Out of His Head

I walked into the command center. It was crawling with vehicons. Starscream was preparing to swear in Knockout as commander. Vehicons turned to me. I was feeling a lot of peer pressure.

A vehicon shouted, "We're behind you Shadow of Death!"

Many others joined him.

I felt exhilarated. Waves of motivation and courage flowed through me. I strode up to Starscream and smugly proclaimed, "As long as Megatron still lives, you are no Lord."

Starscream was absolutely pissed. Vehicons around the room cheered.

I continued, "And I shall remind you that only a Lord can swear in a commander."

Starscream shouted, "Well then! What does that make you? I should extinguish your spark for spreading such lies!"

I proudly answered, "I am the Shadow of Death: Member of Megatron's personal taskforce and out of your military jurisdiction."

Vehicons burst with applause.

I might have just signed my death warrant, but this was amazing. I had only a little bit longer to wait.

Snowstorm gave me a worried look and Soundwave gestured for me to leave.

I took the advice of my friends. I didn't want to be there when the scrap hit the fan. Well, not any more than I had just caused. I went back to my room to better hide anything Starscream could use as blackmail against me. I pulled out my damaged armor and Miko's picture from my drawer. If not for this morning's event, I would have forgotten about them completely. I better hid the picture inside of the armor. I placed both items beneath my sheets, under my pillow on my berth. I would have to move them later. But for now, they were out of sight in an easy place for me to run into them again incase I forgot. I left my room. Some vehicons came up to me.

One of the vehicons asked, "Shadow of Death, do you plan on taking power away from Starscream?"

No," I truthfully replied, "I do not plan on taking power away from the commander."

They both smiled. Not at my response, at my use of the word commander.

The other vehicon asked, "Do you want to gain any power, possibly becoming Lord?"

Again I answered sincerely, "No, I am completely content to remain a warrior who serves under my Master, Lord Megatron."

Grins again. I myself wanted to smirk.

I knew Soundwave was probably using my responses to try and calm down Starscream. These vehicons thanked me for my time, before running off to spread the information. Only later, did I walk into the command center.

Starscream was ordering his vehicons to steal something from the humans. I paid him no mind. I walked over to Matrix instead and listened to her tell me how courageous I was.

If not for Ghost, this femme would always stay loyal. But, betrayal was imminent. I wanted to prepare for the worst. She got jealous at Snowstorm. Matrix is not one to share, especially not with someone who I went to without her knowledge. Maybe I was just overthinking this, but she definitely would have a reaction, we all would.

The Nemesis went to the Arctic. The vehicons had apparently stolen some lens. Starscream, Knockout, and Breakdown stepped outside. They could freeze if they wanted to; I honestly did not care whatsoever.

All across the ship, a burst of power was felt. Cons in the command center shook. I looked outside; Starscream was firing a giant laser. I immediately thought this would bring the Autobots. I remembered how Bumblebee had linked through a cortical-psychic-patch with Lord Megatron. After that, Lord Megatron stopped emitting brainwaves. I had assumed my Lord's mind had transferred bodies. If the Autobot scout returned, I would not hesitate to help my master end Starscream's reign.

I went to Megatron's medical room and waited. Bumblebee opened the door.

"Welcome back Lord Megatron," I greeted.

I helped him apply the cortical psychic patch.

With his weird voice of tones, he asked me to go out and fight the Autobots. I waited in Knockout's lab. Even though he was my Lord, I really didn't want to fight the bots. Besides, I could always lie and say that I couldn't understand him. But, then I would be lying to him, and I couldn't do that. I didn't want to disappoint. I was just so excited that he had returned. I just knew that he would shout something like that. I really couldn't wait. I was almost jumpy. Ratchet and Raphael rushed in. They did not notice me. I guess my black paintjob really did help me blend in as a shadow on the wall. Moments later Megatron walked out.

"Decepticons!" He shouted, "Your rightful Lord-and-Master has returned!"

Yaaayyyy! All Hail Megatron! Tarn'll throw a party.

I officially greeted him with a group of vehicons.

Megatron commanded, "Finnish these pests! I have my own extermination to perform!" He walked by and ordered, "Shadow... follow me."

My face was covered by another monstrous smile. I was so incredibly happy that Megatron was back. We went to the hanger. The Nemesis shook. It felt as if there had been a large explosion. We ran outside. Megatron transformed into his jet form, and I followed. Starscream was flying straight down at Optimus Prime. Megatron crashed into the commander, saving Optimus. Megatron pushed Starscream all the way back to the Nemesis. I hovered next to the group of Autobots. I don't know why I did. Excitement?

Arcee said, "Congratulations on paying your life debt."

"Thanks! It feels great!"

There was a silence. I wanted to speak, they wanted to speak, but no one knew how to proceed. I remembered I was supposed to be following Megatron.

"You wanna fight?" Striker asked, "For old time's sake?"

"You guys should probably get out of here." I said. "I think it's about to get ugly."

I flew away from the Autobots and towards the Nemesis. I realized how f*cked I would be if the DJD had an inside man up here. Too much stuff tying me to the bots. Time to distance. I landed next to Megatron.

My Lord yelled, "It will be a miracle alright Starscream, if you survive what I have planned for you!"

It seemed as if I had just landed in the middle of something.

Starscream transformed and tried to fly away. Megatron grabbed his tail wings, held him down, spun and threw him across to crash into another part of the Nemesis.

Megatron turned to me and said affectionately, "Shadow, I do not think your spark can handle what I plan to do. Go back to the command center and wait for me there."

I nodded, "Thank you my Lord," and complied. I walked to the command center. I greeted the gang. Breakdown and Knockout were in the Med Bay. Snowstorm was chatting with Soundwave. Matrix was asking a vehicon how he drove the ship. For the moment, I felt happy.

Many hours had passed. Megatron did not come. Matrix and Snowstorm had left for bed. The vehicons were switching out for the night shift. I was tired. I yawned. Soundwave walked over. He pointed out that it was late.

"I have been waiting for I don't remember how long," I said. "I can wait a little longer."

Soundwave went off to recharge. I went to stand next to Megatron's leader chair. That stand faded into sitting next to, which degraded into me leaning back against the side of its armrest. I decided to close my optics for a moment. Just a moment. I wasn't in power down mode; I fell into this half sleep as I rested against his chair. Seconds passed... or maybe they were hours. Then, I felt I was being watched. I heard a noise. My optics opened. I was on the ground, still lying against his chair, but now looking at Megatron.

"Did I wake you? My master asked, he softly spoke, "You look so peaceful when you sleep."

I briefly blushed. Hid it. Then, I rose to my feet.

Megatron asked, "Shadow, when I was in stasis, did you care if I lived or died? I've been noticing that not everyone has been loyal enough to want me alive."

I immediately responded, "Of course my Lord. I wanted you to wake up every day."

Megatron raised an eyebrow, and enquired, "Every day? Are you sure you aren't exaggerating? Maybe, you could possibly, elaborate?"

"On maybe the second day," I said with quickening speech, "I noticed that your brain activity increased when you were talked to. Since then, everyday, I went to your bedside and told you a story from the war."

Megatron seemed surprised, but he didn't deny it. "I have been in stasis for a while," he said. "How could you do it every day for so long? Did you ever lose hope? Did you ever—"

I interrupted Lord Megatron's line of questioning, "I hoped you could hear me," I confessed, "but, sometimes I wondered if I did it to pass the time. Whenever I had doubts, I looked at the positive trend in data and continued. Honestly, I didn't know if it even made a difference."

Megatron greeted me in a warm embrace. He affirmed, "Shadow, I could hear you. While you talked I joined you on every one of your adventures." My spark beat faster. Megatron continued to hold me in his warm hug. "Your efforts made all the difference in the world to me." I weakly pushed away from him. Megatron's dark spark had injured my chest plate, again. Megatron seemed hurt. He backed away... He gazed into my optics. It made me feel warm, even though his passionate once red optics were now a cold shade of purple.

Megatron put his arm around my shoulders. He walked me to my room.

Not again, no, not again.

Megatron opened my door.

Don't you dare.

"Sleep well Shadow," He said warmly, "I'll debrief with Soundwave in the morning. You should use this time to rest."

No. No. No. You said this before. You said we would catch up the next day. You said, you said, but then tomorrow never came. Mega—

But he was already gone.

I got changed, hit metal under my sheets, moved the hidden items back to my drawer, and slept.

...

I woke up. I got changed. I re-hid my items. I looked in the mirror. My armor wasn't as bad as I thought. My Decepticon symbol was charred. Other than that, all was well. I walked to the command center. Megatron was surrounded. Breakdown, Snowstorm, Matrix, Soundwave, and Knockout were all trying to talk to him. Well, not Soundwave, Soundwave had debriefed earlier. I walked and stood at the outskirts of the group. Megatron noticed me, I did not move. I waited for the group to slowly disperse. I didn't want to impede. I didn't want to bother him. First Knockout and Breakdown left. Then Snowstorm and Matrix. When I couldn't not, I walked up to Soundwave and Megatron.

Megatron proudly stated, "Soundwave had told me all that you've done."

I looked down. I did a lot of stuff.

Megatron lifted my chin with his finger and clarified, "You didn't do anything wrong. Although there were some necessary evils, your intent was pure."

Megatron recalled my damaged armor. He dropped his servo from my face. Soundwave signaled for Megatron to 'make a move'. He exchanged glances with his communications chief. Soundwave nodded.

Megatron straightened up, he boldly said, "Shadow, I know you're against taking a position of power -But, due to certain events- I believe, and Soundwave concurs that..." Megatron stared into my optics and paused. He looked away and continued, "Congratulations Commander Shadow."

My spark sunk. I wasn't sure whether to smile or cry. I was shocked. Honestly, I was. If nothing else, I was expecting something else... for him to say something, anything else. It almost felt as if I was being punished.

"I don't know what to say," I said. A blatant lie: A full truth.

Megatron said, "Accept the honor when I bestow it onto you at the ceremony," and then he walked away.

Soundwave asked me, "Shadow," he asked, "What are your first thoughts?"

I said, honestly, "Starscream's going to kill me."

Soundwave informed me, "He knows you have repaid your debt."

"Starscream?"

"No, Megatron."

"Oh, that makes more sense."

Soundwave continued, "Megatron will evaluate Snowstorm and Matrix later today."

I asked, "When will the ceremony be held?"

"Six days."

"..."

"He thought you acted well -did all the right moves- calling Tarn for example. I have informed him. Next time, come to me when you seek to make long distance communications."

The next few days went by like a blur. Megatron became more and more distant. He worried about his grasp of power. He gladly welcomed Ghost to our war-ship-home. She was always a great spy, even better for finding disloyalty among our own ranks. Like before, Megatron was obsessed with dark energon. Matrix and Snowstorm were evaluated well. Snowstorm was promoted to Megatron's tactical and general advisor. Ghost reported this back to her father. Matrix was promoted to head of ground troops. From this Ghost was exempt. Matrix was restricted to train the ground vehicons on how to fire better. With one on the field, and the other by his side, Megatron wanted to fully utilize both femmes. That left Ghost and I to our own devices. But, she was still a threat. I kept away from the bots.

I was not being paranoid. It was possible that I was being jealous. Today, we were sending troops on a mission. I saw Megatron in the Hanger; I tried to talk to him. I wanted to discuss possible groups and etcetera. I saw him, maybe 12 lengths in front of me.

I called out, "Lord Megatron, hold up." I paced quickly toward him.

Megatron continued walking, I think he actually sped up. It appeared so. Megatron had left my sight.

I walked to the command center. Megatron was talking with Snowstorm about battle plans. I joined them.

Megatron angrily asked me, "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

I apologized, "I'm sorry my Lord. I wasn't sure—"

Megatron cut in, annoyed, "Then you should ask Soundwave."

I tried to ask Megatron, "Should I ready the troops?"

He glared at me, "No!" He yelled, "Matrix leads the troops! Can't you see we're talking strategy here? Leave us!"

Matrix to vehicons. Starscream to seekers. Flying vehicons still open. Snowstorm to strategy. Soundwave for communication. Knockout to lab duties. Ghost as the temporary doctor. Breakdown assisting. There, it's proven, I have no place here.

I walked over to Soundwave. Megatron had been pushing me away. Between Matrix fighting in battle plus leading troops and Snowstorm advising him in plans: I felt replaced. Adding onto that, Megatron had actually been pushing me away, from him at least.

I asked Soundwave, "If I'm not supposed to help create plans, fight, or lead troops... Do you know what I am supposed to do?"

Soundwave answered in Megatron's voice, "Stay here, and don't get hurt."

I sarcastically replied, "Wonderful," I sighed, "Do you know if I will ever be able to help?"

Soundwave replied in Megatron's voice, "You are helping."

I clarified, "I meant fight or do something like that."

Soundwave thought and answered, "Technically Starscream is still commander. Megatron plans to send you both on a mission soon. It is meant to be a good transfer from his reign to yours: To teach you the basics and conclude his position of power with a success. While you both do that, we will be on a different mission with Snowstorm and Matrix."

"Can I ask that Ghost tag along? You know, for safety purposes incase Starscream, I don't know, reverts to his old self."

"Megatron has assured me the commander is under control."

"But, just to be safe."

"You do not have the power to make that request."

"I used to."

No response.

"If I'm actually useful, why does Megatron push me away?" I asked.

Soundwave told me the exact same thing that Snowstorm did. I hated the answer; it felt fake. He said, "Megatron does not want to hurt you."

Deception. If Megatron did not want to hurt me, why did he yell at me, ignore me, push me away, keep me from battle, replace me, take away my freedom, steal away what power I had left, force upon me responsibility, and enforce strict rules unto me? He lied. They all did. But, what could I do? Deception ran through their veins. Decepticons. It was in their name.

...

"If this is really bothering you," Ghost said, "then you should tell him."

"Why?" I asked, "So he can spit it back in my face? 'You're being unreasonable' he'd say, 'paranoid even'."

"Fine, don't do anything. Keep it all held up inside."

"And what good's that supposed to do?"

"Eventually he'll see it's affecting you, and he'll do something about it."

"Take me off the battlefield? Replace me completely?"

"If either were a possibility, then—"

"Then what?"

"You would be justified in your response."

"I am! I am justified! I am!"

"You're emotional."

"So?"

"Emotions are... complicated. Not as easy as right and wrong—"

"Rules and treachery?"

"Is there any other kind?"

"Sometimes the world just isn't that black and white."

"No, it's red and purple."

"And you truly believe that?"

"I believe what I was raised to believe. Just like you."