It has come to my attention that people think I should use more commas. Example: "Hey, John." instead of "Hey John." My cousin corrects me on this as well when he reads over my shoulder. I just want to clarify that, no, I will not be correcting that. I don't care if it's incorrect to not put a comma between the two words, it doesn't sound right to me. Among its other uses, a comma represents a pause and so when I see "Hey, John." I read it as "Hey... John." which doesn't fit most of the time with the story and if it does then I will write it as such with the dots. I write it as I do because it flows better and sounds more casual which is the mood I'm usually aiming for when I'm saying things like that. Thank you for bringing it to my attention but it sounds wrong to me so I don't do it.
So here's another little chapter for you just to finish up the day and because the next chapter is taking place a bit over a week from this one so I just had to wrap things up here. And believe me, I hope you enjoy! *evil laughter* Yes, that is meant to scare you. Read if you dare.
~*John Egbert*~
I was in a panic. God knew my name. But how? How the hell could he possibly know my name? I hadn't been paying much attention to anything happening around me though I tried to act natural so that people would stop asking me if I was alright. I would smile and say that I was fine regardless of the fact that I was far from. TG knew my name. For some reason that frightened me. I didn't know what to do about it or what to think or feel about it. I felt like he knew something he shouldn't, like worse than anything. I almost felt like he now had the upper hand on me. I felt terrified, as if my greatest enemy now knew my greatest weakness. He wasn't supposed to know my name. He was supposed to be in the dark with me but now… it's like he's taken that first step into the light without me. I felt… I felt left behind… betrayed. But why? It's just a name. Maybe if he told me his name… maybe I would feel better?
I barely registered that Dirk had dragged Dave down here as I added yet another pleading message to my best friend, begging him to tell me how he knew and to tell me his name. He didn't even need to tell me his name; I could handle just knowing how he knew mine. Maybe with that I would feel better, like if you know how the enemy did it, you can block the path and feel safe again. I wanted to feel safe and secure like I used to. I wanted this violated feeling to go away.
"Dave? Are you alright?" Rose called and I looked up at him, remembering that there was something wrong with him. I wondered if he was okay, he did look kind of tense. I stopped messaging God for a bit to pay attention to the blonde teen for a moment as all of us waited for him to speak. He just nodded and looked away from us.
"Seriously, you and John have been acting weird since we arrived." Jade pointed out with a worried voice. I was about to laugh it off and say that we have not been but Dave abruptly stood up and walked toward the front door.
"Just were the hell do you think you're going?" Dirk called after him.
"Out." Dave growled back harshly before the door opened and slammed closed. To anyone else his voice would have sounded dangerous and hateful but to me, it sounded lonely and confused. Again I wondered what was wrong with him but I knew he wouldn't tell me. Dave wasn't the type to let people really know him. He never let anyone in… so why would he let me in? I hung my head with that thought and put my phone away, deciding to give my desperate messages a break. Maybe I should go after Dave. Even if he didn't tell me what was wrong, no one should have to face their problems alone. No one should ever have to be alone at any given time.
"I'm gonna go after him." I announced as I stood up and started to make my way over to the door. Jade started to object but Rose hushed her and they let me go. Upon stepping outside, I took a deep breath and looked around, spotting Dave farther into the wooded area beyond his house. I quickly ran after him, calling his name but he didn't seem to notice as he never turned nor did he slow down. He just seemed to get farther and farther away. I watched in awe as he skillfully rolled over fallen tree trunks, slid under low branches or flipped over them. At one point he jumped onto the trunk of a very crooked tree and ran up it until the angle was too steep to continue before leaping from it to land on a solid branch of another tree. He proceeded to jump from that to grab onto another branch just to swing over to another which he spun around until his feet met the bark. He ran, jumped, and flung himself through the trees with such grace and talent- it was like watching something straight out of a movie! I never thought that someone in real life could ever do something like that- let alone someone that I would ever know but here it was! Dave was a master of his talent and he made it look so easy! It was amazing!
I stopped to climb over a fallen tree, something Dave would've been able to hurl himself over like it was nothing, and when I looked back up… where was Dave? Shit! I lost him!
"Dave!" I shouted, hoping he was close enough to hear me. Damn, I shouldn't have gotten so caught up in watching him; I should have been more focused on getting his attention! That's why I was even out here! To talk to him and see if I could help him in anyway, not to watch him be all ninja in the trees… not that that wasn't totally awesome. Shit, no, I need to focus. Dave, right, I need to find Dave. I called his name again and again, hoping to find some trace of him but in honesty I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. "Dave! Where are you?" I yelled but received no answer. I wish I could call or text him but it was then that it dawned on me that we've never exchanged phone numbers. It just never crossed my mind, I mean we always saw each other at school or set something up at school and met up where we discussed or just ran into each other in town. We never needed each other's phone numbers because things just always seemed to work out. Until now. After this, I was definitely getting his number! Maybe I'd ask if he had a pesterchum. Pesterchum… I wondered again what was wrong with God and how he knew my name. But now wasn't the time to be thinking about such things- I needed to find Dave. I needed to know that he was alright.
I continued to run in the direction Dave had been going just moments ago as I shouted his name but I continued to go unanswered.
After a while, I slowed down and eventually stopped. I hunched over, panting heavily. Damn it, Dave. Where the hell were you? I looked around and quickly discovered that… no… nope. There's no way I was lost. Hahaha how funny that you would think that because I'm definitely not lost. Ah who am I kidding? I'm lost as fuck.
"Dave!" I yelled, really hoping that he could hear me. I didn't want to be lost. I turned around, trying to see if I could spot Dave's house only to be dismayed when I couldn't. We had gone too far in to be able to see it. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! What was I going to do now? I was alone and had no sense of direction! I could be out here for days- weeks before I would be found.
As I caught my breath, I stood straight again and started running in the direction I had come. With some luck, I would eventually get back to the Strider residence if I ran straight back the way we had come. Even if I just found the road or any type of thing that wasn't wooded area, I could find my way back to where I was supposed to be. Following Dave was one of my stupider ideas but I was worried about him. He's Dave Strider, he knew what he was doing and he could take care of himself. I… I admit that I can't. I had no idea what the hell I was doing when I ran after him- was I even thinking? No, I wasn't. And I… well let's face it, I can't take care of myself. I magically manage to keep myself alive while Dad was at work though the girls would often bring over actual food since I never prepare any for myself or they'll invite me over to stay with them for dinner or something. I'm bullied because I can't stand up for myself and lately I've been depending on Dave to save me from them because when he's around, they stay away from me. These last two weeks… they've been treating me really badly. I've been getting a lot of death threats and… I've been getting shoved and pushed around more and more since he's been gone. I'm worried that the girls are going to find out. I know that they know that people tease me but they don't know about the abuse I'm sure is going to come soon. People want me to die… people want to hurt me… they thought I deserved it… sometimes I thought that they were right. I was useless… so useless. I got so excited when Dave said he was coming back to school so that I didn't have to deal with the other students anymore.
I stopped running, stopped all movement. I stood there, wondering when the tears running down my face had started. My hands lifted to viciously wipe them away. Why was I so pathetic? Why couldn't I do anything on my own? Why was I such a loser? I didn't deserve to have the amazing friends I have. I didn't deserve to have God for a best friend. He was charming and brilliant and fantastic and… and… he was simply the best ever. He could find anyone. I didn't deserve him. And Dave… he's… I can find no amount of words to describe him that would capture the beauty and greatness that is Dave Strider. He was just… I love him. But he hadn't ever done anything wrong; he doesn't deserve the punishment that is my love and I didn't deserve the warmth that he filled me with. He was a little hard on the outside but he had a big heart even if he tried to hide it. I didn't deserve to have even the smallest piece of his heart. I didn't deserve to be his friend. I didn't deserve anything!
"Why am I so fucking useless?" I screamed into the air as I now sobbed openly. "I'm so pathetic…" I cried into my hands. I sniffled and tried to look forward through my blurry eyes just to find the same surroundings I've been faced with for the past… I don't know, half hour? I just wanted to see Dave. I wanted to get back to my friends and give them each a hug and thank them for everything they've done for me when I didn't deserve it. They were so amazing and I was so pathetic. I didn't deserve them. I am nothing.
"John." saying I just jumped when I heard the smooth voice call my name would be an understatement. It scared the shit out of me! I gasped in surprise as my head shot up in the direction the voice had come from in an attempt to find its owner. There in a tree to my left was Dave fucking Strider, perched on a tree branch like a bird. "What are you doing out here?" he asked, not questioning my tears. I quickly turned away and started wiping the wetness from my face again. God I felt even more pathetic for letting him see me like this.
"I was following you, idiot." I called back, still not turning back to see him. I heard something move before a soft thud sounded from the ground. I slightly turned to see Dave stand straight and walk closer to me.
"Come on, I'll take you back to my place." he stated with that voice void of any and all emotion as he walked passed me.
"D-Dave, wait!" I shouted after him as I got in pursuit of the blonde teenager. "Are you alright? I-I mean, earlier. I noticed you- I mean- uh! Are you okay? With everything… with life? Arg!" I threw my hands up before taking a deep breath and trying again. "You've been really tense and quiet today and I wanted to know if you were doing okay. So… are you alright and can I help in any way? Any way at all." I patted myself on the back for finally getting what I wanted to say across as I smiled warmly at him though he didn't turn around to see it. "Dave?" I questioned when he didn't answer me. He just kept walking. I sighed and looked him up and down, noticing that he was walking as though he had a purpose; his shoulders were straight though he wasn't tense, his head was held higher than usual, he faced forward as if staring directly at his destination and nothing else, his stride lacked its usual swag as if it was all business up in this bitch, and his hands were clenched into fists… his hands… they were cut up and bloody. "Dave… what happened to your hands?" I asked in a concerned voice, walking faster to catch up to him. He still didn't answer me. "Dave Strider, I'm talking to you." I demanded as I grabbed one of his hands, trying to force him to pay attention to me.
"Fuck off." he growled as he snatched his hand away from me, stopping for just a moment to glare at me from behind the darkness of his shades. I took a few steps back, my mind going to all new levels of self hate. Dave… Dave hated me. Without him, I was nothing.
After a few moments, he opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he had something to say but finally just turned back around and started walking again. I held my breath to keep from crying again as I forced myself to follow him.
We travelled in silence for quite some time before he finally stopped and pointed a head of him.
"Keep walking and you'll find the house." he stated blankly and I nodded, slowly walking passed him but stopped and watched as he started to head back the direction we had just come.
"Thank you." I called after him but he didn't answer me and soon disappeared from my sight. I sighed heavily, feeling like even more shit than ever. My feet dragged me toward his house but my thoughts wandered into the darkest parts of my mind it could find. The deepest, darkest place it could find was nothing more than a single sentence. Dave hates me. He hated me, God hated me, everyone at school hated me, the girls just pitied me, Dad never had time for me, and my entire life was just so fucked up, I was beginning to stop caring. My life was fucked up and I was so broken on the inside that I couldn't tell the difference between the cold of reality and the burn of pain. All I knew was that I was pathetic, everyone hated me, and they were right. I probably did deserve to die.
Haha! Bet you weren't expecting that! I did it with a heavy heart though. Sorry to get your hopes up but it's not yet the time for them to understand. v_v But soon...ish.
Before I go, I just really wanted to say thank you. For the reviews and the support and the love you guys send me. I mean this so seriously you guys just just don't even know. I've been going through a lot and I've been really doubting myself... and then I read the reviews you guys send me and I can forget. I can forget about my problems for a while and I can believe in myself because all of you say what an amazing writer I am and if there's anything I believe in this world, it's that I am a talented writer. Because of you, the warm feeling you give me, and the confidence you give me, I'm able to continue. My dad was always dissing on my writing because he didn't believe that I could do anything with it, that I couldn't have a life with my work. At the young age I was, I believed him and I would stop writing but my love and passion for it would always win and I would continue on again. The first time I posted a fic on here, I was so nervous that everyone would react to it like my dad did (not that he ever took the time to read anything of mine) but you didn't. You supported me and told me that it was really good. That inspired me to write more and more and I was able to come up with so many ideas that I literally can't keep track of them all.
You tell me how much you love my work and how my stories made you smile and laugh and just brightened up your whole day and I just get filled to the brim with joy. Here in the dark, a small light is precious but a shit ton of small lights, shouting nothing but wonderful things is outstanding. If you want more of my stories, I'm happy to comply.
Heheh sorry I got carried away with that. I'll leave now. But... really. Thank you. Thank you for filling me with hope.