lights humming above me, and the sound of a toilet flushing in the boys room. My breathing was pretty loud, too, but my mind was whirling too quickly to make any sense of it. My thoughts were chasing each other around and around, like a dog chasing its tail.

Whoever hasn't fallen in love yet and realized it, trust me, it's very confusing.

--

"Mitchie. Mitchie. Mitchie!"

Caitlyn snapped her fingers in front of my face and I jerked back, surprised. "What, what?" I asked, blinking. Everyone at the table, Sierra, Jason, the boys and Shane were all staring at me.

"Are you all right?" Caitlyn asked, laughing slightly. "You've been staring out the window this whole time."

"Oh," I murmured, looking down, my cheeks reddening. "I, um, I didn't…realize."

Caitlyn giggled, her eyes glancing at Shane, who was watching me and smirking. "Obviously. You would have heard what we were talking about if you had."

"What were we talking about?" I asked blankly, blinking. Shane laughed. I blushed harder and tried to glare at him.

"We were talking about the Halloween dance," he said. "Remember, it's in a few days?"

Wow, Halloween already? Where has the time gone.

"Oh, yeah," I said lamely. "Uh…cool."

Emily giggled, twirling hair around her finger. I wanted to slap her.

"Gosh, Mitchie, where have you been lately?" she asked. "Planet Zoned?"

I bit my tongue to keep from letting out something that would most likely not go well with anyone at the table and looked down at my nibbled at chicken burger.

Everyone got up to go hang out outside but I remained at my place, my food picked at. I wasn't hungry, especially after glancing up and seeing Shane with his arm around Emily's waist, and her face lightened and happy.

My gut clenched. That should be me I thought angrily, my hand curling into a tight fist.

"Hey, you okay?"

Caitlyn's voice was far away, but I could hear a very small bit of concern in her voice. I nodded.

"I'm fine," I muttered. "Uh, I'm just…tired." The classic excuse! Point for Mitchie.

"Okay," Caitlyn said, frowning slightly. "Hey, you want to go outside?" Her eyes left my face and traveled somewhere. I looked up and saw Nate with his jock friends. He was laughing and throwing away the rest of his food. Caitlyn sighed dreamily and I rolled my eyes. Sure, Nate was attractive, but…Shane was a god.

"You're boy crazy," I grumbled, getting up and tossing the food away.

"I am not!" Caitlyn said indignantly, following me outside.

"Suuure," I said sarcastically. "And I really am the rich daughter of a music company president."

"Oh, no, not that again!" Shane said behind us. I spun around to see him leaning against the wall, next to Sierra and Jason, who were deep in a conversation. Emily and Sadie were nowhere to be seen. Shane was grinning good naturedly. I stuck my tongue out at him and he mocked hurt.

"Ooh, harsh," he said, making a face and moose ears. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Caitlyn, who was smiling. My face was tingling and I knew I was blushing, badly.

"You're blushing," she whispered, grinning. I bit my lip and sighed.

"So?" I muttered. Caitlyn laughed and I couldn't help but grin.

"And remember, the science fair gives you fifteen points of extra credit," my science teacher said. I wrote down the note in my planner. Beside me, Shane snickered lightly and I tried not to smile.

The bell rang and I jumped up, stacking my books and walking from the room. Shane was already outside…his arms around a giggling girlfriend. My throat tightened and I quickened my pace, accidentally bumping Shane in my hurry. He watched me as I scurried from the scene, towards my locker. Once there, I opened it and grabbed out my backpack, working hard not to scream. I piled my planner and homework folder in, and my book and shut my locker. I stared blankly at the red metal for a moment before stumbling back to homeroom. I was running late, but managed to slide into my seat before the teacher called roll. Beside me, Caitlyn looked over and frowned. She got out a scrap of paper and wrote quickly.

What's up?

I sighed and grabbed my pen. Nothing, I'm fine I wrote on the line.

You don't seem fine. You sure you're all right?

I'm FINE Caitlyn.

All right, I was just asking.

I didn't reply and instead got out my free read book and bent over it, pretending to read. But my mind started to go back to what I had discovered in guitar class.

Love.

It seemed so…alien. But…why not? Why was I questioning it? Why shouldn't I love Shane? What was wrong with it?

But…what was love, anyway?

Thinking about it, I couldn't really put it to words. My insides were fluttering, my stomach clenching in and out. My heart was racing and my mind…my mind was filled with Shane. His laugh, his smile, his hair, his face, everything…I wanted him here, next to me. I wanted to keep him safe while he held me gently. I was…Well, I guess obsessed might be a good word, but it was kind of creepy.

But he had a girlfriend.

My world came crashing down.

I couldn't be with him. I'd already lost. He was with…her now.

Well, I guess it was better than him dating, I don't know, Tess Tyler or somebody but honestly! Why Emily?

I asked myself these things again and again as I stumbled outside after the final bell rang. My pocket vibrated as I went to stand by the rockery, and I pulled out my cell. One New Text Message flashed at me. I opened it and started responding.

Suddenly, Shane and his friends came out of the building, laughing and joking. I froze and looked up at him, my heart pumping. He glanced up at me and smiled. I tried to smile back.

He noticed the struggle.

"What's wrong?" he asked, smiling slightly but giving me a pouty face. "Do you need a hug?"

Hmm, take a hug from a taken man, or continue to wallow in self pity?

Did I have to ask?

"Yes, please," I said quietly. Shane pulled me into his arms. I tried not to breath heavily as I wrapped my arms around his back.

All too soon, he pulled back and gave me one last smile. "Shane, you cheating on Emily?" I heard Nate call. He turned to answer, and I found myself sinking again.

"Bye," I muttered and ran towards my mother's car.

As I watched Shane walk towards the limo where his cousins were already sitting inside, my heart sped up. As I saw the sunlight reflect off his hair, his smile brighten my mood and his all around amazing-ness, my soul soared.

I was truly in love with Shane Gray.

OMJ!!! I UPDATED THIS STORY! I'm happy :)

Awww...one of my best memories of my life up there, only in my life :)

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-Alyssa