Chapter 10
Playing To Lose
2 years ago
"Chloe! There you are," Alex's shouts in relief as soon as Chloe steps out in the restroom but her focus wasn't entirely there as she looks around at the hallway filled with staff hurriedly running around to get work done.
"You almost gave everyone a heart attack. You'll be up in about an hour so please stop disappearing—" Alex doesn't get to finish his sentence as Chloe moves to walk past him, hand gripping a pink and silver bandana while her eyes kept searching.
"Chloe! What the hell?" Alex questions from behind, her manager trying to keep up to her hurried strides only to almost bump into her when she abruptly comes to a halt. It was only when she was a few steps away from walking out the backstage and into the crowd that her manager has gotten hold of her. His grip however, doesn't stop Chloe from peeking out of the door.
"Did you see the girl who walked out of the restroom before I did?" she finally asks, ignoring the curious looks some of the staff were throwing her way while Alex pauses, seemingly trying to recall if he did.
"She's about my height, uh, pink and glittery—no, silver! Yes, right, she had this tight mini-dress like those girls on… Formula One!" Chloe says anxiously like she's finally got the answer to one of those chemistry problems in high school as Alex's frown deepens.
"She was wearing a cap—wait, I think it's a visor. Anyways, she had a pink sparkling star painted on her eye!" Chloe says, pausing to remember if it was on the left or the right. Figuring that she doesn't have the specific details, Chloe just decides to continue. "The point is, I really, really need to see her," Chloe pleads, looking at Alex sucks in a deep breath finally nods.
"Alright, how about you go back to the waiting room and I have some people find this… this mysterious pink Formula One girl with stars in her eyes—"
"No, just one! One star in the uhm left side?" Chloe quickly corrects him in frustration as Alex nods again, raising up his hands in apology.
"Okay, one star, got it," he repeats before taking both her hands and this time he is the one pleading. "I'll find her, wrap her up in Christmas paper and send her to you," Alex assures her and before Chloe could say anything else she is ushered back to her room where surprisingly, Aubrey is waiting.
"Chlo! Where've you been? God, the traffic was just killing me," Aubrey says as she places down her designer bag and a to-go cup of Chloe's favourite frappe on the table, her trusty iPad in one hand.
"I don't know. Getting dumped in the restroom, maybe?" Chloe suggests tiredly before dropping down at the make-up chair where her hair and make-up team quickly get to work. She could see Aubrey look up from her iPad, her face falling into shock.
"What?! Sean?" Aubrey asks, giving her a look of concern and Chloe instinctively grips the pink bandana tighter.
"I don't want to talk about it," she says softly with a sigh, forcing down another batch of tears that are threatening to fall.
"Stop," Aubrey suddenly orders as she walks in front of Chloe, waving her hand dismissively at the stylists. "Give us a minute, please," she says as Chloe's team hurriedly leaves them.
"Hey," Aubrey's tone softens as Chloe looks at anywhere but her friend. "Chlo, do you want to cancel?" Aubrey slowly asks, putting a comforting hand over her arm.
Chloe's fingers fidget around, tapping on the arm of the chair and scratching on her forehead as she weighs in on the question, her vision getting blurry as she blinks numerous times. She feels Aubrey crouch down to her level before wrapping her arms around her. The minute Chloe gets engulfed in the embrace only then does her tears start to fall, sobbing as she holds on to her friend tightly.
"You don't have to perform tonight, sweetie. It's okay," Aubrey calmly says, rubbing her back soothingly as Chloe closes her eyes tightly, silently crying on to her shoulder.
"Let's get you home," Aubrey finally says as they break from each other's arms but Chloe quickly looks up, shaking her head.
"No, I'll sing tonight. The fans are waiting outside," she says determinedly and Aubrey was quick to convince her otherwise.
"In your condition? No. Chlo, your fans will have to keep waiting," Aubrey firmly says but Chloe immediately counters.
"I want to sing for them. They want to hear my voice," Chloe says as she lifts up the bandana she's been wiping her tears with all this time in front of Aubrey. "Tie this for me, please?" her friend looks at her then at the piece of cloth hanging on her wrist before giving in and tying it around her wrist.
"Is this from the radio station?" Aubrey asks, looking at the cloth like she does critically on any dish served on her table. The verdict would most probably be a big fat 'No' as the pink-silver colour combination clashed with her dark blue jacket, white top and black high-waisted shorts but none of that mattered. After all being fashionable is being a rebel to the norm.
"No, it's from a friend," Chloe answers and lightly smiles as Aubrey finally ties the piece of cloth around her wrist. Unknowingly, it will be a constant reminder to Chloe that somewhere out there somebody understood, that Chloe wasn't alone and that no matter how hard or how many times she falls down she'd be she'd always be able to climb up that damn ladder again.
Until the last minute, before her performance, Aubrey kept asking her if she really was okay and every single time Chloe assures her that she'd rather be up on stage than anywhere else tonight. Music is always her source of comfort. Her fans, their cheers are the only consolation Chloe has in such a toxic business. Stepping up the stage, she puts up her biggest smile and faces the world with the brightest version of herself. She pours all of it into her songs and pushes harder in her performance until she finishes it flawlessly.
Breathless, she thanks everyone, trying to blink back tears as she waves and quickly retreats backstage to quickly wipe the corner of her eyes. As soon as Alex grabs hold of her, Chloe finds herself whisked away to the exit but not after being quickly interviewed about the event and her current album. She gives out practiced and diplomatic answers with a small smile, posing for the cameras before continuing on.
"There was a mess up on the schedules for your music video filming and now we have to fly off to Ibiza tonight," Alex tells her apologetically and Chloe nods before everything starts sinking in.
"Wait, tonight?!" she asks in disbelief, stopping in her tracks and causing Aubrey to bump into her.
"Those idiots are the ones who messed up why does Chloe have to suffer?" Aubrey mutters angrily, shaking her head while Chloe looks back to where they just walked from. There wasn't really an issue on her part, the reason for her surprise was entirely something else and it comes in the form of pink and silver.
"Alex, did you find her?" Chloe asks eagerly and her manager momentarily looked confused. "Who—"
"That girl! Stars!" she blurts out and Alex's widen at the thought while Aubrey gives out a puzzled, "Who?"
"Oh right!" he exclaims, snapping his fingers before adjusting his glasses. "There are five of them wearing that outfit you described who work on the radio station's booth, Chlo… but that's all I have since the producers for the music video just called and well, mayhem broke," Alex says guiltily before pulling Chloe along again towards the exit only to stop again when Chloe resists.
"Good, then it'll just take five minutes and then we can leave," she reasons, already swivelling on her heels and going back. This time, it's Aubrey who catches her.
"Nope, bad idea," her friend says, giving Chloe a warning look. "You're forgetting that there are thousands of people out there, Chlo. You can't step out there without being groped, crushed and killed," Aubrey firmly points out.
"But I just want to return something!" Chloe protests, her eyes going down to the bandana still tied up on her wrist. She needed to give it back, or at least use it as an excuse to get the girl's name—maybe even her number.
"You have to leave it, Chlo. We're going to miss our flight if we keep stalling. I had a hard time booking one in the last minute," Alex adds, also taking hold of Chloe's other arm and this time successfully pulling her away in the opposite direction.
"B-But…" Chloe's resolve falters as she is safely brought to her car, looking back at the stadium sadly. She sighs and takes her iPod instead, plugging in her earphones and allowing herself to sink into the music instead, hoping, wishing, praying that one day their paths would cross again.
One day.
Present time
The bright light bathes Chloe as she moans, eyes squinting at the brightness assaulting her eyes and her frown deepening as she feels the dryness of her throat. She could smell the familiar scent of alcohol, medicine, and clean fabric detergent which means she is back in the hospital except this time it looked smaller. They seemed to have brought her to a nearby clinic this time. Feeling lost and scared, she blinks, trying to get hold of where she was or what was happening. She tries to move when she feels her hand trapped in someone's grasp. She looks over to her side and finds dark brown hair spilled messily on her arm.
"Beca,"
Chloe sighs in relief at the sight of the sleeping female, her head resting next to Chloe's arm while her hands held hers captive. Gradually sliding out of Beca's hold, she runs her fingers gently onto the tiny brunette's hair. The light motion wakes the DJ up with a start as Chloe tries not to the chuckle at how heart-warming it was when Beca suddenly sits up and looks at her with excessive concern.
"Dude! Seriously, you have to stop doing that!" Beca says worriedly. "Did you know how much you scared me? It's not cool at all, Conrad!" she continues on and Chloe realizes just how happy she was to wake up in the wrong body. For a second there it did feel like she went back. "It's really not funny, I thought you died!" Beca almost shouts as Chloe smiles weakly.
"I'd never leave you, dummy," Chloe says as she sits up, her hand finding Beca's. Her eyes search into those dark blue orbs and finds fear and relief in them. "Together forever, right?" Chloe's words seem to have stirred something in Beca and soon Chloe is engulfed in a rare tight hug coming from the brunette.
"I didn't mean it when I said I wasn't going to give you anymore hugs," the tiny female murmurs before awkwardly adding, "Just… don't tell the boys I said that," and Chloe laughs before it fades as a troubling thought lurks in the back of her mind.
For a moment, she really felt that she was back in own body.
If her assumptions are right, then there is a possibility that her dreams were actually real and that every precious second that passes might eventually be her last with Beca. Any moment now, she might just be pulled back into her real life. She still had a lot of questions though. One of them is, when exactly does it happen? Or is there something that triggers it? She's guessed that maybe every time her real body starts regaining consciousness that's when the 'switch' occurs.
The thought of parting from Beca again scares her, more than she realizes and this brings her to suddenly feel desperate. Because no matter how many times she denies it, she knows deep down that being back to Chloe Beale would mean having to be the outsider in Beca's life and that meeting each other would be a very complicated thing. Also, how does she start explaining to Stacie and Beca that she's been a part of their lives, living in their apartment, eating their food and befriending all their friends? Knowing Beca, she'd probably laugh in absurdity and then in an awkwardly painful manner, back away to the other end of the world.
"I have something for you," Chloe admits as Beca finally releases her. The smaller female looks at her curiously as she pulls out something in the pocket of her jeans and places a USB in her open palms.
"What is in this?" Beca asks immediately with an amused smile and Chloe suddenly feels nervous. Chloe's eyes momentarily avoid Beca's and suddenly the white sheets are interesting.
"Uhm, it's just a little something I made… I got some inspiration to write and—"
"You wrote a song? Really?" Beca's excitement is evident in the way her eyes light up with Chloe's words.
"I… got bored?" she supplies with a sheepish smile especially with Beca's, "I'm now fully convinced boredom is good on you,"
Chloe couldn't exactly say the reason why she wrote the song, who she really wrote it for and what it is about. Although, Chloe is pretty sure Beca would instantly get what it means once she listens to it.
"But the thing is, I want you to have it," Chloe says, "You can use it, sing it, whatever—also I didn't have anything for your birthday which I know you don't want to celebrate but I just thought that I still need to give you something even if it's small so…"
"You're giving me a song as a gift?" Beca finishes for her as Chloe shrugs.
"Y…eah?"
Beca's genuine smile is priceless and to Chloe that reaction was better than anything she was ever hoping for.
"Dude, you made a song. That isn't 'small'. Nobody has ever gave me a song," Beca replies, looking down at the small object on her hand the same way any artist looks at their shiny trophies on any awards show.
"I can't wait to hear it," Beca suddenly says, looking back at her before peeking around the room and then offering her hand towards her. "C'mon let's go,"
Chloe frowns a bit at her words, "Where?"
"Out of here? Duh?" Beca says in a matter of fact tone, giving her a look.
"Yeah but," Chloe pauses as her eyes travel to her other hand where an IV was connected. "We need to call the nurse and…" her words trail off as she watches Beca walk around to the other side, hands motioning over to the needle punctured into her veins.
"Becs? What are you doing?" Chloe looks at the brunette in alarm, backing away from Beca's offensive hands.
"Taking that thing off? Well, if you want to keep dragging that then be my guest," she answers simply as Chloe swats her hands away.
"No! Call the nurse," Chloe demands as Beca shifts closer.
"Nah, we got to go, I gave them your fake name anyway so there won't be a problem—"
"What does that supposed to mean? And why the fake name?" Chloe asks before being hushed by Beca.
"So that I can secretly wheel you out of here after midnight and not pay for those expensive stupid extra fees for more tests. It's not like they did surgery on you or something, those greedy bastards," Beca shakes her head before cursing on the clinic and the people who run it. "They don't even know what happened to you and couldn't even give me a straight answer," Beca complains.
"B-But Becs!" Chloe pleads as Beca grabs hold of her hand. "This is crazy!" she squeals as Beca starts peeling the adhesive medical tape.
"Yeah I know, keep it down!" Beca hisses before pausing as Chloe begs her to stop.
"Wait! Have you done this before?" she asks and Beca sighs.
"Yep, it's just one pull and then we're done, Stace. You're not going to die," Beca lazily replies and Chloe doesn't even find it convincing enough. "Look, just bite on my shoulder," Beca finally says.
"Bite where?!" she asks in disbelief while Beca taps her own shoulder for emphasis.
"Hey, look at me," Beca says slowly, gently touching her face as she sees the tears threatening to fall from Chloe's eyes. "Trust me, okay?" Chloe nods and as soon as Beca pulls out the IV, her teeth clamp on to the brunette's shoulders, eyes tightly shut, her shriek muffled against skin.
"Ow! ow! Easy, easy, ow! It's done now! Bad, bad kitten!" Beca protests, trying to keep her voice low while her face grimaced in pain as Chloe opens her eyes. She pulls away, looking at her bruised hand, the needle now dangling in Beca's fingers.
"Eww," she frowns as she looks at her hand, gently pressing it with a clean cloth to stop the blood from spilling out. She then brings back her gaze towards Stacie's best friend.
"Let's go?" she asks as if nothing happened while Beca eyes her cautiously.
"How many more love bites are you going to give me, really?" she mutters, rubbing on her shoulder as Chloe lips tug into a wide grin.
Looking at Beca innocently, she slowly leans and whispers mockingly, "But that's what bad kittens do—"
"I can't, with you—no,"
Chloe already had an idea of the crazy and strange things she would probably experience being in someone else's body but never had she thought that escaping a clinic in the middle of the night like a thief would be one of those. Laughing, she and Beca basically jump in Fat Amy's truck and speed away with the security guard shouting behind.
"Oh my god, that was insane!" Chloe heaved, her hand on her chest where she feels the rapid beating of her heart. Beside her, a smirking Beca driving in full speed, swerving and then turning around the corner sharply making Chloe shriek. Beca hollers in delight as they made it far away, their escape a success.
"My heart is about to explode," Chloe comments, a smile still plastered on her face.
Beca glances at her, looking quite proud. "Feels good, doesn't it?" she asks and Chloe looks back at her, throwing her a meaningful smile.
It was only after a couple of minutes that Chloe slowly realizes that wherever they are heading to is certainly not back home. Looking around, Chloe tries to figure out where exactly they are headed but as they start to exit the city, she returns her focus to Beca who seemed to act like everything was all normal.
Finally giving in to her burning curiosity, Chloe resorts to asking, "Becs, where… exactly are we going? Because I don't think this is the way back to our place,"
The brunette just hums in response and nods, eyes still focused on road ahead with one hand on the wheel while the other hanging out of the window. Exhaling loudly, Chloe tries again, "At least, give me an idea here?" and this time Beca smiles before speaking.
"We're running away, Stace. Far, far away," she says casually and Chloe couldn't make out whether she was joking or serious. But certainly that had to be a joke, right?
"No, really. Where are we going?" she asks, now looking more concerned.
"Far away where no one can find us. Your new name is Bonnie, I'm Clyde, and we love trouble," Beca's smirk earns a playful shove on the shoulder from Chloe.
"I'm serious Becs!" she says but the small curve of her lips betrays her serious façade.
"I'm taking you somewhere nice so, be less violent, will you?" Beca replies and before Chloe could speak, she adds, "We'll be there in a couple of hours but I promise, you'll like it,"
"Like a road trip?" Chloe's suggests, excitement evident in her voice as she looks at Beca keenly while the brunette looked at her proudly.
"I told you we would, right?" Beca says pausing briefly in thought before continuing, "Well, you said you wanted to when we like, got drunk and you were singing me that song by your friend Riri," Beca reminds her as Chloe groans.
"You're really not going to let me live this down, are you?" Chloe grumbles, looking away because her face is heating up again at the particularly interesting memories while Beca shakes her head no.
Chloe would want nothing but to wipe off that mocking smirk off Beca's face but the truth was, she also loved it, loved it enough to want to kiss those lips. Because wouldn't that be an interesting way to wipe off a smirk? But she couldn't do that, not in this body. Looking out to the road, the cool night air whipping her face, Chloe wished to stay like this forever. She felt so good, her heart was calm and life's problems seem so far away. This is exactly what she had been looking for. She did miss her family and her friends but this current moment was making her forget all that.
It did take about a couple of hours to arrive at their destination in spite of a short bathroom break which Chloe thought she'd die from—sweet mother mary, germs, germs everywhere—but she did survive that and Beca had jokingly awarded her a non-existent medal of honour for her bravery in the face of doom. Nevertheless, it was almost 4 in the morning when Chloe was gently woken up from her light nap—'Get up, Jigglypuff. We're here,'
The first thing she sees is rocks, dry land, the side of the road up ahead and some houses. Definitely, not what she is expecting from what Beca had seemed excited to show her. Frowning, she turns to Beca who is now getting off the truck. However, what Chloe hears next brings hope.
The sound of waves crashing on rocks and washing up on the shore.
Turning her head around, that's when she realizes that Beca had parked the car backwards. They were on top of a cliff over-looking the beautiful beach. The sky wasn't that dark anymore and in an hour the sun is about to rise. From the looks of it, they were probably somewhere in San Diego. Opening the car door and jumping off elatedly, Chloe was greeted with the scenic view of the ocean. She gapes at the beauty filling up her eyes and breathes in the fresh ocean air. Walking up to the back of the truck, she sees Beca climbing up and laying down what appears to be a couple of pillows and some comfy-looking blankets. After she finishes, Beca turns to her and offers a hand which Chloe takes and soon, she's wrapped in warm blankets, looking out to the ocean with her favourite cup of tea in her hand and just happy to be next to her favourite person. Unlike Chloe, Beca had black coffee in her own mug. Apparently, the charming brunette packed some snacks and a couple of travel necessities as well.
Beca was right, she did like it a lot. This was surprisingly better than those fancy resorts she's been to. Or maybe it's just better wherever Beca is.
They sit in comfortable silence for a while before Chloe's brow creases a bit in thought, "Why am I Jigglypuff?" she blurts out suddenly as Beca snorts before lifting up her cup of coffee to drink.
"Because you hum a song even in your sleep?" Beca finally replies before adding, "Or when you get drunk,"
"Fine, I'll take that. But if I'm Jigglypuff then you have to admit, you are so Snorlax," Chloe retorts as Beca frowns.
"I'm not that fat," comes the defensive reply.
"Snorlax only wakes up to eat, a lot, or when there is music," Chloe slowly points out and Beca opens her mouth before closing it again in second thought before slowly nodding her head. A small 'Oh' leaving her lips as Chloe smiles.
"Shit, I'm a Snorlax," Beca says in a funny and aware kind of way as a giggle escapes Chloe's lips.
They continue to talk fondly about the little things, sometimes debating about nonsense stuff, all in good fun of course, and Chloe still can't believe how easy it is for them to talk about literally anything. Being with Beca was just so comfortable and smooth. That was until the brunette takes out her laptop that things start to shift a bit. Especially when Beca takes out the USB Chloe gave her earlier which she almost forgot because of their impromptu road trip. Beca then inserts it in the USB port and that's when Chloe's insides start to turning into knots. She's written songs for other singers too but she never recalled being this nervous. Chloe's songs are pieces of her soul and today she is just about to give a huge piece of it to Beca, willingly and whole-heartedly. This time she won't be able to hide behind 'Stacie', all of this is completely her, laid out bare in front of Beca.
The anticipation in Beca's eyes is clear and it shows with just how fast she is to click the audio track. The deep, alluring beat starts slowly and Chloe observes the small tilt of Beca's head and the way her eyebrows raise ever so slightly in surprise. However, a small crease appears on the brunette's forehead before looking back at Chloe questioningly.
"It's a really magnetizing electronic melody and I really love it. It's that good," she pauses and Chloe already knows what she's just about to say, "Have you made any lyrics to this song?" Beca asks as the music continues to float on.
"Yeah. I just haven't recorded any vocals on it yet," Chloe simply answers before reaching out to push a button on Beca's laptop. The song stops mid-way before repeating right back to the start. This time, as the intro plays, Chloe's lips part to sing the song she composed a couple of nights ago.
Rising like the smoke
You linger on me
You got me so high
I can finally breathe
You're walking poetry,
It's what you do to me
Her voice carries on steadily, her eyes looking down before fluttering up to meet Beca's. Chloe holds her gaze, getting lost in those deep blue orbs as she continues to sing, her face almost inches from the listening brunette.
Touch me with no hands
Hold me with your eyes
Unwind me with your mind tonight
Speak with no words
Show me and I'm all yours
Chloe's eyes slowly descent down to Beca's lips, appreciating all of the female's distinct features before finding her eyes once more. She felt drunk without the alcohol in her system. She was high without any drug. And the beating of her heart was unmistakable with every word she sings.
All that you are
Is all that I need
Rising like the smoke
You linger on me
All that you are
Is all that I need
Rising like the smoke
You linger on me
There's probably no returning from this. Chloe now realizes that the inevitable has just happened. She meant every word, all of it. Two years ago was a mistake, it was terrible mistake.
You got me so high, I can finally breathe you
Finally breathe you, finally breathe
You got me so high, I can finally breathe you
Finally breathe you, finally breathe
And I'm all yours, all yours
And I'm all yours, show me
I'm all yours, all yours
I'm all yours
She made such a huge mistake of letting her slip away once and Chloe knows that if it happens again, she's going to regret it for the rest of her life. Beca wasn't just the girl she met in the bathroom. She wasn't just a crush anymore.
All that you are
Is all that I need
Sunset in your eyes
Light me with your loving
I'm searching for the thrill
It's you, you make me feel
You make me feel
The truth simply was, this was her reply to the song Beca made for her. Those questions that Beca had written, those 'what if's', the insecuritiesand her implications of Chloe being unable to see her standing right in front of her. But the point was, Beca had assumed wrong all this time. Because Chloe knows. She sees her clearly ever since that first moment and clung to her so tightly. Beca had only been too scared. And that's exactly their problem, they were just so afraid to break the many walls in between them. But in some magical miraculous twist of fate, finally after two years of wandering around bricks and stones, Chloe's finally found crack on that wall to slip in and answer back. If only Beca knew, this song wasn't created out of boredom, it was a confession. Chloe's love confession.
I'm all yours
A/N: I'm alive! I made it! I survived! Thanks to everyone who wished me luck on my interview. It went well.
Anyways, there are more important matters like these two individuals in this story that we need to talk about. Honestly, I smell the repulsive stench of love wafting around the air which also means that things are about to change. The question is, will this stinky garbage find its forever trash can home or will it remain loitering all around around the cold streets of your city? Tune in for more of the 'The Filthy Adventures of Yuck Also Known As Love'. And by the way, your guesses are all wrong, obviously :P
The song which isn't mine actually is a real song-unfortunately, I am no songwriter. So credits to the amazing, talented and lovely, Alina Baraz & the equally talented and wonderful Galamatias and their classy hypnotizing song which happens to be one of my top favorites, 'Show Me'
Thank you very very much to all those who followed/favorited/commented/reviewed/messaged me. This story continues to live because of all of you.