Disclaimer- I am not Tolkien.
AN: Getting back in the swing of regular updates. Thanks to all of my super supportive reviewers- you guys are the absolute best! Let's keep moving along. Let me know what you think!
Happy Reading!
Chapter 10: Traveling, Rohan, and Appearances of Impropriety
Nina had given her companions fair warning about the poor welcome they would receive when they got to the city with a special reminder for Gandalf to not surrender his staff. After her short words of wisdom she'd led Tala off a little bit from the group of riders and tried very hard not to feel the stares she got from the Fellowship. Despite being told she had the gift of foresight, Gimli and Aragorn appeared to still be skeptical of her information. She couldn't really blame them; the last time Aragorn had been in Rohan, Saruman hadn't yet been turned to serve the dark.
Gandalf, Nina thought, was a bit like Celeborn. He regarded her with a sort of bemused affection and constantly seemed to be trying to puzzle out exactly who or what she was. It was slightly gratifying to know that she was confusing to someone so old and so full of wisdom.
The elleth was so lost in her thoughts that she almost didn't catch Aragorn calling her name. Reluctantly she nudged Tala back towards the group that had dismounted and appeared to be digging supplies form lunch out of their packs. While she was glad for the rest (even with her experience on horseback an entire half-day riding was murder on her muscles) Nina was anxious to get to Edoras. She wanted to see that Eomer had gotten to the River villages quickly enough to spare the people's lives, she wanted to see Théoden released from his binding, and she wanted a chance to talk to Legolas like they used to in Lothlorien.
Since she and Legolas had spoken at the edge of Fangorn Nina felt as if they had some sort of understanding. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't exactly sure what it was they'd silently agreed to when he'd put her at ease about kissing him goodbye weeks ago. Half the time when she felt his gaze on her she wanted to drag him out of earshot of the others and just straight out ask him what she was to him but that was clearly not going to happen. Legolas was very careful about how much contact they had, how much space was between them and the others, and it occurred to Nina that she was living in times comparable to Earth's Middle Ages. Even innocent physical intimacy such as they'd engaged in before the kiss in Lothlorien would be deemed improper by the peoples of this world.
The temptation to explain in detail how little such propriety was a part of her home world was an urge she found it harder and harder to resist. She'd grown used to how he treated her in Caras Galadhon and this new set of rules he seemed to be silently imposing (for her own good of course) was making her anxious and jumpy. When they got to Edoras Nina planned to monopolize on the hectic nature of the feasts to get a private moment with him if only so she could know where they stood.
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Legolas had never realized how much energy it took to not think about something. It was almost pathetic how drastic an impact the elleth in their company had on his equilibrium. He'd maintained as much distance between the two of them as possible since the night of their reunion if only to keep him from being too forward and offending the beautiful young girl. Back in Lothlorien he'd been more physically affectionate than propriety really allowed for but such displays had always been in private such as the time he'd held her as she mourned her old life. Now however, he was starting to read a whole new level of anxiety off the girl every time his gaze drifted to her form.
Was she nervous about the rough welcome she'd told them to expect? Was the edginess he sensed in her a result of some inner conflict or was she really as disconcerted about the change in their friendship as he was? No matter how many times Legolas repeated these questions to himself he found no answers. Truly, he and Nina needed to speak at length, privately, as soon as possible. That, and he could use a few hours of sleep seeing as he hadn't slept in days.
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The fellowship's arrival had gone as Nina remembered it. Her presence caused no change beyond the addition of some leering from the guards and some skeptical looks from the females in the room at her tunic and leggings. Nina supposed dressing in men's clothing was horribly scandalous of her even in rough country such as Rohan.
"I'm sure you would all like a chance to rest. Come, I'll show you to our guest rooms." The King's niece, Eowen, tried to stop herself from staring at Aragorn unsuccessfully and Nina sighed inwardly. She was going to have to speak with the girl. There was no reason for her to go through heartbreak when her emotions could be negated before they had a chance to grow from hope. Nina tried to keep up with the many twists and turns the woman led them down and silently resigned herself to being hopelessly lost. Eowen deposited Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli at rooms along the right side of the 'guest wing' before she turned to the elves. "Are the two of you married?"
"No, we are not." Nina said almost too quickly earning her curious looks form both her companions.
"In that case we'll put you up in the ladies chambers in the East wing. And you, Milord, can stay here." The woman motioned to the room next to Aragorn's but he wasn't watching her. His eyes were trained on the panicked expression that Nina was trying to fight down. He could tell she was only moments away from objecting and was unsurprised when she spoke up.
"If it's no trouble, I would prefer to stay with my companions." The announcement was, unsurprisingly, met with a shocked moment of pause from the Lady. Nina winced internally and figured she may as well resign herself to having some sort of horrible reputation among proper society.
"My Lady a woman lodging alone in the quarters of men is highly improper! Travelling in the company of men is one thing but we are a civilized house and proper lodgings will be found for you!" Nina rocked back on her heels a bit at the venom in the woman's voice. She'd been expecting some form of 'no' to her request but being scolded like a child was far beyond her predictions.
One of the things Nina still hadn't fully adjusted to since her transformation was the strength of her emotions. At Eowen's word she felt a wave of irrational anger towards the woman that easily matched the force of her unease about being parted from her company. She was just about to tear into the older woman with vitriol she used to reserve for patronizing assholes at work in her old life Legolas stepped in.
"Please excuse Nina, Lady Eowen. The rules of propriety are vastly different where she comes from. She has not quite adjusted." Eowen looked pacified by this speech and Nina was shocked to find her anger at the woman abating as she regarded the ellon with shock. Was she really so different form him? Was her lack of propriety an embarrassment to him? It had to be if he was apologizing for her. That pit of conflicted emotions about her new life was opening again and he elleth fought to keep her face blank and project a facade of calm she most certainly did not feel.
"Yes, I am unused to your rules of behavior. I often have trouble reading situations. Please, show me to the woman's quarters." Nina refused to meet Legolas's incredulous stare and followed the older woman without looking back or saying goodbye. She wasn't entirely certain she could interact with the ellon right then without falling apart once again. The ellon had made it quite clear between his actions and his words that the physical and emotional support she needed was improper for her to ask of him. The walk through the turning corridors was silent and Eowen deposited the elleth at a room in the woman's quarters and assurances that a bath would be drawn for her within the hour.
Nina was in a daze. She walked woodenly to the large four poster bed on the far wall of the room and set down her pack and weapons. Eowen had told her to make a bundle of her dirty clothing so it could be washed and returned to her. Unpacking kept her hands busy and Nina steadfastly focused on tracing the curving vines that formed a complicated pattern on the beds coverlet to occupy her frantic mind. She unpacked her meager belongings, cleaned and checked over her weapons, repacked her travel gear she wouldn't need in the castle, and spent several minutes studying the view of the plains from her window by the time two servants entered the room to fill the bath which was set in the corner of her borrowed room behind a privacy screen.
Never before had Nina appreciated the simple act of bathing as much as she did at that moment. She'd dismissed the maids with assurances that she could, in fact, bathe herself and let out a relived sigh when they collected her dirty clothing and left her alone. Almost an hour later the water had gone cold and Nina forced herself to get out of the water and dress in the soft robe the maids had left for her. The material was velvet soft and she curled up on the massive bed forcing herself to sleep if only to hide from her thoughts for a few hours.
An indeterminate amount of time later a knock sounded at the elleth's door and she started awake. "Nina! Dinner is being served." Legolas' voice called to her from the hall and Nina felt a surge of panic. She wasn't ready to face reality quite yet. A small selfish part of her wanted time to mourn not only the life she'd left behind but the person she used to be. She couldn't continue the way she was now, that much was becoming clear, and the adjustment was going to take time.
She did not answer Legolas, instead staying absolutely still and silent in hopes that he would assume she was not in her room. He knocked again but after a few more minutes of silence she heard the sound of his soft footsteps retreating from her door.
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Gimli was concerned. Gimli was concerned about the elf. If he made it out of this insane quest alive he was going to have to get his head checked. Legolas had been unusually quiet since they'd been summoned for dinner. He'd gone off with a servant to retrieve the elf lass and come back empty handed and looking a bit off balance. They'd been in the great hall for over two hours and the elf hadn't said more than two sentenced, all of which were a polite greeting to Eowen and an inquiry into where the elf lass was. When the Lady said she hadn't seen Nina since depositing her in her room even Gimli had to admit her was concerned for the young elf who'd been in their company so long but he was clearly not as overwhelmed as Legolas.
"Oi Elf! What has you so quiet? I'm sure the lass is fine. Perhaps she just wanted to be alone? After all she's been stuck with us for days. No woman wants to deal with a bunch of men at all hours even one as strange as the she elf!" Gimli, admittedly, may have drunk quite a bit of the excellent ale and his words of comfort were more shouted than spoken. Unfortunately for the elf, Gimli was not quite drunk enough to miss the slight flush spreading across the elf's face at being called out on how the elleth consumed his thoughts. The dwarf was never one to pass up an opportunity to mock his elf companion and continued speaking (though the elf was exceedingly grateful his voice had lowered a bit so only those around them could overhear) "But of course, you have your own reasons for wanting her around all of the time. She's probably homesick and without those brothers of hers to interfere you could be comforting her right now if you know what I mean" the dwarfs cheeky grin more than implied what it was he meant.
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If he wasn't absolutely certain Gimli held Nina in the highest respect he'd likely have struck him for speaking about her in such a manner. As it was, his words struck a little too close to home and, as soon as was polite Legolas excused himself and quietly went in search of his errant friend. Something was clearly bothering her, and had been doing so since he'd made excuses for her to Eowen earlier. Things had been off between them since he left Lothlorien and he wished there was a way he could force them to have the conversation they so clearly needed to have about their relationship.
Legolas carefully traced his way through the halls and came to a stop outside Nina's room staring at the dark wood door as if it would come to life and speak for the elleth he hoped was behind it. Taking a deep, bracing breath Legolas knocked lightly on the wood for the second time that evening. "Nina. May I come in?" He heard her breath hitch quietly and waited a moment for her to respond. She did not. "Nina. I know you can hear me. I am going to come in." He paused for another moment, hoping she would respond. When she remained silent again Legolas went against every lesson in manners and propriety he'd ever learned and entered her room without her permission shutting the door behind him.
What met the ellon's eyes was not at all what he expected. Nina was curled up at the foot of the four poster bed staring out the unshuttered window wearing nothing more than a dressing robe. She didn't turn to acknowledge him or make any indication she was aware of her surroundings. What on earth had happened to cause such behavior? "Nina, please look at me. Whatever it is that troubles you I would like to help." He breathing became uneven for a moment and Legolas was almost certain she was going to speak but all she did was tense her shoulders and continue her perusal of the view. The Prince found himself somewhat affronted at how clearly she was ignoring him. He strode forward and sat himself next to her before moving to place a hand on her shoulder. He did not expect her to catch his wrist before it came in contact with her and pushing it away.
"Please don't. There's no need for you to concern yourself over me. I'll be leaving tomorrow evening anyway." Her voice was pitched in that same cold tone she used with Eowen earlier and Legolas wished he could see her face which hadn't moves from the window. Even her profile was obscured by her tangled hair.
"Nina what in the name of the Valar is wrong with you? You've been acting odd since we arrived. Have I done something to offend you?" He again reached for her, this time to turn her head towards him. She didn't fight him this time though once he could see her properly he was shocked shed managed it the first time. The face was streaked with tear tracks and fresh tears streamed down her face though she didn't seem to notice their presence. Her entire face spoke of something breaking, falling apart, and being lost in the world. It broke his heart and in that moment he swore he would do all that was in his power to keep her from feeling this way again. For now all he could do was help her through it. He remembered her first breakdown in Lothlorien when she'd confide din him how much stronger and uncontrollable emotions felt in her new body. It appeared that the tides of emotions had again swept her away and Legolas wrapped his arms around her, mindless of her protests until she manages to wriggle out of his arms and into a heap on the floor. The eyes that stared up at him were wary.
"What do you want Legolas?" Her crying had not stopped and it looked as if each word was actually painful to spit out.
"I want to help. Tell me what I can do." Never in his life had he felt as useless as he did sitting on the elleth's bed. There was no enemy he could defeat, no wrongdoer to be punished, and she would not allow him to comfort her.
"I don't want you to do anything. I will be fine. You do not need to trouble yourself for someone like me and I do not need your pity." He words were less cold now and tinged with something like anger. Where was all of this coming from?
"Someone like you? What do you mean? Nina you are my friend, of course I worry when you are not well. I simply do not understand why you will not let me help!" His anger was rising in response to hers and he fought to keep it in check.
"Are we friends? Because you've hardly spoken to me since Lothlorien and it's more than clear you find my conduct and my… actions distasteful." Again she would not meet his eyes and confusion had completely overwhelmed his budding anger at the confusing elleth on the floor (why was she still on the floor?) in front of him.
"Of course you are my friend! I simply have not wanted to overstep or give others the impression that we were… more intimately related. And in lands such as this and elf is curiosity enough without adding the appearance of impropriety."
"Legolas there is an element of equality and openness where I am from that is a far ways off in Middle Earth. In my home women dress in pants and bear skin in quantities that would scandalize you as a matter of course. Then your Valar snatch me from my world, change my species and abandon me in a strange land in a body that I cannot control. They leave me in the keeping of the Lady of Light and I meet a whole new family that teaches me to fight and live as one of them and then I meet new friends who I have been waiting for since my arrival and whom are the reason for my whole new life in the first place. I make friends with this ellon who is kind to me and is the only one besides Galadriel, Celeborn, and Gandalf who knows who and what I am so for the first time since before I was brought here I felt normal and then suddenly after an impulsive move from me that my friend assured me was not going to ruin our friendship that ellon does not speak to me, look at me, or seem to understand me at all. The appearance of impropriety means absolutely nothing to me. You are the one who has chosen to push me away so forgive me if I do not wish to confide in you again and risk the same fate twice." With that said she rose from the floor and walked around the bed to curl up in the corner farthest away from the ellon plaguing her existence.
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Nina felt like her heart was literally breaking into pieces. She'd all but shouted at Legolas who she knew only wanted to help and yet she couldn't feel anything but the shattering emotions ricocheting around inside her defying control. She had expected Legolas to leave when she'd so clearly and rudely dismissed him. He did not leave. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as she felt him rise from the opposite corner of the bed and traced his footsteps as they approached her rather than the door. She would not look at him. If she looked at him she'd do something she'd regret like talking more, or shouting, or hitting him, or crawling into his arms that she knew would make her feel better.
"Nina, look at me." By the sound of his voice he'd knelt in front of her. Some unnamed sense could feel his hand coming to rest on her balled up fists and Nina found she didn't have the resolve to keep her eyes shut AND stop him from laying hands on her. His stronger fingers forced her fist open and laced his hand through hers. "Nina please!" His tone was urgent and she found herself obeying without thought and winced when she realized what she'd done. Now that her eyes were open she couldn't seem to look away. There was an emotion reflected on Legolas's face that Nina could not name. It was sad, and stressed, and almost bereft. This was a much softer expression that the worried anger he'd been wearing earlier. She absently noticed that she was crying again and reflexively squeezed his hand.
"I feel like I'm going crazy." She admitted quietly, part of her wondering if he could make it go away and part of her wondering what had happened to her resolve not to go crawling back to him.
"I am so sorry Nina. I have been a terrible friend, causing you to doubt things you never should have been forced to question. It is not fair to be constantly changing how I treat you and expect you not to be hurt by it. You are important to me and I give you my word that I will try to remember how much our worlds differ." Nina could feel the little sliver of hope beginning to erode the hurt and confusion dominating the mess of emotions inside her.
"Does it bother you? My improper behavior? Because before with Eowen you apologized for my oddness as if I was an embarrassment or something." From the shocked widening of Legolas' eyes Nina assumed his answer would be a no and she instantly felt worse for thinking such thoughts of him.
"You. Are. Not. An. Embarrassment." He said firmly, his free hand coming to brush away her still falling tears. "I'll admit, I'm still getting used to how free you are with touch and how quickly you become familiar with men but I do not find a friendly nature to be a bad thing. You know that elves are far more relaxed about etiquette in such situations than humans. I've become so accustomed to adapting to the formality of court that I forgot how you might take my words."
Nina had the sudden and all together strange thought of how hopeless Legolas would be at interacting with women on Earth. She could just imagine how startled he'd be at seeing what could pass for females clothing in the summer and if he thought she was free with touch he'd be beside himself with the outright groping going on in bars and clubs she'd frequented with coworkers. Without permission her mouth let out a giggle which progressed to full laughter at the perplexed expression Legolas adopted in response. "I was just thinking how scandalized you'd be by the women back home who are actually bold in their association with men. They look me look like a nun!" His expression eased slightly but he still regarded her warily as if she might turn over and go back to freezing him out at any moment.
"What is a nun? Are you not considered a bold member of your gender in your world?"
"A nun is a woman who has devoted herself to service to the church. There are several religions with one god and those in service to the religion take vows of celibacy among other things. I was certainly not among the boldest of my gender. I rarely dated, I did not take lovers like many of my friends did, and I was more interested in being friends with most of the males in my acquaintance that I was never the one to initiate anything romantic in nature." She'd added that last bit on impulse, knowing that he'd recognize he was different from her other male friends giver She had kissed Him.
Legolas nodded absently, clearly intent on absorbing the given information. "The dinner service is likely over. Would you like me to get you something from the kitchen? You've missed dinner." Nina could understand his desire to change topics. Their interactions had been rather heavy tonight, and while much of what needed to be said had been laid out there was still quite a bit that hung in the air and neither of them were willing to bring it up.
"No thank you. I think there's still a bit of Lembas in my pack" She gestured vaguely to the wall against which her partially emptied pack lay. The Prince dragged it over to him and sifted through the contents first removing the large roll of fabric which held the medicinal herbs in its numerous pockets and handing tit to her with a questioning tilt of his eyebrow and then handing her a piece of Lembas which he nibbled on as she unrolled the fabric which took up nearly the whole length of the bed.
"I told you I was a paramedic right?" Legolas nodded silently as his eyes slid over the odd fabric contraption. "Just before I was brought over I'd begin looking into herbal remedies to supplement my training and to fulfill my curiosity. Lady Galadriel and the Lothlorien healers taught me more than I could ever remember when I told them I was interested in learning more. Orophin had this made for me before I left with Gandalf. There are over 200 pockets in the scroll and each pocket has a wax paper envelope filled with an herb. Most of the uncommon ones are marked just in case I forget but the basics fill the larger pockets near the open end so I wouldn't have to unroll the whole thing while traveling if I needed to bring down a fever or disinfect a cut." Her enthusiasm about her gift was clear and managed to sweep away the lingering traces of the broken person shed been just half an hour before.
"Is this something you'd like to do after the quest is over? Most women do not have a vocation like they did in your world but healers are invaluable and you seem to enjoy it." It appeared that Legolas had also relaxed and Nina hid a smile at the almost familiar feeling of just talking to him without tension or interference. Of course his question brought up her doubts about her future.
"As far as I know the jump from my world to Middle Earth was one way only. I suppose I will need to find something to do with myself though I think Galadriel means for me to finish my instruction under her. The Valar also indicated that there was some enduring reason for my presence, some role I'm supposed to play that outlasts the coming war. If it were an option I suppose I would like to be a healer again though I think I'd prefer to work with the armies and soldiers than in a house of healing."
"Wherever I end up in the end of all this you will always be welcome and I will find a place for you to do work you love if that is your desire." His words pacified a fear of not belonging she hadn't voiced but he'd known about regardless.
"It's almost funny. I know exactly where you'll be and what will happen when and how yet I know nothing of my own future beyond a few key points where I will make some inconsequential decision that may save a few lives that would otherwise be lost." She smiled sadly and sat up, stretching out her muscles that were tight from her restrictive position.
"At least you know how the rest of us feel to a certain extent then," He teased and she noticed with a start that she was still clutching his hand tightly. She relaxed her grip before removing her hand entirely and moving it to assess the damage that was her unbrushed mess of hair. She grimaced at the tangled feel.
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Noticing Nina's new preoccupation and searching for any excuse to stay with her just a little bit longer Legolas grabbed the brush he saw on the dresser and moved to sit behind her. "Let me, little one." He said and he eased himself down onto the bed and began the painstaking process of turning her mass of curled and knotted hair into the dark, sleek curtain it usually was.
While he worked they spoke of inconsequential things- how Nina was planning to save Eowen the trouble of falling for a taken man, how Legolas was contemplating finding the archery range in the morning to practice, how Nina was not really looking forward to leaving the following evening because it would mean another three days in the saddle, how Legolas was contemplating challenging Gimli to another ridiculous contest: perhaps a drinking contest since he'd be sure to win, how Nina loved her horse more than any other female in Middle Earth other than the Lady: and yes that meant she was not overly fond of Eowen. There were still unresolved issues of course but the elves were once again comfortable and when Legolas left that night to find his own bed they'd spent hours alone in her room with the door closed with both of them on her bed and neither commented on the impropriety of such a thing. When Legolas finally laid down to rest he fell into sleep more easily than he had since Lothlorien and he dreamed of kisses, and Nina, and the promises peacetime could hold.
AN: Next up we have the battle, the return to Haldir, less Nina-Legolas Angst, and more Nina-Legolas fluff for fun Let me know what you think!