Chapter Ten
AN: Please review and let me know how I am doing – thanks!
The living room was dark, but he had no trouble seeing, and was quite surprised to find Mulder sitting quietly in a wing chair. He appeared sleepy, but somehow he was awake and gave the Captain a sharp gaze as he appeared in the room.
"Mr. Mulder? I am very surprised to see you up and about."
"I have insomnia, I don't sleep well even with medication. The only way I usually sleep is when Scully is with me, and since you have taken that away, well, here I am.' He gave the Captain a bitter smile. "Why are you so surprised to see me?"
"No reason." Daniel paced across the room to stand in front of the other man. He studied him and realized how haggard he looked. It did look like he hadn't slept in days, the fatigue he hadn't noticed before was obvious on the younger man's face. But he had put him to sleep for the night, he shouldn't be up and about, how did he manage it?
"You did something to us, didn't you?" Mulder was tired and cranky and could see no reason not to be blunt, he didn't like being tampered with.
"I do not know what you mean."
"This afternoon, everything we told you about us, I might share some things once in a while, but nothing to that degree with people I've known less than a week." He took a deep breath and tried to control his anger. "And Scully would never have done that, she would never have opened up like that."
"Then why did you?" the Captain asked in a calm voice.
"You made us! I don't know what you did, but you influenced us somehow.'
"Mr. Mulder, I am but a spirit, I cannot control what people think or say."
"You are much more than a spirit and I suspect you do several things that you haven't shared with us."
"You can believe what you want." The Captain shrugged. "You and Miss Scully shared far more with us about your lives than we expected you to, and I am truly sorry for the things you two have been through."
Mulder calmed a bit as he saw the sincerity in the older man's blue eyes, and sat back in the chair, closing his eyes for just a moment. When he looked back at the Captain, his hazel eyes were filled with tears. "So now you know about William."
"Yes, and I am sorry for you loss." Daniel intoned in a somber voice.
"Our loss? You have no concept of our loss, no idea what it feels like to have to give up your only child in order to keep him safe."
A long silence fell between them as they stared at each other.
"You are correct, Fox. I do not know, nor shall I ever know that feeling as it is impossible for me to ever have a child of my own." He paused. 'But even given that I can understand on some level how hard it would be to give up a child like that, I would not have been able to do that with either Jonathan or Candy."
"Carolyn's children."
'Our children."
After another long look exchanged between them, Mulder nodded.
"What do you want, Mr. Mulder?" the Captain asked, his expression grave.
'I want to make Scully happy. You never saw her with William, she had wanted a baby for so long, and we somehow made a miracle, our son. She was so happy.' Mulder smiled at the memory of Scully holding their newborn son. "God, I finally did something right, something to make her happy." He sighed. "When Scully convinced me to leave them I had hoped that I would be the hunted one and that they would leave William alone, but I was wrong. Two attempts were made on his life, that's when Scully decided he needed to have a life of his own, a life away from the darkness that surrounds us, a life away from us…" Mulder trailed off and rested his head in his hand, trying to control the tears running down his face.
After a moment, Daniel walked up to him and squeezed his shoulder, but offered no words knowing that they were pointless. He felt Mulder's sadness and knew how profound it was, but he wasn't sure what he could do to help.
"He was only a few days old…I haven't seen him since…" Mulder's voice broke and he stood up.
Much as he would if it were Jonathan before him, he opened his arms and the younger man fell into them, sobbing against him. After only a couple of minutes, he began to quiet and pulled himself away from the Captain. He turned around and wiped his eyes, collecting himself again before he faced the other man.
'I'm sorry, it's just that I'm really tired," Mulder offered.
"No problem. I have often comforted the children," Daniel said.
'The children?"
"Yes, Candy is about your age, and Jonathan just a bit younger. Even they need comfort from time to time. I told you I am their father."
"Does that mean you're my father too?" Mulder tried to recover with a bad joke, and gave the Captain a weak smile.
"Why, do you need one?"
"Maybe. I haven't been very lucky in that area," Mulder admitted.
"So why are you here with me in the middle of the night?"
"I have to ask you a favor."
Daniel braced himself, he was pretty sure he knew what would be asked of him. "And what would that be?" he asked in an even voice again.
"Please, find William. For Scully for me, please help us." His hazel eyes were filled with such sadness that Daniel had to turn away.
"This is the favor you have wanted to ask me?"
"Yes," Mulder whispered. "This is the favor I need. William."
"And you feel you can't do this through normal channels? It seems to me you must have connections that can help you find the boy."
"Possibly, but I don't want to turn over those rocks. I'm afraid that if anyone still wants to know where he is and I start poking around, they, and whoever they may be will find him."
The Captain stared at him, wondering if he could indeed help both this tormented man and his amazing partner, but in truth, he didn't know.
The two men continued to look at each other in the darkness of the room, and after what seemed an eternity, Daniel shook his head.
"Mr. Mulder, I must be honest with you, I do not know that I can find your son."
"Can't or won't?"
"Cannot."
"But you're a ghost, you can do things that mortal men can't," Mulder protested.
"True, but even with that there are limitations." He rubbed his chin, thinking how best to explain this to the other man. "How many people are there in the world, Mr. Mulder?"
"I don't know, millions, billions."
"And in the United States?"
"Still millions."
"And with all of those millions of people you want me to find one small boy?"
'Yes. Isn't there something you can do? Is there anything that would help you locate him?"
"Perhaps, let me think on it for a bit." He stepped over to stand in front of Mulder again. "But before I agree or disagree with any favor you are asking of me, I have some questions for you."
"Fine, I'll answer anything."
"I have only known you a short time, but since you know the truth about me, and have taken it upon yourself to ask such a large favor, there are thing that I need to know. And you need to be honest as your answers matter a great deal."
"Whatever you want," Mulder sank down into the chair again. "Ask away."
"The X-files, this obsession you seem to have, what were you looking for all of that time? What was it that drove you?" The Captain's blue eyes watched him with a steady gaze.
"At first I was looking for my sister, the truth about what happened to her, but as time went on it became a search for the truth wherever it might be, whatever it might be. A truth about the alien conspiracy and what they want to do to us."
"And just what is the truth, Mr. Mulder?" Daniel crossed his arms in front of him.
"Which one?" Mulder said wearily. "There are so many. The truth was that Samantha was never taken by aliens but instead taken by men, by a secret organization that did experiments on children and adults in order to save humanity from an alien invasion. And that she was killed by these men." He looked up to see the Captain once again regarding him with a concerned expression. "The truth is that Scully was abducted, experiments were performed on her and she was left barren and given cancer. She survived the cancer due to a chip in her neck, but I live every day in fear that something will happen and the cancer will return." He took a breath, his gaze meeting that of Captain Gregg. "The truth is that there are aliens out there and that there are people in the government and outside of the government that will welcome the alien invasion in December of 2012."
"Alien invasion?" Daniel blinked in surprise, he knew the man believed in aliens but he hadn't expected to hear something like that come out of his mouth. He shook his head. "Never mind, we'll get to that later."
"You want more truths?"
"Please," Daniel nodded.
"The truth is that I did my best to stop those awful things from happening, but no matter what I did it wasn't enough, they're going to happen anyway," he finished in a quiet voice, his face tormented.
"What is your greatest truth, Fox? The greatest truth that you have found in life? "Daniel studied him with keen eyes, intent on his answer.
Mulder stopped to consider that, somehow he knew his next words were very important to the all too real spirit that stood by in him the dark. There was a lot to consider as he and Scully had proven so many things, fought through so much standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder, always together. He smiled then he knew the answer, he had found it because of her.
"My greatest truth is life, existence. I began to understand that as I grew to love Dana," he said softly. "She is everything to me and I would do anything for her, and to create a life between us is nothing I ever thought I would experience…it means everything to me. She is my greatest truth," he finished in a whisper.
With a smile of understanding, the Captain nodded, perhaps there was still time to help this lost soul.
"Is it like that for you?" Mulder asked, catching the Captain off guard.
'I beg your pardon?"
"With Carolyn, is it like that with you and her?" Mulder asked with an all so earnest expression.
"Yes," the Captain answered, but didn't elaborate.
"Not much with words, are you, Danny?" Mulder offered him a weak smile. "So did I pass your test?"
"It wasn't a test, I just needed to hear your words and know that you meant them, whatever they were." He paused and looked back at Mulder. "Which brings up another point. Why in the world aren't you two married?"
"What?" Mulder shook his head, he hadn't seen that one coming.
"It is a simple question. You love her, she loves you, you have been together for years, why aren't you married?" he seemed irritated.
"It's complicated," Mulder said.
"Then uncomplicate it."
"We couldn't while we were at the FBI…"
"You have not worked there in years…"
"They we were being chased…"
"But you settled down in Virginia…" Daniel replied.
"I wasn't cleared of the bogus charges…"
"But you are now." Daniel glared at him.
"There hasn't been that much time…" Mulder groused.
"Marry her! She deserves that much."
"No," Mulder shook his head, got out of the chair and walked to a window where he chose to stare out of it.
The Captain could tell that he had somehow hit a nerve, so wandered over to the younger man and regarded him once again. "Fox, why not? The truth, please."
The younger man shook his head for a few moments before looking back at the Captain. "It's simple really, she deserves so much better than me, so much more. She has gone through so much because of me."
"That is her choice, is it not? And Miss Dana Scully does not strike me as a shrinking violet."
Mulder couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. No, that was not a good way to describe his Scully. Feisty, fiery, but not a shrinking violet. "You have no idea," he said at last. "Scully does what Scully wants to do, in her own way she is as stubborn as me, and don't tell her I admitted that," he chuckled.
"If you truly love her then do it. I dare say you should have a far easier time managing that than Carolyn and I had."
"I hadn't really thought about that, I suppose it was difficult to make you legal as a living person."
"You have no idea." Captain Gregg wandered over to where a decanter of brandy sat on an end table. "Care for a drink?"
"Are you going to get me drunk and take me sailing again?" Mulder asked him suspiciously.
"No, I only do that once, most people figure out not to do that again pretty quickly."
"Count me as one of them."
"Just a nightcap. I believe it's time that you got some sleep."
"If I can," Mulder said and accepted the glass of brandy. He took a sip and enjoyed the warmth as it slid down his throat. "Will you think about my favor?"
"I will, we will discuss it again tomorrow. In private?"
"Yes, I don't want Scully to know about this yet."
"All right? And you will think about what I've said?"
"Do you really think it will matter?" Mulder asked.
'Well, Carolyn told me it didn't and I thought she would be forced to live with that because neither of us knew if I could stay corporeal often enough to make others believe that I really was human. But I improved, through patience and perseverance I became a legal person, and once that happened I asked her to marry me. I know she would have been happy without it, but I also know how much happier she is with it. Despite what Miss Scully says, are you sure how she really feels about the matter? Have you ever truly asked her?"
"No, only as a joke," he replied sadly. He finished the brandy and set the glass down, yawning at last. Somehow though, Mulder felt more relieved, calmer to have released his emotions. "I guess I have to fix that," he mumbled to himself. "Goodnight, Danny," he said and turned and exited the room.
"Goodnight, Fox," he said watching as the man walked up the stairs. The other man had given him a great deal to think about, a great deal to contemplate over the next day, and he would discuss it with Carolyn in the morning