Summary: What happens when the Pack's resident hot-head and troublemaker is rejected by his imprint ? Will he succumb to grief or find solace in the arms of another ?
Disclaimer: All you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer ( including these two fiesty, gorgeous wolves - unfortunately ! ). The rest ? To my warped, hyperactive imagination ...
A/N: The Demon Spawn never happened. EVER ! I'm in complete denial ... In my crazy AU she simply doesn't exist.

Warning: contains slash and strong language.

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Broken

Paul's pov:

God ! I've really gone and screwed things up this time ... Never thought I'd see the day when I'd finally end up confessing that I miss Jacob Black. Really miss him ...
It's been a month since we slept together. Four long weeks. Thirty one long fucking days ... or seven hundred and forty four goddamn, shitty hours, since I seriously fucked up and told him that I regretted sleeping with him. That I'd lied to him and told him it had been one big fucking mistake. That I only saw him as my Pack brother ... And worst of all ... ? The biggest lie of all, which I deeply regret with every fibre of my being ... ? That I didn't want him ... As soon as I'd said that, I wish I could've taken the words back. That I hadn't been such a cold, vicious, cruel bastard. That I hadn't hurt him so badly ... Given half the chance, I'd do anything to take that back and not to have seen the hurt look on his face or the intense pain in his soft, dark eyes.

For once, my intentions had been good. I'd meant to avoid causing him any pain, but the way I'd gone about it had been all wrong and I'd ended up hurting him more than I ever thought possible. Not only that, I hadn't just lied and hurt Jake - someone I cared for deeply - but I'd also lied to myself. I'd wanted him desperately and that want ... that need ... the desire I felt for him hadn't died. Hadn't gone. It was still there. Eating away at me. Like cancer ...
I still wanted him. Still desired him. Hungered for him. Somehow, Jacob Black had gotten under my skin. Had burrowed deep beneath it. And succeeded in finding a way into my frozen, unfeeling heart. He'd made me feel once more. Made me care ... And I'd treated him like crap. I'd done what I'd always done ... I'd fucked up big time and lost the one person who'd meant anything to me. Since the imprint, Jacob had become my world, my everything, and somehow, I'd ended up falling for him.

Jeez, I swear I hadn't meant to ... It just happened. I couldn't help it. Ever since that night, Jake's been in my head ... on my mind, twenty-four-seven. I just can't stop thinking about him. He's constantly in my thoughts. In my dreams. And now, my fantasies ...
If I close my eyes, even for an instant, I can still feel his long, hard, muscular body pressed against mine. The heat of him. His power, strength, vitality and gentleness. The feel of his talented lips nuzzling my throat. His hands roaming freely over my sensitive skin. I can see him above me, his head thrown back in the throes of passion and genuine love shining in his sultry, chocolate gaze which is fixed intently on my face. Hear his voice, husky with need and rough with passion. I can even taste the musky tang of perspiration on his chest and catch the faint aroma of summer rain and fresh pine on his russet skin.

I hate myself for what I've done to him. The way I've treated him. Jake never deserved that. All he wanted was to help. I can see that now. He only wanted to make me happy. A chance for us to be together. But, oh no ... I, Paul "Mr-Know-It-All" Meraz thought I knew best and blew it. Not only did I lose someone I care about - someone I love - but I've lost my only hope for happiness. A chance to become whole once more ...

*****

I don't get it ... This is the third dumb meeting Sam's called this week and it's the third time Jake's ignored me. Completely. It's like he's refusing to acknowledge me at all. As far as he's concerned, I don't exist ... I'm nothing to him. And that can't be right. He shouldn't be able to ignore me. He's bound to me, whether he likes it or not. I'm his fucking imprint, for fuck's sake ...

He refuses to look at me. Won't even talk to me. Keeps his distance. If he sees me on the Res, he avoids me completely and heads off in the opposite direction at a breathtaking turn of speed. And it hurts. Hurts so fucking bad that someone I genuinely care for, treats me like a fucking leper ...
What kills me is since the imprint we'd gotten very close. He'd gained my trust and that's something I rarely give freely to anyone. But he won me over with his caring and fun-loving nature and I loved being in his company. He made me feel good about myself. I was more relaxed and in control of my fiery temper in his presence. And that's partly why I'm so hacked off with myself. Because of my lie, I'm alone ... and hurting. I thought the pain was bad when she rejected me, but fuck ... It's nothing compared to what I'm going through now. I feel like I'm slowly dying on the inside ... and I've no one to blame but myself.

He used to come over to my house on a daily basis, but now he hangs out a lot with the Clearwaters or Quil and Embry. And I miss his presence. The place seems so quiet without him. So empty and cold.
Leah's naturally distanced herself from me, out of loyalty to Jake. She's always cared deeply for him and has been more of a sister to him than either of his own siblings. Seth, meanwhile, surprizingly, still remains friendly and sympathetic. He carries a wise old head on his young shoulders and absolutely refuses to take any sides. As for the rest of the Pack ? They continue to act the way they always have towards me and for that, I'm thankful.

As soon as Sam's stopped his incessant rambling and called this meeting to an end, I'm going to tackle Jake. This can't go on. We have to talk and try and sort this fucking mess out - even though it's one of my own making. We need to start again. Bury the hatchet ... although I wouldn't blame Jake if he wanted to bury that same hatchet in the back of my thick, stupid skull. It's the least I deserve.
Now all I have to do, is wait - and try not to fall asleep - for Sam to stop whittering on and then corner Jake before he tries to slink off home. I've a nasty feeling that this won't be easy ...

*****

" Uh ... Jake ? Can we, uh, talk ? ... Please ? "

He was about to leave the beach with Leah and Seth, when I caught up with him. The three of them froze at the sound of my voice, then the Clearwater siblings slowly turned to face me. Leah moved to stand defensively in front of Jacob, reminding me of a lioness protecting her sole cub. She eyed me with wary suspicion. Seth, meanwhile, hung back at Jacob's side, his warm gaze friendly, yet somehow sad. Jacob was motionless. I could see the increasing tension in his broad shoulders and was only too painfully aware of his stubborn reluctance to turn and look at me.

" Please ... ? I need to speak with you ... Alone, Jake ... " By now, I was starting to feel desperate. I needed to be alone with him and wasn't above pleading with him, if it gave us time to talk in private. This was virtually unheard of. A rarity. Paul Meraz actually begging. Pleading for something ...

" Why, Paul ? " he growled softly, its tone hostile to say the least as he slowly turned to face me. His normally warm eyes were icy, distant and unfeeling. " Give me one good reason why the hell should I waste my time ? What the fuck do you have to say that I'd be remotely interested in, huh ? Because right now, for the life of me, I can't think of anything ... "

I rubbed my nape agitatedly. I felt frustrated by his apathy towards me, by his clear attempt to thwart my need to apologize and make things up to him. His lack of interest, his indifference, began to eat away at my tenuous self-control until it finally snapped.

" Because I'm sorry ... Ok ? I'm so fucking sorry ... " I yelled angrily, my fists at my sides, clenching and unclenching restlessly. " I never meant anything I said, I swear ... On my life, I didn't mean to hurt you. Never meant or wanted to do that. I lied to you. I did what I always do ... I fucked up. Ok ? Seriously fucked up. I always end up screwing things up. Anything good. That's how I am ... What I am ... What I do ... I'm a fucking mess, Jacob ... Always have been. Always will be ... " My voice and anger faded away as I realized I had lost him and I whispered hoarsely, " I just wanted you to know I'm genuinely sorry. For being such a bastard. That I'm truly sorry for everything I did ... That I regret hurting you more than anything I've ever done. I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't deserve that ... I, uh, I just wanted you to know how I feel, 's all ... "

I suddenly turned on my heel to walk away, almost stumbling as I did so, my usual grace and agility having deserted me. As I did so, I failed to see Seth exchange a look with Jacob and give his forearm a reassuring squeeze.

" Paul ... Wait ! " I froze, my body tensing as I heard him speak. " You're right ... This can't go on. We really do need to talk ... " I slowly turned to look at him. He paused to talk with Leah and Seth, the tone of his voice distinctly warmer. More affectionate. " You go, guys ... I'll catch up with you later. Promise ... "

Leah looked as if she were about to protest, then suddenly reached across and hugged him tightly. " Make damn sure that you do, Pup ... or there'll be hell to pay. Ok ? " He gave a slight nod, then exchanged a sheepish grin with her brother. Seth bounded past me and gave me one of his shy smiles, before yelling at his sister to hurry up.

The elder Clearwater seemed to be in no hurry to leave and sauntered leisurely towards me. She paused and gave me a look that made me feel like a bug under a microscope before sighing heavily.

" 'Bout time you finally saw sense, Meraz, " she said softly. " That you realized that you do care for him. Took you long enough ... Just so that you know, if you ever hurt him again, I'll personally rip off your fucking balls and force-feed them down your throat ... and that's before I make your life a living hell. Got that ? " I could only nod. Going by the steely glint in her eyes, there was no denying that Leah meant every word she'd said. She smiled sweetly. " Good. Glad we got that cleared up ... I'd really hate to hurt you, Paul, 'cos apart from my family, Billy and Jake, you're the only other person on this fucking Res that I actually really like. I'd miss you if you were gone ... "

And with that final remark, she sprinted gracefully across the dunes to join her brother. Leaving me. Confused. Wary. And full of trepidation as I realized I was finally alone ... with Jacob.


T. B. C.