DISCLAIMER: I'm so sorry that this is so late. I have been so busy. School has been Hell on Earth. I seriously am beginning to wonder if my brain will explode by the end of this semester. Junioritis has set in. I changed the song for this chapter because I liked this one better. It just entertains me, though both of them work. I suggest playing the song while you read. At least, near the middle. That is where it fits best. –snicker-
SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
Hot N' Cold by Katy Perry
"Yeah, you always think
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no."
It had been weeks since I'd had a full peaceful sleep. I couldn't recall when I'd actually slept through the night without waking up screaming or crying or sweating or all of the above. Horrible dreams memorializing what once was and what was now lost plagued my nights until I was forcing Jamie to thumb war me back into yet another fitful slumber. But last night was different. I don't remember falling to sleep only when I did I was gone. For the first night in a month and a half I was dream free. It was utter bliss.
I awoke the next morning, my back aching dully. Yesterdays events returned to me sluggishly. It was then I realized how I'd fallen asleep: collapsed exhaustedly against Jamie's chest. I vaguely remember him laying me down on the mat. He'd moved to sleep on the mattress by my grip on his arm was impenetrable and he'd ended up across from me on the mat, our hands clasped.
I rolled on the mat, my arm going out instinctively to avoid colliding with the boy I expected to still be laying there. Nothing. Air. I rolled flat, groaning and looking around the small cavern unsurely. No one. Not a soul. I'd been ditched.
Anger flooded my face so quickly my sleepiness was wiped away. I pushed myself up, hurriedly pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I was fuming as I made my way through the tunnels. How rude! I had poured my heart out to the little monster and he'd left me to wake up wondering what the hell it all meant. Was this going to be like a one night stand? Would it be awkward for weeks afterward until suddenly I decided I needed to begin stalking him to release the inner creeper within me? What was our relationship? I didn't want to hear something as cliché as boyfriend/girlfriend because somehow those terms couldn't possibly exist in this life. We didn't live in a human world anymore so what exactly were we to each other? Friends or something more?
I stormed through the corridors, these doubts circling like buzzards in my mind. My thoughts nitpicked at each of his actions and my own the last few weeks and slowly fear began to swallow me up. He said he didn't have a problem with our kiss but I couldn't help wondering. Who had initiated it? Was it me or him? I couldn't completely remember and it was making me incredibly paranoid.
"Oh!" I squealed as I felt an arm wrap around my waist, pulling me into the darkness.
"Did I scare you?" Jamie's voice whispered in my ear. My hands fell in shock on his chest.
"I thought you left me out to dry."
"No silly. I had dishes to wash." He chuckled throatily and suddenly he was kissing me again. Only this time was different. Much different. Better.
He pulled away all too quickly and I struggled to recover a normal rhythm of breathing. My face was hot and my head was swimming. "Wow. I'm mildly impressed." I muttered when I regained my composure. I chuckled, breaking his hold around my waist easily.
"Mildly!" He scoffed, releasing all but my hand. My mind flashed back to my first day here. This hand holding was not at all the same. Jamie had taken my wrist before, pulling me along like I was on a leash whereas now our fingers were laced and we both seemed determined not to break that hold. My hand fit perfectly within his. Why were my hands so big? It seemed our large hands were matches for each other. I wonder what that said about us.
"Have you eaten?" I asked him, staying close at his shoulder.
"Not yet. I was going down to get you when I heard you coming up. You're a very noisy walker. You should work on that." He teased, squeezing my fingers.
"You need to work on getting better jokes." I answered dryly, slapping the back of his head.
"Ow."
"Suck it up. I know that didn't hurt."
"You're right. It didn't." He grinned as we emerged into the kitchen. People were just beginning to leave for work. Evidently I'd slept in a little longer than I should have. I wasn't oblivious to the amused expressions we were getting. Jamie and I had never had a whole lot of physical contact since that first day. The way he was holding my hand, it was quite obvious to everyone else that our relationship and progressed beyond friendship.
Jamie loaded up on food for the both of us, ignoring my protests to carry my own damn food. Fingers still intertwined, though I'm not sure how with Jamie loaded up with food, we sat at our usual makeshift picnic table and began to eat. We sat next to each other rather than across. I felt Jamie's knee against mine and I felt all the more self-conscious about it now we were in public.
To make matters worse, Melanie and Wanda sat across from us, knowing looks on both of their faces. I thought my face might burst into flame. They ate in silence, looking up at us suspiciously. They didn't seem to miss the fact that Jamie's hand and mine were hidden under the table, clasped over my leg. I must've looked like a tomato because I felt Jamie snickering next to me. I glared, punching his shoulder with my free hand.
"We should get to work." I mumbled finally after my breakfast had finished. Wanda and Melanie were still working at their own late breakfast. I thought this would be an excellent moment for Jamie and I to slip away from the crowd of watchful eyes for even just a few minutes before work. Jamie agreed and he finally released my hand to go dispose of our trash and such. I stood next to the corridor, flexing my now vacant fingers. It didn't feel right to be without his hand around mine. He returned quickly however, jogging the last few feet, and engulfing even my long fingers in his huge palm.
We made our way down to the garden today to begin harvesting the vegetables and soon enough the corn. It had surpassed Jamie's head and was now time to harvest all of it and store it. We started with the smaller vegetables however, as it was not as strenuous for us shorter people. We worked diligently side by side for a good half hour before Jamie got ahead of me in his work. His fingers were more dexterous than mine were mostly because they were so huge. Even though my fingers were long they did not have the skill and size of his. He would always trump me, it seemed.
He was halfway across the field when the emptiness of my hand dawned on me. It didn't feel right. My fingers itched for contact with his calloused hands. As though in sync, my eyes lifted and contacted with his even so far across the garden. A small smile pulled up the corners of my mouth and I had to keep from giggling. Many others were working in the smaller garden and I didn't want to risk my giddy attitude being revealed. PDA's were not something I wanted to attempt. It was far too tacky.
I set down my clippers and gathered up a basket to make my way into the cornstalks. I needed the shield of their towering walls to calm my buzzing head. I was far too single-minded for once in my life. My fingers were twitching anxiously and I'd been biting my lip so much I feared I would again split it open.
"I'm going to work in the corn." I announced offhand, moving my basket to my hip and moving around the rows to the corn field. I saw Jamie perk up exactly as I had secretly hoped.
"Same here. Too much green. Not enough yellow." He laughed and I saw his eyes linger on the sun-bleached highlights of my hair. I had to turn my head away quickly to keep him and the rest of the workers from seeing the pink in my face. I'd never been an especially shy girl but this seemed all too private.
I disappeared into the rows of corn, setting my basket on the ground and beginning to work.
As usual, Jamie shocked me with his stealth. He snuck up behind me, his arms slipping around my waist. I had to stifle yet another squeal. I was not used to the physical contact though I welcomed it. It was surprising and new and incredibly exciting but also very scary. I'd never been in this situation before. Wasn't it supposed to go slower than this?
Then again, what would ever be normal about our relationship? That's right. Nothing.
"You really have to stop doing that." I whispered, raising an eyebrow as I turned to look at him.
"But it's so fun." He wined like a puppy, brushing a strand of hair back behind my ear that had escaped the tie. I resisted a nervous shiver.
"But it's embarrassing." I noted, wagging a finger at him.
"I didn't think you were that concerned with what people thought of you." His statement trumped mine for once.
"Well, I'm not…but…it's just…" I stuttered, trying to recover my former reigning wit. It wasn't working.
"But what? You're too paranoid, Sky." My name sounded different on his lips now than before. He whispered them soothingly, though it may have just been our hushed tones. I relaxed in his arms and before I knew it we were kissing again. Weren't we supposed to be working? Well, I can't say I would have traded this for work.
The corn was truly the perfect place for a meeting such as this. I'd been too naïve to predict this, but Jamie wasn't apparently. I guessed it was because other couples had been caught back here. I was almost positive that I'd seen Melanie and Jared come out of the corn one day laughing. Disheveled was understating their appearance.
My skin flashed red hot at this memory which only served to intensify our kiss. It was not nearly as careful as the one last night or the one this morning for that matter. His hands were EVERYWHERE. MY hands were everywhere. My fingers threaded through his dark hair and his massive palms engulfed my waist and pressed against the small of my back. My nerves were on fire and I couldn't seem to get a good grip on reality. Where was I? Were there other people nearby? Was I supposed to be doing something?
When we finally broke away I wasn't the only one who couldn't seem to breathe. We stood across from each other, arms locked at our sides.
"Well, that was fun." Jamie finally said offhand.
"A lot. We should do it again sometime." I answered in the same nonchalant tone, though it was obvious to both of us that we did not feel nonchalant.
"That can be arranged." The child-like grin I'd grown to love spread across Jamie's face and we tentatively got to work. We had to show something for our time in the corn, didn't we?
It wasn't long before we were finding more secluded places for our little meetings. I would never before have called myself a physical person, but I couldn't easily keep my hands off of Jamie. Of course, we were not leaps and bounds ahead of our age. Sex was not in our vocabulary yet. I can only compare it to a pair of teenagers making out on the couch in their basement. It was innocent, slightly provocative, and most definitely exhilarating. To say the least, I did NOT feel guilty about it.
We convened that evening before dinner in a small antechamber Wanda had once shown me. She said that she'd stayed in a little opening in the wall when she'd first come to the colony; she'd stayed there when they still didn't trust her in Melanie's body. I was never able to suppress a grimace when I saw the little opening every time we unloaded supplies into the antechamber.
I couldn't deny the little antechamber used for supplies was an excellent place to get some time alone. I recalled Wanda had spent many an hour hidden up in the darkness here. That set a sick feeling in my stomach, and yet my giddiness in the moment quelled the disgust and fear that the place brought. I couldn't help thinking that the small little cave represented the colony at it's darkest of times: when it shunned an innocent being and near killed her there as well.
"You are a sneaky little devil, Mr. Stryder." I snickered as he pulled me along and lit a lamp as we found ourselves at the antechamber.
"Your point?" He grinned, setting the lamp down.
"Don't you think this is all just a little promiscuous?"
"Maybe. But I'm enjoying it. Aren't you?" He flopped down smoothly legs crossed Indian style. He waved his finger to coax me to sit across from him.
"I didn't say I didn't like it." I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous notion that I DIDN'T like it. I couldn't help wondering if we were going just a little too fast though.
As though sensing my unease, as Jamie seemed to be good at, his kisses were softer and more tender than they had been even last night. It seemed like I would never be able to let him go.
But we still hadn't defined what we were yet, and it was still bothering me.
'Make-out buddies' was NOT an acceptable answer.
After a continuously embarrassing dinner of people watching our every move as though we might explode, Jamie and I headed back to our room. I doubted I could have stood another hour being surrounded by the rest of the colony. I loved them but I wanted what Jamie and I had to be strictly private. I was new to the relationship thing and I didn't like them watching like Jamie and I were the newest hit sitcom on the public access television. My feelings had always been my own. The fact that they included someone else so intimately only made it harder for me to accept that they were real. I feared what would happen if this didn't work out. I doubt I would survive losing my sister and losing Jamie as my best friend. He was nearly all I had left now, which I hated to admit. I easily got attached to a single person. I knew, however horrible it was, if Wanda or Melanie died I would survive, if not a little worse for wear. But if Jamie died, I knew I would not make it an hour.
He opened the door to our room and ushered me in, shutting it firmly behind us. I sighed, pulling my hair out of my ponytail and shook it out. "That has to be the longest day I've had in a long time." I admitted, groaning as I leaned against the door.
"Yeah, you're not one for the attention." He chuckled, running his hand through his dark hair.
"Damn right I'm not. Why did they all have to stare so much? Are we that transparent? And here I thought I was such a good liar." I leaned my head back, pouting.
"I guess we are. Though I think the hand thing was a dead giveaway in the first place." Jamie spoke the truth I didn't want to hear. It just meant that this was bound to happen again because I doubted I would be able to give up holding his hand anymore. I felt like we were attached by invisible strings.
"I was afraid you were going to say that." I grumbled, beginning to chew on my lip. "How long do you think it will last?"
"Until they get bored of the change. We're always looking for entertainment though. TV is crap, so we have to stir up our own trouble I guess." He snickered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It's like high school only everyone is supposed to be old enough to know better." I appropriated, waving my hand aimlessly.
"Pretty much. We're getting the full experience without actually having to attend. All the drama none of the dull bookwork."
"I'd almost rather have the bookwork." I grumbled, pounding my fist against the door.
"Really?" He sounded almost hurt. I tried to recover myself quickly. His sad face was like a stab in the heart.
"I just don't like the attention from everyone else. In case you didn't notice I prefer to keep my feelings to myself."
"I'm glad you didn't." He admitted, taking at measured step towards me. When did this get awkward and uncertain?
It took me a moment to respond.
"I'm glad I didn't either." The smile that crept up my face was uncontrollable. I was elated to see the grin extend across Jamie's face. I couldn't bear for a frown to form across his jovial features.
His arms formed a cage around my head and he was leaning down to kiss me once more. I hadn't been keeping count anymore. The number had gotten lost somewhere between the corn and the antechamber. Who would pay attention to numbers though in such a time? I may have been naïve and inexperienced but I was still a teenager.
It was a long minute of a soft and gentle kiss before things again got out of control. Jamie flattened me against the door and my face was between his huge hands. Now would be the time I imagined he would crush my brains. But, of course, he didn't. Instead my arms wound around his neck and I crushed myself to him. At least here we both knew that no one would enter without an appropriate knock on the door. I doubt they wouldn't figure out what had happened though once they saw our flushed faces. Luckily, we rarely had visitors at this hour as most everyone was off to sleep. Only I was the resident insomniac and it seemed like that would change quickly. Wink wink.
My breathing was heavy when Jamie picked me up (with the usual squeal from me). I responded by wrapping my legs around his waist.
Ok, so remember that comment about sex. Disregard. I was thinking about it now. Not seriously, but it was definitely on my radar loud and clear.
In seconds, Jamie, most likely to save himself the back pain of supporting me, set me on the mattress gently, never releasing my mouth. I couldn't seem to get in a single breath. I was very aware of the fact he was kneeling over me. I was fifteen, weeks from sixteen, and my body was screaming with adrenaline. Psychologically there was no way I was ready for THAT but physically I was raring to go.
Traitor.
To make matters even worse, when Jamie did allow me to breathe, his lips moved to my chin, my neck, and down. I couldn't concentrate on a single thought. My head was swimming and I was very near passing out---though that could have just been the lack of oxygen.
Thankfully and annoyingly, there was an urgent knock at the door. We both jumped out of our skin. We sat up, trying to get our breathing back to normal before we answered. I knew that if I spoke at that moment my voice would crack and give us away. Jamie attempted to normalize his hair which evidently I had clutched into insanity. He looked a little like Albert Einstein. I giggled as I pulled my hair back up into a ponytail to hide the messiness and turned away from the door. My face was a dead giveaway. Jamie seemed to be far more composed.
"Melanie? What's up?" Jamie asked, his voice controlled. Damn him. He was much better at this than I was.
"We've got trouble. We have to get down to the common room. Now." Her voice was serious and stern. I felt like it was a distinct Mom voice. I'd never seen Melanie look that scary, though I had always suspected her capable. My blood ran cold.
Jamie and I nodded and followed her up to the common room. It wasn't until Jamie took my hand reassuringly that I realized I was shaking. I was absolutely terrified.
This was my fault.
I should have told them all about what Jamie and I saw on the ridge that day but I was too selfish, stubborn, and afraid to admit that Carly was never coming back and that if she did she would probably have to die. What if it was a seeker in her body? What if I ruined us all?
We arrived in the moonlit common room. Jeb stood at the center talking in hushed tones to Jared. Jared's face was grave.
My legs locked and I couldn't bring myself a step further. Jamie halted abruptly, his dark eyes questioning. His brows knitted with worry. I shook my head at him, my fingers clenching and unclenching. Everyone seemed to notice our interaction. It must've been our new popularity.
Jamie caught on quickly and looked up at Jared who was glaring pointedly at us. "What is going on Jared?"
"There's a Seeker wandering just above us. She knows we're here. And she keeps asking for Sky. Furthermore, she has a satellite phone and a gun. If we try to approach her someone could get hurt. We can't afford that right now."
My heart stopped.
"Is there something you two want to tell us?" Melanie glared, looking disappointedly at the both of us.
"She's come back for me. Oh god. She's going to ruin us all."
A/N: DUH DUH DUH!!! Carly has returned. What will this spell for the colony and more importantly the blossoming relationship that is Jamie and Sky? –snickers- Next chapter should be the most shocking yet. I'm excited to write it. It could be a while though. Sorry kiddies. School is an evil evil place.
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"Don't shoot her!" I screamed. My legs couldn't seem to move fast enough. It was as though I was moving in slow motion. I wouldn't make it before Jeb pulled the trigger. There was simply no possible way.
"Sky no!"
I heard the gunshot ring over the desert as the tears began to stream down my face.