DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!

I hope you guys enjoy!

CH.10 Decisions

I warily opened my eyes to meet with daylight. It was morning. Did what happen yesterday really happen? It all felt like such a dream. I rustled around in my bed for a good five minutes, just rolling around and hugging my pillow. I couldn't really explain how I felt. My heart was going a million miles a minute just thinking about Seth. His smoldering eyes, his dark hair, his crooked smile. The way he laughed, his warm hands, and his soft lips.

I felt like a horrible person. I was caught between two people, both who I loved very much. However, the love I felt for both of them was different. With Jake, our love felt exciting, but with Seth, our love felt safe and comforting. They were both different, both so distinct. Prior to yesterday, I always thought that Jake was the one I was truly in love with, but that kiss with Seth felt so right. It had the passion, the excitement, yet when he held me in his arms, I felt so safe. Seth Clearwater, what have you done?

I rolled out of bed and wrangled my hair into a messy bun. I threw on a sweatshirt and some jeans. I often dressed to reflect my mood; so today, you could tell I wasn't really feeling the greatest.

I threw on my sneakers and headed over to the house. Emily was in the kitchen making bacon and Sam was at the kitchen table, reading the paper. Even though to the untrained eye, it seemed as if Sam was completely focused on his paper, I knew better. I could see Sam glancing over at Emily every other second. He loved her so much. It made me wonder if Seth looked at me that way, with eyes so full of love and loyalty.

"Morning, Kiki." Kiki. That was his nickname for me. I didn't think it was that different from saying "Kiana" but apparently it was easier. He had a habit of giving nicknames from what I've heard. Apparently he called Leah "Lee-Lee."

"Morning Sam," I replied. I took my seat at the table and helped myself to some juice.

"Tell Seth to keep his hands off of you," Sam stated in a stern voice.

I looked up with a surprised expression. Oh geez, it was that "wolf telepathy" thing huh?

"Tell Jake the same thing," he continued.

I could feel the pink tint creeping up on my cheeks. Emily giggled. "Leave her alone, Sam!" teased Emily. "She's a teenage girl, let her live her life." Emily placed the bacon on the table and quickly winked at me. That was my future sister-in-law.

After I finished eating, I heard the sound of Seth's engine outside. I walked outside and made my way swiftly to the passenger seat. As I sat down and buckled my seat belt, I could feel another blush creeping up on my cheeks. There was obvious tension between Seth and I; I just didn't understand why.

"Hi," Seth muttered. I could see him turning pink too. It was cute.

"Hi," I replied. "Uhm, Sam told me to tell you to keep your hands off of me."

I saw Seth chuckle as he rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry," he plainly stated. "I just couldn't stop thinking about what happened yesterday."

That did it for me. My heart was full on pounding. He turned his engine back on and headed towards school. I knew I was being quiet, but I just didn't know what to say.

"Kiana, I know I left you speechless, but please talk to me. Tell me I'm a good kisser or something," he joked.

I burst out laughing as I punched him in the arm. "Shut up Seth!"

He was laughing too. That's what I loved about Seth. Even with the recently sparked romance, he remained my best friend. That's what he was, first and foremost, my best friend. He told me that's what he liked best about our relationship too, the fact that we were so playful with each other. We had a relationship where we could easily insult each other and never get offended.

"Please don't hit the driver." He continued to smile at me.

"Then eyes on the road, Mr. Driver!" He continued to keep his eyes on the road after that, but he also took a hold of my hand. He held my hand the entire drive to school. My small hand molded perfectly into his strong hand, like two pieces of a puzzle. The rest of the way was silent, but there was no need for words. Just the physical contact of our hands was enough for both of us. We quickly arrived into the parking lot of Forks High School, but I could tell Seth didn't want to let go of my hand. When I finally broke free and stepped out of the car, he yelled, "STOOOOOP!"

I swiftly shut the car door and paused exactly where I was, not knowing what to expect. Seth shut his door and ran around the car and grabbed my hand. He was so silly. I saw the crooked smile on his face as he looked towards the ground. We both walked into the hallway hand in hand. I could see Victoria. Her piercing stare was ridiculously focused on the hand in hand contact Seth and I had today. I couldn't help but think feel accomplished. I wasn't usually the type to hate, but I strongly disliked Victoria. It seemed like everything was always a competition between us. I didn't have any classes with her, so the main competition was basically our interaction with Seth and I was obviously winning, which bothered her.

But I wasn't with Seth for the sake of competition. I was with Seth for the sake of us. He was always there for me, like Bonnie and Clyde. He was my partner in crime, my best friend. Seth wouldn't let go of my hand, but that in no way meant that I was completely set on being with Seth. I think he knew that too, which is why he didn't want to let me go. He didn't want me to run off to Jake because he could sense the uncertainty in my heart.

I knew this was unfair to both of them. I had to make a decision. Would it be Jake, my first love who I've always had a place for in my heart. Or would it be Seth. The Seth who picked up the pieces of my broken heart and never asked for more than my companionship. The Seth who I had a safe relationship with, but lacked the passion that I had with Jake. It wasn't that I didn't have "passion" with Seth, it was just a different passion. A safe passion.

I didn't deserve this either. I didn't deserve their love. They were both amazing people. They were dedicated, loving, loyal, and strong. They were both extremely handsome with flawless features, and I was just me. I was nowhere near amazing. I wasn't a "bombshell" and I wouldn't consider myself what people thought was "typically pretty." Victoria was the typical beauty. I was clumsy and irrational. I had a temper and was often sarcastic. To top it off, I was Sam's only sister, which would make things difficult no matter how you look at it.

Seth walked me to class and kissed me on the forehead.

"I'll see you at lunch," he whispered. I nodded and watched him as he easily made his way through the crowd to his class. Izzy greeted me anxiously and wanted to know all the "deets" about what happened with Seth. I wouldn't tell her everything, but I definitely need a girl's opinion on my situation. Sam was obviously no help. He practically shoved me towards Seth. Izzy intently listened to my dilemma. I told her about how Jake and I had a thing but how he left me for "undisclosed reasons." I told her about how Seth helped me through everything and how he became my best friend and now, more. I told her about my conflicted feelings, and how I knew I had to make my decision soon, to avoid any more pain for anyone else.

Izzy just patted me on the back and assured me that everything was gonna work out. She also indicated that she was definitely on "Team Jacob." She thought Jake had a mysterious air about him and that if I chose Seth, that I'd just be playing it safe. I guess she could sense the excitement in my voice whenever I talked about Jake. Jake felt like a risk, while Seth was safe. She told me that it looked like choosing Jake would be following my heart, while choosing Seth would be following my head. I didn't agree with her. They were both definitely in my heart, its just Seth was more in my head then Jake was.

The morning classes passed quickly, before I knew it, it was lunch. As soon as the bell rang, Seth was immediately waiting for me outside of my class. He definitely treated me way better than I could possibly imagine. Maybe this is why Sam liked him, because he was a gentleman, while with Jake, there was a lot of sneaking around and secrecy. That was partially my fault too.

Everything with Seth seemed to have gone back to normal. Before he revealed to me he was the reason Jake left, we were best friends. It felt like that again, just more. I really can't explain it. Being with Seth just felt right, but I couldn't help but feel guilty. I needed to see Jake.

"Jake wants to see you afterschool," Seth muttered.

I quickly glanced up and caught his eye.

"I know you're going through a tough time right now, Kiana. But we both want you to make a decision. So talk to him and hurry up and figure out that you like me more.."

Seth cracked a smile at that last statement. I loved Seth's smile. It was so warm and comforting.

"He's gonna pick you up on his bike afterschool," Seth stated bitterly. "Don't stay with him too long."

I nodded and gave him a quick hug. I whispered, "Thank you Seth" into his ear.

The rest of the day passed quickly and before I knew it, I was on the back of Jacob Black's bike. We just rode down the highway to a place that was unfamiliar to me. He pulled his bike over and helped me remove the helmet on my head. He quickly grasped my hand and led me through the trees.

The view was breathtaking. Jake had brought me to a lake. Across from this lake were mountains that were clearly reflected on the surface of the still water. There was mist and clouds surrounding the mountains. It was beautiful. We both took a seat on a rock that made a pretty comfortable chair and began to talk.

"So that was quite a kiss," Jake muttered.

"What?" I replied.

"Seth wouldn't stop thinking about it.." There was a pained expression on his face and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I guess he could sense the distress on my face because he quickly turned it into a joke. "Just tell him that I'm the better kisser already."

Wow, what was it with this Wolf boys wanting to be the better kisser? I giggled at his joke and just pretended to punch him in the face. He retaliated by putting me in a headlock. After our spat, we settled down and continued to talk.

"Kiana, it's your choice. Seth and I both agreed that we wouldn't fight your decision."

"Why me?" I whispered. Jake looked confused. "Jake, what's so great about me? You and Seth are both amazing people and I'm just so ordinary." I glanced down towards the water only to be met with my ordinary reflection. "I'm not an exotic beauty like Leah and I'm no Bella."

"You're not Bella," he bellowed. "You're Kiana. You're kind, considerate, beautiful in your own way, and I love you. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you're impersonating Sam. I love the way you easily blush. I love the way you wiggle your toes when you get nervous. I love your sarcasm and how clumsy you are. You may not be perfect, but in my eyes, you are the definition of perfection. You are definitely perfect for me."

His words were so kind; they left me speechless. I was conflicted. I felt right with Jake, but I felt right for Seth.

I could see Jake slowly leaning in. I braced myself for a kiss. I wanted to kiss him, but I could see Seth's face in my head and it just filled me with guilt.

Suddenly, Jake sniffed. Was he sniffing me? Oh please, tell me this is a wolf thing too.

He began to growl as he turned his head away from me. He immediately stood up and faced towards the trees.

"Vampire," he whispered in a low, husky voice. "Kiana, wait here and don't move."

I was confused. I stayed exactly where Jake told me to and watched as he ran towards the forest, immediately phasing into a huge, russet colored wolf. He ran with such grace and finesse, it definitely put my clumsiness to shame.

I knew this was me being stupid, but I got up from where I was sitting and followed him into the forest. I was worried about him. I quickly paced about in the forest, following the loud growls. I peeked my head past a tree and saw him. Jake was face to face with what looked like a beautiful boy. He had blonde hair, porcelain skin, and blood red eyes.

Suddenly, his eyes shot towards me, making me wince in fear. Jake must've noticed because he began to growl as he turned his head towards me. The vampire took advantage of his distracted state. I saw the boy wrap his arms around Jake and with one quick squeeze; I heard half the bones in his body cracking. This way my fault. He dropped Jake's broken body on the floor and slowly began walking towards me. I backed up slowly. My body was too paralyzed by fear to run. As I heard the vampire snarl and prepare for his attack, a gangly, sand colored wolf suddenly attacked him. The sand-colored wolf ripped the vampire to shreds in one quick motion. As if that wasn't enough, the other members of the wolf pack came and continued to dismantle the body.

I was sitting by a tree, unable to control my shaking. This was my fault. Jake was hurt and it was all my fault. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I was so stupid.

I saw the sand-colored wolf phase back into a boy. It was Seth. Seth began running towards me with an expression of relief on his face. I stood up and began to run. No, not towards Seth. Towards Jake.

I avoided Seth's embrace and ran straight towards the broken Jake who had phased back into his human form. His breathing struggled. I laid his face on my lap and the tears started. He looked like he was in so much pain. All I could do was repeat, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The members of the wolf pack picked up Jacob's body and brought him back to Billy's house. I looked over my shoulder to see Seth, with a hurt expression on his face. Then I realized what I did. I just chose Jake over Seth. He had every reason to be hurt.

I needed to apologize. "Seth, I.."

At that point, he only turned away from me and walked with the other members of the pack. Seth has never turned his back on me before. It hurt. I hurt the two people I loved.

I'm a horrible person.