Hollypetal knew anger.

She knew the anger of fear, the anger of betrayal, the anger of unfairness.

Nothing could compare the the fury coursing through her now, a combination of all angers, burning through her veins and staining everything red.

The fear of Roseleaf being in the Dark Forest combined with the betrayal and unfairness of StarClan, a Clan that was meant to protect the others. The idea of them leaving someone like Roseleaf to fend for herself in the Dark Forest pressed against all of her emotions, smothering them and leaving only room for the fury of it all.

She had assumed that Roseleaf would have went straight to StarClan, joined her family and mate, but instead she'd gone to the rotting forest that was almost empty, that had once contained the cat that had killed her parents.

This fury was recognizable only because she'd felt it every time she saw Crowfrost. A fury that blanketed everything and only left one thought, one emotion over everything. Bloodlust.

She was breathing through her mouth, cold air filling her lungs and leaving as hot as flames, a force of destruction.

Jayfeather was behind her a few steps, and it would be so easy to kill him. It would take only seconds. She'd turn around and bite his neck and that would be it, he would be dead. It would be that easy. Jayfeather was practically helpless, and he trusted her. It would be so easy to destroy him.

The blood pulsing through her veins was too fast and was urging her to do it, to just kill him, to kill everyone that ever appeared in front of her ever again. It was what she'd been trained to do after all, to defeat, to kill, to conquer. She could crush ThunderClan with one paw.

She could destroy all the Clans, one paw for each of them, and then she could destroy StarClan like she should have done in the first place.

She thought about it, about turning and ending Jayfeather's life right there. Afterword, she'd wait for the dawn patrol. It would consist of only three, maybe four cats, probably one apprentice. It wouldn't be hard to kill them either. They'd be too surprised to attack her back properly and she knew of nothing but how to spread blood across the ground.

She wouldn't do it, of course, but it was there, burning hotter and hotter, the desire to destroy everything she had bothered to save in the first place.

The madness felt like it would eat her alive. She felt like she was breathing in ice and breathing out fire, and who knew if the next gust of wind would snuff her out or spread her across the lands, destroying everything in it's—her—path.

It would be better that way, if she just screamed out her fire until the heavens fell and there was nothing left in the world to break or create. She wished Crowfrost was alive, just so she could kill him again and again and again, once for every cat he had killed, once for every cat he had hurt, once for every cat he planned on hurting or killing, until she had no fight left in her and then he could kill her, finally, just as he had wanted to.

"Do you want some herbs to help you sleep?" Jayfeather asked, trying to keep up with her.

She could smell nervousness, fear, coming off him in waves. He clearly knew exactly how she was feeling. Or maybe he didn't, since he'd actually approached her while she was in such a tizzy.

She wanted to yell at him, but her answer was simple. "No." Her voice sounded wrong, like rumbling, distant thunder.

His ears flattened and she wanted to laugh. Bitter, angry Jayfeather, scared of his niece. He had to know better, didn't he? She'd thought it, but she wouldn't do it, she'd never kill him. But she could understand how Crowfrost had killed so many now, because she felt like she'd never be satisfied until the land was stained crimson forever.

But there was no one to kill, not anymore. Her destiny was over and StarClan had thrown her aside to fend for herself now that they didn't need her anymore. StarClan, the hope of the Clans, not even willing to send help after Roseleaf, a cat that had known nothing but misery and was only experiencing more and more by the day.

StarClan didn't deserve Roseleaf. But Roseleaf deserved what she'd find there.

The thought sent her mind back to spinning, made her want to fall right back down and just stop, stop everything, stop the world so she wouldn't have to feel anything ever again.

No amount of destruction would ever save Roseleaf. Only action would do that.

They were almost at camp, and Jayfeather took off ahead of her, probably not wanting to spend any longer with her than he had. She couldn't blame him. She'd almost bit his head off, after all.

She headed to the warriors den, all fight leaving her body and replacing it with a defeated tiredness.

Last time she had been to the Dark Forest, she had been summoned there. Tomorrow she would talk to Ivypool about how to get there again. Now all she wanted was sleep without dreams.

Rainstrike lifted his head as she settled into their nest, blinking at her tiredly. She blinked back at him, not wanting to talk. She could have very easily scratched his eyes out if she'd tried.

She curled into herself. He leaned forward and licked her head once before going back to sleep, and suddenly all the anger and destruction inside of her felt silly. She could never hurt her clan-mates, her family, her friends. She could never hurt Rainstrike like that.

Ivypool was beside the fresh-kill pile with Blossomfall. She looked relaxed. There was no reason for her to think about the Dark Forest any longer. Hollypetal felt bad even thinking about bringing up the topic with her, but she needed to know how to get there, if she even could anymore.

She flattened her ears uncomfortably, her tail tip twitching. She wanted to thank Ivypool again for helping her the first time she had gone to the Dark Forest, but it wasn't a pleasant memory, and certainly it wasn't a good conversation topic. There was no one else to ask though, none that were as highly viewed as Ivypool at the Dark Forest. If there was anyone to ask, it was her.

She bit her tongue and got to her paws, inching slowly towards the she-cats. Ivypool's neck had finally healed and she was sharing tongues with Blossomfall peacefully. She hated the idea of interrupting the two, but she needed to get to the Dark Forest no matter what.

Ivypool noticed her approaching and sat up, her eyes brightening curiously. Blossomfall yawned and licked her muzzle sleepily. "Good morning," Ivypool greeted.

Blossomfall yawned again and flicked her tail. "Morning, Hollypetal."

She nodded, feeling her ears flatten again. "Good morning. I, uh, was wondering if I could talk to Ivypool about something..." She glanced nervously towards the entrance to camp. It would certainly not be a good idea to talk about going to the Dark Forest within the space – who knew who would hear what?

Ivypool stood and stretched. "Sure. Did you want to go for a walk?"

She nodded, trying to make her ears lift, but couldn't seem to manage.

Ivypool flicked her tail against Blossomfall's nose, making the pretty she-cat sneeze. "I'll be back in a bit, and then we can go hunting," she told her, eyes glittering playfully when Blossomfall's eyes narrowed.

"I'll be waiting here," Blossomfall mewed, resting her head on her paws and watching as Hollypetal and Ivypool turned to leave.

Ivypool waited until they were a few fox-lengths out of camp before asking, "So what is it you need?"

Hollypetal glanced over her shoulder and watched the camp disappear behind trees as she kept walking. "First, I just wanted to thank you again. For getting me out of the Dark Forest," she added quietly.

Ivypool flicked her ear. "Of course. I had no idea Tigerstar was... going to do any of that." She breathed in deeply. "I guess he was trying to stop you before you stopped Crowfrost."

She nodded agreeably. "Something like that. I think he wanted to force Hollyleaf to stay there. I'm not sure – it was hard to understand." She cleared her throat and swallowed. "I also needed to ask... how do you get into the Dark Forest?"

Ivypool's head twisted to look at her, eyes shocked. "Do you want to go back?" she asked uncertainly.

Hollypetal nodded, feeling her stomach clench with guilt. "I... I need to look for something," she explained. Rather, someone. She wasn't going to tell anyone that Roseleaf was in the Dark Forest. No one needed to know except her. She couldn't bear to hurt Rockfur with this, at least not yet, and she couldn't tell anyone before him.

Ivypool stopped and sat, her eyes far away. Minutes passed, all silent as Ivypool considered her answer. Hollypetal didn't know what she would do if Ivypool didn't have one.

Eventually she sighed. "The only way I ended up there—that wasn't being called there—was wanting to be there. It... you had to really want to be there though. I don't know if it will work with you, because I was training there and it felt natural going. I can only tell you to try going there. There isn't really anything specific that I know of."

She shuffled her paws anxiously. She didn't want to go to the Dark Forest, not at all, not ever again. But if that's what it would take to save Roseleaf, then...

She felt her resolve solidify. She would do anything to save Roseleaf – of course she would. She couldn't let the Dark Forest stop her, fear or no fear. Roseleaf needed her. She couldn't let her suffer any longer than she already had.

"I'll get there," she said firmly. "Thanks again, Ivypool. I know it's dangerous there, but it's really important."

She nodded, eyes grim. "I know. It would have to be, for you to want to go back there." She brushed her tail across Hollypetal's pelt as the two turned back towards the camp. "Be careful, Hollypetal."

The Dark Forest smelled like rotting trees. It always had, really, but it had been spattered with the smell of cats, too. Now there was almost nothing to scent over the overpowering fungus that seemed to have spread everywhere.

Hollypetal had awoken in the spot she'd last been in in the Dark Forest. She could pick out the tree she'd fallen with, though now it seemed to be melting into the ground, shattering slowly into mouldy dust.

She sucked in a sharp breath, trying to make out the scent of cat somewhere, anywhere. She knew that most of the Dark Forest had been wiped out, but certainly there had to be someone, maybe someone who had seen Roseleaf. Maybe Roseleaf herself. She did not want to wander through the Dark Forest aimlessly. She had no idea how long it continued for, but she couldn't imagine it ending with anything good.

She tasted the air again before starting away from the old training grounds, heading in the direction she was almost sure she had come from, her visit there. She couldn't follow any trails this time, couldn't ask Rainpaw—Rainstrike—where to go. She would have to travel by herself, without proper direction.

She could feel yesterdays sting of anger rise into her chest again. StarClan really wouldn't help her with this, wouldn't help Roseleaf with this. The betrayal burned her throat, fighting to be screamed out once more, but she swallowed it down. There was no reason to draw attention to herself, not when she was somewhere with so many dangerous cats. She could've taken down Jayfeather, certainly, but who knew what sort of horrors awaited her in such a dark place?

She opened her mouth again, once more trying to pick out a scent that didn't blend in with the mold. She stopped as she reached the rock she'd knocked Darkstripe into, sighing deeply. She'd finished travelling the small area she'd known, and now she was going to have to break off from the familiar and search further from reality than she wanted to go.

Fear stung her paws with every step, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to hear a potential threat over the sound of her own frantic breathing and fluttering heartbeat. Rationally, she knew that she didn't need to be scared. Her real fear was running into Crowfrost, but he was dead, twice dead even. But places like the Dark Forest knew no rationality, didn't have to, because it was a force of nature itself. It created it's own rules.

But it hadn't seemed to bring back any of the Dark Forest warriors she had seen die at the battle. Certainly, if they were here, they would have attacked her already. She knew Tigerstar wanted her dead. She wasn't supposed to live, not a cat that was saving others.

She stopped as she finally picked up the faint scent of ShadowClan. It had to be Roseleaf. Surely no one else could have retained that specific scent for longer than Roseleaf had been there.

She shuddered as she followed the scent. It had to be Roseleaf. There was no one else it could be. But she kept thinking about Crowfrost's narrowed blue eyes, chips of ice in the dark, staring her down, waiting for the perfect moment to strike her down forever.

But when her eyes met another pair, they were green, leaf green, Hollyleaf green, and she stopped again as she felt her breath leave her in a painfully sharp gasp.

Roseleaf blinked at her, pelt ragged and still too thin, her eyes the same hollow they'd been when Hollypetal had seen her at ShadowClan's camp.

She was resting on a dead log, one that must have been more recent of a fall, because it wasn't disappearing into the ground, and her eyes stayed on Hollypetal for a few moments before she lifted her head, blinking drowsily. "Hollypetal," she meowed slowly, "what are you doing here?"

She felt her paws shudder and tried to stifle it from spreading across the rest of her body. She felt like she was swallowing sand, and she ducked her head as she answered, "Looking for you."

She blinked again, eyes still moving painfully slowly. "Oh, Hollypetal," she sighed. "Don't you know by now I don't need your help?"

She allowed the next passing shudder to shake her to her core. She knew Roseleaf didn't want her help, didn't want her attention, she'd started making that blatantly clear after they'd become warriors, but all of it still felt like a thorn to the heart. "You're supposed to be in StarClan."

Roseleaf looked bored, like she expected Hollypetal to be smarter than she was acting. "Hollypetal," she repeated, like she was tasting the name for the first time. She looked bemused. "It must be nice to walk between worlds as easily as you do."

Hollypetal flattened her ears.

Roseleaf's eyes glazed over. "Walking between the living, walking between the angels, walking between the demons." She smiled, but it was cold, amused yet unamused. "Walking between the In-Between." Her smile dropped quickly. "It must be nice to be able to have everyone."

She clenched her jaw. "Roseleaf, you're supposed to be in StarClan."

Roseleaf's face furrowed before she yawned. Her head rested back on her paws. "That's wrong."

She flinched. "You didn't do anything wrong. There isn't any reason for you to be here, so please, please, Roseleaf, let's go there."

Roseleaf sat up and stretched. "You sound like Rockfur," she mused, "trying to force me back to camp. Well, that didn't work out so well, did it?" When Hollypetal remained silent, she flicked her ear. "I'm not going to StarClan. I can't."

This was not the truth. She swallowed through the sand once more. "Why not?"

Her eyes started to glaze over once more before she blinked and refocused. "Because honourable warriors aren't allowed to kill innocent cats, and I killed one."

She closed her eyes and the feeling was there again. The feeling that she shouldn't have come, should've left Roseleaf alone like Roseleaf kept trying to make her do. But she couldn't. She couldn't let Roseleaf slip away from her. But she's already gone, she heard her mind hiss to her. Maybe she was never really here at all.

She flattened her ears briefly. Roseleaf had lived. Roseleaf had been real. She couldn't let Roseleaf run her off. StarClan was waiting for her. Hollyleaf was waiting for her.

She scratched her tongue against her teeth before daring to ask. "Who did you kill, Roseleaf?"

She left her eyes closed, and she thought she would be ready to accept whatever Roseleaf had done. Roseleaf was not evil. She was not an evil cat, she had never been. She would take everything Roseleaf had to offer, and she'd send her to StarClan.

But she and her dream shattered to nothing but molding dust, because the answer was not acceptable, was not true, was not right, it was a lie, but how could she save Roseleaf if she truly thought that her answer was the truth?

"Myself."

My notes said to make Hollypetal mad. Then she got really mad and almost blew the world up. My bad. Hollypetal has this problem in which she only views herself as a destructive force waiting to blow up, so sometimes she just becomes this way. (On a brighter note, I changed my avatar to a picture of one of my cats looking stupid.)

GardevoirLove4ever: I was going to tell you not to be scared but that seems inappropriate after Hollypetal got so mad. Also after Roseleaf. Just in general it seems like it isn't the right time to see not to be scared.

Featherfall's Lullaby: I'm really glad you're enjoying the trilogy! I'm not sure how I feel about the first two, especially the first book, but I'm really enjoying Mad World. I think I've sorta finally found my style of writing, and this trilogy is what made me find it. I'm glad people can still enjoy the first book since it's a few years old now when I read it I get embarrassed because of all the mistakes. Anyway. Thank you very much for your thoughtful review!

The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World
Chapter Nine: Blood On My Hands
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,925
Character count (excluding A/N): 16,394
Song: The Used – Blood On My Hands
Started: January 26th, 2016. 12:05AM.
Finished: January 28th, 2016. 2:00AM. Edited: January 28thth, 2016. 3:49AM.