Author's note: This is a rewrite of an original story I published long ago. It was recently stolen a few times so I've made some changes to the storyline. Hope you enjoy!
Warning: Adult content
Disclaimer: Do not own Glee
Please Review!
She's lying on his bare chest, one hand wrapped around his bicep and the other exploring the thin patch of hair that's recently begun to sprout below his navel. Even though they didn't have sex, they're naked anyway, the two of them laying contently on his bed in his messy room enjoying each other's company while his mother and sister are out for the day.
She buries her face into his chest and tries to mold herself to him. This is where she's safe, this is home. Ever since Leroy had snuck into her room three nights ago she's found every excuse to be with Noah or anywhere but that house. She doesn't consider it home anymore and she doesn't consider either of her fathers' parents anymore. Parents do not intentionally hurt their children . . .unless they deserve it. Did she deserve to be punished that way? She recalls her daddy's words, "Just relax and enjoy it, Rachel, this is all you'll ever be good for."
Perhaps what he said is true, sex is the only thing she'd ever be good for. She shakes her head, even though she's barely thirteen she knows her place as a lady is not to please men, she'd learned about women's rights in history class. She's a firm believer that women can do anything men can do and believing that she's only good for sex goes against everything feminism stands for. And even with this knowledge and firm belief, she can't help but to dwell on it. There has to be a reason for Leroy's cruel actions and missing his partner just isn't a good enough excuse. She needs to know why Leroy raped her, why he used her, why he took away her dignity, and made himself superior to her. She needs an answer, she refuses to believe this is her fault any longer.
She looks up at her boyfriend who's resting peacefully, his arms wrapped arm her midsection and his face buried in her hair.
"Noah, may I ask you a question?" she whispers quietly.
He blinks open his eyes in surprise. She hasn't spoken once since she crawled through his window this morning when he'd just been lying in bed enjoying his Sunday. Not even when he jumped up in surprise exposing his naked body, she simply stripped down and climbed in bed with him, snuggling against his newly formed muscles. In fact, it's been nearly three days since she's spoken to him and he's not entirely sure why. He thinks it might have something to do with what they did the night before her Bat Mitzvah, but he's too afraid to ask, he knows he won't be able to live with himself if she tells him that she regrets it. That night was so magical and so perfect for both of them, he's completely in love with her and if his worst fears are confirmed, he just might die.
He sits up and she adjusts herself on top of him, suppressing a groan when her leg brushes against his hardening member. "Is this about what we did the other night?" he asks and he feels her nod against him.
He sighs, "I don't regret it, Rachel. I don't regret one minute of it, I love you and sharing that with you was beyond my wildest dreams. You know I'm not good with all that lovey-dovey shit, but that was just. . ." he trails off, running his hand through his strip of hair. "You don't regret it, do you? I mean, I didn't pressure you did I? You were sure right? You were just so beautiful, I know I was a little fast and maybe too rough. You did say you were ready, please tell me you wanted it as much as I did, I can't even think about hurting you that way."
Tears well up in her eyes, but she wipes them away before he sees. Of course she wanted it, she wanted to be with him every minute of every day and being able to connect with him that way, being able to truly become one was mind-blowing. This is her Noah, the young man who will protect her from anything, the one who took his time and made passionate sweet love to her, making each and every moment a memorable one. She loves this young man more than she's ever loved anything, more than Broadway, more than singing and music in general.
She squeezes him tightly. "I love you, Noah, so much that it physically hurts sometimes, but that night is something I'll never regret. It was perfect, you're perfect, and I couldn't have imagined a better first time. You're my prince, Noah Puckerman, and being with you is like a fairytale, I'll never regret anything we do together, ever," she says.
He releases a deep relieved breath and kisses her head softly. "Thank God, I just I couldn't even imagine taking advantage of you, the thought just makes me sick."
She wipes the tears away. Her question is answered now, it all makes perfect sense. Her life with Noah is a fairytale and in fairytales something bad always happens to the princess before she can be with her prince. Either she's kidnapped or turned into animal, cursed with a wicked spell, or in Rachel's case, she's raped. Every story needs a climax. Regardless of the evil the princess must face, she always finds her way back to her prince and that's why she's here with Noah. She's not naïve enough to believe that Leroy won't hurt her again, but at least now she knows why. She's a princess, a filthy, disgusting, whore of a princess, but a princess nonetheless and she must endure the pain of living with Leroy before she can have her prince and live happily ever after. It all makes sense in her twelve year old mind.
"What was your question?" he asks, running his hand down her back teasingly. She shivers and squirms against him, his touch not as welcome as it once was.
"It doesn't matter, it wasn't that important," she mumbles as she snuggles in closer to her prince, telling herself that he's not Leroy and he would never hurt her.
"Babe," he whispers, slipping his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look into his molten hazel eyes. "You haven't spoken to me in over three days for reasons beyond my knowledge, whatever question you have must be pretty damn important or else you wouldn't have brought it up. You're forgetting that I know you, I can read you like a book and right now you've got something swimming around in that pretty little head of yours that's clearly upsetting you."
She frowns, she forgets how well he knows her, how well he pays attention to the little things she does, she forgets what a perceptive person he is and she's terrified that he'll find out about Leroy. He can't know, ever. No prince wants a tainted princess, no matter how much they love each other.
She chews her lip, he's not giving up, he wants an answer and she doesn't have one for him. She glances down as his gloriously beautiful body and her eyes catch on the half-hard member between his legs and an idea hits. Maybe she can distract him, he's a sixteen-year-old boy after all, sex is always on his mind and they're already naked. She didn't intend on stripping down and mounting him, but she was just so desperate to feel him, to make sure that he was real and that he was there and that Leroy hadn't taken away her ability as well as everything else. She had been so numb these past three days.
"Can we do it again?" she asks quietly. It's not the question she had originally wanted to ask, but maybe if she makes love to Noah she'll forget all about Leroy. Maybe all she needs is to be with him and everything will be okay.
He shakes his head, he must not be hearing her correctly. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
She blushes as she runs her hands over his chest, feeling the soft bristly hair beneath her fingertips. She doesn't want to ask again, just the idea of having Noah somewhere Leroy has been sickens her, but she needs to know if he can make her better, if he can take away her pain.
"Will you make love to me, again?" she whispers against his ear.
He groans and something inside her spikes. She runs her fingers down his newly defined abdominal muscles, her eyes widening as she watches his member react to each and every one of her touches. It's like she's in complete control over his body much like the way Leroy was over her and she likes it. She realizes how completely sick and twisted it is, but she doesn't care, she wants him. She wants to take complete control over him and gain back what she lost to Leroy.
She begins sliding her hands all over his body all while he fists the sheets beneath him in his hands. She's touching him everywhere, except where he truly wants it, kissing his most sensitive places and it's driving him insane. She loves every minute of it, touching him and feeling him takes her mind off of her father touching her.
She can see the effect she has on him, the way his body reacts to her. His eyes are closed, eyebrows scrunched and a light sheen of sweat is forming across his forehead, each of his muscles flex under her fingertips and she kisses every part she can reach, his salty skin awakening all of her taste buds.
"Rachel," he groans pitifully. "Please, babe, you're killing me." If it were any other situation, he would chastise himself for being such a pansy, but lying here with his dick as hard as a rock and his naked unbelievably gorgeous girlfriend on top of him, teasing him into oblivion is not one of them.
She smiles sadistically and leans down, connecting their lips in a scorching kiss while she straddles him, her wet heat hovering only a few inches above his painfully hard member.
"Babe," he moans in-between kisses, trying to guide himself inside her.
"I love you, Noah," she whispers and if he weren't so completely focused on not blowing his load he might have caught the way she was trembling above him or the tears she was forcing back or the way her voice cracked.
Deciding that he's had enough of her delicious torture he grabs her hips with his large hands and plants his feet against the mattress, rubbing his swollen cock again the lips of her sex. He groans loudly and throws his head back while Rachel freezes, her hands planted on his chest.
The hands on her body feel way too close to Leroy's and the member brushing against her is making her sick. She's just about to pull away when a malicious voice rings in her head.
"Take control," the voice says. "Take control of him the way your daddy did to you. Don't be ashamed, it's what dirty little sluts like you do best."
She shakes her head, but the voice is still there, haunting her, tormenting her. She wants control, she needs it and if having it this way can take her mind off of Leroy than she'll do it. Besides, it wasn't like Noah was complaining, the boy was so lost in love and pleasure he didn't even notice the tears streaming down her face.
She removes his hands from her hips, pinning them above his head where he cannot touch her. She doesn't want him to touch her, she doesn't want him to feel the filth that's permanently marked her body. Oddly enough she's okay with touching him, she suspects it's because when she touches him, she's in control. She can feel him without spreading her filth, but him touching her is too much for her. She decides to test this theory and slowly she lowers herself, taking him in her hand and sinks down on him, letting him stretch and fill her the way he's meant to.
"Fuck, Rach," he hisses as he squeezes his eyes shut. "God, you feel so good, babe."
It's hurts when he's inside her, she's still sore from Leroy, but she welcomes the pain. It's different this time anyway, Noah is not trying to hurt her, and she knows he'd never intentionally hurt her. She wants to pleasure him, she wants desperately to reach that point where she can let go and forget about everything execpt her prince, her Noah.
She begins moving on top of, letting his thrusting hips and moans guide her. She hears his words of admiration as he tells her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her, but her brain doesn't recognize it that way, the voice in her head completely overruling Noah's until all she can hear is Leroy.
"Take it, Rachel, take it all you disgusting whore. This is what you were meant for, this is all you'll ever be."
She rides him harder, grinding her body against his in order to rid herself of the voice, but it only becomes stronger and the closer she gets to climax the more evil it becomes. She can't stop the tears pouring down her face and she digs her nails into his chest as she moves against him, pleasure begging to take over the wicked voice in her head.
He doesn't know exactly what's gotten into Rachel, but at this point he doesn't really care. She's riding him without abandon and he's trying his hardest to pleasure her the way she deserves. He loves the girl on top of him and even though he knows something is up, he's not going to question it. Girls are complicated and he and Rachel have their whole lives ahead of them to figure things out, for now he just wants to worship her and treat her like the princess she is.
The voice fades away and she's left falling, crashing through waves and waves of pleasure better than anything she's ever felt. She hears both herself and Noah scream their orgasms together before she collapses on top of him, her tears blending with the sweat on his chest.
"That's was fucking amazing, babe," he pants as he runs his fingers through her hair.
She winces but doesn't pull away. This is Noah, her Noah, her prince. He's the boy that makes her feel beautiful when she's not, holds her when she cries, and keeps her safe when evil is after her. She feels awful for what she's just done, for taking control over her boyfriend and the dopey grin on his face makes her feel even guiltier. She wants to come clean and tell him all about Leroy, but she can't risk losing him.
After all, he's her prince and she's going to fight like hell to get her happy ending. Even if she nearly kills herself in the process.
3:00 A.M.
She wakes with a start, jumping up and scanning her surroundings. Her stomach rolls with nausea, her head pounds, and her ribs ache, but she swallows it down and breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes where she is. She's on a train with her children sleeping peacefully on her lap, the train's continuous engine soothing them in their slumber.
She sighs and runs a hand through her messy hair as memories of the previous night come flashing before her eyes. She removes a hand from her son's back and uses it to suppress the sob of pure happiness. She did it, she's free. After all of the pain and anguish, she's finally free to find her prince. Of course, she doesn't expect him to be with her or even love her after what she did to him, hell, he may not even want to look at her after he sees how truly disgusting he is, but she has to try. She has no one else besides her children and they deserve better.
She's startled by one of the attendants who offers her a tissue and tells her they'll be arriving at their location in a matter of minutes. She hadn't even realized she was crying. She thanks the woman, looking up at her from her sear as she dabs at her eyes. The attendant stares in horror at Rachel and for a moment she's offended until she remembers that the make-up covering her face has probably worn off by now and all her bruises are on display. The filth that she tries so hard to hide is now open for the world to see. She sits up and wipes her tears, slowly waking her children who wipe their tired eyes and look around in confusion.
She hums softly as she smoothes out her son's wrinkled pants and adjusts the red-checkered bow tie around his neck. She can't help but smile, he's just too cute in his little vest. She thinks he looks like a little man, handsome and sophisticated. She runs her hands through his hair in attempt to calm the unruly mess, but as usual it sticks straight up. She holds him close and plants a big wet kiss on both toddlers' cheeks as the train rolls to a stop. She's so happy, she almost forgets the severe pain in her ribs.
"This is it my loves. This is our new life," she whispers.
4:45 A.M.
Nova whimpers as she buries her face in her mother's neck. Everything has happened so quickly and now she's in a strange quiet place so unlike her home in New York. She's scared shitless, but she's got her mother and her brother who stands on the ground, gripping Rachel's dress tightly. They're standing on the front porch of a small white house and Nova can't help but smile a little bit. It's so much smaller than the large apartment building they just fled from, almost like her favorite dollhouse she left behind.
The cab driver brings up their duffel bag and drives off before Rachel even has a chance to back out. Not that she has anywhere to go anyway. She's standing alone in the only place she can consider a home.
The house is too quiet and for a moment she thinks that no one is home. She knows that's not the case since it's nearly five in the morning. She desperately needs somewhere to stay and rest her aching body. Slowly, she reaches forward, one hand holding her daughter against her and the other reaching forward to knock on the door. Almost immediately she spots a light turn on upstairs, followed by pounding footsteps before the door is thrown open and she's met with a pair of familiar hazel eyes.
The girl scrunches her eyebrows together in deep thought before lowering the bat she has in her left hand. She takes a step back and opens her mouth.
"Rachel?" she whispers quietly, her hands coming up to cover her gaping mouth.
Rachel smiles softly and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear with her free hand, she lifts Nova higher on her hip ignoring the stab of pain she feels in her ribs.
"Hi, Bekah, I hope I'm not disturbing anything, I was wondering if I could maybe come in for a bit?" she asks quietly.
"Fuck, Rachel, it is you!" she exclaims, shaking her head in excitement. "Holy shit, I almost killed you, I thought you were some creep or something." She laughs, opening the door and stepping out onto the porch.
"Hey, Ma!" she yells into the house. "Come here, you'll never fucking guess who's at the door!"
Her children's eyes widen as the girl steps aside and a larger woman stands in front of the door, squinting her tired eyes in confusion.
"Rebekah Puckerman, I've told you a million times to stop yelling in the house and if I hear one more swear word from you I'll . . ." she trails off as she comes face to face with green eyes identical to her own.
It's suddenly silent, shock and apprehension heavy in the air. It's enormously uncomfortable and the tension brings a bout of nausea Rachel swallows down with a pained gulp. Pain and exhaustion taking their toll on her body, the adrenaline rush she'd had a few hours ago is now gone and she's suffering from the withdrawal.
The night sounds of crickets and cicadas become overwhelming in the silence and it bothers Nova. She's used to loud, she's a New Yorker, it's never quiet outside. She decides she's had enough.
"Hi," she says shyly to the woman who's openly gaping at her, disentangling herself from her mother to wave a chubby hand.
The older woman's only response is placing a hand over her heart with a gasp. Rachel feels her son tug her dress and she clears her throat, drawing the older woman's attention.
"Hi, Deborah, I know it's been a while, but I was wondering if we could talk, Noah isn't here by any chance is he?" she asks quietly.
Deborah stands in front of her door, her mouth opening and closely like a fish. Her brain failing to process what her eyes are seeing.
"Ma!" Rebekah yells, getting the older woman's attention. "It's Rachel Fucking Berry, I told you she'd come back!"
The oldest brunette shakes her head. "My God, Rachel Berry," she whispers and before she stop it, her and Nova are being pulled into a bone crushing hug while her son stands on the porch, his mouth wide open. Rachel tries her hardest not to pull away, she hasn't been hugged in almost two years. She inhales deeply pain radiating through her chest while a sweet unknown smile fills her nose and warms her heart. The urge to flee is still there, she's not used to others touching her and not being hurt, but after a while she realizes she doesn't want to. It's home she's smelling.
Deborah places her hand on the trembling girl's back and guides her into her home. "Come on in, have a seat," she says, pulling the trio into the house. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? I can warm up the stew I made for dinner," she says, a huge smile across her face. She's rambling but she just can't help it. The little girl she'd considered a daughter is back and she's too excited to control her word vomit.
"I just can't believe you're back! And who are these two, they're just adorable," she coos as she tickles Nova's belly and to Rachel's complete shock, the little girl lets her, she even giggles.
"I bet they're hungry too. Rebekah!" she barks at the teenager. "Make yourself useful and get our guests something to drink, there's juice in the refrigerator."
Rebekah heads to her kitchen and digs out two smaller cups and some juice. She tries to keep calm and maintain her badass image, but seeing Rachel in this condition is killing her. She doesn't know what happened between her brother and the girl she thought was a living Disney princess, she was too young to remember or understand. She didn't however, forget how much she adored Rachel, how much she used to love playing with her and singing with her. Rachel was her only sister and then she just left. It wasn't fair, but if it's anything she's learned from her asshole father it's that family doesn't turn their back on family unless something is wrong.
She hides in the corner and strains to hear what her mother is saying to Rachel, she knows she'll get into trouble for this, but she has to know why her big sister left her.
Deborah turns her attention back to Rachel and the babies, the light from her living finally giving her an actual view. She frowns when she realizes the marks covering Rachel's face. She's tempted to just come right out and ask, subtly has never been a strong point for her, but she doesn't want to scare the girl away, she looks fragile enough as it is. Instead she remains calm for Rachel and the children's sake, she knows there's a reason Rachel Berry is in her living at five in the morning after disappearing years ago.
"Ms. Puckerman," Rachel begins, her voice shaky. "I hope I'm not intruding and I know it's rather late-or early for that matter-but I'm looking for Noah," Rachel says, the exhaustion written in her eyes.
"Noah isn't here Rachel," Deborah says slowly and calmly, the girl looks as if she could break at any moment. "He's at Ohio State now, he got a football scholarship and he's been there ever since."
Rachel's face falls. Of course he's not here, it's been two and a half years for crying out loud. In the back of her mind, she knew he went away for school, she just couldn't bring herself to accept the fact that she has no where to go. She didn't want to accept that he would move on and have another life, one that doesn't include her.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Puckerman, I don't know what I was thinking coming here. I just wanted to see him and part of me knew he wouldn't be here. I mean it's been two years and I…I was so awful to him, he probably hates me and I just. . ." she trails off, biting her lip to keep back the burning tears. "I'll just be on my way," she says taking her son's hand as she heads for the door. She doesn't want to fall apart now, she's come so far.
"Now you wait just a minute," Deborah says as she blocks Rachel's path with one arm thrown across the doorway. "I haven't seen you in two years and now you show up at my doorstep beaten to a pulp with two kids and no explanation? I don't think so young lady, you owe me more than that. I am your mother, I practically raised you. I want the truth and I want it now!" she demands, her red polished fingernail pointing straight at her bruised chest. Her voice holds a tone that only a mother can attain, a mother that cares about her children.
Rachel gulps, teas spilling down her eyes. Deborah is right Rachel realizes, she can't run anymore. She only has a few people that care about her left and she cannot keep hurting them.
She takes a shuddering breath. "I c-can't, you'll h-hate me."
Deborah sighs, she wants to plead with the girl, beg her to just spill the truth. She has so many questions, she doesn't even know where to begin. She knows she can't demand anything from Rachel, not while she's in this condition, but she won't be disrespected by the girl she loved so much.
"Rachel," Deborah begins tiredly. "You broke my son's heart four years ago for no reason and I do not hate you. You caused him so much pain that he ended up impregnating some blonde gentile cheerleader that he didn't love and I do not hate you. You left Lima without a single goodbye knowing how much we care about you and I do not hate you. Rachel, you have destroyed my Noah and turned him into this bitter Puck shmuck that only calls on holidays and never visits because he can't stand to be here without you and I still do not hate you. I can never hate you because there was a time when my son couldn't go a day without seeing you, a second without talking about you, or a time when he wasn't thinking about you. You brought him-us-so much happiness. You're family, how can I possibly hate family?"
"You should hate me, everybody else does. Why don't you hate me?" Rachel cries, hiding her tears in her daughter's hair.
"Hate is such a strong word, Rachel. I strongly dislike the choices you've made and the person my son has become because of it, but I don't hate you. It's not possible to hate the people you love with your whole heart," Deborah says as she rubs Rachel's back soothingly, noticing the way the girl flinched in response.
Deborah sighs tiredly, she doesn't understand what could have happened to this poor girl to break her down to this point, but she's determined to find out. Rachel needs help and she'd rather die before leaving behind one of her own.
She places a small kiss on Rachel's forehead, guiding her further into the living room. "Why don't you have a seat and let the children rest while you and I talk, it's been so long, but there hasn't been one single day when I didn't think of you."
Rachel nods thankfully and carefully lowers herself into the chair across from the couch, wincing at her protesting ribs. She tucks her daughter into the corner of the overstuffed recliner while her son climbs into her lap, resting his head against her chest.
Deborah watches as the tired toddlers cling to Rachel and plops down on the couch facing them.
"So," she begins, sitting back and crossing her legs. "How's your family?" she asks and Rachel stiffens. "The last I heard your father, Leroy, was in prison, what happened?"
She notices the way the girl freezes at the mention of her family and how the empty look in her eyes becomes one filled with pain and sadness. She quickly changes the topic, "Never mind that, why don't you tell me who these precious babies are?"
She reaches her arms out towards the half-asleep little girl in the corner who surprisingly holds her chubby arms out as well. Rachel struggles to lift the tiny girl into Deborah's arms and almost immediately she cuddles to the older woman as if she's known her for years.
"This is my daughter, Nova," Rachel says proudly and the little girl smiles a much too familiar smile at Deborah.
"She's gorgeous, Rachel. You always did have a thing for stars, didn't you?" she asks.
Rachel nods, "Yes, but I choose the name because of its Latin root meaning 'new'."
"She's a mini super Nova, isn't she? I bet she's gonna be a star someday. How old is she?" Rebekah asks as she brings in two cups filled with apple juice. She was tired of eavesdropping from the kitchen.
"They'll be two in a few months," Rachel says as her son climbs off her lap and into Rebekah's. He takes the cup of juice and gulps it down, giggling and babbling as he does so. Rebekah smiles and tickles his chubby little belly as he spills half of the juice in her lap. Rachel gives her an apologetic glance, but the teenager only shrugs.
"They're twins?" Deborah asks, comparing the size difference between the two. The little boy seemed so much bigger than his sister.
"Yes, they were a miracle believe it or not. There were some complications with the pregnancy, but they're okay now, both very healthy," Rachel says, a serene look on her face and Deborah smiles, she can tell how much love Rachel has for her babies.
"What's this cutie's name?" Rebekah says, wiping the spilled juice from her shirt and ruffling the boy's messy hair.
Rachel pauses, she knew this was going to be difficult, but it's now or never. "His name is Noah," she says quietly and the following silence almost kills her. "Noah Aiden Puckerman."