Disclaimer: I do not own anything that I have written. Yep, that is right, I own not even one iota of the below work.
Warnings: Cannon violence, sexuality, and blood. Possibly worse language than the actual movie. Will contain homosexual relationships.
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Chapter Ten
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The call disconnected with three blinks from Tony, the technology working just as made. Of course, he had that quick announcement to make, but that would only take 15 minutes. Suitably dramatic, but showing the concept art and an example, but nothing else was really needed. After which the ass kicking could take place.
Tony's mental dialogue was somewhat sarcastic in its enthusiasm for that particular occurrence once again.
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Three hours, 30 tacos, and 647 sauces, and 1 press conference later, both Tony and Wade were lounging on the billionaire's sofa, surrounded by a plethora of wrappers and packets. The Stark had watched in disgust as Wade not only drowned his tacos in sauce, but also saw fit to just drink it. Really, what sort of plebeian had Tony gained as a friend? You would think a friend of Tony-Fucking-Stark would know that the best way to use leftover sauces was to use it in the making of creative drinks.
When Tony stated such, the look of horror that crossed Wade's face could fuel laughter in third-world countries.
"What the mother fuck? Stark, please tell me that you haven't been wasting perfectly good sauce like that?" Wade whispered, his tone the picture of horror struck, and there was still a bit of sauce on his scarred lips.
Tony mimicked that, "Red... Tell me that you haven't been depriving yourself of delicious mixes because of some obsession over drinking plain sauce..."
A second later, they both burst into hysterical laughter, and was the joke even that funny?
"Hey, I've been wondering something, and don't take this the wrong way, I love seeing that... Unique face around the house, but why the change?" Tony stressed the description with a careful sort of delicacy; he did not want to offend his only remaining human friend. If it still came off as rude, well, at least he'd made an attempt.
Wade grinned, and if Tony had not known the mercenary for months now, the scant left overs of his meal that was left in his straight, white, teeth, would have the Stark cringing in disgust. Now though, it was just a sign of Wade pushing himself to not care about his appearance, "Would I deprive you of such a breathtaking sight?"
The mix of self deprecating humor and Wade's almost flirty tone created a juxtaposition that had Tony giving out another snort of laughter.
"Yeah, your pretty face is just about the only thing that's stopping me from tossing my tacos when I remember that Mexican before exercise isn't such a great idea."
It really wasn't, Tony could feel his insides turning at the thought of such a heavy stomach being put onto the mat against Wade. In general, Tony was shameless about everything in regards to himself – An effect of always having people watching you. Still, the idea of Wade punching him in the stomach only to end up with food chunks being blown all over him a second later was certainly an unappealing idea, even for Tony's humility threshold. Still, Tony had grown to know Wade well enough to say that he wasn't getting out of the sparring. Even being the one signing the mercenary's checks would not be enough to dissuade him from the session.
Surely, as predicted, the mention of their scheduled spar had Wade bouncing up out of his seat and mimicking a hyper-active child within seconds, "I hope you don't think potentially disastrous bowl movements stop the enemy. Now, let's get into the gym, unless you wanna throw down right here?"
Wade through a few mocking punches, 'air boxing' essentially. Tony just rolled his eyes fondly at his sometimes weirdly childish friend, and got up as well, "Might as well get it over with. After this, I'm making you down 10 Flatliners; I want to see how well that healing factor of yours keeps up with alcohol."
Of course, Tony knew that it was likely a useless venture that would waste his good alcohol considering his own, much weaker, healing factor had given him a lot of alcohol resistance. The playful air between the friends was more than worth a few hundred dollars of drink.
And the new hundred dollars of tacos.
... Even worth cleaning the blood that Wade ended up leaving around. That is friendship for you, of the purest and weirdest kind.
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Tony wore one of his under-suits, which were usually used only for planned piloting of the Iron Man suit, as he got ready to spar with Wade. The flexible skin tight material was actually rather ideal for something like this – Part of the reason the material was the go to for 'agents' and people in similar fields. As he walked into the ring, he shot Wade a grin at the whistle of appreciation.
After all, Tony Stark was not one for shame – Especially considering he was currently in the best physical shape of his life.
"You do know that dressing up for me won't make me go easy on you, right? My boxes might get distracted, but you better believe my eyes are on target." Wade finally spoke after his eyes finished wondering, getting into position for the fight, somewhat just standing there loosely, although his fists were clenched slightly at his sides.
Wade did not need to actually prepare himself much – Tony was not good enough to warrant that yet.
Tony shrugged his grin still going full force, "I guess we'll just find out what target it is your eyes are on."
Once Tony was across from Wade, the mercenary shot forward. Tony tracked the motion, and brought his arm up to deflect the simply thrown punch to his face, quickly attempting to give the man a jab in the stomach before he could regain himself, which, of course, had Wade moving out of the way before it could connect.
Now, Tony had been sparring with Wade for months, and he was more than familiar with the man's patterns. Of course, once Wade thought you knew a pattern of movement, it would quickly change. That was what made the mercenary so god damn dangerous in the first place. That did not mean you could not force Wade into a pattern with your own movements. Tony had been getting considerably better at that as time went on, Wade using mostly instinct to battle, and Tony sharpened his, but also his mind was starting to adapt to manipulating a battles flow –
Wade had moved exactly where Tony had wanted him to, and for the first time ever –
Tony spun around, his fist already having been tightened into form, and brought it down onto Wade's face. The surprise on the man's expression a millisecond before he was hit would be something Tony would remember forever –
A foot connected with Tony's chest.
The second it happened, the genius' mind flew through thoughts of what had happened, Wade had been surprised, lashed out quicker than he normally would have, in an area that he never should have... Arc reactor, and hard, so hard that Tony could now feel pain racing through his body. Vision went white, but there was the faintest tinge of blue to it, and the Stark could feel himself falling backwards, the air having been pushed out of his lungs by the jarring feeling of metal against bone, and just pain.
Everything was scrambled in the genius' mind, but somehow he could feel himself hit the floor, his reflexes not even kicking in to stop a harder crash, and the second he hit the ground, it felt like lightening stuck.
Emanating from his arc-reactor, spreading down through his limbs, and into the floor, just all around him. In that second, hour, however long it was, Tony could feel everything, he could not see, but he could feel, but it was not touch, it was... A weird sensation, like pressure all around him, he could feel things pressed against him, energy being moved and forced downward – Then poison, dying, breathing, and everything around him was just one big cycle of death and rebirth through other means, and he was free in a way that couldn't be explained...
Slap
And Tony gasped for breath, his vision focused out of white, and into a blur of red and black. He could hear the frantic movements of Wade Wilson, the blubbering nonsense that came out of his mouth whenever he was nervous or guilty about something. Even knowing what the mercenary meant, Tony just didn't feel capable of actually comprehending the words.
It felt like forever until his mind finally started to reboot itself.
"– If you stay alive, I'll try all the sauce drinks, I swear! I'll even introduce you to my daughter, she's great, and you'll love each other. Oh, I know, if you stop just laying there, I'll get you donuts! You like donuts, who doesn't like donuts, do you want a donut? Oh god, if you wake up, I'll never eat another taco again. I'll always do my homework. I'll stop unaliving assholes, okay, that one was a lie, but I'll unalive more of them with extreme prejudice. I'll even do more research to make sure I get the right guy –"
"Fuck Wade, you're making my head worse." Tony eventually hissed out, still staring at the ceiling, which was spotted with a frantic Deadpool pacing right over Tony's head.
"YOU'RE ALIVE!" Wade exclaimed, sounding a mix of astonished and relieved, "– Not that I doubted you, of course, but you were just sort of laying there and not moving for like... 10 minutes, and your eyes were doing a weird glow thing, and I knew I couldn't call for help, but I also knew that you needed help, so I was really worried and –"
"You little fucker, you kicked me in the arc-reactor." Tony remembered, finally brining a hand up and touching his arc-reactor, running across it, trying to make sure that nothing important was jarred out of place physically, "You should know better than to kick a man in his sweet spot like that."
"Most men in our profession wear protection, so it's usually not that much of an issue." Wade defended, even though Tony knew that the dirty fighting mercenary was more than willing to take such a cheap shot if it got him the win.
The tone was forcefully mirthful, when really all Tony wanted to do was lock himself in the lab and make sure that the reactor was okay, and to think about what the hell his mind just did. He was probably so close to death he did that, 'see the light' thing that people reported. At least, that seemed the most likely, but if it was another effect of the arc-reactors element that needed testing, needed to make sure that nothing had changed. God, Tony only just realized how many things he had to do. So many tests, ideas, and yet there seemed to be something just on the edge of his understanding that was now out of reach.
Tony was an atheist, but he imaged this was how people felt when they were supposedly on the precipice of higher understanding.
With a groan, Tony sat up, and was surprised by the relative painlessness he felt. He always hurt, his chest too tight, the arc-reactor pushing against his bones uncomfortably, but compared to the lightning bolt of pain that he had just experienced, he was totally fine. Almost as though the whole thing had never happened, and Tony didn't know whether to be thankful or scared.
If Wade said something more, Tony was already on his way to the lab, and was far too entranced by his own thoughts to really pay attention.
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Twelve hours in the lab had lead to nothing other than another list of unanswerable questions. Such was the normal when it came to the element that was mutating Tony. The only answer that was given was JARVIS stating that when Tony was kicked, the healing factor kicked up exponentially, a rating level that, for all of ten minutes, had nearly matched that of Wade Wilson.
Tony could just imagine the indignant sound the mercenary would make at that, including potentially an accusation of an attempt of stealing his badass ability.
It was both frustrating, and incredibly compelling that Tony couldn't figure out what was happening to him.
So fascinating, that JARVIS told Wade to collect the inventor from the lab, before the sleep deprivation started to be harmful, and of course, Wade did so by making Tony pliant with promises of flatliners and other saucy mixed drinks.
"Hey, you mentioned a daughter when I was gasping for life after an injury you gave me?" Tony slurred, having finally ingested enough alcohol to actually bring himself to intoxication – and boy did Tony try to lay the guilt on thick without even the mild form of brain to mouth filter that he usually had.
Wade was barely tipsy, if that, but answered quickly, "Yep! In some universes I don't. Pretty sure that she's not in the movie verse of me, but yeah, rambling, Ellie, she's so beautiful, perfect, smart little thing, she stays with an old friend... It makes me worried, because if someone were to find her, but yeah. Hey, did you want to meet her?"
The rambling was nervous, and in his drunken state Tony could not tell of Wade wanted him to say yes or not, but hey, Wade had a kid. That was far too interesting to not check out.
Oh man, I wonder if she has tentacles, Tony thought his drunken mind running the possibilities, finding them low, but god that would be so funny and Wade is a mutant, so still mildly possible, "Hell yes! Let's see this girl."
"To New York we go!" Wade grabbed Tony's shoulder, and a second later, they left the mansion for New York, Tony had wanted to stop the mercenary, remind him that teleportation was not good for the normies, and maybe even that despite the increased healing, Tony couldn't regrow limbs but the words didn't have the time to escape before they blinked into existence in front of some shady bar.