Thanks for the great feedback! I'm so glad this story reads naturally and true to the characters – I was worried no one would read this! I'm excited to write about them as adults as well, just two more chapters until the future section!

Fran was gone. She had died and Rory was filled with guilt. Guilt that she hadn't said goodbye to her properly, guilt that she hadn't always listened to the old lady's long stories about her life and guilt that on the day of her death Rory's thoughts were more about how things had been left with her boyfriend – if he was still her boyfriend.

She and Lorelai walked to the church and Rory's feet slowed as they neared the diner and she caught sight of Jess through the window.

"Mom, can I meet you at the church? I just need to stop in at Doose's and get something – Kleeenex, we'll need Kleenex."

"Oh, honey, I'll come with you."

"Oh, well..." Rory started uncomfortably and they both looked up at the sound of someone crying and found Miss Patty sobbing on the bench.

"This is how it starts!" Patty wailed. "First Fran and now the rest of us!"

"Oh – Oh Patty," Lorelai said soothingly, going and sitting next to her. "It's okay."

As Miss Patty talked to her mother and Lorelai comforted her between sobs Rory made an excuse and hastily walked away, feeling a guilty sense of relief that Patty had been there, and wondered if that would be another thing she would go to hell for, feeling happy that Patty was grieving and giving her a chance to go Luke's. Maybe God had a check list.

Rory walked determinedly up to the diner, trying to ignore her nerves. She took a deep breath but as she reached the door she quailed and walked back down the street. Rory stopped, shook herself and turned back round. She wasn't going to wait for him to talk, like last time, she was going to do the talking but as she walked back and he caught her eye something tightened in Rory's chest and she turned round and marched back down the street, comforting herself with the thought that the funeral was going to start soon and she wouldn't have time for a real conversation. As she hurried back down the street Rory thought she heard the jingle of the bell which hung over Luke's door and the steps of feet but no one caught up with her, no one called her name and when Rory looked back round she was alone.

"Do you think that guy could try his microphone again?" Lorelai hissed and Rory rolled her eyes. At least she wasn't trying to make a business deal at Fran's funeral. Maybe that was worse in God's book. Maybe she only had one room booked in hell while Lorelai had an ensuite.

After the funeral Lorelai and Sookie ran off to the front of the procession, eager to talk about making an offer on Fran's inn and Rory hung back, thinking about what her mother had told her about Fran giving her cookies when they had first arrived to Stars Hollow and smiled a little to herself.

"Rory!"

Rory looked up to see Dean grinning at her. He looked very excited about something and was rocking back and forth slightly.

"I've got something to tell you."

"What?" Rory asked and frowned in confusion as he pulled her towards the trees, away from the crowd.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

"I've asked Lindsay to marry me!" Dean said proudly, sounding like a small boy who had won first prize at a party. "And she said yes!"

Rory blinked in disbelief.

"So what do you think?"

"Why?"Rory blurted out and Dean said,

"What?" in confusion.

"No, I don't mean why, I mean why now?"

"Why not now?"

"Well, you're eighteen, first of all."

"So?"

"So you're still young, you haven't been to college yet. Oh my God, you're still going to college aren't you?" Rory asked desperately. Dean looked at her with annoyance.

"Yes, Rory, I'm still going to college. Lindsay's going to go with me."

"But Dean you're going to be studying and taking classes and you need to focus on that and you still don't know what you want to do yet and you still haven't been going out for that long, why don't you just date for a while, dating's fun."

Dean stared at her and then scowled.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Your deep, heart-felt congratulations."

"You just...you took me b y surprise."

"So what? It's good news, you can't just be happy for me?"

"I can, I am, it's just..."

"You know what, I'm sorry if you have a crappy relationship with Jess."

"Hey –" Rory started angrily but Dean cut her off.

"And I'm sorry if he treats you like dirt and everyone hates him but that was your choice. I have a great girlfriend and I am really happy and when you dumped me for that jackass I never thought 'd feel happy again."

"Jess does not treat me like dirt," Rory said, her heart beating heavily.

"Whatever. I just wanted you to hear it from me before it got out. Now you know, so have a nice life."

Rory stared at him, feeling like she'd been punched. Dean began to stride away and she called,

"Jess does not treat me like dirt!" but it sounded weak, even to her. Rory took a deep breath and stared at the ground, hearing the sounds of her mother and Sookie celebrating in the distance. Rory felt too miserable to even think about how their ensuite in hell was being upgraded and she slowly stated to walk back.

The rest of the day was a blur. Rory couldn't smile, couldn't feel happy for her mother and then, when she thought about how she wasn't unhappy because of Fran's dying she felt even worse. She couldn't help it though. Dean was getting married – her Dean. Rory knew he had stopped being her Dean a long time ago and it had been her choice, and she didn't want to be with him but it still hurt. It hurt to think that he was marrying another girl who he really hardly knew, when he was only eighteen, and that he mightn't even finish college, but none of it had hurt as much as the way he had sneered at her and told her Jess treated her like dirt. Rory wanted to think that he was wrong, that he knew nothing about them and was just saying it because he was angry but she couldn't help thinking of all the bad times, how Jess would stand her up or wouldn't call or the time he'd gone to her grandmother's and been so horribly rude. Was she stupid for being with him? If it was someone else in her place would she think it was a mistake? She'd always laughed at girls who just trotted after their boyfriends. But at the same time he was Jess, listening to her so intensely, writing notes in the margins, taking her to a concert on the spur of the moment, wrecking a snowman so hers would win. Did those things make up for the rest? Should she have slept with him? Would it be like that every time? Having sex and him not calling, just waiting for them to make up and then fight all over again? Rory bit her lip and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Hey, c'mere."

Rory blinked and looked up to see a dress in a shop window. She'd been thinking so hard she hadn't even noticed it.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Just come back tomorrow and try it on."

"I don't know..." Rory sad doubtfully but her mother refused to give up that easily.

"Hey, prom's coming up kid and we need to get you a dress, unless you want me to make you one!"

"No, that's okay."

"Maybe we could hit the mall tomorrow, after school, in Hartford, and we could go to one of those fancy stores where they follow us around and think we're thieves –"

"I don't want to talk about dresses anymore."

"We only talked about dresses for two minutes."

"Well, it feels like longer!"

"Rory!"

Lorelai looked hurt but Rory didn't care.

"And I don't even know if I need a dress, okay, because I don't even know if I'm going to the prom."

"I thought Jess agreed?"

"Well, that was before."

"Before what?"

"Before the party, before the fight, before the thing in Kyle's bedroom!"

"Okay, come with me."

Lorelai led Rory to the jeep and they got in, Rory trying hard to keep it together.

"Okay, we left off with the thing in Kyle's bedroom?"

"I don't understand, one minute he's happy and then he's not and he doesn't tell me anything, ever, I mean, you're supposed to tell your girlfriend things ,that's the whole point of having a girlfriend, isn't?" Rory shouted and her mother nodded.

"Yes it is, now Kyle's bedroom, what happened there?"

"And I'm so tired of fighting, or not even fighting because he won't fight, he just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I do."

"Like what you do where, in Kyle's bedroom?"

"I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to sit around wondering when we're going talk, if he's mad, why he's mad, I hate this, I really, really -!"

"Honey, you've got to tell Mommy what happened in Kyle's bedroom!"

Rory stopped and took a deep breath.

"We didn't go to the party together," she said. "I didn't even know if he'd show up after the thing the other day."

"What thing the other day?"

"And he showed up," Rory said, ignoring her mother's questions. "And he said he wanted to talk so we went upstairs and we talked and it seemed like he wanted to –"

"Did you?"

"No, I didn't! And then he got all weird like he was mad at me."

"Hey, if he was mad at you because you wouldn't have sex with him then he's a jerk."

"I know that but I don't know if that's why he's mad at me, if he's mad at me, I don't know anything because he won't talk, he just sulks, then disappears, then just when you think you're through with him he shows up at hockey games with Distillers tickets!"

"Distillers tickets?"

"Oh, that's right, you don't know about that because I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed because you didn't want me to be that girl and I didn't want to be that girl, but after that hockey game, I was that girl!"

"What girl? Help me, drag me along honey."

"The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her mom about it!"

"Okay, we need a breath here."

Lorelai leaned out of the window and shouted at the car indicating for their space.

"We're going to die in this car, pal!"

The car drove away and Rory sighed and folded her arms.

"Something's going on with him and it's been going on for a while."

"You can't make him talk, Rory. He has to want to."

"But why doesn't he want to?"

"Because it's probably hard for him."

"Honey."

"It's just so hard, Mom," Rory said in frustration. "He never talks and he won't call me, not even after we have sex –"

"Whoa!" Lorelai exclaimed and Rory stopped, going red. "What was that?"

"We slept together," Rory said and her mother stared at her.

"You had sex? When? Were you careful? Oh God, tell me you were careful."

"Last Tuesday," Rory said in a small voice. "When there was that flood at the inn."

Lorelai groaned and closed her eyes.

"I didn't plan on it," Rory said tightly. "Well, I did, but not that night, it just kind of happened–"

"Oh, God. Rory, you were careful, weren't you?"

"It was so awkward," Rory said, staring straight ahead and ignoring her mother's question. "It all just happened so fast, one minute were making out and then –"

"Rory, I am having a heart attack here! Tell me you were careful, tell me it was safe!"

"Yes, Mom, I was careful!" Rory snapped. "Don't worry, all those Trojan jokes you made over the years sunk in! That's not the problem here!"

Lorelai took a deep breath, trying to expel the feeling of panic.

"Well," she said. "That's the main thing."

Rory's face crumpled and Lorelai hastily said,

"Not that this isn't – I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean that the rest didn't matter. Are you okay?"

"I don't know if I'm okay!" Rory said furiously. "I never know if I'm okay because everything keeps changing, he keeps changing! I never know where I am with him!"

"Rory, did he talk you into it? You can tell me."

"No," Rory said, her eyes filling with tears. "He didn't talk me into it but it was just...I don't know. It was so awkward and it really hurt, why didn't you tell me it would hurt that much?"

"It depends on the person," Lorelai said, feeling a little in shock. "And I thought you were going to talk to me about it. I was going to talk about that stuff with you then."

Rory didn't say anything and Lorelai took her hand.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" she asked, unable to stop hurt coming out of her voice. "You promised to talk to me when it happened."

"I know," sniffled Rory. "I wanted to, Mom, I did, I was just embarrassed and I felt stupid."

"Why the hell would you feel that?"

"Because it didn't happen like I thought it would."

"How did it happen?" Lorelai asked gently and Rory snivelled, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

"I went out to see Lane but she wasn't home and I saw Jess on the way back. He came back to watch videos and we ended up having sex."

"How was it?" Lorelai asked tentatively.

"It was awful!" Rory cried. "It was fine before but when we actually did it it was so painful and then it was like we didn't have a clue how to talk to each other. It wasn't meant to be like that! It was supposed to be special, it was supposed to be perfect! It wasn't special, it wasn't romantic anymore and I was wearing the wrong underwear and I didn't know what I was doing and then you were coming home and he left and he said he would call and he didn't!"

Rory started crying and Lorelai tried very hard to stay cool. She had always told her daughter to come to her, to be open with her and never to feel ashamed but now she felt like repeatedly slamming Jess's head into the pavement, maybe letting a car run over it. Slowly.

"You're sure you were safe?" she couldn't help asking again and Rory shouted,

"Mom!"

"I'm sorry!" Lorelai exclaimed. "I don't know what to say!"

Rory started crying again.

"Do you think it was me?" she asked tearfully. "I didn't know what to say afterwards or what to do when we were...you know...and I had the wrong underwear on and it was all a mess."

"Honey," Lorelai said gently. "If you're with the right guy it won't matter what kind of underwear you're wearing because that's not important."

"I thought we made up," Rory sobbed. "At the party. He said he didn't call because he thought I didn't want to talk to him and he said he was sorry but then he seemed to want to have sex there, and I didn't, and it all got screwed up again."

"It's not your fault, sweetie. You know that, don't you?"

Rory nodded and Lorelai added,

"What did he think, that because you had sex once you'd do it anywhere?"

"That's what I said," Rory said. "And he didn't even give me a straight answer! I don't understand it Mom, I don't understand him! It hurts!"

"Oh, Rory."

"Everyone's just laughing me, aren't they?" Rory said, tears streaming down her face. "The stupid girl who follows her boyfriend everywhere and waits around for him even though he treats her like dirt!"

"Rory, no one thinks that about you. Where's this coming from?"

Rory shook her head and bit her lip and, foreseeing another bout of crying, Lorelai squeezed her hand.

"Come on, let's go home. This calls for serious amounts of icecream."

"Okay," Rory nodded and she looked at her mother. "You're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"For sleeping with him."

"Rory, there's nothing wrong with having sex with your boyfriend. You haven't done anything wrong, even if it feels like a mistake."

"It's all so messed up," Rory said, staring out of the window and Lorelai gave her a kiss before starting the car up.

"I know, sweets. I know."

The next morning Rory took a late bus to Hartford. The bus was busy that time of day and Rory sat near the front, glad she had got a seat. The bus stopped, letting people off and Rory glanced up from her book before stopping in surprise as she saw Jess sitting at the very back. He looked up and saw her as well and for a moment they just stared until Rory finally got up and walked to the back.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Can I sit?" Rory asked and Jess nodded.

"Sure, sit."

Rory settled down next to him and wondered who felt more awkward.

"I thought you took an earlier bus," Jess said curiously.

"My first class got cancelled today."

"Oh. So what's been going on?"

"Nothing much. Fran died."

"I heard. Luke went."

"I saw him in the back."

Jess nodded and there was an awkward silence, finally broken by Jess slowly saying,

"I can't go to the prom...I couldn't get tickets..."

"Oh."

Rory didn't know what else to say. She tried not to let her disappointment sound too much and bit her lip.

"Sorry."

Rory nodded. She couldn't talk. Neither said anything until the bus groaned to a halt, allowing Rory to get up.

"So...this is my stop. You'll call me?" she asked, swinging her backpack over her shoulder.

"I'll call you."

Rory nodded and looked behind her once more before getting off the bus. He watched her until she got off and as Rory walked to Chilton she thought about how it was all ruined. The only thing she had been looking forward to, the thing she and Lane had planned since they had started at Stars Hollow High and he had let her down, again. Rory supposed she shouldn't be surprised. Rory was so busy thinking about her ruined prom, ruined memories that not once did she think it was strange that Jess was riding a bus to Hartford and had not told her why he was going.